Beautifying a chain link fence

Years ago I found some ideas for making a chain link fence beautiful.  It was mainly photos on Pinterest.  And I was intrigued.

I looked and looked for directions and guidance on materials, etc.  Nothing.

I thought about it several times over the years. And yesterday (back on Pinterest, of course) I found some more ideas!!!

This first photo is what I was looking at originally.  But this is a much closer view and you can tell that this is not added to an ordinary chain link fence.  It was created from the chain link metal in the first place.  I have no idea what this product costs, but I am sure it's not cheap.  It's bound to be worth a lot of $$$ with all the engineering, planning, machinery to create such a thing.

Then I came across this one.  See, it's just cute little crocheted squares made to fit and then sewn on.  I have seen these in several different designs.  Like flowers or snowflakes.  Whatever you can think of, you can make it fit.

And THEN I found this!  Woo Hoo!  Take a look at this!  Cross Stitch over chainlink squares.  I love this idea.  Any needlepoint or cross stitch pattern you have can be transformed to a chain link fence. I have some thinking to do on this.  Materials, some kind of a large curved C-shaped needle, that sort of thing.  But this is do-able!!

Saving Private MacPhee

There is always something going on around here.  Even days when you think it is as routine and boring as it can be, there is something that will turn interesting.

So, Saturday was shaping up to be a pretty ordinary day.  Other than the fact that I had no car, due to it being in the shop resting and awaiting diagnosis (hopefully today!), it was just a grocery shopping and waiting for my Rachel Pie day.

Finally, my Rachel Pie got here late in the evening and we were all staying up late talking and happy to have her here and I started counting heads as I am wont to do with this herd and found one missing.

And of course, it was that sneaky weasly Angus MacPhee.

I stepped out the front door and called him.  And I heard him saying "Mrowrrrr!" in the distance and thought it was from the roof.  So I went in and told Sparky to get his ass up on the roof and get that fleabag cat.  Sparky contended that if Angus got himself up there he could also get himself back down.

Back outside I go.  I call and he answers, much like a not-very-fun game of Marco Polo.  And it becomes clear that Angus MacPhee is NOT on the roof.  He is further away and lower to the ground.


He is stuck somewhere on The Colonel and Miss Betty's property!!!


If you haven't heard my tales of TC&MB, you need to read about them.  But having my cat who is MOST unwelcome on their property stuck there late at night was not going to be a good situation.

After several scouting expeditions by Mr. Big Ed, Sparky, and myself carrying a flashlight and hoping not to get shot while being mistaken for a burglar, we determined that The Colonel had set a trap next to his front door and that damn fleabag Angus MacPhee had gone and gotten himself trapped!

I was none too happy about this.  But I was to get even LESS happy with Mr. Big Ed's response which was to let him sit in the trap overnight and cry all night.

Seriously?  How can he think this was an option?  Has the man never met me?  You spend 30-odd years with someone and you think they would have a clue.  Hhmmmpph.

So I did what any sane person would do.  I called Miss Betty at the midnight hour and woke her ass up and asked her to please go release my stupid wandering cat.  She made some sort of half-assed excuse about how they are trying to trap skunks.  But truthfully, she was trying to be nice about saying "Keep that damn bird-killer at your own house".

Anyhoo, Angus MacPhee is now safe at home and he wanted to be loved and patted and stroked and talked to for HOURS afterwards.

I went over the next day (Easter Sunday and also The Colonel's 90th birthday) and took them a basket full of lettuce, greens, Swiss chard, zucchini and green onions that Mr. Big Ed picked out of the garden to apologize for waking them in the middle of the night.

The Colonel took me out to where the trap is to show me what the deal is.  Miss Betty has this family of wrens that like to build nests in her front porch area and this year they put their nest in a giant Boston fern and they have 5 little teeny baby wrens they are trying to get grown and safe.  So I promised to keep all my stupid bird-killing machines indoors for a while to give these little guys a better chance at making it to adulthood.

