New Product!!

Girls, you are going to be so excited (and Up-cited too!) when you hear what I have to tell you.

You know how we all love Girl Scout cookies?  We all have our favorites.  And you can only get them once a year.  And then those darn cookies are glued to your ass for the next 12 months?  You know what I am talking about.


Look at this!!

Those are Girl Scout Cookie Lip Smackers!   Mmmmmm.

All the goodness of the cookies, none of the calories.

Stocking Stuffers!

Available at Claire's and at the Evil Empire Sprawl-Mart.  But please, go buy yours at Claire's.

I will be heading out there today.

Oh, and before I do head out I had something to tell you.  I bought the Market Pantry (Target brand) of Ro-Tel to put in a dish since I don't buy Ro-Tel any longer and guess what?

NO WHITE BPA CARCINOGENS!!!

Hooray for Target!

Guess who will be getting a glowing atta-boy from me today?

Also, I have had such wonderful experiences lately shopping in Lowe's doing all these home projects that I went to their website to see if I could let them know.  And right there under customer service is a little link to click on for "Employee Compliments".  They made the shopping experience pleasant and then they made it really easy to let them know.  Win, Win on that one.

And this is why I heart the Lowe's.

The Reading of O'bits

Obituary reading!  Gasp!  It has been f o r e v e r, hasn't it?

Under the Interesting Way to Say Died column we have:

"was granted her angel wings on Nov. 3, 2011"

"went unto our Lord"

Then we have 2 fabulous and very interesting obits to look at.

The first one is for a lovely lady named Mary Jo, she had a "before and after" picture thing in hers. You know, one when she was really young and had the awesome 1940's Joan Crawford looking hair style and the other as an elderly lady.  She is really pretty with dark lipstick and a twinkle in her eye and that Mona Lisa kind of smile in the young/before picture.  But the after photo?  Awesome, is what it is!

She is sporting a hat with flowers on it and a big, wide, happy infectious smile.  That's a person I wish I had known.

Here is a few snippets of what the family had to say about her:

"She was born Jan. 14, 1924 in the Family Quarters of the Georgetown Jailhouse.  Her father was the Marshall and Jailer."  

**See, right there sounds like there were some great stories in this family.

"She so loved and protected each and every member of her family. She endured much sadness as her father was killed in the line of duty, her husband was a prisoner of war, the loss of a daughter, a son and a grand daughter. She handled this with grace and a great deal of faith."

This brings me to the other one that was really endearing.

"Elsie Beulah was a generous person with a heart as big as Texas and a carefully cloaked but acute and penetrating sense of humor.  She loved live theatre, dance, music, art, black and white clothes, reading, playing cards, tooling around in her classic 1978 Honda Civic, recycling, cheering the St. Louis Cardinals, collecting stuffed mooses, drinking margaritas and champagne, and throwing parties."

***Now if that weren't enough fun facts, get a load of THIS:

"She was a fantastic cook of all sorts of dishes including lasagna, pot roast, grits, stroganoff, baked spaghetti, prison jack, bean loaf, hide the pickle, gourmet toast, pies, cakes, puddings, top-shelf turkey gravy and on and on."

***Prison Jack?  Bean Loaf?  Hide the Pickle???


"She vanquished crossword puzzles with abandon almost to the end. She knew more words than God."

***Heeee!  Really?

"In lieu of flowers, please give someone a warm hug and a kiss today or send a donation to  . . . . "

**Awww, isn't that wonderful?


Elsie Beulah sounds like my kind of woman.

One last tribute here, this one is a bit odd to me.  I had a hard time understanding it.  Which means it was kind of family-inside-knowledge information or something.  But also, that future generations may have a hard time understanding it as well.  Check this out:

"Col. Joseph "Lew" Walter Lewandoski, aged 94, went to his creator, master and God on Nov. 1."

Then it goes on to say "Joseph is preceded in death by his parents, his daughter, Carol Munn, and his brother Steve and his wife, Doris. He leaves behind his "Night & Day" love, Helen."

***Now, does this mean Joseph's wife Doris is dead and he has a Night & Day love named Helen? Or does it mean that his brother Steve had a wife named Doris and the Night & Day love named Helen is Joseph's wife?  It kind of threw me off reading it and I had to go over it about 20 times.


