That rambling post from yesterday was not very well thought out, mostly stream of consciousness rambling, but necessary. I just don't understand how everyone became so hateful and Us v. Them. Is it social media and all the fake news and Russian bots messing with every one's minds? Who knows? How is it possible to prove or disprove any of these things?
I do know that when I bring up how I feel to anyone, especially people in my family, they immediately go on the defense and start the whole "Yeah, well what about Bill Clinton?" or even worse my own mother pulled this shit on me "We put up with 8 years of Obama, you can live through 4 years of Trump".
Why does talking about how awful one person is mean we have to compare and contrast to anyone else? Just recognize that you have backed a losing horse and get off of it and start again with more knowledge and choose better. I don't believe our country will be able to recover from much more of this administration. It is unbelievable the damage that has already been started, the relationships with other countries that have been eroded. We have lost all credibility and no way are we considered the number one country in the world, a world power and all that. There is not one area of our lives that hasn't been negatively affected. I am beyond scared and truly do not know where we can go from here.
In the good news column we have some good choices for the next election to put up as candidates to help right this ship. We have Elizabeth Warren, Julian Castro (our former mayor and hometown favorite), possibly Beto O'Rourke (we should hear more about this in the coming weeks), and a host of others are still reviewing their options. Surely, we can find 2 great, dynamic, strong candidates to get us back on track. I would love to see Cory Booker and Kamala Harris get in this.
Today is the Women's March, the 3rd annual. And sadly, I did not make it to ours. Our local march turned into a rally and we had cold weather blow in overnight and I wasn't able to get there. They changed it to a rally because the date fell 2 days before the Martin Luther King March on Monday. The MLK march here is usually the largest or one of the largest in the country. They expect at least 300,000 participants. So, the Women's March kind of got lost this year.
If you are experiencing these same emotions and feelings and have any words or advice to help, please share in the comments. I need to find some healthy coping skills. Thanks for coming by and reading.
Showing posts with label musings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label musings. Show all posts
Saturday, January 19, 2019
Friday, January 18, 2019
The Reason for my Depression
Let's face it, I have been depressed and full of anxiety since the damn election 2 years ago. I am so bewildered that about half of the citizens of this country thought that Hillary was such a horrible choice they would rather elect and support the worst man alive. It baffles me. Hillary was not my first choice. But she was the one the powers that be determined at the Democratic National Convention we were going to have. I am still pissed about how all of that went down. But that's not the issue here. In my head I kept thinking this must be like when Minnesota went and voted for Jesse Ventura for governor not realizing that he would REALLY THEN BE THEIR GOVERNOR. Letting the general public vote is a crap shoot, that's the truth. But think of the alternatives. This is still infinitely better than most.
When I was a girl I read Diary of Anne Frank and like most everyone I wondered how on earth could such a thing happen. How could a country like Germany install a government that created such evil and everyone stood around and watched? How could that happen? Where were the good people who opposed this? And of course, it was not that simple. Things begin one way and present themselves as one thing and then the darker side emerges when enough people seem to be on board. We all know this.
If you want to educate yourself about what is happening here and now in this country of ours, just Google comparisons of 1930s Germany to present-day USA and spend the next few weeks of your life reading how many leading scholars of the holocaust have already seen this and are frankly, worried and concerned about how we are ignoring the warnings. For example: https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2018/10/5/17940610/trump-hitler-history-historian
So, how do we navigate this? How do we do our part to keep shining a light and holding up the mirror and maintain any sort of hopefulness? This is something my friends and I discuss at length. We are not doing well. I am participating at a much higher level than I previously did going to marches, protests, rallies, working on political campaigns, and pointing out when the emperor is going around naked. And it takes it's toll on me. I have to take days and weeks and not read the news and try to stay away from it to try and feel normal and not so depleted.
It has been 2 years now and I have tried so hard, feeling like I am bending over backwards to understand what is going on with the other half. Why do they feel this is their best option? Why do they STILL support this horrible man and his policies? Are they all the same as him? Do I really want to believe that half of of this country's populace are racist, misogynistic assholes who only think of themselves? That can't be right. If it is, then how did this come to pass? How is it that people I know and love and have always thought of as intelligent, and reasonable are now championing the ideas and policies that are the opposite of that? Does that mean I have been naive and never really knew any of them?
The point for me is that I now have no trust in people who continue to support this presidency. I am leery of things they tell me. I don't believe they have my back, nor do they have my best interests at heart. So, what do I do with this? Do I go around unfriending people left and right on social media and only see things I agree with? If I unfriend people am I also unfriending them in real life? And is it really in my best interest to not see things from all perspectives?
I am in uncharted waters here. I don't know what to do. I do know that my feelings about all of this are overwhelming me and I need some resolution.
My voting and activism centers around 3 issues. I support women's rights (and that includes women's right to choose safe, legal abortion), LGBTQ rights, and environmental issues. I believe all humans should have the same rights no matter your gender and that we all have a responsibility to keep this planet clean and safe for future generations. I believe this to be the very basic tenets to operate from and everything else is secondary. And we all know that the current administration is chipping away at all 3 of these issues. We had made good headway over the last 10 years or so but this won't be the case by the end of this presidency. Every time I look at my grandchildren I feel shame at what questions they will have for me in 20 years about what I did or didn't do to make things better and how I could have done better.
I have no answers, only more and more questions. And more anxiety and more depression over the state of things.
When I was a girl I read Diary of Anne Frank and like most everyone I wondered how on earth could such a thing happen. How could a country like Germany install a government that created such evil and everyone stood around and watched? How could that happen? Where were the good people who opposed this? And of course, it was not that simple. Things begin one way and present themselves as one thing and then the darker side emerges when enough people seem to be on board. We all know this.
If you want to educate yourself about what is happening here and now in this country of ours, just Google comparisons of 1930s Germany to present-day USA and spend the next few weeks of your life reading how many leading scholars of the holocaust have already seen this and are frankly, worried and concerned about how we are ignoring the warnings. For example: https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2018/10/5/17940610/trump-hitler-history-historian
So, how do we navigate this? How do we do our part to keep shining a light and holding up the mirror and maintain any sort of hopefulness? This is something my friends and I discuss at length. We are not doing well. I am participating at a much higher level than I previously did going to marches, protests, rallies, working on political campaigns, and pointing out when the emperor is going around naked. And it takes it's toll on me. I have to take days and weeks and not read the news and try to stay away from it to try and feel normal and not so depleted.
It has been 2 years now and I have tried so hard, feeling like I am bending over backwards to understand what is going on with the other half. Why do they feel this is their best option? Why do they STILL support this horrible man and his policies? Are they all the same as him? Do I really want to believe that half of of this country's populace are racist, misogynistic assholes who only think of themselves? That can't be right. If it is, then how did this come to pass? How is it that people I know and love and have always thought of as intelligent, and reasonable are now championing the ideas and policies that are the opposite of that? Does that mean I have been naive and never really knew any of them?
The point for me is that I now have no trust in people who continue to support this presidency. I am leery of things they tell me. I don't believe they have my back, nor do they have my best interests at heart. So, what do I do with this? Do I go around unfriending people left and right on social media and only see things I agree with? If I unfriend people am I also unfriending them in real life? And is it really in my best interest to not see things from all perspectives?
I am in uncharted waters here. I don't know what to do. I do know that my feelings about all of this are overwhelming me and I need some resolution.
My voting and activism centers around 3 issues. I support women's rights (and that includes women's right to choose safe, legal abortion), LGBTQ rights, and environmental issues. I believe all humans should have the same rights no matter your gender and that we all have a responsibility to keep this planet clean and safe for future generations. I believe this to be the very basic tenets to operate from and everything else is secondary. And we all know that the current administration is chipping away at all 3 of these issues. We had made good headway over the last 10 years or so but this won't be the case by the end of this presidency. Every time I look at my grandchildren I feel shame at what questions they will have for me in 20 years about what I did or didn't do to make things better and how I could have done better.
I have no answers, only more and more questions. And more anxiety and more depression over the state of things.
Saturday, January 7, 2017
Let's take a walk down memory lane
The other day my daughter the fabulous Rachel Pie was here and as she is studying Chinese medicine and acupuncture she was working on me. The next day we were heading out and about and I pulled out a winter pair of shoes that are kind of a stone colored suede Earth shoes to wear. That evening I noticed that my arthritis in my knee was much better and whether to attribute that to my acupuncture treatment or to the wearing of the Earth shoes I did not know. Maybe both?
That got me to thinking maybe I need more Earth shoes in my closet, not just the suede winter ones. I used to have a fabulous pair of red Earth shoes that I wore constantly but one of my asshole dogs chewed on one and ruined them and out they went. So I looked online to see if Earth shoes has something nice, cute, and available. Which led me down some rabbit holes of 1970s footwear. Which I am about to share with you!
And now, let's take that walk down memory lane and see if you remember these beauties:
First up, the ever popular desert boot or Chuka boot as we called them. They STILL make these things!!
Then the tennis shoes that were also jogging shoes, basketball shoes, track shoes, pretty much anything athletic you did you did in these. Whether they were Converse or PF Flyers this was the shoe. I had red ones that I put purple laces in and I wore them to marching band practice for YEARS. I kept those shoes until just a few years ago. Loved those shoes.
And then came Candie's. Iconic shoe right there.
Jellies!!! I loved my jellies! Mine were root beer colored, not regular clear. Lord, I loved those shoes.
Now, I would have never been caught dead in this shoe. But my mother wore the hell out of these in many different colors. Grasshoppers.
And who remembers shopping at Thom McCann? Might have been one of the first mall stores I shopped at, along with Casual Corner and the 5 7 9 shop.
Check out these wooden platforms! You know you had a pair.
When I was in high school some of my best friends worked at Kinney Shoes together and we went in there all the time. Kinney Shoes. I wonder when that quit being a thing?
Yoyos!!!! Do you remember Yoyo shoes? I swear I had these shoes right there.
And here they are, the original Earth shoe. Most people considered these ugly. I looked at these and thought "OMG, there is a shoe shaped like my foot! It might feel good! It might not even pinch or hurt or be uncomfortable." I have been in love with the Earth shoes ever since.
Famolares!!!! Such a ridiculous concept that we all bought in to. Wavy shoe bottoms, what the hell were they thinking!
Here's a nice platform shoe. If you are a 1970s pimp, maybe.
And even more decorative platforms.
It was an interesting time in footwear, wasn't it? Makes me wonder which of today's choices will be laughed at in 20 or 30 years time.
Hope you enjoyed this trip down memory lane!
That got me to thinking maybe I need more Earth shoes in my closet, not just the suede winter ones. I used to have a fabulous pair of red Earth shoes that I wore constantly but one of my asshole dogs chewed on one and ruined them and out they went. So I looked online to see if Earth shoes has something nice, cute, and available. Which led me down some rabbit holes of 1970s footwear. Which I am about to share with you!
And now, let's take that walk down memory lane and see if you remember these beauties:
First up, the ever popular desert boot or Chuka boot as we called them. They STILL make these things!!
Then the tennis shoes that were also jogging shoes, basketball shoes, track shoes, pretty much anything athletic you did you did in these. Whether they were Converse or PF Flyers this was the shoe. I had red ones that I put purple laces in and I wore them to marching band practice for YEARS. I kept those shoes until just a few years ago. Loved those shoes.
And then came Candie's. Iconic shoe right there.
Jellies!!! I loved my jellies! Mine were root beer colored, not regular clear. Lord, I loved those shoes.
Now, I would have never been caught dead in this shoe. But my mother wore the hell out of these in many different colors. Grasshoppers.
And who remembers shopping at Thom McCann? Might have been one of the first mall stores I shopped at, along with Casual Corner and the 5 7 9 shop.
Check out these wooden platforms! You know you had a pair.
When I was in high school some of my best friends worked at Kinney Shoes together and we went in there all the time. Kinney Shoes. I wonder when that quit being a thing?
Yoyos!!!! Do you remember Yoyo shoes? I swear I had these shoes right there.
And here they are, the original Earth shoe. Most people considered these ugly. I looked at these and thought "OMG, there is a shoe shaped like my foot! It might feel good! It might not even pinch or hurt or be uncomfortable." I have been in love with the Earth shoes ever since.
Famolares!!!! Such a ridiculous concept that we all bought in to. Wavy shoe bottoms, what the hell were they thinking!
Here's a nice platform shoe. If you are a 1970s pimp, maybe.
And even more decorative platforms.
It was an interesting time in footwear, wasn't it? Makes me wonder which of today's choices will be laughed at in 20 or 30 years time.
Hope you enjoyed this trip down memory lane!
Tuesday, September 22, 2015
If Wishes were Horses . . .
You know those thoughts of "oh, if I had all the time in the world I would learn this, or that"? Remember when you were little and every day there would be a new "when I grow up I want to be a pilot, astronaut, archaeologist, princess"?
Well, when you are on the back side of 50 those thoughts come back to you. You have much less time left to achieve any of those dreams. Sad to say it, but it's the truth. If you want to be a librarian you best get to figuring out the qualifications and getting to it.
