Mishaps in the Craft Room

This story would be better with some pictures of these mishaps.  But when you are in the midst of things sometimes you are overwhelmed and stopping to take a picture of your own stupidity isn't first thing on your mind, you know?

I had the bright idea to make some weighted blankets rather than purchase them.  That way they could be the exact fabrics that the kids wanted.  Etc and all the other reasons why I have a craft room in the first place!

Then it was on to Pinterest to research how these things are made.  You have to know how much weight is correct for the size/height/weight of the person using it.  Then it was a matter of figuring out what to use for the weight; the plastic weighted things (like in Beanie Babies) or something else.  Rice, flax seed and corn are good things because they are natural and can be heated or stuck in the freezer for cooling treatments, too.  But those items are not washable.  If they get damp they can mold inside the blanket and have to be thrown away.

Then I discovered cherry stones.  They are also a natural product, they come from Michigan the land of cherries, and believe it or don't they can be washed and dried.  Who knew?!

Cherry stones sounded like the perfect answer to the question.  I was really intrigued to try this project.  Anyhoo, we got the fabrics and I washed, dried and ironed them while waiting on the cherry stones to arrive.  And I watched tutorials on how best to sew these up.

Basically, you sew the fabrics together on 3 sides with the right sides facing in.  Then you trim it and turn it right side out.  You will then decide how many little segments you want to have with the stones evenly divided throughout the blanket.  Got it?

For the size I am doing for a 2 year old who weighs 30 pounds the weight of the blanket should be between 10 and 20% of total body weight.  We were shooting for 4 pounds of total blanket weight.  The size of the blanket evenly divided into 6 x 4 squares.  Six segments down the long side crossed with 4 going across.  I then took the blanket sewn on the 3 sides and marked it into the six and sewed there creating six channels.  I took the cherry stones and divided the 4 lbs into 24 equal-ish bowls.

So far, so good, right?  But I looked at the fabric and thought how flat the color was.  And then it dawned on me that I had NOT FLIPPED THE FABRIC RIGHT SIDE OUT!!!!

Oh good Lord.  So I got my seam ripper and carefully took out all the channels that I had just sewn in. And then I cleaned up all the bits of thread and flipped it correctly and remarked all the six channels again and sewed them in place.

I took the first 6 portions of the cherry stones and poured them in and pushed them down to the end and pinned across to sew them in place.  This is working out!  Yay!

I did the next row up and pinned and then sewed that row.  Then on the third row I started having a little trouble because of the weight of the whole thing and the stones wanting to shift around.  But I got the 3rd row done and as I lifted it and cut the thread from the machine I heard the sound of falling cherry stones.  That was closely followed by the sound of my heart also falling into my stomach.

That whole 3rd row was not closed because I had run out of bobbin thread.  Son of a BITCH!

So I got down on the floor gathered up all the cherry stones and divided them up again and set all of this on my work table.  And I got my bobbin out and refilled it and got my machine ready to rock and roll and turned everything off and left the room.

You can only make so many mistakes before you realize it is time to take a break and come back to this project tomorrow.

Customer Service or Dis-service, you be the judge

Y'all, I really hate to be the person who just rants and bitches but unfortunately someone has to do it.  And once you turn 50 you lose that little part of you that just gives a shit what other people think. So, there's that.  It is now my job to call people on their bullshit and not to take any.

I was on etsy or pinterest or one of those sites that leads you down a rabbit hole of websites and found my way to a website that is selling some really cute, cute things that I thought I needed for Christmas gifts.  Really cute.

And so I looked at the website for the "about us" to see who these people are, where the money is going to, etc.  And there is a whole bunch of photos of the people who own/operate/run this company, but no information as to where they are geographically.  No physical location.  I clicked on the "contact us" button to ask a few question regarding a couple of items and it opened up an email.  So I went back and looked and yes, only email, no phone.  WTH?  No phone number?

I emailed and explained what my questions were and said I would like some customer support.  I got a really prompt return email with these words Thanks for reaching out! Unfortunately we don't offer all call center at this time, as we are an online business only. But I can help you via email!


Okay, that seems odd to me that because you are online you don't think people will ever need to talk to you.  That makes it even MORE likely that people will have a phone inquiry.

After several more email back and forths with the customer service person I placed the order with the choice of using Paypal for my payment since I didn't feel great about giving my credit card information to people who don't even have a phone.  And I sent her an email saying that I had ordered and to let me know if there was a problem.

And you'll never guess what!  

There was a problem.  She didn't get the order.  So I spent a ridiculous amount of time going all over their website trying to figure this out. And the website order form kept giving me a gigantic yellow yield sign saying I am required to give them my email address.  On the paypal payment page it had a square to check if I wanted them to share my email with the company or not, so I went back and checked that box and filled everything out again for the FOURTH TIME and you will not believe this but where they wanted me to fill in my email address?  THERE WAS NO SPACE TO PUT IT!!

If I put my cursor in the tab above it and hit my tab key it dropped right down past the email question to the next space.

So I sent off yet another email to the customer service person describing the situation and said please have someone call me to place this order or I am just going to forget about it.  And gave her my phone number.

And you'll never guess what happened next!

SHE EMAILED ME AGAIN!  She didn't call me!  Here is her reply to my request for them to call me:  Thanks for keeping me updated. So sorry the websites being difficult! Just to let you know I am going to do, I am forwarding this conversation to the owners so they can try to troubleshoot.

And if I can get your order via email, we will send you a PayPal invoice and order that way!

Are you believing this?  I got that one last evening and I had to sit on it overnight to not reply "Are you fucking kidding me??"

This is the email that I shot back to her today "I appreciate you being so prompt and getting back to me right away.  Because customer service is such a big part of the shopping process to me, I am going to say that it feels really awkward to me that there is no way to reach a person on the phone and try and resolve the issues i am having with this order.

