Giving Advice

In my experience giving advice is a risky business.  Either they didn't ask for it, don't want it, won't follow it, or whatever.  It usually doesn't work, is what I am saying.

However, I am going to give some advice and I would like your input.

Here's the deal:  My friend Eliza (who I call Little Eliza) is getting married.  She is 20-something and this is her first time at bat, and hopefully the only time, and I am throwing a bridal shower for her.  She is a very non-traditional type and is going to have a very cool and fun wedding.  So obviously I can't have a plain and ordinary shower.

One of the things I wanted to do at the shower is to ask all the guests to write down some bits of wisdom that would serve her well in her married life.  We old married types have tons of helpful hints to pass on to the next generation, and heaven knows we are great at trying to share it.  Should I do this on slips of paper or on a deck of cards or poker chips or what?

Do you have any sound advice you offer to newlyweds?

Do you have any fun things you like to do at wedding showers that are not too risque' since the Grandma and mother-in-law will be in attendance?

Any help for me?

Resemblence?

Anyone see this photo in the news last week?

I am not here to make any commentary about Giants vs Rangers, although you might be able to guess which team I would be supporting.  

But when I saw this photo, the first thing that popped into my head was this:

Remember that?  If you saw Dazed and Confused, there is no way you can forget Wiley Wiggins doing that.  Because he did it about 5 gazillion times!  I wanted to reach through the screen and smack his hand right off his forehead.  Stop it!  For the love of cheese and crackers, stop it!

You would hate me and never look at this blog again if I were to post a picture of each and every time little Wiley Wiggins did this.  So I won't.

But what I will do is this, I will tell you that Dazed and Confused was a movie about 1976.  Most specifically it is about a Texas high school class graduating in 1976.  You know who else graduated from a Texas high school in 1976?  

Me!  That's who!

We wore those clothes.  We wore that hair.  We smoked that pot.  We drank that beer.  We partied like they did, but our parties were around various lakes and creeks.  We went to Foghat concerts.  

What we did NOT do was that horrific hazing of paddling.  Maybe the boys did crap like that, but I was never party to anything like that.  And as a matter of fact, I don't think any boys I knew and liked would have done anything that stupid.

But other than that?  That was us.  

Except for the Wiley Wiggins smooshing his forehead every chance he got.  Nobody did that.  Until now.  And he wears a SF Giants uniform!  : )

Enjoy your day, and put on some Slow Ride for heaven's sake!

In other news . . . . .

Yeah, I just could NOT believe my eyes and ears when I saw/heard about this!

Check it out HERE

Who all wants one for Christmas?
Hannukah?
Kwanzaa?

anyone?

I have no clue about this

Go read this then watch the video clip.  It is the same scene just a bit closer and slower each time so that you can try to see what it is.

Very interesting, is what I am saying.

Reading material

It has been a while since I have mentioned what all I have been reading.  I used to be clever and post photos of the books stacked up on my night stand.  And then I would show you a pic of each book front.

But now?

I have a Kindle!!!  Which is awesome in most regards, but in the show-off-your-book-fronts category, it is a loser.

So let me tell you all about what I have been reading and you can just imagine the fronts of the books.

First off, I just finished reading about the Michael Vick dogs.  I thought it would be a heart-warming story of triumph over sadism, adversity, slavery, etc.  But then it opened with a chapter from one of the dogs' point of view and a glimpse into the underbelly of the dog fighting world and the cruel way they train these poor animals and how they kill them.  This chapter I had to read in very small doses.

The book outlined how the law enforcement team came to be there in the first place and how meticulous they were in everything they did to make sure everyone involved was brought to justice.  Then it finally got down to the heart of the story which was what happened to each of the 51 dogs rescued and where they are now.  This was why I wanted to read this book.

You know back in the day, the dog breeds now commonly known as "pit bulls" were family dogs, they were the dog you wanted your kids to have.  They were known as nannies.  These dogs would do absolutely anything for their humans.  Even things against their nature.  Like stay loyal to the death for assholes who think forcing other creatures to fight for their entertainment is a good thing.

Back to the book and off my soapbox, this was a good book.  I liked how different chapters were told from all different points of view; i.e. the dogs, the rescuers, the cops, the lawyers, etc.  It really gave you a wide range of perspectives.  Two thumbs up for this one.