For my end I think the neighborly bonds are still good.  I hope TC & MB feel the same way.  They are nice people.  And it is true what they say about not being able to pick your neighbors.  And also that good fences make good neighbors.

I am mostly grateful that I didn't get shot that night while skulking around their property.

and in other news . . . .

So this morning I was perusing the news and what did I find?  An article about zebras.  Zebras that belong to the Hearst family and live at the Hearst Castle.  That's interesting, right?

There they are!  Zebras are awfully cute, aren't they?  Made me wonder if they could be domesticated and used like horses.  You know, to pull a buggy or put a saddle on them and ride them.  Or if they run fast and wanted to race.  (They do need to outrun the occasional lion, you know!)

According to the article when Mr. William Randolph Hearst built the castle way back in the day, he populated the grounds with lots of wild animals.  And why wouldn't he?  So the zebras who are there now are the descendants of the original zebras. (Really?  Really?  Did they need to explain that to us?  Would we be thinking they had gone off the hill and mated with some low-class local from the hood zebras?  Of course!! They are descendants of the original zebras!  There ARE no local zebras)  Ye Gads!

The article goes on to state that three of the Hearst zebras took off and were shot by neighbors.  wtf?

William Randolph Hearst's great-grandson, Steve Hearst, said the ranchers should have called the Hearst Ranch to report the runaway zebras.

"Neighbors are usually there to help their neighbors, not shoot their zebras," Hearst said. "It's a shame they took that action."

Words to live by, people.  "Neighbors are usually there to help their neighbors, not shoot their zebras." I can't tell you how many times that thought has crossed my mind and also come up in conversation. Bah!!

Then we further read that the dickhead neighbor not only shot the zebras but he took them to a taxidermy place to have the hides tanned.  "No point in wasting the hides" he said.  Hmmmpphh.

All I am going to say about that is that Karma can be a bitch, Mr. Zebra shooting, hide stealing neighbor man.  Shame, shame, shame.

If any of my neighbors' pets, be they zebras or aardvarks or dogs, were to meander over to my property I can promise you that the absolute LAST thing in my mind would be to shoot said critter and tan its hide for my own personal gain.  

Just feeling like a good rant

Okay, you know you've been waiting for it. Another rant from LisaPie. Yes, you have! Well sir, this is indeed your lucky day!

And you know the thing is, I don't have anything major to complain about. I have pretty good health. I live in a really good house. It has a roof, walls, flooring to walk around on and damn fine air-conditioned air to breathe, I mean what more could you ask for in a home? I have a great husband, 2 of the best kids there are and millions and millions of furry pets I get the privilege of caretaking.

But every once in a while . . . . . . It's those little things that get you, isn't it? That's what they say most divorces are about, all those little annoying habits that just build up and build up until you can't take it any more and swear if he breathes in and out loudly in that same manner one more time you are going to plug up his nostrils with carrots and choke the hell out of him. You know what I mean? I bet this is the same way most murders happen. You are rocking along like usual and there he goes insisting that whatever it is you want done can ONLY happen on the weekend, you will have to keep on waiting. Then the weekend rolls around and what happens? He is tired from the long busy week at work and says it will have to wait. So six months later you are sick and tired of being a shrew and demanding that someone else hold up their end of the responsibilities and the next thing you know there his triflin' ass is laying there on the floor and there you are with a cast iron skillet in your hand. Not that this has ever happened here at Chez LisaPie. But a girl does have daydreams . . . . . .

Sara, did you see what I did there? Did you see how I used "triflin'" in a sentence?

What was I about to go on about? Oh yes, ranting about small irritating annoyances.

So, here is a list of the small things, nothing huge like global warming or that moron that heckled President Obama in the senate the other night; just small things. Consider these like the small dog pecker gnats of annoyances, if you will.