I have gone out on a limb and trusted leaving my phone number with a total stranger and said that I would prefer if someone could just call me and we could get this ironed out.  And I get yet another email instead of a call.

So this makes me suspicious of a company that doesn’t have a responsive way to help customers through a website that has some issues.  No phone, really?  I just don’t think I can give my credit card and home address information to a company that doesn’t have phone support.

Sorry we couldn’t have done business together.  Your stuff looked really cute."

What do you think?  Are these people on the up and up?  Will they respond?  Will I ever get a phone call?  Would you try to work this hard to spend money?

I just don't understand the whole "one size fits all and this is the ONLY way we do business" mentality.  Every person has different needs and if you are dealing with the public you are going to run across loads of different kinds of people.  And all I wanted was a few questions answered and then for them to fix their stupid order online form that wasn't working.  

My guess is that they will not reach out to me to try and rectify this and I will not get to purchase these cute things and I will have to go to Plan B on the Christmas gift list.

Let me know your thoughts on this or just how you feel about customer service in general.

I said I wouldn't do it, and then I couldn't help myself

You know those people who carefully analyze and then really think out their decisions based on facts and information BEFORE they figure out which candidate and which issues to support?

Yeah, me neither.

That's because people tend to get all emotional and stupid when it comes to political issues.  Much like religious ones.  Funny how that happens here in the U.S. of A. since we are suppoed to have this big separation of church and state.

I have plenty of friends who say things like "Oh, I know so-and-so and I are at polar opposites on such-and-such issue, but we just agree to disagree."

Really?  How the hell does that work?  I am having a really hard time doing this.  I don't want to just be all amicable and sweet about people who have their heads up their asses.  Get your head out of your ass!  Then we can just agree!!!!  No need for any disagreement at all.

The upcoming presidential elections (which, by the by, seem to have been going on for the last 100 years.  Good Lord, why do they start so soon after the LAST one???) are driving me nuts.

For me, I have narrowed it down to a couple of key issues.

1. Women's rights

2. LGBTQ rights

3. Health care

4. Environment

I have found that I can't care about every. single. thing. they bring up.   It just makes my life unmanageable when I have way too many things to deal with.  These are my top 4 that I can NOT stand idly by and let these things get trampled.  It would just be unacceptable for these top 4 to go by the wayside.

So, this being said, if you and I are at those polar opposites on these issues, I don't think I can talk to you any more.  If you, deep in your heart, believe that women are not equal to men and deserving of equal rights, pay and benefits.  I, as a woman, don't need you in my life.  How could you possibly have my best interest at heart if you don't think I am equal and worthy?

Same goes for the LGBTQ stance.  If you don't believe that all of us, and I mean all, not just the hetero ones of us, are entitled to the same bill of rights.  I don't need you in my life.  If you are supporting candidates, political parties, ideals and platforms that will take away the few hard-won rights that affect the gay community, then why on earth would I want to have this kind of less-than thinking around me?  If you can look at my beautiful, caring, precious daughter and see a person who is not-quite-as-deserving as the next person, well then, not only don't I need you, but I won't be missing your bigoted small-minded ass.

I am choosing to surround myself with positivity and people who are loving, kind and generous.  Truth be told, since I am on the other side of 50 now, I don't see any reason to have intolerant bullies and bigots in my life.  I am suffering no fools, as they say.

I will be living my life in a way that I think God intended, doing for others, loving people less fortunate, and helping where I can.  I will be offering money, food, and whatever I can to help the homeless be they people or animals.  I am trying to be a living example of a loving, caring extension of my beliefs.

What I won't be doing is trying to take something away from others, I won't be trying to trample your rights and judging you to be less-than.  My heart aches at all the meanness and bullshit that has been going on and people getting caught up in the rhetoric and refusing to look at the underlying truths.

I will be cleaning out my actual and virtual friend lists.  I just can't read the non-sensical crap coming out on a daily, no, an almost hourly basis any more.  And then I will get back to trying to be clever tomorrow.

Girl, you just won't beLIEVE what happened!

So, I was out to lunch with some friends as you do sometimes.  And we went to a new place to check it out.  (I am giving it a B for food and a D for service)  We were sitting in the back in a semi-private area with a big table as there were quite a few of us.  What we didn't know was that when they seated us in the back that they were going to forget about us most of the time.  I mean seriously, forget about us. We were parched in between waiting for refills of iced tea.

Anyhoo, we were enjoying our leisurely lunch and then the power went out.  POOF!  No power. We were next to a bunch of windows so we could see but it's still that weird, creepy feeling with a little anxiety of what is going to happen next.  A few minutes later the power came back on and the waitress stuck her head in to see if we were still kicking and said "Did y'all go outside?"

Huh?

"Uh no, we didn't. What are you talking about?"

"Oh, I thought you might have gone outside.  When the power blew it was because the two big tall palm trees out front by the street, they just caught on fire.  Like spontaneously combusted."

What the fuck???? But what I said was "Well, that's certainly odd behavior for a palm tree."

"Oh yeah, the fire department is out there, the power company is out there and everything."

And again, my brain just kept going "What the fuck is she talking about??"

Then I had the presence of mind to ask whether any cars in the parking lot out front were damaged.  She said no, but I didn't trust her judgment.  Hell, she didn't even remember we were there half the time. So, we quickly wrapped up the splitting of the bill and headed out front to see what was what.

Here is what we saw:

Smoking trees that self-combusted

Firetruck blocking traffic from driving directly under combusted trees

Methinks the power lines may have played a role in the combustion?

the tree on the left is still smoking out the middle near the power lines

So the trees weren't actually in the parking lot we were in, they were across the street at the Quizno's (mmm, mmm, mmm, toasty).  But if they had fallen into the street they would have certainly been all the way over into our parking area and probably on top of my car.