I have a list of dreams that I would think of but only in the abstract, never in the real life. And in no particular order, here we go!
Archaeologist
Psychologist
Writer/Storyteller
Midwife
Chef
Owner of a cozy book store
Librarian
Artist (not necessarily a painter, but something artistic)
Healer
And what have I achieved in my life? I never did become an archaeologist, or a psychologist, or write any books.
But I am a massage therapist and I have read, studied and learned to heal and treat with herbs, oils and natural remedies. I am a birth and postpartum doula and I am good at it.
I am a pretty damn good cook and am an adventurous person in the kitchen.
I would never claim to be an artist or an author, but I am creative. And I have spent many years making things, learning needlepoint, cross stitch, embroidery, sewing, crochet, knitting, and quilting. I took a class one time on making Battenburg lace.
I am a nurturer and hope to be blessed to be a grandparent one day.
And the things I wish? I still wish I could write. I would love to write stories, poems and straight-to-the-point diatribes on what's wrong with the world. Because I am opinionated.
I still wish I knew what it takes to be an archaeologist. I think it could still be in the realm of the possible.
But no way I am going to get to have a cozy book store like the one in 84 Charing Cross Road. Barnes & Noble killed off most of the fabulous little book stores and then Amazon gutted what was left.
Any wishes you have? Any dreams that you haven't reached for yet?
Well, when you are on the back side of 50 those thoughts come back to you. You have much less time left to achieve any of those dreams. Sad to say it, but it's the truth. If you want to be a librarian you best get to figuring out the qualifications and getting to it.
I have a list of dreams that I would think of but only in the abstract, never in the real life. And in no particular order, here we go!
Archaeologist
Psychologist
Writer/Storyteller
Midwife
Chef
Owner of a cozy book store
Librarian
Artist (not necessarily a painter, but something artistic)
Healer
And what have I achieved in my life? I never did become an archaeologist, or a psychologist, or write any books.
But I am a massage therapist and I have read, studied and learned to heal and treat with herbs, oils and natural remedies. I am a birth and postpartum doula and I am good at it.
I am a pretty damn good cook and am an adventurous person in the kitchen.
I would never claim to be an artist or an author, but I am creative. And I have spent many years making things, learning needlepoint, cross stitch, embroidery, sewing, crochet, knitting, and quilting. I took a class one time on making Battenburg lace.
I am a nurturer and hope to be blessed to be a grandparent one day.
And the things I wish? I still wish I could write. I would love to write stories, poems and straight-to-the-point diatribes on what's wrong with the world. Because I am opinionated.
I still wish I knew what it takes to be an archaeologist. I think it could still be in the realm of the possible.
But no way I am going to get to have a cozy book store like the one in 84 Charing Cross Road. Barnes & Noble killed off most of the fabulous little book stores and then Amazon gutted what was left.
Any wishes you have? Any dreams that you haven't reached for yet?
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
Seriously Random Thoughts
This is something I have thought for a while but haven't really shared with other people. Have you ever looked at your pets in the mirror? My cats love to jump up on the sink and drink water from the slowly dripping, trickling faucet so I have looked at them in the mirror on many occasions and I am struck by the way they look different to me when I look at them straight on or at their reflection.
And that led me to thinking about how we mostly see ourselves in a mirror 90% of the time and maybe the other 10% is in photographs. Which is the real self? The backwards reflection? Or the photographed image?
And is this why people always say they hate photos of themselves? Because our perception of what we should look like is just enough changed from what we see on a daily basis?
This is what happens when you are sick for too long and have way too much time on your hands so you ponder weird shit like this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A few years back I posted loads of pictures of all the different kinds of candy corn at the Walgreen's. This year, had I taken pictures of all the new candy corns you would be looking at about 5 more new flavors. Now, why on earth do we need any new types of candy corn? I like regular candy corn and see no reason to add Caramel Macchiato or Pumpkin Spice or S'more flavoring to it. Those things are never going to taste as good as you think they will. I promise to take some pics of the damn candy corn aisle next time I am over there.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If I had had any idea back at the first part of April when I got sick and started coughing that damn near SIX MONTHS LATER I would still be sick the smart thing to do would have been to buy Walgreen's stock. It's a good thing I didn't have any idea that this thing would hang in here this long because it is just too ridiculous for words. My next move is to find a good allergist and get some extensive testing done. The fall allergy season is upon us and I am not at all ready to take it on.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Usually by now I have my Christmas list made and worked out what gifts I will be making and made good headway on having a bunch of them done. And you would think with all the time I have spent at home doing nothing I could have achieved that and even finished most of them by now. And yet, no. I am blaming my lack of energy and stamina on the 93% oxygen saturation that I was at for all summer long and just being exhausted by the never-ending coughing. So the truth is that I have done next to nothing and really have no clue about the Christmas list and gifting. That's sad for me to admit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was really looking forward to The Bastard Executioner, the new show by Kurt Sutter who did the Sons of Anarchy. It premiered last night and was a big 2 hour extravaganza. It took me damn near the first hour to get involved in it and figure out who was who. I can't really tell how it will go yet. There was a LOT of set up of time, place, characters, conflict, etc. It is very reminiscent of The Vikings.
~~~~~~~~~~
Just so you know, I am done D U N with talking about my health and being sick this year. It is boring and a pain in my ass and I am quite sure no one else wants to hear this crap either. So rest assured, if you come back here to read again, there will be no more of the sick talk.
I am also done with using the cute little spacers between my random thoughts. I thought it was a good idea, but now I don't think so.
Hope you are having a really good day in your part of the world. Let me hear from you on the mirror vs photograph idea.
And that led me to thinking about how we mostly see ourselves in a mirror 90% of the time and maybe the other 10% is in photographs. Which is the real self? The backwards reflection? Or the photographed image?
And is this why people always say they hate photos of themselves? Because our perception of what we should look like is just enough changed from what we see on a daily basis?
This is what happens when you are sick for too long and have way too much time on your hands so you ponder weird shit like this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A few years back I posted loads of pictures of all the different kinds of candy corn at the Walgreen's. This year, had I taken pictures of all the new candy corns you would be looking at about 5 more new flavors. Now, why on earth do we need any new types of candy corn? I like regular candy corn and see no reason to add Caramel Macchiato or Pumpkin Spice or S'more flavoring to it. Those things are never going to taste as good as you think they will. I promise to take some pics of the damn candy corn aisle next time I am over there.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If I had had any idea back at the first part of April when I got sick and started coughing that damn near SIX MONTHS LATER I would still be sick the smart thing to do would have been to buy Walgreen's stock. It's a good thing I didn't have any idea that this thing would hang in here this long because it is just too ridiculous for words. My next move is to find a good allergist and get some extensive testing done. The fall allergy season is upon us and I am not at all ready to take it on.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Usually by now I have my Christmas list made and worked out what gifts I will be making and made good headway on having a bunch of them done. And you would think with all the time I have spent at home doing nothing I could have achieved that and even finished most of them by now. And yet, no. I am blaming my lack of energy and stamina on the 93% oxygen saturation that I was at for all summer long and just being exhausted by the never-ending coughing. So the truth is that I have done next to nothing and really have no clue about the Christmas list and gifting. That's sad for me to admit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was really looking forward to The Bastard Executioner, the new show by Kurt Sutter who did the Sons of Anarchy. It premiered last night and was a big 2 hour extravaganza. It took me damn near the first hour to get involved in it and figure out who was who. I can't really tell how it will go yet. There was a LOT of set up of time, place, characters, conflict, etc. It is very reminiscent of The Vikings.
~~~~~~~~~~
Just so you know, I am done D U N with talking about my health and being sick this year. It is boring and a pain in my ass and I am quite sure no one else wants to hear this crap either. So rest assured, if you come back here to read again, there will be no more of the sick talk.
I am also done with using the cute little spacers between my random thoughts. I thought it was a good idea, but now I don't think so.
Hope you are having a really good day in your part of the world. Let me hear from you on the mirror vs photograph idea.
Thursday, August 20, 2015
Hi, My Name is LisaPie
And all you 12-steppers just said "Hi Lisa Pie" in your heads, didn't you? I am a self-professed recovering codependent person. If you had told me 10 years ago that I was codependent I would have laughed at you and shown you the door. If you had suggested to me that my way of handling things wasn't working and I need to learn a new way, I would have told you that my way was just right and it was all those OTHER jack wagons who were impeding the progress I had so carefully laid out.
Fear and a need to try and control things in your life and around you and in your loved ones' lives is a full-time job. A full-time job with no benefits and lots of heart ache and resentment. And it will suck the life right out of you and leave you with sadness and sometimes bad health due to focusing so much on fixing others and ignoring your own self. That is after you damn near kill your alcoholic/addict with kindness trying to handle everything for them.
If I were to list here all the completely crazy things I have done that made perfect sense to me at the time your own head might explode. You might start to wonder how I am able to get up every day and walk around like I have good sense. And this was all back when I thought I only had one addict in my life.
You know how they say that you are given a lesson over and over again until you get it right? Just recently I was listening to what is called a "speaker tape" even though it is now on CD rather than tape. And it was a man speaking to a gathering of AA and Al-Anon members. What he said was so perfectly in tune with my life he could have been speaking directly to me and about me. And it was as if a light had been turned on in a dark corner of my brain where I was keeping all the files that would show me how codependent I really am. Now in order for that particular analogy to make any sense you should know that I picture my brain much like an old, old library with nothing but card catalog file drawers. And all my thoughts, memories, etc are all in there. So of course, as I have gotten older and older I get more and more file drawers for all of these things. That's why it sometimes takes me a while to find the right drawer and rifle through it for the exact thought I am looking for. This is my story and I am sticking with it.
So what happened when that light was turned on was this: I was suddenly aware of all the times I had chosen the addicted person, the alcoholic, the person with the most stuff to work on to be attracted to. I can pick out a person with an addictive personality at 20 paces. Now to be fair, they tend to be funny, inviting, smart, interesting people. But there is something in me that is drawn to them like a moth to a flame, or you could say like an alcoholic to a bottle of vodka. And I mean friends, boyfriends, lovers, all people. There before me was this long list of people that I had to look at and take stock of. What is the deal that I never saw this before? The speaker on the tape/CD said this "if you are ever questioning whether you think you might be an alcoholic and want an answer here is a surefire way to find out: just come up to me and ask "do you find me attractive?" and that is exactly what I do!
How did I get to be 55 years of age before I was aware of this about myself? I can't answer that. And here's a better question: how is it that my chemical makeup is such that I am drawn to the addictive person rather than to the drugs or the alcohol? I mean, I have used alcohol and cigarettes and some drugs in my life, but I could always quit. And I have. I quit smoking cigarettes 35 years ago. I quit taking drugs/smoking pot not long after that. And I have gradually cut back on my alcohol consumption to the point where I might have 6 or 8 drinks a year. That has come about due to having arthritis and other health issues that require medication and I don't want to overload my liver with the meds and the alcohol. It's just not a big deal for me. Not like eggplant parmigiana. Now, that is a big deal to give up. I am certainly not trying to make light of people who have an addiction that they are struggling with. I am only pointing out that this is one way I can see that I am not a member of that tribe. Anyhoo, I don't know how I could NOT see this as a pattern in my life except to say that it sure is easy to walk around with blinders on and not notice the big obvious elephant in the room.
I am now a loud and proud member of the struggling to improve codependent crew. This will be a life-long endeavor for me. Reading books, doing some step work, going to meetings are a part of my life. I want to be better. I want to be a healthy example of what you can be if you are willing to take the hard looks at yourself and face up to what you have done and what you can do differently. And I will most likely be a glaring example of how to fuck things up occasionally. But I am trying and learning and growing. And I am here if you ever need to talk or need something because that is part of who I am; I am a nurturer and a care-giver. As one of my friends from the meetings said "I never thought I was controlling, I always thought I was just being helpful!"
And just to be a little bit more helpful here is a list of some books that are outstanding:
Actually, if you go to Melody Beattie's website you can read all about her and all her great books. These are just 2 of hers that have been really helpful to me. The one by Sarah Hepola is new and very good. I was surprised at how many things she wrote about that applied to me. And the Daily Meditation one by Misti B I just got and am just starting it. She is taking a humorous approach to the daily meditations that are usually quite serious. I am loving what I am reading so far.
Hope you have a great day out there!
Fear and a need to try and control things in your life and around you and in your loved ones' lives is a full-time job. A full-time job with no benefits and lots of heart ache and resentment. And it will suck the life right out of you and leave you with sadness and sometimes bad health due to focusing so much on fixing others and ignoring your own self. That is after you damn near kill your alcoholic/addict with kindness trying to handle everything for them.
If I were to list here all the completely crazy things I have done that made perfect sense to me at the time your own head might explode. You might start to wonder how I am able to get up every day and walk around like I have good sense. And this was all back when I thought I only had one addict in my life.