1. People who call you and ask you who you are. If you called me, you obviously know who I am. If you don't then you must have a wrong number and it is none of your beeswax who I might be.

2. My insurance company calling me with a recording asking when was the last time I had a colonoscopy. Seriously, their computer has an interest in my colon?

3. People who can't put things back where they found them or where they belong regardless of where they found them. Put things away, people!!!

4. Husky Princess dogs who think they should eat garbage and cat litter. Gross, gross and I am sorry, g r o s s!!!!!

5. People who see A, B, C, D, and E all need to be done and when you ask for help will do step A and then walk off. That's just wrong.

6. And I hate to get back on the old topics but I am still bothered by a few phrases people keep using. I feel like they don't even know what they are saying but rather just repeating things others are saying. Little sheep/lemming behavior. These tired little chestnuts need to be dropped from usage immediately:

Conversate.
At the end of the day.
It is what it is.

These things make you look like an ass clown. Quit using them now!

Okay, I feel better. All off my chest and I am dusting myself off and going to go read a book and listen to the hoot owl outside my bedroom window. Whoo, hooo, hoooooooo, hoo.

Oh, and one more thing: remember The Colonel and the chainlink fence saga? Well, I have been trying all summer to come up with something awesome to plant along the fence so that I don't have to see it. And what I came up with was some beautiful fuschia bouganvillia. Sounds good, right? Well, this past week T.C.'s yard guy came and with T.C.'s supervision of course, he planted a bunch of fuschia bouganvillia on his side of the fence! So maybe I need something else? I am trying to decide if I want to put something like honeysuckle, jasmine, grapes, morning glories or loofahs all along the fence to vine up all over it or if I want to put my very own bouganvillias. Any opinions? Any ideas? Let me know!

Fenceline update

That's little Ernest T. Bass sitting there looking all cute and handsome. Notice that he is being quiet and not barking like a barkaholic idiot.

I know, you have all been sitting by your computers on the edge of your seats just waiting for the next installment in the Saga of the Fence. So here goes!!

The new (and not improved) chain link fence, is chain link two words or chainlink one word? I don't really know, so I am using chain link here. Anyhoo, the chain link fence has caused Mr. Ernest T. Bass to go ballistic and act like a damn fool every. single. flipping. time The Colonel goes outside. What a maroon! That's Ernest T. that is the maroon, not T.C. Just wanted to be clear on that. I was not disparaging The Colonel.

We thought it would get better with time. You know, after a few weeks of seeing T.C. out there it would just become part of the routine. But guess what? Nope, not so much. I spend an inordinate amount of time going outside and yelling "Ernest T. Bass! STFU!! Quit being an idiot!" and then squirting him in the face with a water bottle. The water bottle is the thing I learned from the dog trainer to do when we say "No". Said water bottle has a bit of either lemon juice or vinegar in it and dogs (and cats) don't like it and will most anything to NOT get squirted. Even to the extreme of doing, gasp, what you tell them!! Shocking, I know.

But since we implemented the squirt bottle all I have to do is pick it up and whichever of the critters is doing offensive behavior stops immediately and heads for the hills so that the evil lemon water doesn't hit them. It's really pretty funny. Back to the fence saga . . . . . .

Today was exceptionally bad with all the barking, tail wagging, fence line running and general carrying-on. So I trotted out there for the 4th time with squirt bottle in hand and yelled at Ernest T, "Ernest T. quit carrying on and being a moron!" And what did I spy? What did I spy moving there in the deep, thick bamboo forest?

The Colonel! He was creeping around in the bamboo trying to snake a soaker hose in and out and all around it. He is actually worried that his water-hogging forest of bamboo might die off in this drought! Personally, I think after the apocolypse all the bamboo will be right there along with the cockroaches, dog pecker gnats, styrofoam, disposable diapers and pushy Amway salesmen.