I tell you, every single day there is a story out there.  All you have to do is look.  And take a picture or two!!

p.s. Right down from this location is a big intersection.  And when I turned onto this street at that intersection when headed to lunch, what did I spy with my little eye?  I will tell you what I spied. I spied one of my former doula clients out there panhandling.  I was not in a position to get turned around right then to go over there and with the fire and such, after lunch I checked and she was not there.  I will head over that direction again in the next few days and see if she is there again and talk to her.  I wish I could tell you how sad this makes me.  The little frowny emoticon just won't cut it.

Bad Service and Yelp

I have bitched and moaned before about bad service and how customer service in general has just gone in the toilet.  People flat out do not give a big hairy rat's ASS about your satisfaction at the end of a business transaction.  It's as if they have no inkling of an idea that you may, oh I don't know, ever want to darken their doors again!!


What the hell is up with this trend?  It is just getting worse.  People don't seem to know how to say please, thank you or come again.  And you know I am leading up to something that happened recently, don't you?

Just yesterday I ended up The Cove a local eatery.  It's one of those cute little places that sits between a laundromat and a car wash.  It has a beer garden, live music in the evenings, lots of beer and is known around here for being a vegetarian friendly, mostly local and organic food kind of place.  Really casual and on the funky side.  We eat there quite a bit actually.  The food is good.  It is not great by any means.  But it is good and you walk away feeling like you made a healthier choice than many other places you could have gone to.

But yesterday?  Not so much.

There's this one chick who works behind the counter taking orders who is just rude, doesn't seem too bright, isn't really with the program you might say.  And of course she was there.  Now, they have 2 registers but mostly only run with one of them and have people lined up and out the door waiting to place their orders.  So that's a problem right there.

Typically, I get salads or burgers.  But yesterday I was thinking about the nachos.  I have seen plates of nachos being delivered to other tables and they looked good.  On the chalk board menu waaaay up in the air above the counter it said "Bean and cheese nachos with avocado dip".  (wth is avocado dip?  is it guacamole? is it mayonnaise-y?)

So when it was my turn to go to the counter I asked the Rude Chick "What is the avocado dip on the nachos?"

Rude Chick: Oh, it's avocado mixed with sour cream.

Me:  That sounds really good.

RC: Yeah, it's got like pico de gallo stuff, tomatoes, onions, cilantro in it too.

Me:  No, I better not get that.  I don't eat onions.

RC:  Oh, you'll like this.  It's really good.

Me:  No, I don't do onions.  But, could I just get . . . .

RC: (interrupting me) No, it is already mixed in.  We can't take it out for you.  But you should try it.  it's really good.  You would like onions if you tried this.

Me:  No, I wasn't going to ask that.  I was going to ask . . .

RC: (interrupting me continually) Here, let me get this.  (she walks off and returns with a small cup of the dip stuff)  Taste it.  and she shoves it across the counter into my face.  Here, taste it!

Me: No, thank you.  I don't want it.  I am trying to tell you that I don't want it.

RC:  Well, are you allergic?

Me:  Let's just say I don't like them and they don't like me. (looking back at my friends in line, and wondering WTF)

RC:  If you would just taste this, you would like it.

Me:  No.  I didn't get to be 50 flipping years old without knowing what I like and don't like. No thank you.  (I was trying my best not to blow up on her triflin' ass, but she was making it extremely difficult)

RC:  Fine. Do you want beef or chicken on your nachos?

Me: You know what, I don't want any.  I am not eating here.  (And at this point the white hot rage that comes from the pit of your stomach and moves up had come up and hit the top of my head.  And I had had ENOUGH).

And I walked over to my friends and said "Sorry, but I can't eat here.  We'll have to meet another time".

And I left.

Yeah, I probably could have handled it better.  I could have stood there and demanded to see a manager and held up the line that was going on f o r e v e r.  I could have stood my ground and insisted that the Rude Chick not take my order and get someone else.  But at that moment I was just so completely over all the business of no one listening to me and taking my words seriously, that I could not imagine dragging this out any further.

But I did get on yelp.com and write a scathing review of the service.  My friend, the Mom of the Peach says that I should also call the owners and managers and tell them.  I don't know if I care to even bother.

If a place of business doesn't care enough to hire the best possible person to be the Face of the Company to all who walk in, why is it my business to tell them to handle their shit better?  Do it right or expect to lose customers.  That's it.

And as of right now, they have lost me.  I was going there about once every two weeks.  And I never went alone.  So that's a fair amount of business from one source.

The restaurant business is notorious for being hard to keep your head above water.  I have read that most businesses don't last 7 years.  It is a tough, very competitive line to be in.

All the more reason it would behoove the owners to make sure, make DAMN SURE that one rude employee who half-asses her job is not ruining their business.  Is this not Rule #1 in any business handbook anywhere?

Another thing about this particular restaurant's system that is bad is that the servers tip jar is at the register.  How many of the servers get short-changed on the tips due to the interaction with the Rude Chick behind the register?  My guess is a whole bunch.

What say you?  Should I follow up as a courtesy to the owners or managers of this establishment or just let it lie and not go back?

Denied Holy Communion by Snape?

Did you read the story last week about the woman who was denied Holy Communion at her mother's funeral?  Seems that there is a lot of controversy regarding this.

For me it's mostly about the priest and his having poor judgment, timing and manners.  The way I understand things is this:

1. The victim here is Barbara Johnson, a lesbian in a committed relationship.

2. Barbara's mother died and during the service, while she was at the altar in front of her mother's coffin, the priest looks at her and covers the Host and says, "you are living with a woman and in the eyes of the church that is a sin."

3. Then the priest, Rev. Marcel Guarnizo, left the service and there was no one to accompany the body and family to the graveside portion of the funeral.

This is bad.

