So sorry to have been out of the loop with blogging and commenting on all your blogs, but I have been traveling to my Grandma's to see if I could help take care of her. Two days of traveling brought me here, and we have been busy, busy, busy since.
I am sad to say that we got Grandma released from the care facility where she was staying on Sunday and we were so busy Monday going to "coffee break" to see all her friends, and then lunch to see her friends, and in the meantime try to open and sort 2 months worth of mail. Then the home health nurse came to set up her visitation schedule and we had to get ready to go to the dialysis center. See what I mean? Busy, busy.
And I am even sadder to report that Grandma fell, not really fell so much as collapsed when we were getting from the wheelchair to the car. It was horrible. May I just inteject here that it has been 106 flipping degrees every flipping day since I have been here? And here's my poor frail Grandma falling on the blacktop parking lot on me between cars and the wheelchair. I was so upset and I ended up calling 911 (thanks to God that I always have my phone in my pocket) to come help me lift her up and get her in the car. She kept telling the paramedics that she was fine and wanted to go ahead and go to the dialysis appt. In retrospect this was a bad call.
We got to dialysis and I ran in and got someone to help me get her into the wheel chair and into the building. Then the lady that was checking her in kept trying to read paperwork to me about dialysis and diet, etc. She kept droning on and on and I was standing there with tears streaming down my face. I was so overcome and I couldn't control myself and I kept saying "I'm so sorry! I can't help myself" and she kept right on reading and totally ignoring my blubbering. I think I embarrassed her and made her feel really awkward. But believe me, I was feeling really awkward myself.
Afterwards we got help getting back in the car and I went to the front of the building where Grandma lives and ran in to see if anyone was there who could help to get her into the chair. One of the things with dialysis is that you get really weak, dizzy, tired, nauseous etc. afterwards and I just wanted to be sure we had adequate support. So I go in and there is a rather large, strong looking man watching Monday night football and I asked him if he could give me a hand. And you know what he said?
Him: I don't do that kind of thing.
Me: What kind of thing? I just need 5 minutes of help.
Him: I don't help people.
Me: Excuse me?
Him: I am not a care-giver. I am a resident here.
Me: So is my Grandmother.
Him: No, I don't do that.
Me: Okay.
What do you think of someone like that? I mean, I know it's an imposition but seriously? Is that the kind of person you want to be? Personally? I think he is a dick. A first class dick. Not necessarily because he didn't help us, but because he was so confident and smug about his being a dick.
It then took me 30 to 40 minutes more of carefully and very slowly moving her out of the car to the wheel chair before we got back to the apt. I fixed us both some scrambled eggs and toast and gave her her meds and we went to bed. Tuesday morning she was so stiff and sore from the fall and the whole days excitement and activities that she couldn't move to get up, sit up or anything. So I had to call the paramedics to go to the hospital. We were both concerned that she might have fractured something and wanted to be really careful.
So she has been in the hospital Tuesday, Wednesday and now today. There are a lot of issues to address and I hope we can get things stabilized and a new plan of action. I think it is obvious to everyone, even Grandma that she can not continue to live alone and function independently. I know that this is one of her worst nightmares. Her defining characteristic is her fierce independence and none of the last 10 weeks has been easy for her. This will be really hard for her.
I will be doing my best to help her make the transition from independent, strong woman to mostly helpless and dependent. God willing, someone will be kind enough to do the same for me one day.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Exciting Trip to my Favorite Store!
So I went shopping the other day. I went to my very favorite store to wander the aisles and kill time.
Walgreens!
I ask you, what better way to while away an hour waiting on a prescription? I bet there is no other place on earth where you can:
1. Get a prescription
2. Buy 5 t-shirts for $10.
3. Get movie sized boxes of candy
4. Cosmetics
5. Take your printer cartridges to get refilled
6. Get film developed
7. Buy an invalid potty chair
8. Eat a pint of ice cream
9. Beer and cigarettes
And Walgreens is so compact. It's not like going to Target where you know it's going to be a long haul to do every aisle. And you know how much I love Target, but it's just not the same as Walgreens.
Anyhoo, I was at Walgreens and I headed straight for the Halloween aisles. I love all the Halloween stuff! And of course I ended up perusing the Halloween candy and here is a smattering of what I saw.
Do you see that? It is caramel apple flavored candy corn. Well, it that wasn't exciting enough, there is this.
These were just caramel, no apple.
At the end of that row there were the bags of assortment. All sorts of different Halloween shaped candy corn flavored things.
Next there were the Indian corn that we all know and love.
And who doesn't love the pumpkins??
This bag appeared to be regular traditional candy corn and the more exotic Indian corn mixed together. Very fall/Autumn but not specific to Halloween.
This is what I chose to take home with me; the much larger bag of original candy corn. And then I looked down the row a bit and what did I spy?
This is a marshmallow candy corn with candy corn covering. Essentially it is a large Peep covered with melty candy corn like frosting!!! OMG!
Guess who took one of those home? I sure did. You bet your booties! I haven't eaten it yet. I was kind of saving it for when I was really craving Halloween candy. But I will be sure to report back on how delicious and yummy it is.
One last thing, at the end of the aisle they have what is known in the industry as "end caps". Yes, I am hip to the jargon. And in the said end cap they were promoting an item I have never seen before. Let me show it to you.
Saline nose wipes. Wouldn't this just be a wet nap for your nose? Well, according to Achooz this is a necessary item that I didn't realize I couldn't live another day without.
Not only is this completely unnecessary but it looks really weird hanging with all the Halloween stuff!
I hope you enjoyed your trip down a Walgreens aisle with me. Come back soon and we will do it again.
Walgreens!
I ask you, what better way to while away an hour waiting on a prescription? I bet there is no other place on earth where you can:
1. Get a prescription
2. Buy 5 t-shirts for $10.
3. Get movie sized boxes of candy
4. Cosmetics
5. Take your printer cartridges to get refilled
6. Get film developed
7. Buy an invalid potty chair
8. Eat a pint of ice cream
9. Beer and cigarettes
And Walgreens is so compact. It's not like going to Target where you know it's going to be a long haul to do every aisle. And you know how much I love Target, but it's just not the same as Walgreens.
Anyhoo, I was at Walgreens and I headed straight for the Halloween aisles. I love all the Halloween stuff! And of course I ended up perusing the Halloween candy and here is a smattering of what I saw.
Do you see that? It is caramel apple flavored candy corn. Well, it that wasn't exciting enough, there is this.
These were just caramel, no apple.
At the end of that row there were the bags of assortment. All sorts of different Halloween shaped candy corn flavored things.
Next there were the Indian corn that we all know and love.
And who doesn't love the pumpkins??
This bag appeared to be regular traditional candy corn and the more exotic Indian corn mixed together. Very fall/Autumn but not specific to Halloween.
This is what I chose to take home with me; the much larger bag of original candy corn. And then I looked down the row a bit and what did I spy?
This is a marshmallow candy corn with candy corn covering. Essentially it is a large Peep covered with melty candy corn like frosting!!! OMG!