You know how they say that you are given a lesson over and over again until you get it right? Just recently I was listening to what is called a "speaker tape" even though it is now on CD rather than tape. And it was a man speaking to a gathering of AA and Al-Anon members. What he said was so perfectly in tune with my life he could have been speaking directly to me and about me. And it was as if a light had been turned on in a dark corner of my brain where I was keeping all the files that would show me how codependent I really am. Now in order for that particular analogy to make any sense you should know that I picture my brain much like an old, old library with nothing but card catalog file drawers. And all my thoughts, memories, etc are all in there. So of course, as I have gotten older and older I get more and more file drawers for all of these things. That's why it sometimes takes me a while to find the right drawer and rifle through it for the exact thought I am looking for. This is my story and I am sticking with it.
So what happened when that light was turned on was this: I was suddenly aware of all the times I had chosen the addicted person, the alcoholic, the person with the most stuff to work on to be attracted to. I can pick out a person with an addictive personality at 20 paces. Now to be fair, they tend to be funny, inviting, smart, interesting people. But there is something in me that is drawn to them like a moth to a flame, or you could say like an alcoholic to a bottle of vodka. And I mean friends, boyfriends, lovers, all people. There before me was this long list of people that I had to look at and take stock of. What is the deal that I never saw this before? The speaker on the tape/CD said this "if you are ever questioning whether you think you might be an alcoholic and want an answer here is a surefire way to find out: just come up to me and ask "do you find me attractive?" and that is exactly what I do!
How did I get to be 55 years of age before I was aware of this about myself? I can't answer that. And here's a better question: how is it that my chemical makeup is such that I am drawn to the addictive person rather than to the drugs or the alcohol? I mean, I have used alcohol and cigarettes and some drugs in my life, but I could always quit. And I have. I quit smoking cigarettes 35 years ago. I quit taking drugs/smoking pot not long after that. And I have gradually cut back on my alcohol consumption to the point where I might have 6 or 8 drinks a year. That has come about due to having arthritis and other health issues that require medication and I don't want to overload my liver with the meds and the alcohol. It's just not a big deal for me. Not like eggplant parmigiana. Now, that is a big deal to give up. I am certainly not trying to make light of people who have an addiction that they are struggling with. I am only pointing out that this is one way I can see that I am not a member of that tribe. Anyhoo, I don't know how I could NOT see this as a pattern in my life except to say that it sure is easy to walk around with blinders on and not notice the big obvious elephant in the room.
I am now a loud and proud member of the struggling to improve codependent crew. This will be a life-long endeavor for me. Reading books, doing some step work, going to meetings are a part of my life. I want to be better. I want to be a healthy example of what you can be if you are willing to take the hard looks at yourself and face up to what you have done and what you can do differently. And I will most likely be a glaring example of how to fuck things up occasionally. But I am trying and learning and growing. And I am here if you ever need to talk or need something because that is part of who I am; I am a nurturer and a care-giver. As one of my friends from the meetings said "I never thought I was controlling, I always thought I was just being helpful!"
And just to be a little bit more helpful here is a list of some books that are outstanding:
Actually, if you go to Melody Beattie's website you can read all about her and all her great books. These are just 2 of hers that have been really helpful to me. The one by Sarah Hepola is new and very good. I was surprised at how many things she wrote about that applied to me. And the Daily Meditation one by Misti B I just got and am just starting it. She is taking a humorous approach to the daily meditations that are usually quite serious. I am loving what I am reading so far.
Hope you have a great day out there!
Thursday, August 13, 2015
Health matters and such
I decided to strike while the iron was hot. And in typing that I FINALLY understand that damn saying! Yes!
But in my case it means more about continuing to write now that I have gotten the momentum rather than being hot, sweaty and an ironworker.
I do not remember ever, ever blogging about my health or health issues. Either the physical or the emotional ones. Now, that doesn't mean I haven't it just means I don't remember it. But if you asked me I would tell you I am pretty healthy. Healthy for a short fat person anyway. I mean, my blood pressure is always low, my temp is always on the low side, my blood sugar remains level, that sort of thing. However, my ailments were mounting. First there was the flares of arthritis in my fingers. I remember clearly the first time I felt that shooting, stabbing pain in my finger. It was in 1997 when we had just moved from Buenos Aires to Santiago, Chile and I sort of assumed it had to do with the carrying and unpacking of boxes.
After the finger then it moved to a different finger. And occasionally, like every year or two, not anything you could really see a pattern in, my lower back would go out. Sciatica is a bitch, let me tell you. After we moved here I got sick in the fall and everyone said "oh, your body is just adjusting to all the crap in the air. Once you go through a full year you will acclimate."
This is a big fat lie. Every single spring and fall since I have been sick with all the sinus and throat stuff. And it seems to get worse every year. And this year has been the mother of all illness years. For 1 year now I have had what they call a frozen shoulder (adhesive capsulitis) and I have done 9 months of physical therapy and have about 85 - 90% of my range of motion back. While that was going on I had the worst sciatica I have ever had kick in and I was down. It was excruciating. And before THAT healed up I started with the sinus, cough stuff.
I said to myself, "hey, let's be proactive and get this treated asap and not let it go into bronchitis like last year". This was the first of April and 4 1/2 months later and oh so many doctors and prescriptions and x-rays and finally CAT scans they finally diagnosed me with a bad sinus infection and pneumonia. I am currently on my 5th round of antibiotics along with a shit ton of other drugs. I don't like taking this stuff. I would rather keep my liver around for the rest of my hopefully long life, thank you very much. Oh, and every thing I have is an inflammatory issue. The arthritis, pneumonia, everything.
And I started doing what I do best which is to worry and project possible events in the future that could be horrible. What I was seeing is that having one health scare on top of the next and then the next before any of them could be cleared up was not boding well for the coming months. And I got determined to put myself on the top of my list and do whatever I can to get healthy.
So I talked with a friend of mine who is a nutritionist and we are working on getting my adrenals and kidneys working and my lymph moving and that seems to involve a lot of cleansing and detoxing, so far.
I am not sure how well all this is working while I am still taking the medications for the pneumonia, but I am hopefully making some good habits that will be there to kick in once the meds are finished. What it seems to entail is getting rid of the meat, dairy and gluten to get detoxed. A vegan, gluten-free diet, if you will.
I have ordered some supplements that are arriving today and once I get things going I will post some updates on what is working and what isn't. Also, I am scheduled to see the pulmonologist next week to see about biopsying the nodules in my lungs from the damn pneumonia. Which sounds scary, but if it will get rid of the coughing I have been doing since the first of April, I am all for it. This is month 5 of The Cough That Wouldn't Quit. I have become a recluse because I don't want to be annoying to others. I am so annoying to my own self with all the damn coughing. Other than the coughing, I have absolutely no energy, no stamina. I swear I get one thing done in a day and then I am wiped out. I am blaming that on running at 93% oxygen saturation for the last 4 months. Also, I am too tired to run two thoughts together. You might be shocked at how long it is taking me to just type this!
The plan is to get rid of the pneumonia and the sinus infection and the fatigue and to gain some energy, some health and good spirit. Please, wish me well and send some good thoughts my way when you can.
But in my case it means more about continuing to write now that I have gotten the momentum rather than being hot, sweaty and an ironworker.
I do not remember ever, ever blogging about my health or health issues. Either the physical or the emotional ones. Now, that doesn't mean I haven't it just means I don't remember it. But if you asked me I would tell you I am pretty healthy. Healthy for a short fat person anyway. I mean, my blood pressure is always low, my temp is always on the low side, my blood sugar remains level, that sort of thing. However, my ailments were mounting. First there was the flares of arthritis in my fingers. I remember clearly the first time I felt that shooting, stabbing pain in my finger. It was in 1997 when we had just moved from Buenos Aires to Santiago, Chile and I sort of assumed it had to do with the carrying and unpacking of boxes.
After the finger then it moved to a different finger. And occasionally, like every year or two, not anything you could really see a pattern in, my lower back would go out. Sciatica is a bitch, let me tell you. After we moved here I got sick in the fall and everyone said "oh, your body is just adjusting to all the crap in the air. Once you go through a full year you will acclimate."
This is a big fat lie. Every single spring and fall since I have been sick with all the sinus and throat stuff. And it seems to get worse every year. And this year has been the mother of all illness years. For 1 year now I have had what they call a frozen shoulder (adhesive capsulitis) and I have done 9 months of physical therapy and have about 85 - 90% of my range of motion back. While that was going on I had the worst sciatica I have ever had kick in and I was down. It was excruciating. And before THAT healed up I started with the sinus, cough stuff.
I said to myself, "hey, let's be proactive and get this treated asap and not let it go into bronchitis like last year". This was the first of April and 4 1/2 months later and oh so many doctors and prescriptions and x-rays and finally CAT scans they finally diagnosed me with a bad sinus infection and pneumonia. I am currently on my 5th round of antibiotics along with a shit ton of other drugs. I don't like taking this stuff. I would rather keep my liver around for the rest of my hopefully long life, thank you very much. Oh, and every thing I have is an inflammatory issue. The arthritis, pneumonia, everything.
And I started doing what I do best which is to worry and project possible events in the future that could be horrible. What I was seeing is that having one health scare on top of the next and then the next before any of them could be cleared up was not boding well for the coming months. And I got determined to put myself on the top of my list and do whatever I can to get healthy.
So I talked with a friend of mine who is a nutritionist and we are working on getting my adrenals and kidneys working and my lymph moving and that seems to involve a lot of cleansing and detoxing, so far.
I am not sure how well all this is working while I am still taking the medications for the pneumonia, but I am hopefully making some good habits that will be there to kick in once the meds are finished. What it seems to entail is getting rid of the meat, dairy and gluten to get detoxed. A vegan, gluten-free diet, if you will.
I have ordered some supplements that are arriving today and once I get things going I will post some updates on what is working and what isn't. Also, I am scheduled to see the pulmonologist next week to see about biopsying the nodules in my lungs from the damn pneumonia. Which sounds scary, but if it will get rid of the coughing I have been doing since the first of April, I am all for it. This is month 5 of The Cough That Wouldn't Quit. I have become a recluse because I don't want to be annoying to others. I am so annoying to my own self with all the damn coughing. Other than the coughing, I have absolutely no energy, no stamina. I swear I get one thing done in a day and then I am wiped out. I am blaming that on running at 93% oxygen saturation for the last 4 months. Also, I am too tired to run two thoughts together. You might be shocked at how long it is taking me to just type this!
The plan is to get rid of the pneumonia and the sinus infection and the fatigue and to gain some energy, some health and good spirit. Please, wish me well and send some good thoughts my way when you can.
Wednesday, August 12, 2015
Of Boyfriends Past and Lost Chances
To the child of my high school boyfriend,
I want to take a few minutes of your time to tell you how special your father was way back in the day. He could not have been any sweeter or more generous with me. I have no idea what kind of man he grew into, nor husband or father. But I know this, he was funny and he was gentle and up for adventure. I always felt completely safe with him and that is a huge deal for me.
When we knew each other I was at a place in my life that was not good. I was struggling to figure out who I was and what my place in the world would be. I had no self esteem and covered that up with being loud, out-going, gregarious and having a devil-may-care attitude about tomorrow. Let's face it, I was a mess. A loud, crazy-acting person who could not find her place to fit in. And he saw me as worthy of spending time with. And as a person worthy of opening his heart and life to. I never felt judged or coming up short.
We went to the movies, restaurants that he most likely could not afford, concerts, bars, parties at the lake, all the usual high school stuff. And there was lots of craziness going on. Picture the movie, "Dazed and Confused". That was parties at the lake. But I always knew he would make sure we got home safe. He spent many hours helping me study to pass a class that I hated or I would have never graduated. I really didn't even care about school at that point, but he still helped me.
After we graduated I moved away. I moved 600 miles away. Not because I wanted to and not because I wanted to be that far, but because I had no other place to live. Circumstances being what they were, it was best that I left my home. And I am eternally grateful for the chance I was given at a fresh start and this is where I ended up meeting my husband, but it was really sad for me to leave. We had no concept of what a long distance relationship would be like, especially back in the day of super expensive long distance calls or slow hand-written letters. But we tried it for a while, a good year of writing, occasional phone calls and even less-occasional visits. And then we made the decision to just give in and call it quits.
And I missed him. There were things that came up in my life and he would be the first person in my mind to call and share these things. But that time had passed and it was just not appropriate for me to do that, so I missed the opportunity to re-connect and stay friends.
So when I came across his sister on Facebook a few years ago, I immediately friended her and was glad to get in touch with his family again. I knew that he had married and had a child, as had I and I wanted to be respectful of those boundaries and not reach out to him directly. Occasionally, when I would speak with his sister she would say that he was very glad that she and I had gotten in touch and that he was happy to get my news through her. I thought we would bridge that gap and communicate directly sometime in the future.
But life being what it is, that future was not to be. The day that I got a message saying that he had passed away from a heart attack in the middle of the night was just unbelievable. I had to read the message 3 times before it soaked in to my brain that this is what had happened. I kept putting the word "almost" in there, as in, we almost lost him last night. Why would my brain do that? Made me wonder what else I am missing. This hit me like a ton of bricks. I know people say that but it truly felt like that. And I mourned the loss of his life, I mourned the lost chance to ever get to see him and look in his eyes and say thank you. Thank you for all the times you were sweet, loving, protective and strong. Missed opportunities to tell someone how much you appreciate them are just so damn sad. For weeks afterwards I had vivid dreams of him and I could smell him.