I understand when you are going to communion you are supposed to be in a state of grace, but that is supposed to be between you and God.  Not for a priest to call you out publicly with the whole congregation as witnesses.

And have you seen this guy?

  I am sorry, but I find it really hard to be serious when I see the priest and and can only think . . . .

The whole thing is beyond awful.  That poor woman losing her mother, being patronized and called out like that by the very place she would go for solace.  Where will she go now?

And if I were the dearly departed?  Imagine your spirit looking down and seeing your child treated so shabbily.  It breaks my heart.

Happy Birthday!!! and Get Well Soon.

Happy Birthday! to:

George Washington.

My Grandpa.

My aunt Kary.

My cousin Tammie.

My niece Katie.

That's a lot of people in my family being born on Washington's birthday, I think.

In other news, my younger brother (of course he's younger, I am the oldest.  All my siblings are younger!) is in the hospital.  Seems he woke up Monday feeling a bit under the weather and also in some pain.  It went away.  He went to work.

The pain returned.  But subsided, after it had his full attention.

When it returned hard and heavy for the 3rd time, HE DROVE HIMSELF TO THE HOSPITAL.

PSA - Please don't drive yourself to the hospital.  You could be having a heart attack (he was) and end up killing yourself and taking innocent people with you (luckily he didn't).

So my 40-something year old brother goes to the hospital and they said he was "having a heart attack".  I guess while they were watching and testing?  They went in through the femoral artery and put a stint in and things straightened right up.  Then he was moved to ICU and spent 24 hours or more there.

After that he was being moved to an intermediate care room and hopefully released today or tomorrow.

I gotta tell y'all that this is scary.  He is young, he is thin, he has a nice fast metabolism and seemed to be in good shape.  What business does a young, fit 40-something have going through this?  It scared the crap out of me.

Hopefully, they will give him some answers and he will make the necessary lifestyle changes.

In completely unrelated news, it is Ash Wednesday.  I have been thinking and thinking of what I am doing for Lent.  For the past few years I have been taking a small amount of our food budget and spending it on things for the homeless.  I make up little brown bags with a piece of fruit, a handi-wipe, some crackers or granola, different little items and usually a little note with something positive written on it.  I take 4 or 5 a day with me when I go run errands or go to meetings or whatever and pass them out.

Our city council in all its wisdom has decided to fine people who panhandle and also people who give to the panhandlers.  What dicks.  I am so pissed about this I can't stand it.

Needless to say, there are a lot of behind the scenes local politics at play in this and I am going to find myself down there raising all kinds of hell about this.

But back to the issue of Lenten giving.  I prefer to make my Lent observance something about giving to others from what I have rather than "giving up coffee, cheetos, wine, chocolate".  That's not very meaningful to me.  Of course I can go 40 days without whichever of those items, but what will I learn from that?  What will I take away from my Lenten experience?  I want to make it a little more impactful for me.

And in another turn of conversation!  Try not to get whiplash keeping up!  : )

My Rachel Pie may be the only person who finds my choice of cake pictures to be hilarious.  But honestly, what could be funnier than a My Little Pony birthday cake from Las Vegas?

Rant Coming! Watch out

It has definitely been a while since I have ranted.  But there are a few things that have been irritating me. So why wouldn't I want to share them with you???


First up!  This has got to be the most obnoxious, insufferable frigging ad going.

Take a watch and tell me if this would induce you to want what they are selling:

Really???  "That's so 12 seconds ago"  Really?  Is this where we are as a people?  12 seconds ahead of our friends who we now think are so lame and un-cool.  Bet those friends never call you again on your SmartAss Phone.

What a bunch of dickheads.

Next up, ANOTHER douche-y ad trying to make you feel lame if you don't have the biggest, bestest and latest.

That commercial right there will keep me from EVER buying a fucking iPhone.  What is this?  Shame people into feeling so bad about their lives they just can't live without your product?

My phone has a droid market just like that app store, and I can scroll through it just as quickly and get the exact same apps FOR FREE and have them on my phone just as quickly.  Where is the advantage?

Sorry, but if your marketing tool is to make people feel less-than, you have lost me (and hopefully all others with any sense of self esteem) right there.  There is a line you cross when talking about how awesome your newest Thneed is and how remarkably stupid your Thneed-less target audience is, and AT&T and Apple have done this for me.

And this is how I feel about that.

And finally!!!  Here's what they really mean.   I couldn't say it any better than these guys:

Lockout Schlockout

Dear NBA,

We, your adoring and ardent fans, beseech you to get your shit together.  Enough is enough.  Everyone knows it's always the fault of the other party when 2 sides can't come together in peace, love, and harmony.

But, who is really paying the price for this dick-measuring debacle?  While you are waiting for the other side to flinch, blink and say Uncle, who is losing out?  Hmmm?

Would it be us, the fans?

Why yes, it would!

And here's a little heads up for you:

If you keep this shit up you are going to LOSE fans!  Left and right, people will quit caring.  


Right now, do I know where any of my beloved Spurs are?  Nope.
Do I care?  Just a little.  And a little less than I cared last week.  And less than the week before.

So, as a mom I have this to say, "Get back to work.  Get back to doing what you signed up to do. Quit being greedy bastards.  And if there are less asses in the seats for your games when you do start up again, that is the price you will have to pay.  And there will be major sucking up you will have to do to help your fan base remember why they liked you in the first damn place.  I will say this one more time, Get. back. to. work.  Enough is enough, already."

Most sincerely,

Lisa Pie who finds herself less and less of a fan as time goes by

When you gotta go, well, you gotta go!

Reading the news this morning online and in between all the important and urgent life-changing articles is one that I HAD to click on.

Was it about the Republicans and the whole passel (passle, pasell? how do you spell passel?) of wieners they are trotting out as possible Presidential candidates?

Nope.