I also read the Squirrel meets Chipmunk, the newest David Sedaris.  And I have to say "well, this book was certainly different."  Don't get me wrong, it was good.  It was completely different from all his other stuff, so it was unexpected.  It was creative and different.

Before that I read Freedom, the latest Oprah book club selection.  After slogging my way through it, I still have no idea why she was so fired up about this thing.  Meh. It didn't do a damn thing for me.

And speaking of books that I just can't find any passion for?  What is up with the Girl with the tattoo books?  I have tried and tried to get through the little free chapters that Amazon lets you try for free, but nope, nothing.

I also finished up Shanghai Girls which was recommended highly by my mother.  Fair.  not great, not terrible, just fair.

So, hit me with some suggestions of great books.  They don't need to be new, just new to me.  My mind thirsts for fabulous turns of phrase and sometimes the brand new wells are dry.

Randomness again, but you won't want to miss this gossip!

Yes, it is random stuff just free-flowing from my brain today.  Yea!  No having to coordinate my thoughts in to a coherent pattern!

First off, yes indeed, I am still reading the obits.  There were a few really great names in yesterday's edition.

1. Aleta Beal, better known as Wynona.  *Really?  Why is that better?

2. You know how it irritates the beejeebers out of me that people feel the need to put everyone's nicknames in "quotes" in the middle of their name. John "Jackie" Smith, for example.  There was a lot of nickname-listing yesterday!

Wilroy = Sonny
W.S. = Dusty
Enos = Brutzie
Edward = Bubby
Carl = Happy
John = Johnny
Debra = Debbie (seriously?  like we wouldn't figure these out?)
Elizabeth = Irene
H.F. = Hoagy
James = Davey
Luther = Luke
Glynna = Bebe
Denise = Necie

3. There were some fabulous old-school names that have fallen out of favor and been replaced with the Tiffanys and Britneys and such.  Here are some examples of great old names you don't see anymore (except in the obits).

Irene
Chester
Marjorie
Lena
Oscar
Matilda
Ida
Earl
Myron
Rudolpho
Mildred
Hermit
Nettie
Thelma
Casper
Hugo
Vester
Effie Coreene

Now, on to the gossip portion of this post.  There is a businessman here who does the cheesiest ads on t.v. you would ever hope to see.  Here is a link to a youtube of one of his ads.  Go watch.  It's only 20 seconds.  Cheesy, right?  He has those $39.95 optical places all over town.  His kids have a chain of tattoo and piercing parlors and he does the ads for both.  Usually at the same time.

Then Sunday we woke up to this little story in the news.  Go, check it out.  I'll wait right here.

Did you read it?  Did you watch the video portion of it?  Holy Moly!!

He doesn't live too far away so we drive by every once in a while to see what other changes he has made to his house.  Apparently he wants his house to look like he was in Scarface.  There is shiny silver eagles and globes and pillars out front and fake deer and custom painted Hummers and speed boats and such. It is one of those things that you drive by with your mouth wide open and just stare.  There are no words.

So in addition to a 1980's drug king-pin style home exterior he appears to have adopted a similar take on how to get out of his marriage.  Oh. My.  And that's all I am going to say about that.

My son has got us all hooked on another flipping HBO series.  It's called Eastbound and Down.  And oh my sweet Lord, this is just shocking and unbelievable!  Mullets, beer bellies, baseball has-beens, Will Ferrell, and the best music on each episode.  You know how Adam Sandler has stupid movies but they usually have good music going?  This is worse and with better music.  You watch one episode and you will be hooked.  Hilarious.  It's like Anchorman for baseball.

That's all the news that's fit to print from here.  Lemme hear from you!

I am so far behind I can't even believe it!

I looked up at the calendar this morning and I am shocked.  Shocked, I tell you!  Do you realize it is two measly little months till Christmas?  That's 8 weeks.  That is nothing.  Nothing!

The whole being gone for almost 4 weeks has put me further behind than I already was to begin with.  I have not even printed up my Christmas list.  I haven't even begun my gift-making.  I haven't done anything of consequence, really.  Gawd, just typing this is making my shoulders slump and sag and making me feel the full weight of my slackerness.

In order to save my sanity and the sanity of everyone around me, I am here to publicly declare that I am simplifying my Christmas plans.  I will take a vow to the following:

1. I will do less decorating.  I will think of it as "tasteful" rather than half-assed.

2. I will spend less.  Less on cards, letters, new lights, gifts, items to be made and gifted to the neighbors.

3. Gifts will be smaller, useful and probably through Heifer or Kiva. I love both these organizations and let's face it, no one in my gift-giving and receiving group is in great need.