Here's the deal: the grass is dead. The shrubs are dead. The garden has been dead for months now. Our gorgeous 100 year old oak trees are stressed and not doing well. But the bamboo, it's green and tall and still creeping into my property. Note that I said property. I didn't say yard, or lawn because there IS NO LAWN!! No grass.

Tonight is the once weekly time that he can water his lawn. So I guess he was preparing to water and save his bamboo forest. Oh, but I almost forgot to tell you the best part of this!

He told me that every day he when he is out in the back yard Ernest T. runs over and barks at him and then he gives him a treat!!! Every time he barks at him he gives him a treat? Does anyone else think this is exactly the opposite of what you want to do IF you are trying to get a dog to quit doing something? Or a child. Or a husband. Or whomever. I don't reward bad behavior. So poor little Ernest T. Bass is getting mixed messages. He barks, I yell at him and squirt him in the face and The Colonel gives him treats. Not a good situation, wouldn't you agree? Aaaarrrrggghh!!!

Follow Up Photos

First photo is bamboo and part of T.C. & M.B.'s house. See the dead grass in front? This is taken from my patio looking over the area of my yard that nothing will grow in because of the Water Hogging Bamboo.

This is more straight on of the side of T.C. & M.B.'s house and the huge pile of the former fence. R.I.P.

Close up of the pile of former fence.

This is way up at the complete back end of the property where we have the 3 brand new shiny metal poles. What you should notice is that there is MORE bamboo perpendicular to the other. I have bamboo growing on 2 sides of my property. It does offer some shelter from wind and I am sure even more homes to all sorts of woodland creatures. This bamboo has been there for 35 years and is approx. 3 stories high.

This is an aerial view of the top of one section of the bamboo.

This is the bottom half of the bamboo above.

This is looking down from the top of the backyard property line towards the house. That's a lot of frigging bamboo, isn't it? You should see how deep into T.C. & M.B.'s property it goes.

This is me trying to look into the bamboo and see out the other side. Not possible. Are you with me when I say "Why the hell does The Colonel care what the fence looks like?" He can't see the fence except for the part closest towards his house.

Here is a sprout of bamboo growing in my yard next to a terraced retaining wall about 12 to 14 feet away from the source. This shoot was not there yesterday.

What have we here? OMG!!! It's a FENCE BUILDER GUY! Guess what? 3 of them showed up today and brought tons and tons of heavy, manly equipment. Some of the manly equipment has generators and augers and all sorts of testosterone-laded metal stuff. Guess what else? There doesn't seem to be any progress. All the manly men and manly equipment are standing around idle. I see no end in sight to the No Fence Debacle. My poor dogs are most unhappy with the current state of affairs.

Now I just have to figure out what I am going to do with my side of the cursed CHAIN LINK FENCE. The trouble is I don't know if I can get anything to grow there due to . . . . .

wait for it . . . . . . . .

THE DAMNED BAMBOO. That's what.

Guess what else? I promise this is the last thing you have to guess! Guess who doesn't really care for bamboo?

Another Rant

So sorry to throw another rant (and moaning and bitching and grumbling) in here, but it had to be done.

My next door neighbors are the nicest, sweetest couple in the world. They are older than dirt and have been married for like 67 years. We call them The Colonel and Miss Betty. They are transplanted from somewhere in the deep South and about as proper as people get. Anyhoo, the Colonel calls me way back the first part of May and tells me how he thinks he should tear down the perfectly good cedar fence between our properties and put up a brand new, shiny CHAIN LINK FENCE in it's place. He seemed to think that the old and yet still perfectly good cedar fence was de-valuing his property and he wanted the new CHAIN LINK FENCE.

I should say that it had been made known to us when we bought this house that the fence in question is his fence. His house was the first one built on this side of the street and he put the fence 6 inches inside his property line. So the fence is his to do with as he wishes. I told him that on a list of priorities that fence was way down at the bottom as far as I was concerned. It was a good, solid fence with no cracks, no leaning, no problems as far as I could see. He said fine, we'll leave the fence. He calls me back a week or two later telling me that Miss Betty told him that fence was an eye-sore and needed to go before the both of them dropped dead and it totally de-valued their property.