Was it about Big Tobacco and lobbyists?

Nope again.

It wasn't even the one about the Real Housewives of whatever and the husband of one of them committing suicide. (I read that one yesterday)

No, the must-see article was about Gerard Depardieu.

Remember him?  This is a photo of him before he got older, fatter, and not just fatter but rather bloated looking.  Nowadays he looks more like this.

Anyhoo, the article was not about how much larger Mr. Depardieu can continue to get, but this:

Seems that he was on an Air France flight that was delayed.  And we all know how much fun THAT can be.  So they have hundreds of you crammed in to a small space and making you sit there and wait.  And while you wait they ply you with drinks to keep your mind off the fact that you are sitting in a sausage-shaped tin can waiting.  Waiting and breathing recycled air.

After a good amount of waiting and an even larger amount of libations have been served the flight finally takes off and the good Mr. Depardieu needed to go relieve himself.  Which is exactly the position I would find myself in.  And being a 62 year old man who hasn't had to ask permission to go pee for the past, oh say, 61 years, he attempted to get up and go to the toilet.

The air hostess/bar maid/stewardess person told him the plane was still climbing to cruising altitude and he would have to sit back down.  He tried to explain his predicament and was told essentially "tough shit. go sit down for 15 more minutes".

And being the grown-ass allegedly drunk Frenchman he is, he took that news in the manner you might think.


He unzipped, whipped it out and proceeded to piss on the carpet of the main cabin of the plane.


Really?  Can you imagine yourself in such a position?  What would you do?  I mean, really, if you have to go, what are your choices?  My guess is that he and his 62 year old prostate could not physically wait another 15 minutes.

The article does not say whether the authorities were called upon landing, or if he was charged with anything.  If it had been a US airline, you can guaran-damn-tee there would have been hell to pay. Stupid Southwest has kicked people off for wearing short skirts.  Imagine what they would have done if someone had shown their schlong!

While I don't agree with pissing in public and then the rest of the people having to smell it the whole damn flight, there has to be a better solution.  If the airlines are going to shove liquid refreshments  at us to keep us still and happy they have to know it is going to have to come out and be prepared for the consequences.  It takes forever for them to get the carts up and down the aisle to serve the whole plane something and by the time they get to the end of the plane, those in the front are already getting antsy and wanting to get up to relieve themselves.

It's a sticky situation.


Bahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Sorry, I just had to say that!

Obsessing Still

We interrupt the continual whining and bitching about plastic and it's ubiquitousness to bring you the latest in my obsession of the Casey Anthony trial.

Prosecution is still laying out their case and they are doing a bang-up job.  Very methodical and thorough. And you should know here that my only experience is that I have served on two trials and watched the OJ case from start to finish.  So take my opinions for just that, a layperson's opinion.

Today, Dr. G Medical Examiner gave her testimony on the stand and she kicked some legal ass.  She really explains herself well and most clearly.

Right now the judge Belvin is rendering a decision on whether some testimony will be admitted or not.  It is from a pathology/anthropologist expert and is a video of the skull with a photo of Caylee's face superimposed over it to show the landmarks of nose, chin, lips, etc. and then with the duct tape over it to show that the tape did in fact cover both the nose and mouth.

It boggles my mind that anyone could kill and dispose of this 2 year old child in such a manner.  Whether it was Casey or someone else, does not make it any less heinous.

Are any of y'all watching this trial?  Let me hear from you!

My Obsession, Part II

Who else is completely bonkers enough to spend every waking moment glued to the Casey Anthony trial? Anyone?

Just me?

I am positive that is not the case.  There are at least 10,000 people on the message boards of the live feed I am watching.

My observations so far:

1. Casey's hair has grown like a foot or more in the time she has been in jail.

2. This is the slowest moving trial EVER!

3. Her lawyer is a complete wiener.  She should demand a new one and get a refund on anything he has been paid.  If the jury is influenced at all on legal skillz, she is sunk.  This guy has none.  Sometimes it seems he is making the prosecution's case for them.

4. It was heartbreaking to watch her mom on the stand.  For 3 long days.  It was just heartbreaking. She wants to protect her child, but the truth and the evidence is certainly going the other direction.

5. Have I mentioned that everything seems to take forever?  This is the first trial I have watched on t.v. since the O.J. trial and I had no idea that they now have laptops every two feet in a courtroom.  You can't move an inch without tripping over a laptop.  All the evidence is submitted on a laptop.  You know all the pictures and huge big blown up floor plans and stuff they used to stick up on an easel and use a pointer to demonstrate where everything is?  Now they are on a laptop.

And what happens is this:

Attorney:  "Sir, we would like to bring up Prosecution exhibit ML"
(hum de dum, hum de dum de dum, twiddle your thumbs for five minutes while someone figures out how to show that exhibit to the witness and the judge)

Judge:  (whose name is Belvin, which I love!  What do you suppose his family calls him for short?) "Defense, any objections?"

(wait and twiddle some more while we hear mumble mumble from the defense table)

Judge: "Go ahead and place this into evidence"

Attorney: addressing witness "Do you see what is in exhibit ML?"

Witness:  "Yes"

Attorney: "Can you tell us if it is a true and accurate representation of (whatever it is) on or about the day of July 15, 2008?"

Witness: "Yes"

Attorney: "Judge, can we publish this exhibit ML to the jury?"

Judge Belvin: "Yes you may"

(wait and twiddle a bunch more while they figure out how to publish Exhibit ML over to the laptop the jury sees)  Now I don't know if each juror has their own laptop or just one for all of them because they are very careful to not show any of the jurors on the camera.