I have been working hard the past few years with a therapist and going to Al-Anon and learning how to not be such a codependent person. And one of the things I have learned is to quit making decisions based on fear. I don't want fear of the unknown or whatever to rule me and keep me from doing the things that I know I should. One of those things that I should be doing is grabbing opportunities to say the things that should be said. Say the thank yous, say the I love yous, and mostly say the I am so sorrys.
So, to the child of my high school boyfriend, I want to say how deeply sorry I am that your father was taken from you too soon. I am sorry that he and I were not friends and didn't get to sit with you and tell you stories of when he was young, handsome, sweet and loving. The story of us driving to Ft. Worth to a Gregg Allman concert and getting lost on the way home, THAT was a great story. I hope that other friends from different stages of his life will find a way to share memories with you, too.
I will close this out with our song.
I want to take a few minutes of your time to tell you how special your father was way back in the day. He could not have been any sweeter or more generous with me. I have no idea what kind of man he grew into, nor husband or father. But I know this, he was funny and he was gentle and up for adventure. I always felt completely safe with him and that is a huge deal for me.
When we knew each other I was at a place in my life that was not good. I was struggling to figure out who I was and what my place in the world would be. I had no self esteem and covered that up with being loud, out-going, gregarious and having a devil-may-care attitude about tomorrow. Let's face it, I was a mess. A loud, crazy-acting person who could not find her place to fit in. And he saw me as worthy of spending time with. And as a person worthy of opening his heart and life to. I never felt judged or coming up short.
We went to the movies, restaurants that he most likely could not afford, concerts, bars, parties at the lake, all the usual high school stuff. And there was lots of craziness going on. Picture the movie, "Dazed and Confused". That was parties at the lake. But I always knew he would make sure we got home safe. He spent many hours helping me study to pass a class that I hated or I would have never graduated. I really didn't even care about school at that point, but he still helped me.
After we graduated I moved away. I moved 600 miles away. Not because I wanted to and not because I wanted to be that far, but because I had no other place to live. Circumstances being what they were, it was best that I left my home. And I am eternally grateful for the chance I was given at a fresh start and this is where I ended up meeting my husband, but it was really sad for me to leave. We had no concept of what a long distance relationship would be like, especially back in the day of super expensive long distance calls or slow hand-written letters. But we tried it for a while, a good year of writing, occasional phone calls and even less-occasional visits. And then we made the decision to just give in and call it quits.
And I missed him. There were things that came up in my life and he would be the first person in my mind to call and share these things. But that time had passed and it was just not appropriate for me to do that, so I missed the opportunity to re-connect and stay friends.
So when I came across his sister on Facebook a few years ago, I immediately friended her and was glad to get in touch with his family again. I knew that he had married and had a child, as had I and I wanted to be respectful of those boundaries and not reach out to him directly. Occasionally, when I would speak with his sister she would say that he was very glad that she and I had gotten in touch and that he was happy to get my news through her. I thought we would bridge that gap and communicate directly sometime in the future.
But life being what it is, that future was not to be. The day that I got a message saying that he had passed away from a heart attack in the middle of the night was just unbelievable. I had to read the message 3 times before it soaked in to my brain that this is what had happened. I kept putting the word "almost" in there, as in, we almost lost him last night. Why would my brain do that? Made me wonder what else I am missing. This hit me like a ton of bricks. I know people say that but it truly felt like that. And I mourned the loss of his life, I mourned the lost chance to ever get to see him and look in his eyes and say thank you. Thank you for all the times you were sweet, loving, protective and strong. Missed opportunities to tell someone how much you appreciate them are just so damn sad. For weeks afterwards I had vivid dreams of him and I could smell him.
I have been working hard the past few years with a therapist and going to Al-Anon and learning how to not be such a codependent person. And one of the things I have learned is to quit making decisions based on fear. I don't want fear of the unknown or whatever to rule me and keep me from doing the things that I know I should. One of those things that I should be doing is grabbing opportunities to say the things that should be said. Say the thank yous, say the I love yous, and mostly say the I am so sorrys.
So, to the child of my high school boyfriend, I want to say how deeply sorry I am that your father was taken from you too soon. I am sorry that he and I were not friends and didn't get to sit with you and tell you stories of when he was young, handsome, sweet and loving. The story of us driving to Ft. Worth to a Gregg Allman concert and getting lost on the way home, THAT was a great story. I hope that other friends from different stages of his life will find a way to share memories with you, too.
I will close this out with our song.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Updates
Just last week I was ranting about not loving the endings to books, and I forgot one of the ones I had just read. "Gone Girl" was recommended by so many different people, I can't even tell you!!
And it was good. It was very cleverly written and drew you in to the story. I kept thinking the whole time I was reading it how much I really didn't like any of the characters. So I was not near as invested in the outcome of this book as I could have been. If any of the characters had been like-able, that is.
But the ending? Holy Cow! I did not see that coming. I was confused by it for a while. Then? I decided it was probably the way idiots like these would behave.
Remember a few months back I posted a list of recommended books? I have been working my way through that list (which is where I got "Gone Girl", by the by) and one of the books recommended was fabulous, outstanding and sensational!!!
This book was so darn good I just wanted to start it over again, right then and there. *****, that's a 5-star rating, is what that is.
So when I was at Half-Price Books I picked up another book by Christopher Moore.
Loved it!!! I finished it last night as it was a quick read. So clever and completely out there.
And you know what? He knows how to finish a book. I mean really finish so that it feels like a full-course meal from soup to nuts. Not just soup.
I was thinking about how I as a reader need to feel really engaged not just with the book but at times with the author as well. Sometimes that feeling of simpatico, of being kindred spirits just comes through and you have a real connection. And I wondered if authors are also trying to make that connection with their stories or if they are writing for themselves and we as readers can go along for the ride or not and we are really superfluous. How important is the audience for the writer? If no one was going to read them ever, would books be written anyway?
Is the writing of a book a "need" within the writer whether or not there would be readers?
Interesting questions to ponder.
Switching gears:
Did y'all see DWTS All Stars? Holy Moly! There was some fabulous dancing going on for Day 1 of competition!
All except for poor Pamela Anderson and little Bristol Palin. That was sad. The judges were so harsh with Pamela, too. I felt really bad for her. Poor thing was trying so hard not to cry on camera.
It's gonna be hard to pick a front runner this season with this line-up. They are all so good.
Switching gears again:
It has been so strange around here without our little Fergus Jackson MacPhee. He is greatly missed. His brother Angus is having some issues, as is Lester Buster. Lester and Fergus were snuggle buddies and Lester is having a hard time finding a comfortable spot without Fergus. It's sad.
And no, I do not want any more pets.
Mostly.
And it was good. It was very cleverly written and drew you in to the story. I kept thinking the whole time I was reading it how much I really didn't like any of the characters. So I was not near as invested in the outcome of this book as I could have been. If any of the characters had been like-able, that is.
But the ending? Holy Cow! I did not see that coming. I was confused by it for a while. Then? I decided it was probably the way idiots like these would behave.
Remember a few months back I posted a list of recommended books? I have been working my way through that list (which is where I got "Gone Girl", by the by) and one of the books recommended was fabulous, outstanding and sensational!!!
This book was so darn good I just wanted to start it over again, right then and there. *****, that's a 5-star rating, is what that is.
So when I was at Half-Price Books I picked up another book by Christopher Moore.
Loved it!!! I finished it last night as it was a quick read. So clever and completely out there.
And you know what? He knows how to finish a book. I mean really finish so that it feels like a full-course meal from soup to nuts. Not just soup.
I was thinking about how I as a reader need to feel really engaged not just with the book but at times with the author as well. Sometimes that feeling of simpatico, of being kindred spirits just comes through and you have a real connection. And I wondered if authors are also trying to make that connection with their stories or if they are writing for themselves and we as readers can go along for the ride or not and we are really superfluous. How important is the audience for the writer? If no one was going to read them ever, would books be written anyway?
Is the writing of a book a "need" within the writer whether or not there would be readers?
Interesting questions to ponder.
Switching gears:
Did y'all see DWTS All Stars? Holy Moly! There was some fabulous dancing going on for Day 1 of competition!
All except for poor Pamela Anderson and little Bristol Palin. That was sad. The judges were so harsh with Pamela, too. I felt really bad for her. Poor thing was trying so hard not to cry on camera.
It's gonna be hard to pick a front runner this season with this line-up. They are all so good.
Switching gears again:
It has been so strange around here without our little Fergus Jackson MacPhee. He is greatly missed. His brother Angus is having some issues, as is Lester Buster. Lester and Fergus were snuggle buddies and Lester is having a hard time finding a comfortable spot without Fergus. It's sad.
And no, I do not want any more pets.
Mostly.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
I said I wouldn't do it, and then I couldn't help myself
You know those people who carefully analyze and then really think out their decisions based on facts and information BEFORE they figure out which candidate and which issues to support?
Yeah, me neither.
That's because people tend to get all emotional and stupid when it comes to political issues. Much like religious ones. Funny how that happens here in the U.S. of A. since we are suppoed to have this big separation of church and state.
I have plenty of friends who say things like "Oh, I know so-and-so and I are at polar opposites on such-and-such issue, but we just agree to disagree."
Really? How the hell does that work? I am having a really hard time doing this. I don't want to just be all amicable and sweet about people who have their heads up their asses. Get your head out of your ass! Then we can just agree!!!! No need for any disagreement at all.
The upcoming presidential elections (which, by the by, seem to have been going on for the last 100 years. Good Lord, why do they start so soon after the LAST one???) are driving me nuts.
For me, I have narrowed it down to a couple of key issues.
1. Women's rights
2. LGBTQ rights
3. Health care
4. Environment
I have found that I can't care about every. single. thing. they bring up. It just makes my life unmanageable when I have way too many things to deal with. These are my top 4 that I can NOT stand idly by and let these things get trampled. It would just be unacceptable for these top 4 to go by the wayside.
So, this being said, if you and I are at those polar opposites on these issues, I don't think I can talk to you any more. If you, deep in your heart, believe that women are not equal to men and deserving of equal rights, pay and benefits. I, as a woman, don't need you in my life. How could you possibly have my best interest at heart if you don't think I am equal and worthy?
Same goes for the LGBTQ stance. If you don't believe that all of us, and I mean all, not just the hetero ones of us, are entitled to the same bill of rights. I don't need you in my life. If you are supporting candidates, political parties, ideals and platforms that will take away the few hard-won rights that affect the gay community, then why on earth would I want to have this kind of less-than thinking around me? If you can look at my beautiful, caring, precious daughter and see a person who is not-quite-as-deserving as the next person, well then, not only don't I need you, but I won't be missing your bigoted small-minded ass.
I am choosing to surround myself with positivity and people who are loving, kind and generous. Truth be told, since I am on the other side of 50 now, I don't see any reason to have intolerant bullies and bigots in my life. I am suffering no fools, as they say.
I will be living my life in a way that I think God intended, doing for others, loving people less fortunate, and helping where I can. I will be offering money, food, and whatever I can to help the homeless be they people or animals. I am trying to be a living example of a loving, caring extension of my beliefs.
What I won't be doing is trying to take something away from others, I won't be trying to trample your rights and judging you to be less-than. My heart aches at all the meanness and bullshit that has been going on and people getting caught up in the rhetoric and refusing to look at the underlying truths.
I will be cleaning out my actual and virtual friend lists. I just can't read the non-sensical crap coming out on a daily, no, an almost hourly basis any more. And then I will get back to trying to be clever tomorrow.
Yeah, me neither.
That's because people tend to get all emotional and stupid when it comes to political issues. Much like religious ones. Funny how that happens here in the U.S. of A. since we are suppoed to have this big separation of church and state.
I have plenty of friends who say things like "Oh, I know so-and-so and I are at polar opposites on such-and-such issue, but we just agree to disagree."
Really? How the hell does that work? I am having a really hard time doing this. I don't want to just be all amicable and sweet about people who have their heads up their asses. Get your head out of your ass! Then we can just agree!!!! No need for any disagreement at all.
The upcoming presidential elections (which, by the by, seem to have been going on for the last 100 years. Good Lord, why do they start so soon after the LAST one???) are driving me nuts.
For me, I have narrowed it down to a couple of key issues.
1. Women's rights
2. LGBTQ rights
3. Health care
4. Environment
I have found that I can't care about every. single. thing. they bring up. It just makes my life unmanageable when I have way too many things to deal with. These are my top 4 that I can NOT stand idly by and let these things get trampled. It would just be unacceptable for these top 4 to go by the wayside.
So, this being said, if you and I are at those polar opposites on these issues, I don't think I can talk to you any more. If you, deep in your heart, believe that women are not equal to men and deserving of equal rights, pay and benefits. I, as a woman, don't need you in my life. How could you possibly have my best interest at heart if you don't think I am equal and worthy?