Guess who took one of those home? I sure did. You bet your booties! I haven't eaten it yet. I was kind of saving it for when I was really craving Halloween candy. But I will be sure to report back on how delicious and yummy it is.
One last thing, at the end of the aisle they have what is known in the industry as "end caps". Yes, I am hip to the jargon. And in the said end cap they were promoting an item I have never seen before. Let me show it to you.
Saline nose wipes. Wouldn't this just be a wet nap for your nose? Well, according to Achooz this is a necessary item that I didn't realize I couldn't live another day without.
Not only is this completely unnecessary but it looks really weird hanging with all the Halloween stuff!
I hope you enjoyed your trip down a Walgreens aisle with me. Come back soon and we will do it again.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Hilarious Blooper
I just saw this in the news and cracked myself up laughing.
From South Bend, IN for your enjoyment
From South Bend, IN for your enjoyment
75%
Since the year is 3/4 done and over with I thought I might recap some of the things (cough, resolutions, cough) that I promised I was going to fulfill. So an update on what is happening here in Chez Lisa Pie is in order!
1. Remember those silly one room a month getting cleaned out, organized, repairs made, etc.? Didn't make it past month 3 or 4. That engine lost its steam. Turns out it takes waaaaay longer than a month to do the stuff I want to do. It takes a month just to find people who will come over and give you a bid, and then even longer to schedule you in, and finally come over and actually do things. Maybe if I was just doing general pick up and organize, rather than repaint, remodel, etc? I don't know. Anyhoo, this never materialized into what I wanted. I need a better plan of attack for next year.
2. Do you further remember that my goal was to put $20,000 in my savings acct. this year? I am sorry to say this is not happening either! 3 cars worth of repairs, new parts of various kinds all got billed to my savings account. And then there was the whole Fergus going to 2 different emergency vets and transfusions and 4 days of intensive care. This was quickly followed up by the Pet Resort bill while we were on the cruise and then by Maxwell Banks and his bladder stone debaucle. All of these things have added up to more than $11,000. So, no dice on the extra $20,000. This one really pisses me off. I really was trying to achieve this goal. And if I hadn't been, where would the $11,000 have come from?
3. Tea Hoarding. I said it again. It has been 18 months that I have been talking about the stupid tea hoarding in this house. 2009 was the year that I bought no tea. None. There was plenty of tea already, and it was my challenge to bring that shelf space down. A year later, there was not a great change visually. I think the tea canisters, boxes and such spread out to fill the space. Plus, my son's girl friend moved in with us this year and she works at a very famous coffee establishment and brings home tea. And if I am being truthful, I will tell you that I have only bought teas that I consider medicinal this year. The regular other teas? There are still too damn many of them.
4. As long as I am confessing all, I am going to tell you that the Tea Hoarding doesn't seem to limit itself to teas. There are coffees, spiced tea mixes, juices, hot chocolate mixes and various other beverages that never seem to dwindle. It's depressing in the pantry, is what it is.
5. By now I should have already made my Christmas gift list and completed a lot if not all of the gift making. And guess what? I haven't done that! Other than taking the summer off and galavanting all over creation for the month of August, I can't recall why I have been so busy that I haven't taken care of all these things. I guess it is now going to be Plan B for Christmas. (No, I don't really have a Plan B, but I am thinking as fast as I can!) Suggestions welcome.
6. I am leaving in a day or so to go stay with my Grandma and see how things are going for her. Our hope is that she will be able to continue living on her own and maintain her health. If it is obvious that we have passed that stage, it will mean that we have to find a nursing home type facility that she will agree to and then get her moved out of her current place and into the new one. And you know that will mean cleaning, sorting and selling off a bunch of things. It won't be pretty. Let's all say a prayer that Grandma's situation is such that she can keep her independence a while longer. She really wants this.
I will be taking a laptop with me to check in and to send updates to my sisters on how things are going. But I would be surprised if there is a wireless connection in her building so my postings may be sporadic. Don't give up and leave me! I will be here when I can.
Also, I have a great idea for what I am posting tomorrow, so hurry back to scope it out!
1. Remember those silly one room a month getting cleaned out, organized, repairs made, etc.? Didn't make it past month 3 or 4. That engine lost its steam. Turns out it takes waaaaay longer than a month to do the stuff I want to do. It takes a month just to find people who will come over and give you a bid, and then even longer to schedule you in, and finally come over and actually do things. Maybe if I was just doing general pick up and organize, rather than repaint, remodel, etc? I don't know. Anyhoo, this never materialized into what I wanted. I need a better plan of attack for next year.
2. Do you further remember that my goal was to put $20,000 in my savings acct. this year? I am sorry to say this is not happening either! 3 cars worth of repairs, new parts of various kinds all got billed to my savings account. And then there was the whole Fergus going to 2 different emergency vets and transfusions and 4 days of intensive care. This was quickly followed up by the Pet Resort bill while we were on the cruise and then by Maxwell Banks and his bladder stone debaucle. All of these things have added up to more than $11,000. So, no dice on the extra $20,000. This one really pisses me off. I really was trying to achieve this goal. And if I hadn't been, where would the $11,000 have come from?
3. Tea Hoarding. I said it again. It has been 18 months that I have been talking about the stupid tea hoarding in this house. 2009 was the year that I bought no tea. None. There was plenty of tea already, and it was my challenge to bring that shelf space down. A year later, there was not a great change visually. I think the tea canisters, boxes and such spread out to fill the space. Plus, my son's girl friend moved in with us this year and she works at a very famous coffee establishment and brings home tea. And if I am being truthful, I will tell you that I have only bought teas that I consider medicinal this year. The regular other teas? There are still too damn many of them.
4. As long as I am confessing all, I am going to tell you that the Tea Hoarding doesn't seem to limit itself to teas. There are coffees, spiced tea mixes, juices, hot chocolate mixes and various other beverages that never seem to dwindle. It's depressing in the pantry, is what it is.
5. By now I should have already made my Christmas gift list and completed a lot if not all of the gift making. And guess what? I haven't done that! Other than taking the summer off and galavanting all over creation for the month of August, I can't recall why I have been so busy that I haven't taken care of all these things. I guess it is now going to be Plan B for Christmas. (No, I don't really have a Plan B, but I am thinking as fast as I can!) Suggestions welcome.
6. I am leaving in a day or so to go stay with my Grandma and see how things are going for her. Our hope is that she will be able to continue living on her own and maintain her health. If it is obvious that we have passed that stage, it will mean that we have to find a nursing home type facility that she will agree to and then get her moved out of her current place and into the new one. And you know that will mean cleaning, sorting and selling off a bunch of things. It won't be pretty. Let's all say a prayer that Grandma's situation is such that she can keep her independence a while longer. She really wants this.
I will be taking a laptop with me to check in and to send updates to my sisters on how things are going. But I would be surprised if there is a wireless connection in her building so my postings may be sporadic. Don't give up and leave me! I will be here when I can.
Also, I have a great idea for what I am posting tomorrow, so hurry back to scope it out!