Last, there was one nice looking gentleman who died on his own birthday.  I wonder how many times that happens?

Enjoy your day!

Thanksgiving Plans and Menu

I realize I like to plan things maybe a little too much.  I realize that others are not as planning-oriented as myself.  I know that I should be tolerant of others and their desire to wander through life willy-nilly with not a thought to a major holiday meal coming around the pike in less than 3 weeks.

But I am running out of patience for those slacker types of people.  If I go to the effort to call you and email you and invite you to my table and to stay in my home, would it KILL you to respond?  Would the earth stop spinning on its axis if you, oh say maybe, you know, PLANNED more than 24 hours in advance?

It doesn't make any sense to me.  Because the people who do this are the very. same. people. who always claim to be so fucking busy that they have to plan their lives a whole year in advance to get a day off of work or whatever.  If you need to plan a year in advance to take a day off, I think you already know if you are going to be free for Thanksgiving or not.  If you just don't want to tell me "No thanks, we are waiting for a better offer and just don't want tell you this" I can see how this strategy might be the one you would use.  But come on, a little consideration.  I asked you here because we love you and want to spend one day being thankful that you are in our lives and for you to be so rude as to not even reply kind of makes me feel my gratitude for your presence might be uncalled for?

Boy, I hate feeling this way.  Especially since I am participating in the "Let's be thankful for one thing each day" facebook status thing for the 3rd year running.  And this year I have chosen to only list people, not things.  I am having a really hard time being thankful for twits with no manners.

I guess it really only matters for me to know how many to set the table for and whether or not I need to buy a gigantic turkey and double the side dishes or not.  But it still irks me.  I told Mr. Big Ed last night I really felt like calling them all back and rescinding the invites.  He is much nicer and more diplomatic than I am and thinks we should just send a blanket email to all the slackers and say something along the lines of "hey, we haven't heard from you and realize you are probably busy with other plans and just haven't called. We will miss you around the table this year.  Maybe next holiday?"  I don't know whether that is really nicer or just kind of passive-aggressive.

Regardless, I still have to make the same plans, the same lists, menus, etc. whether I do it for 6 or 26.  And I have been working on the menu and lists.  Last year's menu was such a hit that I am planning to do almost the exact same one this year.  I will leave out a few things that were only so-so, and bring in a few winners from the previous years.

Here's what I have so far:

Roast Turkey with Maple Herb Butter and Gravy.  This is from the Bon Apetit 1994 Thanksgiving issue.  Here is a link to last year where I posted the recipe.

New England Sausage, Apple and Cranberry Dressing (from the same issue of Bon Apetit)

Buttermilk Mashed Potatoes with Bacon

Mashed Yams in Orange Cups (this is also from Bon Apetit, different year)

Cranberry Relish with Grapefruit and Mint (Here is the link to where I posted that recipe last year)

Shaved Brussels Sprouts with Ham and Pecans

Edamame Succotash (pretty much edamame, corn, parsley and a bit of bacon)

Rolls

Desserts (haven't picked them out yet)

How are the plans going for your Thanksgiving dinner?  Do you plan?  Are you a planner?  Do planners like me drive you as crazy as the slackers drive me?  Any ideas on how I can avoid these issues for the next round of invites to the tamalada and Christmas?

You put what? where? Reeeeally?

Here is the story David Sedaris told us the other night.  Now, you and I both know that it was WAAAAYY funnier when he told it, but I will do my best.

It seems 30 years ago a friend of DS told him this story.  The friend was dying to go to the bathroom and his father called.  So he answered and was talking to his dad.

But he really had to go.

So David Sedaris said to his friend, "so what did you do?"

To which the friend replied, "I shit in my hand."  Like it was the most normal thing in the world.

David was shocked and taken aback.  But the friend was adament that this was not such a big deal.  It was 30 years ago.  And we were all tethered to the wall with our phone cords and such.

So years later he is telling this story to a woman friend.  And instead of being shocked and taken aback, she says  . . . .


"Well, OF COURSE he did!  I always shit in my hand.  Well, not always, but you know, when I am in a public restroom".

Huh???