So the point to this is that in order to take down his fence the fence people will have to work from our backyard and he wanted our permission for this to happen. Ask me why they have to work from our yard. Go ahead ask. Ok, I will tell you. The reason they have to work from our side is because 35 years ago when The Colonel built his all Asian-inspired house he put in bamboo all around the perimeter of his yard. This bamboo is 35 years old and about 10 or 12 feet thick now and spreads like wildfire. You can't get to his fence from his side without a machete in each hand and a dozen panda bears chewing as fast as they can. Let me step aside from the topic at hand to mention that not only does the bamboo spread in his property; it shoots up in my yard about 30 feet away from the source. It comes up from the roots and is a major water-hog. That stuff sucks the water away from everything else. There is no competition for the water. When it rains (way back in the day when it DID rain) that bamboo will send up shoots all over my yard and they grow 18 INCHES A DAY! You can practically watch it grow. We fight the bamboo and try our damnedest to get grass, clover, anything to grow in those areas all the time. Can you tell that I hate the bamboo? We keep trying to teach the dogs to break off the bamboo shoots and eat them. They will chew on them if we whack them down for them, but they aren't as industrious as they could be.

Back to the rant at hand: We tried to politely discourage The Colonel from chainlink and we offered to split the cost of a new wood privacy fence, but he flat out said no, it was his fence and he would pay for it his own self. Fine. We will make peace with the fact that we will have a chain link fence on that side. So, after many calls to tell us that the fence guys were coming the next morning and we need to take our dogs out to pee and poo and run around and then get them put inside for the day, and then the fence guys being no-shows (this happened 4 times at least. nice reputable company, wouldn't you say?) they finally showed up Friday. Turns out it is just one guy and his wife. They were supposed to remove the current fence and put in the new metal posts so that the next day the other crew could show up and put up the chain link stuff. They worked their asses off taking off the fencing and then using a jackhammer breaking up the concrete holding the fence posts to get the fence posts out. They worked till dark-thirty and only had 3 posts installed. This is a LONG expanse of fence and with a post at 8 foot intervals, it was going to take a lot of posts.

It is my understanding that the newly-cemented in posts need to cure before the other stuff is stretched and attached. Saturday came and no one showed up to continue putting in the posts. The Colonel calls and tells us that they are coming on Sunday. Mr. Big Ed and I look at each other and had the same thought "Yeah right. No one is coming to work on a Sunday. Especially not on Father's Day." But we didn't say that out loud and be all negative to The Colonel.

Guess what? Guess who didn't show up on Sunday? The fence guys, that's who! And here it is Monday at 1 p.m. And guess who didn't show up for work again today? The fence guys, that's who!!

And guess who has to take her 3 dogs out on leashes to pee and poo and exercise and then keep in the house all day? Me, that's who. Who is being most inconvenienced by this whole debacle? Me, that's who. I am none too happy with this situation. We are all trying to be nice. We are all trying to be patient. But seriously, who does this? What kind of professional fence company acts so unprofessionally?

I have been worried that The Colonel and Miss Betty may have paid these idiots up front and now we are all hosed. It is a fucking mess out there with all the downed fence laying there, the 3 new shiny posts sticking up out of really messy concrete and NO FENCE! My poor dogs are most unhappy with this situation and can't understand what the hell has happened to their routine.

The old adage "Good fences make good neighbors" is so true. I am trying my best to keep a good attitude and not just scream, but it is getting harder day by day. So, that's it. That's my rant for the day. Just had to get it off my chest and let it go. If you stayed with me till the end, thanks.

And now I am off to go walk each dog separately in the hot sun. That way I can be out there 3 times, not just once. Insert large doses of sarcasm here. I need to work on that "good" attitude I mentioned, don't I?