4. I will spend more time with people I love.  My gift will be the time I get to spend with them.

5. I will spend money on my holiday bags for my homeless guys.  They will receive no cuts in their bags due to my bad management of time.

Quick little aside, 2 days ago I was driving to go meet a new client and one of my regular homeless guys was walking on the median but towards the front of the line, and away from me. So I tooted my horn at him and waved.  He comes running back, and saw me.  Then he smiled really big and says "Hey, I know you!"  He accepted his usual donation of peanut butter crackers, raisins and $ with his usual "God bless you".  And it struck me that walking up and down with a little sign and watching hundreds of people refusing to make eye contact with you has got to just wear down your soul.  I can not even fathom how degrading that must be.

If you have been coming here and kindly reading my little blog for any time at all, you know that this is something near and dear to my heart.  Several years ago I heard on the news that some horrendously high percentage of Americans (like 70 or 80%) are 2 paychecks away from being homeless.  And with the mortgage crisis and the recession I can only think that that number is even higher.  I have no business  ever looking down my nose at anyone else in sad circumstances.  And so I try to give a helping hand, along with a handshake, just a little touch of human kindness and a smile and always, always eye contact.  This costs me nothing other than a few cents and some forethought to have items in the car at the ready.

So, this is my newly-revised and re-vamped Christmas plan of action.  It is through necessity and hopefully will all be done with love and joy in my heart rather than desperation and resentment.

How goes the holiday plans at your end?

What time is it?

I have shared my tea hoarding collection with y'all.  And I have shared my penchant for collecting all sorts of crap.  Yesterday I shared just a bit of my aunt's beautiful museum quality nurse collection.  Not actual nurses, but nurse's stuff.

When I got to my Grandma's place, I was so tired from my trek through the forest being followed by the Big Bad Wolf that I immediately took off my red riding cloak and  . . . . spied this!

I know, you are wonderin what the hell is this a photo of!  This little table has 4, count them 4 watches sitting in front of the phone.  Just above the phone on the shelf thing is yet another watch.  And what is that right to the left of the watch?  It's a digital clock!

Here is a closer-up shot of the watches.

And then . . .

Hanging on the wall to the immediate right of the digital clock and watch, what do we have here?

Why, it's a regular clock!

But wait!  If we look to the left what would we find?

A faux-stained-glass clock featuring one of 323,345,657,856 dachshunds that Grandma has collected in her lifetime.  You might notice that the wiener dog clock is not keeping time with all the other watches and clocks!

I thought it was hilarious that the resting spot for Grandma's watches was right smack in the middle of 3 different ways to see what time it is.

As a matter of fact, I am still chuckling over that!

Collections

My friend Paula told me once that if you have more than 3 of something it is now a "Collection".  That's a scary thought, isn't it?  Paula is a great collector and would know about these things.  Hell, I have 3 or more of damn near everything I own!  I mean, for Pete's sake, by this standard I have collections of:

1. Red shoes
2. Mexican cookbooks
3. Dictionaries
4. Sets of silverware
5. Sets of glassware
6. Sets of dishes
7. Tennis shoes

You get the picture, I have a lot of crap I mean to say treasures.  But I am not here today to discuss my collecting tendencies.  I am here to show you some photos.  Just a few photos of the collection I saw at my aunt's home in AZ.  My aunt is a nurse.  She is a surgical first assistant.  She teaches nursing.  She takes her vacation time and travels with an organization to other countries and does free surgeries on orphans with cleft palates.  What I am trying to convey here is that nursing is her life.  Everyone got that?

She started collecting nursing memorabilia and such years ago.  She specializes in invalid feeders.  I know all this because over the years when Grandma would visit me we would have to hit every antique shop in the area and she always was on the lookout for nursing items and invalid feeders.  In case you are as uninformed about invalid feeders as I used to be, they are really quite cool looking.  They look kind of like a beautiful little porcelain or ceramic neti pot.

Way back in the day, the nurses would fix up some gruel-type thing and pour it into the large opening of the feeder and then stick the spout part into the mouth of said invalid and then feed them.