Anyhoo, this goes on and on for H O U R S!  Then someone asks to take a break.  And they break for 15 minutes, or an hour and a half, or whatever.  Then some dickhead attorney will object to something and demand a sidebar and they all scurry over and huddle up and sidebar about where they are all going for happy hour or whether the Miami Heat can beat the Dallas Mavericks, or whatever the hell it is that they have to sidebar about multiple times a day.  It is sssss   llllll    ooooooo wwwwwwww going, is what it is.

and last but not least:

6. Casey is one stone-faced young woman.  She is hard as nails.  I don't know what the deal is with her not showing any emotions at all, but I can't believe it can work in her favor to look callous and like you just don't give a shit.

That is my recap of the trial thus far.  Please stay tuned for more!

Let me hear from you regarding this case.  What do you think?

Obsession

Oh Lord above, it might be a really L O O O O O N N N N N N G G G G G G  summer!

I am spending every free moment glued, and I mean glued to the screen watching the Casey Anthony Trial live.  And it is excruciatingly s l o w going.  Her lawyer seems to be a douchebag and I don't care for him one whit.  The judge is no Lance Ito, that's for sure.  He's not even anywhere near a good old-fashioned Judge Wapner.  He is slow.  s l o w.

Have I mentioned this trial is moving slowly?  It might still be going 20 years from now.  Someone will come in here and find my decrepit, stiff dried-up corpse with my claw-like hand stuck to the mouse STILL watching this oh-so-unquick-like moving trial.  I can sit here and watch cold molasses move faster than this trial moves.

This new obsession is in addition to my usual summertime Big Brother watching. Big Brother comes on 3 times a week, and (hopefully) they have late-night live feeds on showtime every night, AND if that isn't enough watching time you can also subscribe to the live feeds on your computer and watch those crazy houseguests/hamsters all day every day.  Please note that I did NOT say 24/7, because I loathe that little set of numbers.

Anyhoo, that is what I am doing.  When I am not working, I mean.  What are you doing?  Any new obsessions you care to share with the class?

Ranting. again.

I have decided I am on the path to becoming a curmudgeon.  And I like it that way.

Here are a few things that have irritated the beejeebers out of me lately:

1. Initials.  Wtf is up with companies wanting to go by initials and distancing themselves from their original names?  Case in point:  DQ

We know this stands for Dairy Queen.  Is it the Dairy or the Queen they want to avoid?

How about KFC?   It stands for Kentucky Fried Chicken.  Do they think if they don't call it that, we will all relax and go eat a bucket full and think it is NOT fried?

And while we are on Kentucky Fried Chicken, what is up with those idiots using Sweet Home ALABAMA as the theme song of their commercials?   Is Kentucky in Alabama?  Not the last I looked at a map, it wasn't.

P&G, same thing.  Procter and Gamble, is that so hard to say?  It's two more syllables to say the name correctly.

2. Remember recently when I was bitching about the moron contestants on Jeopardy! who say "hunnerd"? Well, it still bothers me.

3. Lately, I have noticed a huge increase in the spelling errors on the news.  When they put the headlines across the bottom of the t.v. screen, or in the crawl below that (both of which annoy the crap out of me) they have more and more errors all the time.  What is up with that?  Are there no standards at CNN?  Does no one really give a shit anymore?

4. I went to a TGI Fridays today for lunch and believe me when I tell you it is the last time I will make that mistake.  2 or 3 weeks ago I met some friends there for lunch and they had notices taped up at eye-level all over the front doors telling us that their credit card machines were down and they were only able to accept cash.  Ok, that's understandable.  Today, there were more notices on the doors saying that all their grills were broken and you could not order burgers, steaks or anything grilled.  Wtf?

So when I walked in the ditzy girl/hostess person says to me, "Hi, welcome to Fridays. Did you see the signs?"  To which I replied "Yes I did, and the last time I was here you had signs about the credit card machines."  She just looked at me with a vacant look in her eyes and asked if I wanted a table or booth. Dumb ass.  No acknowledgement of yes, this happened.  No friendly banter with the customer to smooth over the fact that this place is falling apart.  Nothing.

Yep, last time at Fridays.

Speaking of chain food places that have gone downhill, have any of you noticed how shitty things have gotten at Chili's?  Over the last couple of years the quality of the food and service have just plummeted. We decided the last time we were there many months ago, that it would be the very last time.

Listen, the long list of chain restaurants that I have given up just keeps growing and growing.  Applebee's, Mickey D's, Burger King, Whataburger, Chili's, P.F. Chang's, Melting Pot, Ruby Tuesday's, IHOP (more initials), those are the ones I can think of right off the top of my head.  It was 2002 when I last went to a Burger King.

I don't miss any of those places and I guess they don't miss me either.

5. MTV's show 16 and Pregnant hit an all-time low last night.  I was yelling at the t.v. the whole time it was on and towards the end I just got sad and depressed.  Good Lord, it was the worst one yet.  The mom of this girl was so unplugged from her daughter's life it just made me want to alternately cry in despair or grab that woman by the neck and throttle her.  Holy shit.  This poor girl is anorexic and just crying out (figuratively and literally) for her mama to get involved and help her.  Absolutely broke my heart.  The only saving grace of this situation is that the boyfriend/baby daddy was a really good guy with an optimistic outlook and more patience than should be legal.  My heart was just breaking for this girl, the boyfriend, and the little baby.  So so sad.

In addition to the "teen pregnancy is 100% preventable" disclaimer they also had to throw up some for eating disorders.  Oh!  And get this!  When the girl was asking for help to figure out how to manage her food intake and such, the doctor just gave her a lame-ass response about eating fruit instead of cookies.  Not exactly helpful.  Especially since they should have had a full work up and been aware of the eating disorder and been more proactive with her diet.

I think I am grumpy and giving over to my curmudgeonly urges due to the fact that I am STILL getting up at the crack of dawn most every day, and I still have at least 10 more days of doing this.  So I will do my best to be perky, chipper and full of pep with my next post.