"Yes," she went on, "when you are in public you don't want that loud splashy noise going on, so you shit in your hand and then gently drop it in with NO  loud splash.  Why?  Don't you do that?"

*We were all about to fall out of our seats laughing at this story.

Then he goes on to say that he could not believe that everyone shits in their hands and he was the last one to know about this.  So when he is on book tours and such and around a lot of people to ask, he now asks people if they shit in their hands.  And a couple of days ago he was telling this story and asking someone about their experience with shitting in their hand and the lady behind that person pipes up with this contribution, "Well, if she is concerned about the plopping sounds she should just take a large wad of toilet paper and put it in the toilet first.  You know, like a landing pad."

This is one of those stories that no one except David Sedaris, could really tell and have it be hilarious and not disgusting.  Or maybe it was hilarious BECAUSE it was so disgusting?

Anyway, I am here to tell you that I have never shit in my hand.  If the situation ever arose that I was in a public restroom and worried about making plopping sounds I would rather that strangers overheard the noise than I have a handful of shit.  Sorry.  But I have drawn a line in the sand on this one!

David Sedaris

Oh my.  Sparky and I went to see David Sedaris last night and it was so much fun.  It was well worth every penny.  We got there really early, like an hour and a half early, and believe it or don't we found a good parking spot!  Gasp!  That NEVER happens!

We wander inside the building and right up to a table that is selling DS books.  There will be time for a book signing and they wanted to make sure we have all the books we need to be signed.  Guess who had to buy more DS books?

All my effing books are either on my Kindle (heart the Kindle) or audio books.  No actual books for signing.  This might be the biggest drawback to the Kindle.  So I chose 2 of my favorites and was just standing around there in the big hallway next to a sign.  It said "No Photographs".  Maybe people thought I  was famous and carried that signage around with me everywhere I go?

Anyhoo, there I am standing and waiting. Sparky had to find the restroom and we were waiting for 2 other people to join us and we had their tickets.  So I am standing around being conspicuous.  With my sign.  And an official-looking lady comes over and says "Good job, being first in line!"  And I said "Really?" Then she answered me that "Yes, you are first in line for the early book signing.  He is going to do a signing before and after the show."

Yay!  I was first in line.  So eventually, David Sedaris showed up at the table and asked me to come over.  We chatted and it was wonderful.  He signed my books.  And I rambled on about how I love his books and I have all his books, just on the Kindle, so I had to get new copies so that I could stand in line to get him to sign them.  He very cleverly signed one of my books and drew a picture of my Kindle on it and said "There!  There's a picture of your Kindle.  In case it ever gets stolen you can show this to the police so they will know what it looks like."  Heeee!

He signed my second book and drew me a picture of a rabbit wearing glasses.  Just because.

Then he asked me who I was with and I called Sparky over and introduced them.  And then he gave us some postcards he had made up.  One is a picture of a dog skull and skeleton and it says "Pekingese"  and the other is like a hand-written sign that says "Abortions $3.00"  O. M. G.!!

We stood, we visited, we schmoozed.  It was wonderful.  I could have gone home right then.  But no, we stood around f o r e v e r waiting for the stupid people to open the auditorium doors.  Thousands of people milling about in a tiny area outside the doors and it was hot and claustrophobia-inducing and uncomfortable and gross.  I kept smelling other people, their breath, their sweat, their heavily-applied colognes and was getting on the verge.  You know what I mean?

So, they at long last opened up the auditorium doors and we went in and found our seats.  It was airy, cool and fresh in there and praise the Lord for that!

David Sedaris came on stage and was charming, witty and hilarious.  He read us stories that are new and not-yet-titled.  He read us stories from The New Yorker.  And then he read to us from his diaries.  Hilarious entries from his diaries.  And if that weren't enough he read to us from his favorite new book and I can't even remember this guy's name to pass it on to you.  I will ask Sparky tonight and post something about it tomorrow.  Then he asked them to raise the lights and did a Q&A just taking random questions from the audience.  And you know how in his stories he starts out on one topic and rambles over to here and then there and flits all over and is nowhere near the original paragraph?  That is exactly what happened when he was answering questions too.  I love that so much!

Tomorrow I will tell you all about a story he shared with us from his diaries.  It was hysterically funny, is what it was.