Same goes for the LGBTQ stance. If you don't believe that all of us, and I mean all, not just the hetero ones of us, are entitled to the same bill of rights. I don't need you in my life. If you are supporting candidates, political parties, ideals and platforms that will take away the few hard-won rights that affect the gay community, then why on earth would I want to have this kind of less-than thinking around me? If you can look at my beautiful, caring, precious daughter and see a person who is not-quite-as-deserving as the next person, well then, not only don't I need you, but I won't be missing your bigoted small-minded ass.
I am choosing to surround myself with positivity and people who are loving, kind and generous. Truth be told, since I am on the other side of 50 now, I don't see any reason to have intolerant bullies and bigots in my life. I am suffering no fools, as they say.
I will be living my life in a way that I think God intended, doing for others, loving people less fortunate, and helping where I can. I will be offering money, food, and whatever I can to help the homeless be they people or animals. I am trying to be a living example of a loving, caring extension of my beliefs.
What I won't be doing is trying to take something away from others, I won't be trying to trample your rights and judging you to be less-than. My heart aches at all the meanness and bullshit that has been going on and people getting caught up in the rhetoric and refusing to look at the underlying truths.
I will be cleaning out my actual and virtual friend lists. I just can't read the non-sensical crap coming out on a daily, no, an almost hourly basis any more. And then I will get back to trying to be clever tomorrow.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Book Review
I am reviewing a book I only started last night!!!
I am barely into this and am imagining the possiblilities for my own self.
Believe it or don't, this book has it's own trailer on youtube. Am I the last person on earth to know that this happens?
Now that you have watched it and have an inkling of what this book is about, let me move on with my own thoughts about what I am reading.
Jen Hatmaker makes the choice to do this project and document what she finds in order to remove clutter from her mind and her life in order to make room for God and his message. I think this is awesome. She is on the path to discovering that things, possessions, filling your life and your mind with all this crap only slows you down and impedes you finding your purpose. Finding why you were born. You and your own set of talents and gifts were born to do something, to be the best you there is. To possibly teach or be a lesson for someone else.
But living our lives the way we do with so much STUFF doesn't help us achieve our purpose. All it does is cloud things over and distract us.
I love how she lays out how each month will work and has her group of women she calls her Council to help her find what the boundaries of each should be. They also hold her accountable and go on the journey with her each in their own way.
I love how she allows herself the freedom to complain and bend the rules or break them when necessary. And then spend some time reflecting over each decision and find the lesson.
The first month is food. She did not force her kids to do the first couple of months but then the rest were all done as a whole family. For the food she worked out a nutritious gang of 7 foods and stuck to it and tried to find recipes to incorporate as many as possible. The only seasonings, condiments allowed were salt and pepper. And so Jen opted to make those 7 foods as healthy as possible and bought local, organic and high quality foods. Her findings over this month were really inspiring.
The second month was clothes. Holy moly! I am sure a lot of people are like me and have a huge closet full of things and yet only wear a tiny fraction of what is there. Jen went through all the closets in her home and guesstimated the amount of items and multiplied that by $20 for each and got a staggering figure of how much money is just hanging there in the closet, unloved, and unneeded. That's a sobering idea, isn't it?
And let me tell you, I have waaaaay more hanging in my closet than she did!
Right now I am most of the way through her Month 3 of no media, meaning no t.v., no facebook, no texting, no Wii, no screentime except for work and school. So the family are forced to deal with each other face to face. They go find things to do, like bike riding, playing ball outside, really good intereactions with each other rather than mindlessly staring at a screen.
I am wondering as I think about the first 3 chapters how this is going to manifest itself in my life. Am I willing to be this drastic in any area of my life, much less 7 different ones?
I don't know. I will continue mulling it over and let you know as things unfold.
I am barely into this and am imagining the possiblilities for my own self.
Believe it or don't, this book has it's own trailer on youtube. Am I the last person on earth to know that this happens?
Now that you have watched it and have an inkling of what this book is about, let me move on with my own thoughts about what I am reading.
Jen Hatmaker makes the choice to do this project and document what she finds in order to remove clutter from her mind and her life in order to make room for God and his message. I think this is awesome. She is on the path to discovering that things, possessions, filling your life and your mind with all this crap only slows you down and impedes you finding your purpose. Finding why you were born. You and your own set of talents and gifts were born to do something, to be the best you there is. To possibly teach or be a lesson for someone else.
But living our lives the way we do with so much STUFF doesn't help us achieve our purpose. All it does is cloud things over and distract us.
I love how she lays out how each month will work and has her group of women she calls her Council to help her find what the boundaries of each should be. They also hold her accountable and go on the journey with her each in their own way.
I love how she allows herself the freedom to complain and bend the rules or break them when necessary. And then spend some time reflecting over each decision and find the lesson.
The first month is food. She did not force her kids to do the first couple of months but then the rest were all done as a whole family. For the food she worked out a nutritious gang of 7 foods and stuck to it and tried to find recipes to incorporate as many as possible. The only seasonings, condiments allowed were salt and pepper. And so Jen opted to make those 7 foods as healthy as possible and bought local, organic and high quality foods. Her findings over this month were really inspiring.
The second month was clothes. Holy moly! I am sure a lot of people are like me and have a huge closet full of things and yet only wear a tiny fraction of what is there. Jen went through all the closets in her home and guesstimated the amount of items and multiplied that by $20 for each and got a staggering figure of how much money is just hanging there in the closet, unloved, and unneeded. That's a sobering idea, isn't it?
And let me tell you, I have waaaaay more hanging in my closet than she did!
Right now I am most of the way through her Month 3 of no media, meaning no t.v., no facebook, no texting, no Wii, no screentime except for work and school. So the family are forced to deal with each other face to face. They go find things to do, like bike riding, playing ball outside, really good intereactions with each other rather than mindlessly staring at a screen.
I am wondering as I think about the first 3 chapters how this is going to manifest itself in my life. Am I willing to be this drastic in any area of my life, much less 7 different ones?
I don't know. I will continue mulling it over and let you know as things unfold.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Losing your marbles and flipping your lid
Crap. It has been way over a week since I have posted. I was so busy (here's the losing your marbles part of the title) planning and taking care of the big 80th birthday party for my father-in-law that took place last weekend. The party and all the family stuff was so much fun. And unbelievably, all of us, and I mean every last one, were all in attendance. Isn't that wonderful?
I don't know about you, but in our family, whether it be my side or Mr. Big Ed's side, there is always a conflict with someone's schedule and it just leaves a hole in the dynamics. So anyhoo, it was wonderful that we were all here and that we got loads of pictures.
Rachel Pie and I worked hard on a project for this that we called "When Dad was my age". I wrote down every child and grandchild in age order, then calculated what the year would have been when Dad was their current age. For example, the youngest grandchild is five, so his part (read by his older brother) was this: "When Grandpa was my age, the year was 1937. FDR was president. The price of gas was, the price of a loaf of bread, and some fact pertinent to Grandpa's life".
You get the picture, right? It was really fun taking those little strolls down through what was life like at each of those stages. So, I sent all the info to Rachel Pie who took it all and put it on little pages for a scrapbook. We skipped every other page and left the facing page blank to then put in a picture we took of Grandpa with each of the participants. Then we ran off to CVS and printed up those photos and stuck them in and gifted him with the book.
I gotta tell y'all, it was a HIT! Everyone loved hearing what each other had to read and Grandpa loved it. But for some reason, neither Rachel Pie nor I expected it to become a touching, emotional event and it turned that way really quickly. Lots of tearing up and dabbing of the eyes. Then we had cake and ice cream and everyone was happy again. : )
Last night Sparky and I were up really late and sitting in the family room in our respective "spots" and we heard this loud, and I mean really LOUD, BANG!!!! We looked all over and Sparky looked outside but we didn't see anything. So he wanders off to go to bed and I started hearing sirens.
Not hearing sirens off in the distance, like I normally hear when they are headed to the hospital nearby, but like right in front of the house. So first I peeked out the peephole and there were flashing red, amber and blue lights aplenty! Holy Shitballs! Something major was happening on our street!
So I yelled at Sparky to come back down and look. We looked again and for some reason I don't understand, he went back to bed!!!!
Not me! I grabbed my cel phone and went trotting out there to see what was what. It took my eyes a bit to process what was actually going on. There were 2 huge fire trucks, and 5 cop cars all with lights blazing. There were neighbors out there in all sorts of pajamas and hurried-on garb. And in the midst of all this there were 2 cars in the street.
One was a parked car that had been not only side-swiped but shoved down the street. And the other one?
Upside down and had been spinning on its top and come to rest facing perpendicular to the street.
Holy Shitballs, indeed!
Seems that the very young looking girl who crawled out of the red upside down car was loaded on something. Whether it was booze or drugs remains to be seen. She was barrelling down our street and managed to hit the parked car (of the neighbor's girlfriend) and careened into a free-flying upside down spinning disaster. I have no idea how she got out of that car and was still all in one piece. If anyone had been in her backseat they would be toast. That car was fucked up bad.
Another cop car joined the light brigade and then 2 tow trucks came, one from each direction. We were all wondering how on earth they would get an upside down car onto the bed of the tow truck. You know how they do that?
THEY FLIP IT!
Here are some crappy cel phone pics of that whole process:
Amazing, right?
So after they flipped the car and all sorts of crap went flying out of the car, loose cds, cel phones, her purse, etc. They put all the valuable things in a plastic bag, gave the arresting officer the purse and took a huge push broom and swept up the remaining parts o'car and put them inside the car!!!
For some reason, that struck me as funny. "Yeah, here's the REST of your car for safe keeping".
While all this was going on, we went back and forth between commiserating with the poor girl who will probably get her car totalled just by parking it on a quiet neighborhood street at 2 a.m. and watching the officer try to get a field sobriety test completed by the driver of the red spinning top car. It was not pretty. She was not present enough to know that her life had just taken a screeching wrong turn and there's no coming back from that. Thankfully, no one was killed and she herself didn't appear to be hurt. She is going to be sore as hell today when she wakes up in jail, that is a given.
It got me to thinking about how they always say that you get a lesson over and over again, stronger each time till you get that lesson and learn it and are able to move forward. Wonder what her lesson might have been? Sure hope she got it, because she might not live through another more forceful lesson.
I don't know about you, but in our family, whether it be my side or Mr. Big Ed's side, there is always a conflict with someone's schedule and it just leaves a hole in the dynamics. So anyhoo, it was wonderful that we were all here and that we got loads of pictures.
Rachel Pie and I worked hard on a project for this that we called "When Dad was my age". I wrote down every child and grandchild in age order, then calculated what the year would have been when Dad was their current age. For example, the youngest grandchild is five, so his part (read by his older brother) was this: "When Grandpa was my age, the year was 1937. FDR was president. The price of gas was, the price of a loaf of bread, and some fact pertinent to Grandpa's life".
You get the picture, right? It was really fun taking those little strolls down through what was life like at each of those stages. So, I sent all the info to Rachel Pie who took it all and put it on little pages for a scrapbook. We skipped every other page and left the facing page blank to then put in a picture we took of Grandpa with each of the participants. Then we ran off to CVS and printed up those photos and stuck them in and gifted him with the book.
I gotta tell y'all, it was a HIT! Everyone loved hearing what each other had to read and Grandpa loved it. But for some reason, neither Rachel Pie nor I expected it to become a touching, emotional event and it turned that way really quickly. Lots of tearing up and dabbing of the eyes. Then we had cake and ice cream and everyone was happy again. : )
Last night Sparky and I were up really late and sitting in the family room in our respective "spots" and we heard this loud, and I mean really LOUD, BANG!!!! We looked all over and Sparky looked outside but we didn't see anything. So he wanders off to go to bed and I started hearing sirens.
Not hearing sirens off in the distance, like I normally hear when they are headed to the hospital nearby, but like right in front of the house. So first I peeked out the peephole and there were flashing red, amber and blue lights aplenty! Holy Shitballs! Something major was happening on our street!
So I yelled at Sparky to come back down and look. We looked again and for some reason I don't understand, he went back to bed!!!!
Not me! I grabbed my cel phone and went trotting out there to see what was what. It took my eyes a bit to process what was actually going on. There were 2 huge fire trucks, and 5 cop cars all with lights blazing. There were neighbors out there in all sorts of pajamas and hurried-on garb. And in the midst of all this there were 2 cars in the street.
One was a parked car that had been not only side-swiped but shoved down the street. And the other one?
Upside down and had been spinning on its top and come to rest facing perpendicular to the street.
Holy Shitballs, indeed!
Seems that the very young looking girl who crawled out of the red upside down car was loaded on something. Whether it was booze or drugs remains to be seen. She was barrelling down our street and managed to hit the parked car (of the neighbor's girlfriend) and careened into a free-flying upside down spinning disaster. I have no idea how she got out of that car and was still all in one piece. If anyone had been in her backseat they would be toast. That car was fucked up bad.
Another cop car joined the light brigade and then 2 tow trucks came, one from each direction. We were all wondering how on earth they would get an upside down car onto the bed of the tow truck. You know how they do that?