Feel free to share a few rants and let me know what bugs you.

and in other news . . . .

So this morning I was perusing the news and what did I find?  An article about zebras.  Zebras that belong to the Hearst family and live at the Hearst Castle.  That's interesting, right?

There they are!  Zebras are awfully cute, aren't they?  Made me wonder if they could be domesticated and used like horses.  You know, to pull a buggy or put a saddle on them and ride them.  Or if they run fast and wanted to race.  (They do need to outrun the occasional lion, you know!)

According to the article when Mr. William Randolph Hearst built the castle way back in the day, he populated the grounds with lots of wild animals.  And why wouldn't he?  So the zebras who are there now are the descendants of the original zebras. (Really?  Really?  Did they need to explain that to us?  Would we be thinking they had gone off the hill and mated with some low-class local from the hood zebras?  Of course!! They are descendants of the original zebras!  There ARE no local zebras)  Ye Gads!

The article goes on to state that three of the Hearst zebras took off and were shot by neighbors.  wtf?

William Randolph Hearst's great-grandson, Steve Hearst, said the ranchers should have called the Hearst Ranch to report the runaway zebras.

"Neighbors are usually there to help their neighbors, not shoot their zebras," Hearst said. "It's a shame they took that action."

Words to live by, people.  "Neighbors are usually there to help their neighbors, not shoot their zebras." I can't tell you how many times that thought has crossed my mind and also come up in conversation. Bah!!

Then we further read that the dickhead neighbor not only shot the zebras but he took them to a taxidermy place to have the hides tanned.  "No point in wasting the hides" he said.  Hmmmpphh.

All I am going to say about that is that Karma can be a bitch, Mr. Zebra shooting, hide stealing neighbor man.  Shame, shame, shame.

If any of my neighbors' pets, be they zebras or aardvarks or dogs, were to meander over to my property I can promise you that the absolute LAST thing in my mind would be to shoot said critter and tan its hide for my own personal gain.  

netSpend

Have you ever heard of netSpend?

Neither had I.  Until recently, that is.

I went out as I usually do and checked the mail.  And I brought it in as I usually do and then sorted it.  Lo and behold, there was a piece of important and official looking mail!


Addressed to:  Ernest Bass

This was a great surprise to me, because the only mail any of my pets get is postcards from the vet's office reminding "them" of their upcoming visits.  And his middle initial "T" was missing.


And!  Since Mr. Ernest T. Bass has no thumbs I opened his mail for him.  It was from the friendly folks (don't you just hate that word?) at netSpend.  


netSpend decided that Ernest T. needed to have a Mastercard of his very own. (Now I tried and tried to take pictures of this, but the card has shiny silver numbers on it and glared like crazy, so don't judge the photographer too harshly)

That's right, my pit bull/St. Bernard has credit.  Not just street cred.


After I quit laughing at how stupid this is, I then asked myself "Self, where did these brain trusts at netSpend get Ernest T.'s name?  And why on earth did they decide he needed and DESERVED credit with their fine high-quality institution?"


Like I said, the only other mail he has ever gotten has been from the vet's office.  But then I remembered that Ernest T. has his very own facebook page.  


Mr. Big Ed in all his wisdom decided that Ernest T. needed a facebook page and needs to post things to incite, shall we say, STRONG debate?  Could facebook have sold names and addresses to netSpend?  My guess is yes.


Any ideas as to who will be getting a phone call from me?  As soon as I can find a legitimate phone number for the lovely people at netSpend.

Christmas Tamale-Making Tired

Yes, I am so tired I am Christmas Tamale-Making Tired.  And THAT, my friends, is t. i. r. e. d.

Little Rachel Pie and I have made this year's tamales.  We spent Wednesday at the store buying everything we needed and then soaking the beans and cooking the beans and also cooking the pork.  Basically, doing all the prep work we could ahead of time.

Then yesterday we started making the tamales.  Typically, I have a group of friends over and some neighbors drop by and my s-i-l and with a kitchen full of people we knock those babies out.  But since we didn't get this planned till the last second and my s-i-l is traveling, it ended up being just the two of us.

And do you think I was smart enough to think of taking my camera out and sharing the experience with you here?  No, I was not.  I actually thought of it TODAY!  A day late and a dollar short, as the saying goes.

So visualize this in your head:  both of us in our Christmas aprons.  Rachel Pie did NOT like her Christmas apron and kept calling it a Muu Muu.  Then it became a M-apron.  Then it was Muu-pron.  Which to me sounded like a prescription drug for e.d. or restless leg syndrome or something lame.

Anyhoo, back to the kitchen.  We had the big giant silver ice chest full of corn husks soaking in water.  We had all 5 giant tamale pots out and at the ready.  There were large pans of mashed beans, shredded and seasoned pork, corn, chopped roasted Hatch chiles, cheese, and bowls of mashed chipotles.  May I just interject here that one of my all-time pet peeves is MORONS who mispronounce CHI-PO-TLE.  It is not now, nor has it ever been CHI-POLE-TEE.  Please don't say this, it just makes you look like an idiot.  Or like Guy Fieri when he says BUH-SAL-MIC in place of the correct BAL-SAM-IC.  It is not that hard to say chi-po-tle.

Anyhoo, back to the kitchen again.  Picture the giant tupperware full of the masa.  And also picture the food processor and all the masa ingredients on the other section of the counter.  What I am saying here is that the kitchen was full of stuff and looked like a tamale bomb had gone off.  And we are clean-as-you-go people.  And it still looked that bad.

We ended up with 18 - 20 dozen tamales total.  Some were pork, some were bean and chipotle, and the rest were were corn, chile and cheese.  In other years we have added in other varieties, we do sweet ones, we mix pork and venison, sometimes we put bacon in the beans, cilantro in the corn, chile and cheese (which I like to call C 3 or C- cubed)  If we had cilantro it would have been C to the 4th power, which I have no clue how to do on my lovely computer.  But that's how we label them when packing away in the freezer.