Anyhoo, I was at my aunt's house on my way to Grandma's place and got to see what she has done with her collections.  They are truly a sight to behold.  I was really impressed with how she has everything displayed and truly honored.  So many people call something a display and just aren't doing the items justice.  I see people get called out on this behavior all the time on those Clean up your House types of shows.

So let me show you a few things in my aunt's nurse collection.

I didn't ask her if this shelf was custom made for her or not.  But it was really cool with all the inset places to put pictures below the shelf where items sit.  All of her nurses collection were in 2 rooms of her house, not spread out all over the place.

This is a close up of one of the inset photos from above.  Isn't she a spectacular nurse?

Now, here she has displayed the nursing diploma and whole uniform from the cap to the cape to the shoes of a nurse in World War II.  In the package on the floor next to her nursing bag is an afghan her sister nurses made for her and sent to her when she was in the war.  Each of the nurses made one of the squares and then they put it together for her.  How all of this stuff stayed together and ended up with my aunt, I do not know.  But I love that she has the history and documentation of it all.

This is a different uniform with the cape, black nurses bag, and get a load of those comfy-looking shoes that this poor nurse would get to wear for hours on end!

This is the top part of the above uniform and her diploma that goes with it.

Next we have some posters and magazine covers that she has framed and hung in her office.  How do you like that one?

No pressure there, right?  If I fail, he dies?  Yeah, no pressure.  The next one is my favorite.

'Cause what says "Let me help you heal and regain your health like lighting a cigarette.  In the hospital. Where we use oxygen.  While you are lying on your back. In bed."

And here are some of the invalid feeders.  Aren't they pretty?  You just poke the spouty thing in the bed-ridden person's mouth and tip it up so they can take their nourishment.  I love that they are all painted like fine china.  Isn't that way better than all plain and sterile and hospital looking?  And isn't it way better than the plastic disposable crap they now use for everything?

Grandma has been pushing my aunt to donate her collection to the nursing school where she teaches.  I don't know for sure what she plans to do with it all, but I am really glad that I got to see it all and wander through it.

Do you collect anything?  Does Paula's criteria fit for things in your life that you never thought of as collections before?  Let me hear from you!

WTF???

I know,  it's kind of a strong title for a post, isn't it?  But I am positive that after you see what I am going to show you, you will have the same reaction.

I have spent the last 3 weeks or so in Phoenix with my Grandma.  I knew Phoenix was littered with old people.  And I also understand that old people tend toward the conservative side of things.  So I was able to deduce (deduce, now there's a good word, don't you think?) that Phoenix = seriously conservative city.  And yes, indeedy.  That is what I found.

Conservative is a tad weak for the rabid political ads I saw on t.v. and on signs and in the mail and left on Grandma's answering machine (by John McCain no less).  I was taken aback by the viciousness of the political ads.  Now you know I am from Texas and you should know that we have our own home-grown nutjobs running for office and mud-slinging.  So it's not like I was naive and had no idea that these things happened.  But seriously!  I will tell you the truth, it wasn't so much "conservatism" as right-wing religious frenzy that I was seeing.  I wanted to run screaming in the night, "NO, make it stop!  I don't want to vote for any of you wingnuts!!"

Turns out Arizona is quite proud of their law entitling their citizenry to carry weapons on their person any time and any place they damn well feel like it.  I saw a guy (and I am not making any of this up) walking across the street with a ninja sword on his back in one of those sword cases.  That way if you pissed him off he would be well within his rights to reach up and over his head and grab the sword and behead you in one fell swoop.   Have any of you ever seen a guy just walking around with a sword strapped to his back, just. in. case?  It is something I had never considered before.

So Sparky gets there to visit with Grandma and help me drive back home over the weekend.  And he points out these posters that are at the end of the bus stops.  You know the bus stops with a bench and a ersatz shelter over it and one end houses a poster like a billboard.  You probably have to pay a truckload of money to have a poster in x-number of bus stops.  And if I were to describe what this poster said you would never believe me.  And a picture really and truly being worth a thousand words; I should just get on with it and show it to you.

Believe it or don't.

Yep, that is what it says.  Did you say WTF?  Did your jaw hit your desk?

So you have actual photo verification that Sparky and I both saw this sign and had to whip in to the parking lot and document it.

WTF indeed.