Monday, September 20, 2010
Totally Ripped-Off Post
I stole this from my s-i-l and have added in my own little comments. Enjoy!
1. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realize you're wrong. **We have some friends who are hilarious. He says
that whenever that particular situation arises with them, he doesn't
hear "I'm Sorry" so much as "Never Mind".
2. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your
computer history if you die. **And update your facebook status and remove
any incriminating photos and tell all your blog friends.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
**I married into a family of nappers. These people are HUGE on taking naps.
It has taken me a while to learn and appreciate the value of just resting for a bit
during the day.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
**Actually, I can fold and iron fitted sheets. I like them that way! Jealous?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
**Yes it was. And so is writing a real letter
with pen and paper.
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty
sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
**Map Quest sucks. I use Google Maps exclusively.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how
the person died.
**You should know how I feel about that already.
But yes, Hear Hear!! on cause of death.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
**Any time you hear "Hey! Y'all watch this!"
you need to get your camera ready.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment
at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive
for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to
have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to
save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make
any changes to.
**My OCD self will have to double and then triple check, I hate that!
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call. **Sorry to say, I really do this.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday
night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay. Martinis in my case.
**This one has to be my favorite!
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and
smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to
prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever. **Except at my house where we have 4
cats and 3 dogs and plenty of loose hair. You will need to at the very
least lint-roll those pants occasionally!
22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not
know what time it is.
23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys
in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey -
but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away,
in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first
helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize
that their brain is also important. **Now, THAT is funny!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
LisaPie & PattyCakes Read the Obits
It is that time again! Patty Cakes and I had a grand old time reading the obits and swilling tea today. It is National Talk Like a Pirate Day, so I will say things like "swilling", "wench" and of course, "Avast ye maties! arrr". I do not know why we didn't attempt to read all the obits in Pirate fashion. Except that we probably would have peed all over ourselves laughing!
On to the interesting stuff in the published obits for the week . . .
Pay attention to how long and cram-packed full of info this sentence is: "Lee R. Calcote was born in Newlin, TX on November 19, 1923 to Roy G. & Mattie M. Calcote and entered eternity on September 17, 2010 in San Antonio, TX at the age of 86." Seems a tad long-winded, doesn't it? Not to mention the fact that he "entered eternity". That's a new one.
Then there was a really cute little blue-haired Church Lady look-alike named Mary Blanche who along with her husband "lived here their entire married lives and were long time members of Baptist Temple where she thought 9 year old Sunday School for many years.
**Maybe they meant taught???
Patty Cakes and I both thought this one was our favorite today. I wish you could see her beautiful photo. It is from the 1940's judging by the Bette Davis hair style (which I am in love with). Alma Virginia loved fishing and playing the nickel slots and made her last casino trip at the age of 90. That is the term they used for died, kicked the bucket, went to be with the Lord. She made her last casino trip. We loved that.
Another really nice lady (no photo so we don't know what her hair looked like) had loved the outdoors and horses. Here's what her family said "Still, her greatest wish was to be on the road, headed west. So, bon voyage, Laura. We'll Miss You."
**Heaven is no longer above us, it is out west. Best viewed from atop a palomino. I really heart this!
I got a real kick out of reading the names of 3 sisters, Goldie, Florice and Cora Annie. They are the daughters of Millard and Izetta. Don't you just love that?
And again, there were some wieners who listed survivors to include ex-wives, grandchildren's fiancees, and not-as-of-yet-born progeny. Those ex-spouses are ex for a reason. I can't think of a single reason to list them in your obituary. Someone your grandchild might or might not be married to in the future after you are long gone, does that person really rate to be listed? In 100 years when the grandchild's great-grandchildren come researching their long lost relatives and find that their great-grandfather was originally intended to be married to someone other than Granny, eyebrows will be raised. And for what? Because someone didn't want to hurt someone's feelings and leave them out? I just don't get it.
Thankfully there were no homeless veterans listed and no children. To me, that is a good week.
On to the interesting stuff in the published obits for the week . . .
Pay attention to how long and cram-packed full of info this sentence is: "Lee R. Calcote was born in Newlin, TX on November 19, 1923 to Roy G. & Mattie M. Calcote and entered eternity on September 17, 2010 in San Antonio, TX at the age of 86." Seems a tad long-winded, doesn't it? Not to mention the fact that he "entered eternity". That's a new one.
Then there was a really cute little blue-haired Church Lady look-alike named Mary Blanche who along with her husband "lived here their entire married lives and were long time members of Baptist Temple where she thought 9 year old Sunday School for many years.
**Maybe they meant taught???
Patty Cakes and I both thought this one was our favorite today. I wish you could see her beautiful photo. It is from the 1940's judging by the Bette Davis hair style (which I am in love with). Alma Virginia loved fishing and playing the nickel slots and made her last casino trip at the age of 90. That is the term they used for died, kicked the bucket, went to be with the Lord. She made her last casino trip. We loved that.
Another really nice lady (no photo so we don't know what her hair looked like) had loved the outdoors and horses. Here's what her family said "Still, her greatest wish was to be on the road, headed west. So, bon voyage, Laura. We'll Miss You."
**Heaven is no longer above us, it is out west. Best viewed from atop a palomino. I really heart this!
I got a real kick out of reading the names of 3 sisters, Goldie, Florice and Cora Annie. They are the daughters of Millard and Izetta. Don't you just love that?
And again, there were some wieners who listed survivors to include ex-wives, grandchildren's fiancees, and not-as-of-yet-born progeny. Those ex-spouses are ex for a reason. I can't think of a single reason to list them in your obituary. Someone your grandchild might or might not be married to in the future after you are long gone, does that person really rate to be listed? In 100 years when the grandchild's great-grandchildren come researching their long lost relatives and find that their great-grandfather was originally intended to be married to someone other than Granny, eyebrows will be raised. And for what? Because someone didn't want to hurt someone's feelings and leave them out? I just don't get it.
Thankfully there were no homeless veterans listed and no children. To me, that is a good week.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Musings, Ramblings and maybe a Query or three
First things first. Does anyone remember months ago when I was looking at very cool vintage glasses frames and trying to figure out which ones I might want to order? Well, I am still in that holding pattern. I have not been able to make my OCD with a side salad of Anal Retentiveness Self order something online without being able to try them on. What if they don't fit? What if they are too small? Too big? What if they are ugly as homemade sin? That's the way my mind has been going. So, I have done nothing.
Nothing except squint. Squint and move my head up and down looking for just that "Sweet Spot" in my progressive lenses that makes things clear. I look like an idiot squinting and bobbing my head slowly trying to make things out. Or I look like a bird. Birds move their heads a lot and and can look squinty. What I am saying is that I can't see and I also look like a moron.
Yesterday I was driving around (yeah I know. I should probably get my eyes checked and new lenses.) and I read this sign in passing "Trombones and Apartments".
I did a double-take and said wtf? in my head. Trombones? Apartments? What kind of ad is that? How does this make sense? Then it dawned on me, it most decidedly did NOT say Trombones and Apartments.