There was no set rhyme or reason as to how many we made of each.  We just started with the pork and made them till we ran out of the pork.  Then the beans.  And finally the C 3.

In case you are interested in the specifics, we started with about 5 lbs of pork shoulder which I cooked overnight in the crock pot with a little bit of chicken stock and a ton of garlic.  The beans were a 4 lb. bag of pintos that I cooked all day long with a ton of garlic.  When they were cooked well, I added in salt, chile powder, cumin and a couple cans of Ro-Tel.

I bought Chile ancho, chile guajillo, and those little Chile de Arbol (those are the hot ones) and we seeded them and roasted them and then softened them in boiling water and then processed them with lots of garlic and salt and some of the soaking water till we had about a quart of chile puree'.  This mixture got blended into the pork, and each of the masa mixtures.  I vary the ingredients of the masa to better coordinate with the filling.  When making the pork tamales I use the rich pork drippings and mix with chicken broth and some of the chile puree', but with the bean ones I use the bean juice that I strained off before refrying the beans.  Just to add another layer of flavor.  Make sense?

After all the giant tamale steamer pots were done and cooling we still had to package up the tamales and label them. And find room for them in the freezers.

Time involved:  2 people at 12 hours each, plus 2 people shopping for 2 hours, plus 3 more hours prep work.  Total:  34 woman hours.

Money spent:  No clue.  I hate keeping up with that end of things.  Plus how do you account for the baking powder and salt that was already in the pantry and used 1 tsp at a time?  All I know is that people who bitch about buying tamales for $5 or $6 per dozen have never made them.  There is no way I would do all that work and sell my 20 dozen for $6 each.  That's $120 and if you divide that by 34 hours of labor it comes to $3.50 per hour.  Isn't that slave labor wages?

Whatever.

The point was not to belittle our efforts but to show that spending that time together and producing a quality traditional food that our family loves is truly a labor of love. What other reason could there be for doing all that work?

Love of family.  That's what motivates most of these customs.

Enjoy your Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with your family.  And notice your customs.  Do them with love in your heart and a song on your lips.  Holiday beverages help, if you have too many in-law outlaws hanging around your kitchen.  : )

Musings and maybe a Rant

Well, here it is almost the end of the year.  Time for people to take stock.  Time to re-evaluate their goals, and dreams.  And what has been at the forefront of my brain lately?

WHO ARE THE COMPLETE DOUCHE BAG IDIOTS WHO RUN BURGER KING'S AD CAMPAIGNS???

I ask you, who is in charge of what passes for ads for those idiots?  I haven't stepped foot in a BK in almost 8 years and I aim to keep it that way.  Shame on them!

Watch this creepiness


Back when Quizno's had their horrible little furry creature ads I went quite a long time without going in there.  Bleechh!  I kept getting a mental picture of their food being made from those nasty things.

Check them out here, if you dare!

When I am at Walgreen's (my favorite store) I always buy the Walgreen's brand of Mucinex, because I can't stand those horrible green slimy boogery mucus slobs in their ads.  I do like the product, it works really well, but I am not supporting them and their disgusting ads.

Don't watch this one if you have a weak stomach.  Mucinex ad


Do you have ads that you hate?  If so, will the ad keep you from shopping at that store, buying that product or however you boycott lameness?

Do you have any favorite ads?  Ads that make you happy or touch you?  Will the ad cause you to want to go to that store or buy that product?

Here are a couple of my favorite ads.  Enjoy!

Geico Therapist ad


Geico woodchucks


Jeep Liberty


and if this ad doesn't make you tear up, you must be missing your empathy bone.


And in keeping with the season, here is a great oldie but goody!

Hilarious Blooper

I just saw this in the news and cracked myself up laughing.
From South Bend, IN for your enjoyment

Sh*t you just won't believe

I'll get right to the point here.  I was over at June's Place like I am every ding dang day, and we were all discussing tasteless Christmas ornaments.  And let me just say here, there are some T A C K Y ornaments out there that people want to sell you to put up on your own tree.  So June and her friend Dottie exchange really tacky ornaments each year, and she posted some pics of some pretty tasteless and tacky ones to ask our opinions.  Cause why not share the tackiness with all of us!

Anyhoo, as we were all commenting along, one commenter posted that she had the tackiest ornament known to man in her own collection.  It was a gift and she was willing to part with this sad little piece of tackiness and send it to June who could then wrap it up and give it to Dottie.  Did you follow all that?

What, you might ask, could be the tackiest ornament known to man?  To that question I would have to answer:  This

In case it isn't obvious right off the bat, this is an angel made from a tampon.

That's right, tampon.  Shall I say it again?  T A M P O N.

I thought there was no way this was real, and so I googled Chrimas ornament angel tampon and lo and behold, a plethora of sites popped up all dedicated to making angels out of tampons.  Most prefer the Playtex brand.

But then I came across this site.  Go there now.  I will wait.  Just peruse that page for a minute or two.

And when you get your jaw off your desk and your teeth back in your mouth, come on back here.

Are you in shock?  Did you have any idea you could do this?  Would any of you seriously ever in a gazillion years make any of this crap?  Can you imagine, first making this stuff, and then second, GIVING it to someone?

Of course, then I had to figure out which was the tackiest thing on that page.  And my first choice was the snowflake/star thing made of tampon holders.  That is just so tacky it made me want to gag. But then, I decided that no, the absolute worst and most tacky and white trash of all of them was the Father's Day Toupee.  Because really.  What man would actually put a toupee made of tampons on his head?

The answer to that would be some Goober who would marry a woman who would MAKE him a tampon toupee!  Hee!!!

Horrible + Hilarious = Hilarrible!