THEY FLIP IT!
Here are some crappy cel phone pics of that whole process:
Amazing, right?
So after they flipped the car and all sorts of crap went flying out of the car, loose cds, cel phones, her purse, etc. They put all the valuable things in a plastic bag, gave the arresting officer the purse and took a huge push broom and swept up the remaining parts o'car and put them inside the car!!!
For some reason, that struck me as funny. "Yeah, here's the REST of your car for safe keeping".
While all this was going on, we went back and forth between commiserating with the poor girl who will probably get her car totalled just by parking it on a quiet neighborhood street at 2 a.m. and watching the officer try to get a field sobriety test completed by the driver of the red spinning top car. It was not pretty. She was not present enough to know that her life had just taken a screeching wrong turn and there's no coming back from that. Thankfully, no one was killed and she herself didn't appear to be hurt. She is going to be sore as hell today when she wakes up in jail, that is a given.
It got me to thinking about how they always say that you get a lesson over and over again, stronger each time till you get that lesson and learn it and are able to move forward. Wonder what her lesson might have been? Sure hope she got it, because she might not live through another more forceful lesson.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
So, the other day we were out . . . .
and we pulled off the side of the road to talk to this homeless couple that I see regularly. They are on my route of regulars and I always have snacks, blankets, wet naps, $, fruit, or whatever for passing out to those in need. And I have chatted with them for years now.
Seriously, years.
Several years back it was obvious that she was pregnant and then I only saw him alone for a long time and I was afraid to ask what happened in case it was really bad and they had lost the baby or something. So, anyhoo, we were talking and they brought up that their daughter is living with his sister and they don't get to see her very often. And since they opened up that conversation I had to go there. You know what I mean?
I said "well, at least she is with family and you get to spend time with her. And that is way better than being in the foster system, isn't it?" They allowed how they do get to see her some but not very often. Then I asked, "what is your daughter's name?"
And they looked at each other and said "Well, we had named her Audacity, but his sister is calling her Diana." Then he looks at me and says "can't imagine where she got THAT NAME."
This is where we all got the WTF??? look on our faces. Yeah, can't possibly imagine where she came up with Diana, when they had the perfectly fine name of Audacity already.
It's a head scratcher, that's what I am saying.
Seriously, years.
Several years back it was obvious that she was pregnant and then I only saw him alone for a long time and I was afraid to ask what happened in case it was really bad and they had lost the baby or something. So, anyhoo, we were talking and they brought up that their daughter is living with his sister and they don't get to see her very often. And since they opened up that conversation I had to go there. You know what I mean?
I said "well, at least she is with family and you get to spend time with her. And that is way better than being in the foster system, isn't it?" They allowed how they do get to see her some but not very often. Then I asked, "what is your daughter's name?"
And they looked at each other and said "Well, we had named her Audacity, but his sister is calling her Diana." Then he looks at me and says "can't imagine where she got THAT NAME."
This is where we all got the WTF??? look on our faces. Yeah, can't possibly imagine where she came up with Diana, when they had the perfectly fine name of Audacity already.
It's a head scratcher, that's what I am saying.
Monday, October 31, 2011
News for the week
News flash #1: It's Halloween! Yay!! We get to see all the little neighbor kidlets running around in costume. We always sit out front with our giant tub o'candy and make them walk the steps up to our front door to get said candy. I know, it seems mean to make little kids go the extra mile but hey, it's either them or us. And they are young and floating on a sugar high. We are old and need our strength.
News flash #2: Wednesday we have tickets to go see David Sedaris! Yay again!! But even more yay!!! I just adore him and I am thrilled to get to see him live.
News flash #3: If seeing David Sedaris isn't enough goodness and excitement, guess who else I get to see next Monday?
Here's a hint: it's another author.
Here's another hint: he's world famous and fabulous.
One more hint: he has written one of the Top Five Books Ever Written.
Ok, last hint: He is the only author out there with a fatwa issued against him by the Ayatollah of Iran.
Yes, indeedy, I will be in the presence of Salman Rushdie one week from today.
In honor of that I am now re-reading The Satanic Verses. This book is just so damn amazing I find it hard to believe it was created by a mere human being. Mr. Rushdie must be on a whole 'nother level of creativity and genius than the humble plane I live on.
It's really easy to be humble when you are going to be face to face with both these creative, clever geniuses.
News flash #4: Sparky has auditioned for and gotten a role in a new play, kind of a one-act show, at his school. Yay for Sparky!!! Which means in addition to all the school work, work study work, other work, meetings, etc. he gets to add daily rehearsals to his way too busy schedule. He's young. He can do this. It's only for 6 - 8 more weeks till the semester ends.
News flash #5: My sister and her very best life-long friend and the friend's sisters and nieces are all going to do the Susan G. Komen 3-day walk, sleep in pink tents, and raise money event this coming week in Dallas. She and the very best friend have been working all year long to build up and be ready for walking 20 something miles each day. They have been so dedicated to this. I am really proud of what they have done. The actual walk will just be icing on the cake.
News flash #6: Today is laundry day. Today is take down the noisy, crappy, old, metal mini-blinds in the bedroom that Angus MacPhee rattles and I hate with a white hot passion. Today is wash those windows behind the blinds and then hang the new and lovely and even better . . . quiet shades. Hurray for quiet shades and clean windows!
News flash #7: The planning for the Thanksgiving feast has begun! We are making lists of the contents of both freezers and going to plan the next month's menus around those items to get rid of them and make room for the turkey. Turkey dinner, it's a beautiful thing.
News flash #2: Wednesday we have tickets to go see David Sedaris! Yay again!! But even more yay!!! I just adore him and I am thrilled to get to see him live.
News flash #3: If seeing David Sedaris isn't enough goodness and excitement, guess who else I get to see next Monday?
Here's a hint: it's another author.
Here's another hint: he's world famous and fabulous.
One more hint: he has written one of the Top Five Books Ever Written.
Ok, last hint: He is the only author out there with a fatwa issued against him by the Ayatollah of Iran.
Yes, indeedy, I will be in the presence of Salman Rushdie one week from today.
In honor of that I am now re-reading The Satanic Verses. This book is just so damn amazing I find it hard to believe it was created by a mere human being. Mr. Rushdie must be on a whole 'nother level of creativity and genius than the humble plane I live on.
It's really easy to be humble when you are going to be face to face with both these creative, clever geniuses.
News flash #4: Sparky has auditioned for and gotten a role in a new play, kind of a one-act show, at his school. Yay for Sparky!!! Which means in addition to all the school work, work study work, other work, meetings, etc. he gets to add daily rehearsals to his way too busy schedule. He's young. He can do this. It's only for 6 - 8 more weeks till the semester ends.
News flash #5: My sister and her very best life-long friend and the friend's sisters and nieces are all going to do the Susan G. Komen 3-day walk, sleep in pink tents, and raise money event this coming week in Dallas. She and the very best friend have been working all year long to build up and be ready for walking 20 something miles each day. They have been so dedicated to this. I am really proud of what they have done. The actual walk will just be icing on the cake.
News flash #6: Today is laundry day. Today is take down the noisy, crappy, old, metal mini-blinds in the bedroom that Angus MacPhee rattles and I hate with a white hot passion. Today is wash those windows behind the blinds and then hang the new and lovely and even better . . . quiet shades. Hurray for quiet shades and clean windows!
News flash #7: The planning for the Thanksgiving feast has begun! We are making lists of the contents of both freezers and going to plan the next month's menus around those items to get rid of them and make room for the turkey. Turkey dinner, it's a beautiful thing.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
We're not number 1!
You know how there is always someone compiling lists and statistics about any and every thing you can imagine? Supposedly, my city is the top rated for binge drinking and also for teen pregnancy. You see a connection there? Maybe a little cause and effect?
This morning I was reading news articles online and came across one that lists the top 10 and bottom 10 for the drunkest states in the union. There is a whole lot of numbers that went into this listing, but I am just going to bottom line the 10 Least Drunk states and then the 10 Most Drunk States.
Least Drunk States
10. Ohio with an average of 32.6 gallons per person
9. Alabama with 30.6 total gallons per person
8. West Virginia with 29.3 g.p.p. (shorter to type 20 times)
7. North Carolina also with 29.3 g.p.p.
6. Oklahoma with 28.9 g.p.p.
5. Kansas with 28.7 g.p.p.
4. Tennessee with 28 g.p.p.
3. Arkansas with 26.6 g.p.p. (personally I think having the Dugger clan in ARK skews their numbers)
2. Kentucky with 26.2 g.p.p.
and drumroll, please . . . . . .
1. Utah!!! with 18.9 g.p.p.
That's quite the drop in consumption between number 2 Kentucky and number 1 Utah, wouldn't you say?
Also, I think it bears noting that lots of these non-boozing states are in the south. The south. Where all the good whiskey is made. They make it but they aren't slamming it back. Interesting.
And this brings us to our Top 10 Drunken Booziest States!
10. Colorado with 34.7 g.p.p. (notice this is almost twice what Utah drinks)
9. Alaska with 35.4 g.p.p. (I would have thought it would be higher)
8. Wyoming with 37.6 g.p.p.
7. Delaware with 38.5 g.p.p. (Delaware??? who woulda thunk it?)
6. North Dakota with 39.3 g.p.p.
5. Wisconsin with 39.5 g.p.p. (Hey, it takes a lot of booze to fuel writing The Onion so consistently funny)
4. Montana with 40.1 g.p.p. (another one I am not surprised at. Hell, this state has the Testicle Festival! You pretty much have to be drunk for that one!)
3. District of Columbia with 41.6 g.p.p.
2. Nevada with 46 g.p.p. (Holy Bikinis, Batman! That's a lot of booze!)
and believe it or don't, the number one spot of Drunkest, Booziest State in the Union goes to . . . . . . .
NEW HAMPSHIRE with 48.7 gallons per person.
I will let that sink in for a minute. New Hampshire beat us. One of the teensiest little states beat our big giant drive-for-days-to-get-across Texas. How did your state rank? Did your state rank in the top or bottom 10?
But I bet those NH teens won't beat out our local girls for most teen pregnancies! We'll always (sadly) have that claim to fame.
This morning I was reading news articles online and came across one that lists the top 10 and bottom 10 for the drunkest states in the union. There is a whole lot of numbers that went into this listing, but I am just going to bottom line the 10 Least Drunk states and then the 10 Most Drunk States.
Least Drunk States
10. Ohio with an average of 32.6 gallons per person
9. Alabama with 30.6 total gallons per person
8. West Virginia with 29.3 g.p.p. (shorter to type 20 times)
7. North Carolina also with 29.3 g.p.p.
6. Oklahoma with 28.9 g.p.p.
5. Kansas with 28.7 g.p.p.
4. Tennessee with 28 g.p.p.
3. Arkansas with 26.6 g.p.p. (personally I think having the Dugger clan in ARK skews their numbers)
2. Kentucky with 26.2 g.p.p.
and drumroll, please . . . . . .
1. Utah!!! with 18.9 g.p.p.
That's quite the drop in consumption between number 2 Kentucky and number 1 Utah, wouldn't you say?
Also, I think it bears noting that lots of these non-boozing states are in the south. The south. Where all the good whiskey is made. They make it but they aren't slamming it back. Interesting.
And this brings us to our Top 10 Drunken Booziest States!
10. Colorado with 34.7 g.p.p. (notice this is almost twice what Utah drinks)
9. Alaska with 35.4 g.p.p. (I would have thought it would be higher)
8. Wyoming with 37.6 g.p.p.
7. Delaware with 38.5 g.p.p. (Delaware??? who woulda thunk it?)
6. North Dakota with 39.3 g.p.p.
5. Wisconsin with 39.5 g.p.p. (Hey, it takes a lot of booze to fuel writing The Onion so consistently funny)
4. Montana with 40.1 g.p.p. (another one I am not surprised at. Hell, this state has the Testicle Festival! You pretty much have to be drunk for that one!)
3. District of Columbia with 41.6 g.p.p.
2. Nevada with 46 g.p.p. (Holy Bikinis, Batman! That's a lot of booze!)
and believe it or don't, the number one spot of Drunkest, Booziest State in the Union goes to . . . . . . .
NEW HAMPSHIRE with 48.7 gallons per person.
I will let that sink in for a minute. New Hampshire beat us. One of the teensiest little states beat our big giant drive-for-days-to-get-across Texas. How did your state rank? Did your state rank in the top or bottom 10?
But I bet those NH teens won't beat out our local girls for most teen pregnancies! We'll always (sadly) have that claim to fame.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Way to make me feel really OLD!
Okay, I was reading the news online as I tend to do. And there was an article about Sinead O'Connor. Remember her? Irish chick famous for shaving her head and having a really haunting voice.
Also, for tearing up a picture of the Pope on SNL. But for me it was always about her look and her voice. I mean, who has EYES like her? They are so deep and always seem so full of pain.
For reals. Look at those eyes. She was something else, wasn't she?
Seems that she has become a nutbar. A nutbar that loves to tweet. What is it with twitter? I have tried and tried to get the hang of it, and it just doesn't come naturally or easily to me.