It said "Townhomes and Apartments"
And this, people, is why they say eyewitnesses are the weakest kind of evidence to present in a trial.
Nextly, my Grandma who I have mentioned before, recently had her 92nd birthday. And since that time has been in the hospital and now a minimum care facility to receive dialysis 3 times a week. She is hoping to be released soon and do her dialysis on an out-patient basis. Good news for Grandma! But, they don't want to release her to go home alone. So I will be going out to stay with her for a while. It may be a week, it may be 2 weeks. We don't really know yet. Basically, what it means is if we see that she can still manage living in her apartment alone then it's all good, and I will come home sooner. If she can't stay alone, then we will have to find her a nursing home type place that she can still get her dialysis at, and we will have to move her out of her place and pack up all her belongings and do something with them. In addition to her apartment, she also has 2, count them 2, storage units she is paying on to house all of her lifetime collections. So that's a lot of treasures to sort out and deal with.
I will be taking a spare laptop with me on this adventure with which to communicate what's happening to the rest of my family and to stay in touch with my internet and blog friends. And also, I would like to impose on y'all and ask for some more prayers, positive thoughts, healing vibes or whatever you would like to do for my Grandma's recovery. I appreciate all the well wishes and I know she does too.
Question: Is it true that people who stutter only stutter when speaking but not singing?
Another Question: About cats, is it true that when cats meow at us, that they only meow like that to people. They never talk like that to each other? I have read that and since then I have been watching my cats and it seems to hold true for my 4 boys. They seem to communicate non-verbally with each other but they have specific voices when talking to us or chittering to the birds outside. What do you know about this?
And one last query: Did you know thatBooks on Tape Audio Books as they are now called since cassette tapes have gone the way of the Edsel, are flipping expensive? I trotted down to Barnes & Noble to use a gift card I have been carrying around in my wallet for more than 2 years so that I could buy some books on tape. That's where I found out that I am calling them by the wrong damn name. Anyhoo, Audio Books - they don't have a very large selection of them in stock. But I still perused the shelves carefully and spent a good 30 minutes choosing 3 very different ones. I wanted to have a change from the same damn cds I have in my car since I am going to be driving out to Grandma's and back and will have plenty of time in the car to listen to all kinds of things. So I made my selections and go to the checkout counter and hand the girl my $50 gift card and she rings them up and tells me I still owe her $42. I was like "Really? wtf? these things are more than $30 EACH?" Good Lord!
This is what happens when you quit shopping, you are so out of date with prices, that you are constantly walking around with sticker shock. I hate that. It makes me feel like I am Walter Brennan saying "Yeah, you whippersnappers, back in my day, back in aught-seven, we didn't have any of them fancy new-fangled Cee-Dee type machines".
"And we liked it that way!!"
Dag-nabbit.
Nothing except squint. Squint and move my head up and down looking for just that "Sweet Spot" in my progressive lenses that makes things clear. I look like an idiot squinting and bobbing my head slowly trying to make things out. Or I look like a bird. Birds move their heads a lot and and can look squinty. What I am saying is that I can't see and I also look like a moron.
Yesterday I was driving around (yeah I know. I should probably get my eyes checked and new lenses.) and I read this sign in passing "Trombones and Apartments".
I did a double-take and said wtf? in my head. Trombones? Apartments? What kind of ad is that? How does this make sense? Then it dawned on me, it most decidedly did NOT say Trombones and Apartments.
It said "Townhomes and Apartments"
And this, people, is why they say eyewitnesses are the weakest kind of evidence to present in a trial.
Nextly, my Grandma who I have mentioned before, recently had her 92nd birthday. And since that time has been in the hospital and now a minimum care facility to receive dialysis 3 times a week. She is hoping to be released soon and do her dialysis on an out-patient basis. Good news for Grandma! But, they don't want to release her to go home alone. So I will be going out to stay with her for a while. It may be a week, it may be 2 weeks. We don't really know yet. Basically, what it means is if we see that she can still manage living in her apartment alone then it's all good, and I will come home sooner. If she can't stay alone, then we will have to find her a nursing home type place that she can still get her dialysis at, and we will have to move her out of her place and pack up all her belongings and do something with them. In addition to her apartment, she also has 2, count them 2, storage units she is paying on to house all of her lifetime collections. So that's a lot of treasures to sort out and deal with.
I will be taking a spare laptop with me on this adventure with which to communicate what's happening to the rest of my family and to stay in touch with my internet and blog friends. And also, I would like to impose on y'all and ask for some more prayers, positive thoughts, healing vibes or whatever you would like to do for my Grandma's recovery. I appreciate all the well wishes and I know she does too.
Question: Is it true that people who stutter only stutter when speaking but not singing?
Another Question: About cats, is it true that when cats meow at us, that they only meow like that to people. They never talk like that to each other? I have read that and since then I have been watching my cats and it seems to hold true for my 4 boys. They seem to communicate non-verbally with each other but they have specific voices when talking to us or chittering to the birds outside. What do you know about this?
And one last query: Did you know that
This is what happens when you quit shopping, you are so out of date with prices, that you are constantly walking around with sticker shock. I hate that. It makes me feel like I am Walter Brennan saying "Yeah, you whippersnappers, back in my day, back in aught-seven, we didn't have any of them fancy new-fangled Cee-Dee type machines".
"And we liked it that way!!"
Dag-nabbit.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
My Posse
Every morning when I sit down at my desk to check out my email, blogs, news, etc. And I am at my beautiful 24" iMac (which I still love more than any other electrical thing) I never worry that I might be sitting in an empty room. I never concern myself with the fact that I am the only person there. Because you see, I have a posse. They follow me every. where. Every flipping step I take, there they are trying to trip me up and cause me to yell curse words and obscenities. My posse.
My posse consists of either 5 or 6 of the 7 furry four-leggeds that I am the care-taker of. This depends on who is in the room, who is napping, who wants to see me trip and cuss and who might be outside stalking birds and squirrels.
This morning I looked over and there was my posse sunbathing in the window. Let me share this scene with you.
From left to right we have Angus MacPhee laying on top of the blue cat thing, then Stanley Manley is on the next lower level. Basking with his back legs straight out behind him in the window ledge is Fergus Jackson MacPhee. Riding in the King of the Hill spot high above everyone is Little Lester Buster and holding down all that oak flooring is the Princess Nikita Babushka. I don't know why she has a cat toy laying there next to her.
The only two missing from the group are Maxwell Banks II, and Ernest T. Bass.
Stanley all curled up in his hammock-y type seat. He is such a handsome cat. He has one blue eye and one green eye. And when you stroke his fur, that big black spot on his back? It twitches and moves all over.
Look at that skinny stripey little Angus. You would never think that he is the one who wakes up with the sunrise and thinks if he goes around climbing into all the noisy mini-blinds and making as much racket as possible we will get up and let him go out and harass the early birds who are getting the worms. But you would be wrong if you were fooled by his cuteness. He is one huge pain in the ass in the wee hours.