In which I ask for your assistance

You know how I usually give some t.v. recaps?  Well, I have spent the last 3 weeks here at my Grandma's place.  During the day when I am with her at the Skilled Nursing Facility I have access to cable but normally Grandma doesn't like to watch t.v. so I don't get to watch t.v.  I don't normally watch daytime t.v. anyway.  But in the evenings when I am in Grandma's apartment where she has a rabbit ear apparatus rather than a lovely cable dvr box, when all my favorite shows come on, I can only get a few of them.  And I can only watch 1 at a time.  It's like the 1950's for heaven sake!  I don't know what to do with myself without a dvr.

So I am coming here today with my hat in my hand to ask nicely and politely for you to give me a recap for a change.  You know what I watch, but I would even read updates on any show you feel like sharing. Don't worry about spilling the beans early, I am starved for some t.v. news.

Let's see what you have!

Random Thoughts while sitting at the bedside

1. I have had the amazing opportunity to reconnect with an old friend while I am here visiting with my Grandma.  It is a privilege to get re-introduced and learn about each others lives, kids, etc.  Anyway, we were discussing lame-ass sayings about God and religion that annoy us.  Luckily we were annoyed by the same ones and no one was trying to defend one to the other.  Do these things bother you too?

Here's a little sample:

"God couldn't be everywhere, so he invented Mothers"

Really?  God couldn't be everywhere?  Why not?  Isn't God by definition everywhere?  Can you tell that this is my particular pet peeve?

And how about this little gem:

"Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly"

Sorry, these moronic sayings just rub me the wrong way.

2. I have always been sensitive to smells, odors, and such.  So, I should not be surprised that the hospital and rehab and even Grandma's apartment have their own particular odors to them and that I am reacting physically and emotionally to them.  Not necessarily are they bad or off-puting but they will be indelibly imprinted on me with my memories of this time with my Grandma.

And  I stand by my assertion that these old folks home/assisted living/rehab places all smell like a combination of death and cabbage.  With a little urine mixed in.

3.  All my life I have asserted that Texas has the most beautiful sunsets on earth.  And we really do have gorgeous sunsets.  But I am here to humbly say that God puts on a show in Arizona every evening that you have to just stop whatever you are doing and watch.  It is something to behold.

4.  Grandma is sharing a room with a very nice lady named Dorothy.  And she has a son named Robert who comes to visit every day and of course since we are in the same room every single day we always say hello and chat.  Isn't it interesting how life throws you together with someone and you are there to learn from them or to help them with a lesson they are trying to get?  I always wonder what lesson I am learning.  You usually get clarity on these things later.

5. I am heading home this coming weekend.  Which is good.  I miss home.  I miss my family.  I miss all my fur babies.  But I will also miss Grandma and wonder how she is doing.

6.  Along the same lines, I am looking forward to getting back to my routine of regular blogging, reading all your blogs, and commenting.  I have also missed my online friends!

Ok, that's it for today. 

Grandma

(First I have to put an apology regarding the spelling.  I am using a laptop while I am traveling and the keys sometimes stick and I am trying to catch all the mistakes, but you never know do you?)

You know how people ask whether it is better to have the body go first and then the mind, or the other way round?  Some people say they would much rather have their faculties about them and let the body decline, even as sad as that is.  Others are of the mind that they would prefer to not know what is happening to them.  If I had my druthers as they say, I would much rather have my body go and keep my brains.

My Grandma has always been sharp as a tack.  Smart, on the ball and with a memory like an elephant.  She remembers dates, places, prices, everything.  Everyone knows this about her.  You can't spend 5 minutes with her without realizing she's one sharp cookie. 

And it scared the beejeebers out of me this morning when I got here to the rehab facility she is in when she was talking all kinds of nonsense to me.  Nothing she has said today has made any sense.  Nothing.  It breaks my heart to think this might be a new symptom in her decline.  I immediately addressed this with the nurse and hopefully we can get this sorted out.  The nurse said that in patients Grandma's age sometimes this is a symptom of either a UTI or dehydration.  I never heard of that before.  But I am in new territory with this.

I have been with lots of my family members as they were nearing the end of their lives.  But it has always been at the hands of that evil cancer, not advanced age.  This brings about all new things to deal with.

My Grandma recently celebrated her 92nd birthday and her mother had lived to be 96.  I have always been rather proud of this and consequently my chances of making to my 90's as well.

I don't know how things are going to progress and I don't know exactly what I am doing.  But I am trying my best to help her in this.  I keep trying to approach each day with love and an open heart.

Keep up the prayers and positive healing thoughts.  We need them.