Unlike to Sinead. She just tweets and tweets about things I would never expect to find on twitter. Like "Oh, I am miserable and can't wait to die and go to heaven. Someone please send me some info on how to suicide without it being obvious to my kids that is what I did".
Like her kids will never be shown this stuff that she put out in the world? And it got scary enough that people were calling the cops and stuff to go check on her.
Now I know it was years and years ago that the above pictures were taken but I still always picture her like that. So when I was reading the article and there was a picture of some older, fat lady with a Patsy Cline hairdo, it took me a couple of minutes to make the connection.
SINEAD O'CONNOR IS OLD, LIKE ME!
SHE IS OVERWEIGHT, LIKE ME!
Holy shitballs! I am old and overweight, too. o.m.g.
Why does it take seeing someone else and making the connection back to yourself instead of figuring it out when you look in the mirror daily?
You want to see the Sinead picture? You know you do.
Are you as shocked as I was? It's hard to reconcile today's Sinead with the one from 20 years ago.
And that's not fair, is it? Why on earth would I hold her to a higher standard of upkeep than I did my own self? If it's hard on me to maintain the look, the figure, etc. of 20 years ago, imagine how much harder it must be with the pressures of being in the public eye.
So, today I am saying a little prayer that Sinead finds some peace and serenity and quits tweeting bullshit.
Also, for tearing up a picture of the Pope on SNL. But for me it was always about her look and her voice. I mean, who has EYES like her? They are so deep and always seem so full of pain.
For reals. Look at those eyes. She was something else, wasn't she?
Seems that she has become a nutbar. A nutbar that loves to tweet. What is it with twitter? I have tried and tried to get the hang of it, and it just doesn't come naturally or easily to me.
Unlike to Sinead. She just tweets and tweets about things I would never expect to find on twitter. Like "Oh, I am miserable and can't wait to die and go to heaven. Someone please send me some info on how to suicide without it being obvious to my kids that is what I did".
Like her kids will never be shown this stuff that she put out in the world? And it got scary enough that people were calling the cops and stuff to go check on her.
Now I know it was years and years ago that the above pictures were taken but I still always picture her like that. So when I was reading the article and there was a picture of some older, fat lady with a Patsy Cline hairdo, it took me a couple of minutes to make the connection.
SINEAD O'CONNOR IS OLD, LIKE ME!
SHE IS OVERWEIGHT, LIKE ME!
Holy shitballs! I am old and overweight, too. o.m.g.
Why does it take seeing someone else and making the connection back to yourself instead of figuring it out when you look in the mirror daily?
You want to see the Sinead picture? You know you do.
Are you as shocked as I was? It's hard to reconcile today's Sinead with the one from 20 years ago.
And that's not fair, is it? Why on earth would I hold her to a higher standard of upkeep than I did my own self? If it's hard on me to maintain the look, the figure, etc. of 20 years ago, imagine how much harder it must be with the pressures of being in the public eye.
So, today I am saying a little prayer that Sinead finds some peace and serenity and quits tweeting bullshit.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Apologies
Good morning to all! It is actually a great morning, as it *might* even rain on us! So cross your fingers, eyes, arms, legs, whatever you like to cross that it really happens.
I have been having a really hard time blogging lately and I am not sure why. Sometimes I want to tell you things I have learned, but I feel like I might come across as preachy, so I don't. And other times I think I might be funny and witty, but I read it and it sounds pithy and smart-assy. So I have been censoring myself A LOT.
I guess what I need to do is to figure out exactly what I want to share and just say it as honestly as I can from my heart and not worry about what others think. And yet I DO worry about what other people think. Who knows why! I know all the sayings: "What other people think of you is none of your business", "If you knew how infrequently people think of you, you would be surprised", and all that stuff. And yet, I guess I do care. Apparently I care enough that it is inhibiting my posting.
I would love to just put my thoughts down and if for example, my mom or my kids read this, that they would not be offended or feel like I have violated their privacy. It's really hard to tell your story without also including a bit of someone else's. You know the whole "no man is an island" thing. So I guess I am going to go out on a limb and just say things from my heart and hope that no one is upset or offended. If they are, well, that might just be their issue, and not mine. Here goes!
Here are some truths as I see them:
1. I am amazed when I run in to someone I haven't seen in years and they say things like "Oh, you are just the same as you were way back when!" Really? I don't feel the same. I know that I have lived a lot of different experiences over the last THIRTY YEARS, and surely they have affected me? I don't think I am the same person I was even just a few years ago. Too many things happen and life is not constant. I just don't think it is possible to stay the same. And not only that, why on earth would I want to be the same person I was at 19 or 20? or even 40?
2. Recognizing Truth #1 above, it seems weird that #2 for me is that I don't deal well with change. I like things to be the same. I like the constancy, the comfort of knowing that things and places will be what they were in the past. Maybe it's just the consistency of knowing a particular place will always be a landmark in my memory? Or that a certain food or scent that brings back a flood of memories? How awful would it be if after a lifetime of memories around holiday time with certain foods that suddenly the recipe was changed and you can't get the original ever again? That would suck for sure! But this doesn't hold true for me with people. I do want my kids and nephews and nieces to grow and mature and change and experience life. Does this make sense?
3. For every new thing you acquire in your life it seems you have to let go of something else. This holds true whether it is a tangible item or an idea or a dream or a belief. Every time I have moved to a new place it is exciting to get to go to a new place, find a new home and all the new and wonderful things that place has to offer. But what goes along with that is the loss of the former place, no more getting to have that old routine, no more getting to see those friends on a regular basis, never eating at that favorite around-the-corner-restaurant. Moving to new and exciting places was a wonderful adventure, but the sacrifice was not being nearby to our families and watching the nieces and nephews grow up.
When my kids were babies I had the usual Mom Dreams in my head of what wide-open futures were available to them. And as life happens to us, some of those dreams get cut off and new dreams and realities take their place. This doesn't mean that I am disappointed in the new possibilities, but I do need to be allowed to grieve a bit for the loss of the dream.
My kids should know that I am always on their side, in their camp, and always fiercely proud of them for the people they have grown up to be, and are still growing into. Whatever path they choose will be the right one for them.
4. It is my truth that I have learned more from my kids and my nieces and nephews (the next generation down) than I will ever impart to them. It surprised me to learn and acknowledge this.
5. The more I grow and age and learn, the more I know that I need to just shut up. Everything I do can be done with less words and more action. Or more of just being there, and being quiet.
That's my 5 truths for the day. I hope you weren't bored to tears or to sleep with this list.
As always, I love to hear from you. Post away!
I have been having a really hard time blogging lately and I am not sure why. Sometimes I want to tell you things I have learned, but I feel like I might come across as preachy, so I don't. And other times I think I might be funny and witty, but I read it and it sounds pithy and smart-assy. So I have been censoring myself A LOT.
I guess what I need to do is to figure out exactly what I want to share and just say it as honestly as I can from my heart and not worry about what others think. And yet I DO worry about what other people think. Who knows why! I know all the sayings: "What other people think of you is none of your business", "If you knew how infrequently people think of you, you would be surprised", and all that stuff. And yet, I guess I do care. Apparently I care enough that it is inhibiting my posting.
I would love to just put my thoughts down and if for example, my mom or my kids read this, that they would not be offended or feel like I have violated their privacy. It's really hard to tell your story without also including a bit of someone else's. You know the whole "no man is an island" thing. So I guess I am going to go out on a limb and just say things from my heart and hope that no one is upset or offended. If they are, well, that might just be their issue, and not mine. Here goes!
Here are some truths as I see them:
1. I am amazed when I run in to someone I haven't seen in years and they say things like "Oh, you are just the same as you were way back when!" Really? I don't feel the same. I know that I have lived a lot of different experiences over the last THIRTY YEARS, and surely they have affected me? I don't think I am the same person I was even just a few years ago. Too many things happen and life is not constant. I just don't think it is possible to stay the same. And not only that, why on earth would I want to be the same person I was at 19 or 20? or even 40?
2. Recognizing Truth #1 above, it seems weird that #2 for me is that I don't deal well with change. I like things to be the same. I like the constancy, the comfort of knowing that things and places will be what they were in the past. Maybe it's just the consistency of knowing a particular place will always be a landmark in my memory? Or that a certain food or scent that brings back a flood of memories? How awful would it be if after a lifetime of memories around holiday time with certain foods that suddenly the recipe was changed and you can't get the original ever again? That would suck for sure! But this doesn't hold true for me with people. I do want my kids and nephews and nieces to grow and mature and change and experience life. Does this make sense?
3. For every new thing you acquire in your life it seems you have to let go of something else. This holds true whether it is a tangible item or an idea or a dream or a belief. Every time I have moved to a new place it is exciting to get to go to a new place, find a new home and all the new and wonderful things that place has to offer. But what goes along with that is the loss of the former place, no more getting to have that old routine, no more getting to see those friends on a regular basis, never eating at that favorite around-the-corner-restaurant. Moving to new and exciting places was a wonderful adventure, but the sacrifice was not being nearby to our families and watching the nieces and nephews grow up.
When my kids were babies I had the usual Mom Dreams in my head of what wide-open futures were available to them. And as life happens to us, some of those dreams get cut off and new dreams and realities take their place. This doesn't mean that I am disappointed in the new possibilities, but I do need to be allowed to grieve a bit for the loss of the dream.
My kids should know that I am always on their side, in their camp, and always fiercely proud of them for the people they have grown up to be, and are still growing into. Whatever path they choose will be the right one for them.
4. It is my truth that I have learned more from my kids and my nieces and nephews (the next generation down) than I will ever impart to them. It surprised me to learn and acknowledge this.
5. The more I grow and age and learn, the more I know that I need to just shut up. Everything I do can be done with less words and more action. Or more of just being there, and being quiet.
That's my 5 truths for the day. I hope you weren't bored to tears or to sleep with this list.
As always, I love to hear from you. Post away!
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Seriously Random Stuff
Another of those posts that kind of follow my thought pattern.
1. Do you ever watch t.v. and see a commercial that is either so hilarious or so horrible you immediately think, "Holy shit, I have to remember to blog about THAT!"??
Well, I do that all the time. And by the time I get to youtube and go to look it up so I can share it with you, I can't remember what it was. It's gone. Poof!
2. We are still looking for a home for the little Mama Kitty who is the cutest, sweetest, most precious little teeny kitty you ever saw. If you are at all interested in providing a loving home for this girl, let me know.
And before you ask, no. She can not stay here. Angus MacPhee absolutely hates her and would make her life a living hell. Angus is a dick.
3. My across-the-street neighbor was robbed yesterday morning. In broad daylight. While he AND his yard worker were both around. It was a completely bizarre incident. And 4 years ago when Ernest T. Bass was dropped off here I tried and tried to get my neighbor to take him. And if he had, well, I don't think that idiot thieving thief would have made it into the garage. Ernest T. is quite loud and protective of his property.
4. The Texas wildfires are popping up all over the place. The area just east of us that is on fire is said to be the size of Connecticut.
5. Did I ever mention here that I am growing out my hair color and going all natural? Well, I am. Since menopause is totally kicking my memory's ass six ways to Sunday, I decided that I need to lessen my brain's exposure to chemicals. Also, I am super annoyed with seeing people in their 70s trotting around with jet black hair. And I didn't want to be one of them.
So I decided to embrace my silver hairs and let them grow in and let's just see what we shall see! So far, people are very complimentary of the new color. I never know if they really mean it or are just taking pity on the poor old gray haired lady.
6. This is the first year that we have kept the round card table up in the living room all year. We put it up at Christmas time to do jigsaw puzzles near the Christmas tree. And this year? It has just stayed up and we have continued doing puzzle after puzzle. It has to stay in that room because we can close it off away from the cats.
7. Remember the little crocheted bottle cap trivets I was making? I got 3 more done before I ran out of bottle caps. So that is 3 Christmas gifts done. I need to get a source for clean, unsmashed bottle caps. Any ideas?
8. Our garden is completely dead. Nothing survived this horrendous drought and 4 months of 100+ temps. I am worried about our massive oak trees. I could give two figs for the damn stupid grass, but my trees? That's another story.
9. Normally, I have good book recommendations for you, but not now. Lately, all I have been reading is about food, healthy diets, good food for your body and for the environment. And you know what? Some of these things contradict each other! It's confusing. I can't decide whether to try out The Diet That Seems Easiest To Work With or The One That Seems Best For the Earth and Hardest For Me.
It's a bit daunting and overwhelming, all this information.
10. And finally! My last thought for the day. Well, my last thought to share here, not necessarily the last thought I will have the whole DAY!
Life is good. It can be as complicated as you want, or as easy and simple as you want. It's all in how you look at it.
I have a friend who I play Mah Jongg with who has a needlepoint sampler on her wall that says something like "The difference between Stumbling Blocks and Stepping Stones, is in how you use them". And that's kind of what I have been thinking. The situation is what it is regardless of how you feel about it. You can choose to have negative feelings about something but that doesn't make the facts negative, does it? Facts are facts. A situation is what it is whether you choose to love it or hate it. Which set of feelings will get you through the day?