There's my snuggle bunny, Lester Buster. I don't think he looks a thing like Hitler, do you?
And there's our Fergus stretched out in the window sill. Fergus has the softest most plush fur of any cat I have ever known. He also has gorgeous pale green eyes that look like jade. It would have been horrible if he had died at the tender age of 4. I am so grateful for all the care he got at the emergency 24 hour vet clinics that we now owe a fortune to on AMEX.
That's my Sept. 15th posse. Tomorrow might bring Maxwell and Ernest in to the mix, you never know! Stay tuned.
My posse consists of either 5 or 6 of the 7 furry four-leggeds that I am the care-taker of. This depends on who is in the room, who is napping, who wants to see me trip and cuss and who might be outside stalking birds and squirrels.
This morning I looked over and there was my posse sunbathing in the window. Let me share this scene with you.
From left to right we have Angus MacPhee laying on top of the blue cat thing, then Stanley Manley is on the next lower level. Basking with his back legs straight out behind him in the window ledge is Fergus Jackson MacPhee. Riding in the King of the Hill spot high above everyone is Little Lester Buster and holding down all that oak flooring is the Princess Nikita Babushka. I don't know why she has a cat toy laying there next to her.
The only two missing from the group are Maxwell Banks II, and Ernest T. Bass.
There's the Princess laying there with her eyes half open. I wonder what she dreams about.
Stanley all curled up in his hammock-y type seat. He is such a handsome cat. He has one blue eye and one green eye. And when you stroke his fur, that big black spot on his back? It twitches and moves all over.
Look at that skinny stripey little Angus. You would never think that he is the one who wakes up with the sunrise and thinks if he goes around climbing into all the noisy mini-blinds and making as much racket as possible we will get up and let him go out and harass the early birds who are getting the worms. But you would be wrong if you were fooled by his cuteness. He is one huge pain in the ass in the wee hours.
There's my snuggle bunny, Lester Buster. I don't think he looks a thing like Hitler, do you?
And there's our Fergus stretched out in the window sill. Fergus has the softest most plush fur of any cat I have ever known. He also has gorgeous pale green eyes that look like jade. It would have been horrible if he had died at the tender age of 4. I am so grateful for all the care he got at the emergency 24 hour vet clinics that we now owe a fortune to on AMEX.
That's my Sept. 15th posse. Tomorrow might bring Maxwell and Ernest in to the mix, you never know! Stay tuned.
More Randomness
Firstly, and most importantly, I want to say a big Thank You! to all of you who are reading my drivel and still come back for more. It does my heart good to see a comment or two. So thank you. You are appreciated. And I mean that sincerely.
Secondly, Did you know that in 3 months and 9 days it will be Christmas? Have you considered that? Have you started your gift making, shopping, planning, listing, wrapping, decorating? Any of it? Heaven knows I haven't. Good Lord, the year is 3/4 gone and I haven't even started! Aaaarrrrgghh! What am I going to do this year? I feel like I am running out of ideas for good, clever and useful things to make.
Third, Halloween candy! I am so excited about going shopping today for my first batch of Halloween candy. Typically, I end up buying it 3 times between Sept. and Halloween. So, today is the day! Candy corn! Reece's! Teeny little Hershey's bars! Those cute little pumpkin things that taste just like Candy Corn! Woot!! Which is your favorite?
Fourth, Michael Franti has a new album coming out next week. You need to run over to his site and check it out. If you call me, you get to hear him on my Caller Tunes, plus he is also my default ringtone this year.
Fifth, Speaking of default ringtones; do you assign ringtones to certain individuals or groups of people? I do. And of course, I think some of my choices are hilarious! Some are not necessarily hilarious but they are appropriate.
Sixth, tonight is the finale to the snoozefest that was Big Brother this summer. And it is about flipping time. Good Lord, has this season been boring. Also, just before that is the season opener of Survivor with Jimmy Johnson and no hairspray. I hope he hangs in for a really long time just so we can see him without hair products! Love it!
Seventh, I wanted to update you on my sickly pet situation. Fergus Jackson MacPhee, the kitty who was at death's door this summer? 36 hours before the cruise? He is doing really well. His transfusion plus this tonic made of vitamins and liver and heaven only knows what else has made a world of difference. Not to mention all the prayers, well wishes and good vibes. Yea Fergus!! And Maxwell Banks II, the schnauzer with bladder stones? He is on the mend and had all his staples removed from his incisions. He is on a special diet for now.
I am truly grateful for all your thoughts towards my little furry 4-legged babes. Thanks, internet friends!!
Secondly, Did you know that in 3 months and 9 days it will be Christmas? Have you considered that? Have you started your gift making, shopping, planning, listing, wrapping, decorating? Any of it? Heaven knows I haven't. Good Lord, the year is 3/4 gone and I haven't even started! Aaaarrrrgghh! What am I going to do this year? I feel like I am running out of ideas for good, clever and useful things to make.
Third, Halloween candy! I am so excited about going shopping today for my first batch of Halloween candy. Typically, I end up buying it 3 times between Sept. and Halloween. So, today is the day! Candy corn! Reece's! Teeny little Hershey's bars! Those cute little pumpkin things that taste just like Candy Corn! Woot!! Which is your favorite?
Fourth, Michael Franti has a new album coming out next week. You need to run over to his site and check it out. If you call me, you get to hear him on my Caller Tunes, plus he is also my default ringtone this year.
Fifth, Speaking of default ringtones; do you assign ringtones to certain individuals or groups of people? I do. And of course, I think some of my choices are hilarious! Some are not necessarily hilarious but they are appropriate.
Sixth, tonight is the finale to the snoozefest that was Big Brother this summer. And it is about flipping time. Good Lord, has this season been boring. Also, just before that is the season opener of Survivor with Jimmy Johnson and no hairspray. I hope he hangs in for a really long time just so we can see him without hair products! Love it!
Seventh, I wanted to update you on my sickly pet situation. Fergus Jackson MacPhee, the kitty who was at death's door this summer? 36 hours before the cruise? He is doing really well. His transfusion plus this tonic made of vitamins and liver and heaven only knows what else has made a world of difference. Not to mention all the prayers, well wishes and good vibes. Yea Fergus!! And Maxwell Banks II, the schnauzer with bladder stones? He is on the mend and had all his staples removed from his incisions. He is on a special diet for now.
I am truly grateful for all your thoughts towards my little furry 4-legged babes. Thanks, internet friends!!
Monday, September 13, 2010
Invisible
I don’t know the day it happened, but I have come to realize that I am one of the invisible. Once I was aware of this I started noticing how I don’t garner the attention I used to. Surely I did at one time, didn’t I?
I see the young girls. The attractive ones who think their beauty is everlasting. They don’t know that they too will be invisible one day. They wouldn’t believe it if you told them. How could they?
One day you have the world at your feet, you can’t conceive of a time when this will fade. Your looks will change, life happens and leaves its imprint on every part of you. Your skin isn’t as tight, you notice lines where yesterday there were none. Why are there silver threads in your hair?
Remember when your hips weren’t this wide? That was before Mother Nature decided that it was time for child-bearing hips and extra padding. No one told me things would shift and your pre-pregnancy clothes would never fit the same way again. Same thing with feet, no one clues you in to the fact that with each pregnancy your feet are now a half-size bigger. Those gorgeous shoes that cost a whole week’s paycheck pre-baby? Well, you may as well donate them to Goodwill or a consignment store. Because not only can you not squeeze your new size 8 feet into those wine-colored soft-as-butter size 7 Italian leather pumps, you also never go anywhere to wear them. Now you wear things that have baby puke on them and go to places that are stroller-friendly. You are most likely wearing those big comfortable cotton granny panties too. The pretty satin matched sets? Not so much.
I went to dinner with several friends one evening. We were all similar ages, in our 40’s, but I was the short one, the heaviest one. I knew that before we got there, I am not stupid or blind, and I have certainly seen myself in the mirror. The owner/chef came out and said hello to us and greeted each with a kiss on the hand except me. I got a handshake. Like a man. Like a grandma. Like a non-sexual being. That was quite the eye-opener. It was like getting hit in the face with a bucket of cold water. That’s how jarring it was. Being over forty, and over weight is a sure bet that you will be scanned over like a part of the scenery or a piece of furniture when someone walks in and is checking the room. It is to be invisible.
I remember the year that I was engaged to be married. That was my peak. I was pretty then. Not just pretty, but I was so happy and walking around with my head up and smiling and just exuding self-confidence. I was a bride-to-be! On several occasions that year men walked up to me and told me how beautiful I was, how pretty my eyes were, asked for my number. It was like they were compelled to do so by my confidence. That had certainly never happened before, and not since. It has been years since I have commanded a second glance. Years. I don’t need other people’s validation that I am a worthy person, that’s not it. I guess I am sad and mourning the side of me that was attractive to other people and drew them to me.
On the inside, I am still the same as I once was. I still feel like I did when I was 21 and could (and did) flirt with everyone. But I don’t do it anymore. I know how sad and pathetic it is for short, fat, 50 year old people to be out and thinking they are still 21 and attractive. It’s embarrassing for everyone. I still have the same longing to meet new people, to flirt and make conversation, to be sensual and desired. Now I am invisible and those days are over for me.
It is hard to make peace with your internal and external realities sometimes. You get to a place in your life where you realize your value to others is now through your works. You have become a Human Do-ing rather than a human be-ing. You aren’t worthy just by virtue of Be-ing, you have to be Do-ing things, working for a good cause, doing the jobs no one else wants, the jobs no one will pay someone to do, always putting others’ needs ahead of your own. If you are not Do-ing, then you are invisible.
And that is where I am in my life. It’s not that I want to turn back the clock so much as to just slow it down. My internal clock is slower than real time. I have always thought if each day were 48 hours rather than 24, it would work better for me. I would have time to adjust to the changes that are happening, to the fact that my babies were growing up so fast that I couldn’t keep up, that my adult life has flown by at ten times, no a hundred times the speed of my childhood. I need time to adjust my mindset to my current reality. I hear of people who drop everything, who divorce their husband of 30 years, and move to a new place and start a new life, and I used to be shocked. Now, I understand it. There comes a sense of urgency when you realize that you have reached the top of the hill and the downhill side is so much faster than you imagined. That bucket list you have been meaning to write and start in on? Well, you best get moving. Time waits for no man. Or woman.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Shameless Advertising here
No, I do not work for Dover Publications But let me just say I am one of their biggest fans. The coloring books are so fabulously gorgeous and awesome you won't know what to do with yourself.
So yesterday I admitted how much I love Crayola crayons. Not those gross Roseart ones. Or any other cheap knock-off crayons. They don't have the depth of color of the true Crayola. And if you are going to use a quality crayon you need to be using it on something of equal quality, right?
Dover Color Books are the best! Take a look here at some of the ones that I like.
Let me just interject here, this above is Art Nouveau. It is decidedly NOT Art Deco. Art Deco is the exact OPPOSITE of Art Nouveau. People mix these names up all the time and it does irritate me. Sorry about that, I am jumping off my soapbox. Back to the color books.
Notice that a couple of these say "Stained Glass" coloring books. This means that it is on a translucent type of paper so that you can stick it up to a window after the fact and let the sun shine through.
If you go in an art supply store they normally carry a bunch of these Dover coloring books and in various sizes. Some are really cute and pocket sized, about 3 x 5 or 4 x 6 or something small. These are great to tuck in your purse and take with you. They make great stocking stuffers, too.
I can't recommend these enough. They are so beautiful. And if you like coloring, and why wouldn't you? Go for the best.
You're welcome. : )
So yesterday I admitted how much I love Crayola crayons. Not those gross Roseart ones. Or any other cheap knock-off crayons. They don't have the depth of color of the true Crayola. And if you are going to use a quality crayon you need to be using it on something of equal quality, right?
Dover Color Books are the best! Take a look here at some of the ones that I like.
Let me just interject here, this above is Art Nouveau. It is decidedly NOT Art Deco. Art Deco is the exact OPPOSITE of Art Nouveau. People mix these names up all the time and it does irritate me. Sorry about that, I am jumping off my soapbox. Back to the color books.
OMG! Would you look at the paisley? How much fun would it be to color in one of those books?
Notice that a couple of these say "Stained Glass" coloring books. This means that it is on a translucent type of paper so that you can stick it up to a window after the fact and let the sun shine through.
If you go in an art supply store they normally carry a bunch of these Dover coloring books and in various sizes. Some are really cute and pocket sized, about 3 x 5 or 4 x 6 or something small. These are great to tuck in your purse and take with you. They make great stocking stuffers, too.
I can't recommend these enough. They are so beautiful. And if you like coloring, and why wouldn't you? Go for the best.
You're welcome. : )
Saturday, September 11, 2010
What's in a name?
You know the old Shakespeare line, would a rose by any other name smell as sweet?
Here's something you might not know about me, I love Crayola crayons. I love the smell of them. I love opening the big box of 64 and looking at all of them in their pristine condition. When I color I try to keep the tips as close as original as I can for as long as I can. And you can imagine my horror if you were to try to peel the paper off my crayons or gasp, God forbid, break one!!!!
I know, OCD much?
If you go to the Crayola website and click on to this page you can see the names of all the colors from the inception of the company. The original eight are as you might think they would be named 107 years ago. Black, Brown, Red, Yellow, Green, Blue, Orange, and Violet.
Then as the years went by, they introduced more and more colors. Lots of shades of the original colors. And then the names were Red Orange, and Orange Red, Blue Green, and Green Blue. Specific to what they were.
Then the 1990's happened, and the names became "cute". Not what you would look for in an art store, that's for sure. Yellow Orange became "macaroni and cheese". Do you think any kindergartener today knows what color Timber Wolf is? Or why it is called that?