1. Do you ever watch t.v. and see a commercial that is either so hilarious or so horrible you immediately think, "Holy shit, I have to remember to blog about THAT!"??
Well, I do that all the time. And by the time I get to youtube and go to look it up so I can share it with you, I can't remember what it was. It's gone. Poof!
2. We are still looking for a home for the little Mama Kitty who is the cutest, sweetest, most precious little teeny kitty you ever saw. If you are at all interested in providing a loving home for this girl, let me know.
And before you ask, no. She can not stay here. Angus MacPhee absolutely hates her and would make her life a living hell. Angus is a dick.
3. My across-the-street neighbor was robbed yesterday morning. In broad daylight. While he AND his yard worker were both around. It was a completely bizarre incident. And 4 years ago when Ernest T. Bass was dropped off here I tried and tried to get my neighbor to take him. And if he had, well, I don't think that idiot thieving thief would have made it into the garage. Ernest T. is quite loud and protective of his property.
4. The Texas wildfires are popping up all over the place. The area just east of us that is on fire is said to be the size of Connecticut.
5. Did I ever mention here that I am growing out my hair color and going all natural? Well, I am. Since menopause is totally kicking my memory's ass six ways to Sunday, I decided that I need to lessen my brain's exposure to chemicals. Also, I am super annoyed with seeing people in their 70s trotting around with jet black hair. And I didn't want to be one of them.
So I decided to embrace my silver hairs and let them grow in and let's just see what we shall see! So far, people are very complimentary of the new color. I never know if they really mean it or are just taking pity on the poor old gray haired lady.
6. This is the first year that we have kept the round card table up in the living room all year. We put it up at Christmas time to do jigsaw puzzles near the Christmas tree. And this year? It has just stayed up and we have continued doing puzzle after puzzle. It has to stay in that room because we can close it off away from the cats.
7. Remember the little crocheted bottle cap trivets I was making? I got 3 more done before I ran out of bottle caps. So that is 3 Christmas gifts done. I need to get a source for clean, unsmashed bottle caps. Any ideas?
8. Our garden is completely dead. Nothing survived this horrendous drought and 4 months of 100+ temps. I am worried about our massive oak trees. I could give two figs for the damn stupid grass, but my trees? That's another story.
9. Normally, I have good book recommendations for you, but not now. Lately, all I have been reading is about food, healthy diets, good food for your body and for the environment. And you know what? Some of these things contradict each other! It's confusing. I can't decide whether to try out The Diet That Seems Easiest To Work With or The One That Seems Best For the Earth and Hardest For Me.
It's a bit daunting and overwhelming, all this information.
10. And finally! My last thought for the day. Well, my last thought to share here, not necessarily the last thought I will have the whole DAY!
Life is good. It can be as complicated as you want, or as easy and simple as you want. It's all in how you look at it.
I have a friend who I play Mah Jongg with who has a needlepoint sampler on her wall that says something like "The difference between Stumbling Blocks and Stepping Stones, is in how you use them". And that's kind of what I have been thinking. The situation is what it is regardless of how you feel about it. You can choose to have negative feelings about something but that doesn't make the facts negative, does it? Facts are facts. A situation is what it is whether you choose to love it or hate it. Which set of feelings will get you through the day?
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
When you gotta go, well, you gotta go!
Reading the news this morning online and in between all the important and urgent life-changing articles is one that I HAD to click on.
Was it about the Republicans and the whole passel (passle, pasell? how do you spell passel?) of wieners they are trotting out as possible Presidential candidates?
Nope.
Was it about Big Tobacco and lobbyists?
Nope again.
It wasn't even the one about the Real Housewives of whatever and the husband of one of them committing suicide. (I read that one yesterday)
No, the must-see article was about Gerard Depardieu.
Remember him? This is a photo of him before he got older, fatter, and not just fatter but rather bloated looking. Nowadays he looks more like this.
Anyhoo, the article was not about how much larger Mr. Depardieu can continue to get, but this:
Seems that he was on an Air France flight that was delayed. And we all know how much fun THAT can be. So they have hundreds of you crammed in to a small space and making you sit there and wait. And while you wait they ply you with drinks to keep your mind off the fact that you are sitting in a sausage-shaped tin can waiting. Waiting and breathing recycled air.
After a good amount of waiting and an even larger amount of libations have been served the flight finally takes off and the good Mr. Depardieu needed to go relieve himself. Which is exactly the position I would find myself in. And being a 62 year old man who hasn't had to ask permission to go pee for the past, oh say, 61 years, he attempted to get up and go to the toilet.
The air hostess/bar maid/stewardess person told him the plane was still climbing to cruising altitude and he would have to sit back down. He tried to explain his predicament and was told essentially "tough shit. go sit down for 15 more minutes".
And being the grown-ass allegedly drunk Frenchman he is, he took that news in the manner you might think.
He unzipped, whipped it out and proceeded to piss on the carpet of the main cabin of the plane.
Really? Can you imagine yourself in such a position? What would you do? I mean, really, if you have to go, what are your choices? My guess is that he and his 62 year old prostate could not physically wait another 15 minutes.
The article does not say whether the authorities were called upon landing, or if he was charged with anything. If it had been a US airline, you can guaran-damn-tee there would have been hell to pay. Stupid Southwest has kicked people off for wearing short skirts. Imagine what they would have done if someone had shown their schlong!
While I don't agree with pissing in public and then the rest of the people having to smell it the whole damn flight, there has to be a better solution. If the airlines are going to shove liquid refreshments at us to keep us still and happy they have to know it is going to have to come out and be prepared for the consequences. It takes forever for them to get the carts up and down the aisle to serve the whole plane something and by the time they get to the end of the plane, those in the front are already getting antsy and wanting to get up to relieve themselves.
It's a sticky situation.
Bahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Sorry, I just had to say that!
Was it about the Republicans and the whole passel (passle, pasell? how do you spell passel?) of wieners they are trotting out as possible Presidential candidates?
Nope.
Was it about Big Tobacco and lobbyists?
Nope again.
It wasn't even the one about the Real Housewives of whatever and the husband of one of them committing suicide. (I read that one yesterday)
No, the must-see article was about Gerard Depardieu.
Remember him? This is a photo of him before he got older, fatter, and not just fatter but rather bloated looking. Nowadays he looks more like this.
Anyhoo, the article was not about how much larger Mr. Depardieu can continue to get, but this:
Seems that he was on an Air France flight that was delayed. And we all know how much fun THAT can be. So they have hundreds of you crammed in to a small space and making you sit there and wait. And while you wait they ply you with drinks to keep your mind off the fact that you are sitting in a sausage-shaped tin can waiting. Waiting and breathing recycled air.
After a good amount of waiting and an even larger amount of libations have been served the flight finally takes off and the good Mr. Depardieu needed to go relieve himself. Which is exactly the position I would find myself in. And being a 62 year old man who hasn't had to ask permission to go pee for the past, oh say, 61 years, he attempted to get up and go to the toilet.
The air hostess/bar maid/stewardess person told him the plane was still climbing to cruising altitude and he would have to sit back down. He tried to explain his predicament and was told essentially "tough shit. go sit down for 15 more minutes".
And being the grown-ass allegedly drunk Frenchman he is, he took that news in the manner you might think.
He unzipped, whipped it out and proceeded to piss on the carpet of the main cabin of the plane.
Really? Can you imagine yourself in such a position? What would you do? I mean, really, if you have to go, what are your choices? My guess is that he and his 62 year old prostate could not physically wait another 15 minutes.
The article does not say whether the authorities were called upon landing, or if he was charged with anything. If it had been a US airline, you can guaran-damn-tee there would have been hell to pay. Stupid Southwest has kicked people off for wearing short skirts. Imagine what they would have done if someone had shown their schlong!
While I don't agree with pissing in public and then the rest of the people having to smell it the whole damn flight, there has to be a better solution. If the airlines are going to shove liquid refreshments at us to keep us still and happy they have to know it is going to have to come out and be prepared for the consequences. It takes forever for them to get the carts up and down the aisle to serve the whole plane something and by the time they get to the end of the plane, those in the front are already getting antsy and wanting to get up to relieve themselves.
It's a sticky situation.
Bahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Sorry, I just had to say that!
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
No regrets
No regrets, that's a great motto. If you have to live your life by a motto, try that one.
Recently facebook has exploded with those silly-ass nostalgic "remember back when in your home town" pages and people have just gone fucking NUTS posting memories. How many of those pages are you a member of?
I am in 4 of them in addition to the 2 pages for my high school. This is a lot of reading to wade through, people!
And then?
Then someone had the idea to put up a memorial page for my high school. O. M. G.! You would swear that my home town was empty there are so many dead people listed! I got out a pad of paper and started making a list of all the people (okay it's really 2 lists, one of my graduating class, and the other of people I knew who were from other classes) that I knew. I guess I will stick it in my annual and keep adding to it as I have to.
Since I joined facebook a few years ago I have reconnected with a lot of wonderful people that I never thought I would see again. I moved away right after high school and then a few years later we left the country and started traipsing around Latin America and changing addresses every 18 months to 3 years. Do you even know how many people drop you like a hot potato if you dare to move and force them to change their entry in their address book? People are weird, is what they are.
So even those that I had tried to stay in touch with ended up getting lost to me through the '90s. When classmates.com came out I joined that and immediately got hooked back up with some great friends. It was a great resource for its time.
Facebook does that same job even better. (as an aside I think the Google+ will be even better) And I have been re-introduced to some people and it has made a huge difference in my life. And I am now going to try to not be all maudlin and such, but still let everyone know how much I appreciate them.
Here's the deal: on the memorial page listing all the dead classmates? There is a friend who just passed away last year. I remember vaguely seeing her name listed within the high school list of "potential fb friends" and saying to myself "oh yeah, I need to remember to friend her".
Well, it's too flipping late.
Shame on me for not being more aware of that little voice and just acting on that thought at that time. I am not being presumptious and thinking my presence in her life could have changed anything. But I appreciate so much the small kind gestures and words from my friends and let's face it, a missed opportunity is a missed opportunity. Sometimes they don't come back by, you have to get your piece said when you can.
I am going to make this claim right here, right now with all of you as my motivation; I am going to do my level best to let people know how much I appreciate them being in my life and to not waste that chance. And I am going to start with you!
Yes, you. Thank you for being here. Thank you for checking in with me to see what drivel I have come up with to talk about. And especially this summer when I have been so sporadic with posting. It truly does my heart good when I see that I have comments and some of you have come by and given me something to think about.
Life is good. And it is better when shared. So again, thank you for coming and sharing in my life. I will try to keep up my end of my relationships so that I am living with no regrets.
Recently facebook has exploded with those silly-ass nostalgic "remember back when in your home town" pages and people have just gone fucking NUTS posting memories. How many of those pages are you a member of?
I am in 4 of them in addition to the 2 pages for my high school. This is a lot of reading to wade through, people!
And then?
Then someone had the idea to put up a memorial page for my high school. O. M. G.! You would swear that my home town was empty there are so many dead people listed! I got out a pad of paper and started making a list of all the people (okay it's really 2 lists, one of my graduating class, and the other of people I knew who were from other classes) that I knew. I guess I will stick it in my annual and keep adding to it as I have to.
Since I joined facebook a few years ago I have reconnected with a lot of wonderful people that I never thought I would see again. I moved away right after high school and then a few years later we left the country and started traipsing around Latin America and changing addresses every 18 months to 3 years. Do you even know how many people drop you like a hot potato if you dare to move and force them to change their entry in their address book? People are weird, is what they are.
So even those that I had tried to stay in touch with ended up getting lost to me through the '90s. When classmates.com came out I joined that and immediately got hooked back up with some great friends. It was a great resource for its time.
Facebook does that same job even better. (as an aside I think the Google+ will be even better) And I have been re-introduced to some people and it has made a huge difference in my life. And I am now going to try to not be all maudlin and such, but still let everyone know how much I appreciate them.
Here's the deal: on the memorial page listing all the dead classmates? There is a friend who just passed away last year. I remember vaguely seeing her name listed within the high school list of "potential fb friends" and saying to myself "oh yeah, I need to remember to friend her".
Well, it's too flipping late.
Shame on me for not being more aware of that little voice and just acting on that thought at that time. I am not being presumptious and thinking my presence in her life could have changed anything. But I appreciate so much the small kind gestures and words from my friends and let's face it, a missed opportunity is a missed opportunity. Sometimes they don't come back by, you have to get your piece said when you can.
I am going to make this claim right here, right now with all of you as my motivation; I am going to do my level best to let people know how much I appreciate them being in my life and to not waste that chance. And I am going to start with you!
Yes, you. Thank you for being here. Thank you for checking in with me to see what drivel I have come up with to talk about. And especially this summer when I have been so sporadic with posting. It truly does my heart good when I see that I have comments and some of you have come by and given me something to think about.
Life is good. And it is better when shared. So again, thank you for coming and sharing in my life. I will try to keep up my end of my relationships so that I am living with no regrets.
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