Purple Mountain Majesty is a pretty name for a purple. But I am going to have to quibble with "Tickle Me Pink". Does anyone here besides me remember Boone's Farm Tickle Pink?
I went online to find a picture of it, but it is sadly a retired flavor (may it rest in peace). Here is a picture of it's older cousin, Strawberry Hill.
Not exactly the mental picture I want when I am choosing a crayon.
And what color exactly is "Inch Worm"? That is one of the new 120 colors available.
Here on this page you can see all of the current 120 colors and decide which color names are good and which are stupid. Then hop over to this page and see how your favorites rank against everyone else's choices.
Here's something you might not know about me, I love Crayola crayons. I love the smell of them. I love opening the big box of 64 and looking at all of them in their pristine condition. When I color I try to keep the tips as close as original as I can for as long as I can. And you can imagine my horror if you were to try to peel the paper off my crayons or gasp, God forbid, break one!!!!
I know, OCD much?
If you go to the Crayola website and click on to this page you can see the names of all the colors from the inception of the company. The original eight are as you might think they would be named 107 years ago. Black, Brown, Red, Yellow, Green, Blue, Orange, and Violet.
Then as the years went by, they introduced more and more colors. Lots of shades of the original colors. And then the names were Red Orange, and Orange Red, Blue Green, and Green Blue. Specific to what they were.
Then the 1990's happened, and the names became "cute". Not what you would look for in an art store, that's for sure. Yellow Orange became "macaroni and cheese". Do you think any kindergartener today knows what color Timber Wolf is? Or why it is called that?
Purple Mountain Majesty is a pretty name for a purple. But I am going to have to quibble with "Tickle Me Pink". Does anyone here besides me remember Boone's Farm Tickle Pink?
I went online to find a picture of it, but it is sadly a retired flavor (may it rest in peace). Here is a picture of it's older cousin, Strawberry Hill.
Not exactly the mental picture I want when I am choosing a crayon.
And what color exactly is "Inch Worm"? That is one of the new 120 colors available.
Here on this page you can see all of the current 120 colors and decide which color names are good and which are stupid. Then hop over to this page and see how your favorites rank against everyone else's choices.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
What Hermine left behind in her wake
Hermine the Hurricane, and who exactly is it that decides the names of these storms? Hermine? Really? That's the best H-name they could come up with? Hailey? Hannah? Hildegarde? Harriet? Hilda?
Hermine was predicted to head over to the northern part of Mexico, right at the area where they just found a mass grave with 72 people, you know, just in case those poor people hadn't already had enough drama and upset in their lives from all the Drug Land Mafia Turf Wars. And at the last second, Hermine said to herself, "Self, I think I will spare that part of Mexico and just head inland over Texas and up to Oklahoma and come to rest in Wichita, Kansas". And here in central Texas we have been slammed, and I mean, slammed with wind and rain. Gusts up to 60 mph and the whole storm moving at 18 - 20 mph. It took a long-ass time to make its way across here, is what I am saying.
And other than a lot of flooding, downed branches and leaves and debris everywhere, our only problem was that the power had gone out. It was out for about 12 hours here at our house. Other places had it much worse. When Mr. Big Ed got home from work he said "What's with the big tree laying down in the street?" So of course we all go running outside to see the tree and then I ran right back in and got my camera. It seems that our across-the-street-and down-one-house neighbors' biggest and most beautiful oak tree just fell over. It didn't crack or anything like that, it just tipped right over. Right over the middle of the street, thankfully, and not over their house. I would much prefer to have to find an alternate route in and out of the neighborhood than for them to have a big hole in their home with another night full of thunderstorms and no power coming at us.
Here is what it looked like:
Doesn't that just break your heart? Keep watching.
I made my friendVanna Debra go stand next to the tree top that is now laying across the street so that you could have some perspective. Now, how sad is that?
It gets worse. Here is the aftermath:
Sorry about the car door in the last 2 aftermath pics. Heartbreaking is what this is.
Our neighborhood is known for the multitude of live oaks on every property, and that one was one of the prettiest on theirs. So sad. Another casualty of Mother Nature and her fury.
Hermine was predicted to head over to the northern part of Mexico, right at the area where they just found a mass grave with 72 people, you know, just in case those poor people hadn't already had enough drama and upset in their lives from all the Drug Land Mafia Turf Wars. And at the last second, Hermine said to herself, "Self, I think I will spare that part of Mexico and just head inland over Texas and up to Oklahoma and come to rest in Wichita, Kansas". And here in central Texas we have been slammed, and I mean, slammed with wind and rain. Gusts up to 60 mph and the whole storm moving at 18 - 20 mph. It took a long-ass time to make its way across here, is what I am saying.
And other than a lot of flooding, downed branches and leaves and debris everywhere, our only problem was that the power had gone out. It was out for about 12 hours here at our house. Other places had it much worse. When Mr. Big Ed got home from work he said "What's with the big tree laying down in the street?" So of course we all go running outside to see the tree and then I ran right back in and got my camera. It seems that our across-the-street-and down-one-house neighbors' biggest and most beautiful oak tree just fell over. It didn't crack or anything like that, it just tipped right over. Right over the middle of the street, thankfully, and not over their house. I would much prefer to have to find an alternate route in and out of the neighborhood than for them to have a big hole in their home with another night full of thunderstorms and no power coming at us.
Here is what it looked like:
Doesn't that just break your heart? Keep watching.
I made my friend
It gets worse. Here is the aftermath:
Sorry about the car door in the last 2 aftermath pics. Heartbreaking is what this is.
Our neighborhood is known for the multitude of live oaks on every property, and that one was one of the prettiest on theirs. So sad. Another casualty of Mother Nature and her fury.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Sh*t you just won't believe
I'll get right to the point here. I was over at June's Place like I am every ding dang day, and we were all discussing tasteless Christmas ornaments. And let me just say here, there are some T A C K Y ornaments out there that people want to sell you to put up on your own tree. So June and her friend Dottie exchange really tacky ornaments each year, and she posted some pics of some pretty tasteless and tacky ones to ask our opinions. Cause why not share the tackiness with all of us!
Anyhoo, as we were all commenting along, one commenter posted that she had the tackiest ornament known to man in her own collection. It was a gift and she was willing to part with this sad little piece of tackiness and send it to June who could then wrap it up and give it to Dottie. Did you follow all that?
What, you might ask, could be the tackiest ornament known to man? To that question I would have to answer: This
In case it isn't obvious right off the bat, this is an angel made from a tampon.
That's right, tampon. Shall I say it again? T A M P O N.
I thought there was no way this was real, and so I googled Chrimas ornament angel tampon and lo and behold, a plethora of sites popped up all dedicated to making angels out of tampons. Most prefer the Playtex brand.
But then I came across this site. Go there now. I will wait. Just peruse that page for a minute or two.
And when you get your jaw off your desk and your teeth back in your mouth, come on back here.
Are you in shock? Did you have any idea you could do this? Would any of you seriously ever in a gazillion years make any of this crap? Can you imagine, first making this stuff, and then second, GIVING it to someone?
Of course, then I had to figure out which was the tackiest thing on that page. And my first choice was the snowflake/star thing made of tampon holders. That is just so tacky it made me want to gag. But then, I decided that no, the absolute worst and most tacky and white trash of all of them was the Father's Day Toupee. Because really. What man would actually put a toupee made of tampons on his head?
The answer to that would be some Goober who would marry a woman who would MAKE him a tampon toupee! Hee!!!
Horrible + Hilarious = Hilarrible!
Anyhoo, as we were all commenting along, one commenter posted that she had the tackiest ornament known to man in her own collection. It was a gift and she was willing to part with this sad little piece of tackiness and send it to June who could then wrap it up and give it to Dottie. Did you follow all that?
What, you might ask, could be the tackiest ornament known to man? To that question I would have to answer: This
In case it isn't obvious right off the bat, this is an angel made from a tampon.
That's right, tampon. Shall I say it again? T A M P O N.
I thought there was no way this was real, and so I googled Chrimas ornament angel tampon and lo and behold, a plethora of sites popped up all dedicated to making angels out of tampons. Most prefer the Playtex brand.
But then I came across this site. Go there now. I will wait. Just peruse that page for a minute or two.
And when you get your jaw off your desk and your teeth back in your mouth, come on back here.
Are you in shock? Did you have any idea you could do this? Would any of you seriously ever in a gazillion years make any of this crap? Can you imagine, first making this stuff, and then second, GIVING it to someone?
Of course, then I had to figure out which was the tackiest thing on that page. And my first choice was the snowflake/star thing made of tampon holders. That is just so tacky it made me want to gag. But then, I decided that no, the absolute worst and most tacky and white trash of all of them was the Father's Day Toupee. Because really. What man would actually put a toupee made of tampons on his head?
The answer to that would be some Goober who would marry a woman who would MAKE him a tampon toupee! Hee!!!
Horrible + Hilarious = Hilarrible!
Monday, September 6, 2010
T.V. shows 2010 Part 9
I haven't done a t.v. update in a long time. Mostly because it has been summer and summer programming usually leaves a lot to be desired, doesn't it?
However, there are a few good things to talk about. So, let's get started, shall we?
True Blood - I can NOT stand it till next week's show! If they kill off Eric with the "True Death" I may have to boycott and not watch any more. And could poor Jason Pretty Boy Stackhouse be any dumber? That boy is all looks and none of the brains. Too bad Sookie got all the interesting brain stuff. Bill? Meh. He doesn't do a thing for me. But that Alcede the werewolf? Now there is a fine looking man, there! And I love Jessica more and more all the time. She is unapologetically self-centered and just too cute. She is a hoot.
Entourage - What are they doing to Vince? I am not liking the turn of events on this season. I do like that Turtle has a great story line going, and I love that they brought back that weirdo director Billy. Now HE is hilarious! Ari as always has great drama going on. But Vince? It's not going well for him this season.
The Closer - I could not love Brenda Lee Johnson more if she were my very own sister. And Lt. Provenza? Well, he is a hoot.
Big Brother - anyone else bored to tears with the Bro-gade? Anyone out there who gives a flip which of these morons wins? (crickets chirping) If Enzo wins the big money for doing diddly-squat all summer I will put my foot through my t.v. screen.
Survivor - New season starting right up! And ol' Jimmy Johnson, former coach of the Dallas Cowboys, the man with the hair, will be there front and center. I can not WAIT to see him with no Aqua Net! It will be epic.
Amazing Race - AR will be starting right up about the same time as Survivor. I always look forward to the first few episodes to figure out which teams will be fun to watch.
DWTS - I already complained about this before, but this season's cast is sooooooo bad that it bears repeating, It is called Dancing with the STARS!!!!! Not Dancing with the Losers, Has Beens, Never Beens, and Wanna Bes!!!! Holy Moly is this the best they could dig up? Maybe this show's time has come? I don't know, but if they can't attract a better group of contestants, it may be time to pull the plug and call it a night.
and don't forget! Glee and Modern Family will be back real soon, as well. Oh! also coming soon are Breaking Bad, Sons of Anarchy and It's Always Sunny.
One more thing, that new series on Showtime, The Big C, starring Laura Linney? Completely and totally in love with it. She is amazing! The across the street neighbor? She's hilarious. Oliver Platt as her sort-of estranged husband is wonderful. I really like him. But the best chemistry is between Laura Linney and her brother. OMG! They are a riot together! Check it out if you haven't already. There will be Emmy nominations on this one, I would bet money on it.
What are you watching? What are you looking forward to on the new stuff? Let me hear from you!
However, there are a few good things to talk about. So, let's get started, shall we?
True Blood - I can NOT stand it till next week's show! If they kill off Eric with the "True Death" I may have to boycott and not watch any more. And could poor Jason Pretty Boy Stackhouse be any dumber? That boy is all looks and none of the brains. Too bad Sookie got all the interesting brain stuff. Bill? Meh. He doesn't do a thing for me. But that Alcede the werewolf? Now there is a fine looking man, there! And I love Jessica more and more all the time. She is unapologetically self-centered and just too cute. She is a hoot.
Entourage - What are they doing to Vince? I am not liking the turn of events on this season. I do like that Turtle has a great story line going, and I love that they brought back that weirdo director Billy. Now HE is hilarious! Ari as always has great drama going on. But Vince? It's not going well for him this season.
The Closer - I could not love Brenda Lee Johnson more if she were my very own sister. And Lt. Provenza? Well, he is a hoot.
Big Brother - anyone else bored to tears with the Bro-gade? Anyone out there who gives a flip which of these morons wins? (crickets chirping) If Enzo wins the big money for doing diddly-squat all summer I will put my foot through my t.v. screen.
Survivor - New season starting right up! And ol' Jimmy Johnson, former coach of the Dallas Cowboys, the man with the hair, will be there front and center. I can not WAIT to see him with no Aqua Net! It will be epic.
Amazing Race - AR will be starting right up about the same time as Survivor. I always look forward to the first few episodes to figure out which teams will be fun to watch.
DWTS - I already complained about this before, but this season's cast is sooooooo bad that it bears repeating, It is called Dancing with the STARS!!!!! Not Dancing with the Losers, Has Beens, Never Beens, and Wanna Bes!!!! Holy Moly is this the best they could dig up? Maybe this show's time has come? I don't know, but if they can't attract a better group of contestants, it may be time to pull the plug and call it a night.
and don't forget! Glee and Modern Family will be back real soon, as well. Oh! also coming soon are Breaking Bad, Sons of Anarchy and It's Always Sunny.
One more thing, that new series on Showtime, The Big C, starring Laura Linney? Completely and totally in love with it. She is amazing! The across the street neighbor? She's hilarious. Oliver Platt as her sort-of estranged husband is wonderful. I really like him. But the best chemistry is between Laura Linney and her brother. OMG! They are a riot together! Check it out if you haven't already. There will be Emmy nominations on this one, I would bet money on it.
What are you watching? What are you looking forward to on the new stuff? Let me hear from you!
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