Saving Private MacPhee

There is always something going on around here.  Even days when you think it is as routine and boring as it can be, there is something that will turn interesting.

So, Saturday was shaping up to be a pretty ordinary day.  Other than the fact that I had no car, due to it being in the shop resting and awaiting diagnosis (hopefully today!), it was just a grocery shopping and waiting for my Rachel Pie day.

Finally, my Rachel Pie got here late in the evening and we were all staying up late talking and happy to have her here and I started counting heads as I am wont to do with this herd and found one missing.

And of course, it was that sneaky weasly Angus MacPhee.

I stepped out the front door and called him.  And I heard him saying "Mrowrrrr!" in the distance and thought it was from the roof.  So I went in and told Sparky to get his ass up on the roof and get that fleabag cat.  Sparky contended that if Angus got himself up there he could also get himself back down.

Back outside I go.  I call and he answers, much like a not-very-fun game of Marco Polo.  And it becomes clear that Angus MacPhee is NOT on the roof.  He is further away and lower to the ground.


He is stuck somewhere on The Colonel and Miss Betty's property!!!


If you haven't heard my tales of TC&MB, you need to read about them.  But having my cat who is MOST unwelcome on their property stuck there late at night was not going to be a good situation.

After several scouting expeditions by Mr. Big Ed, Sparky, and myself carrying a flashlight and hoping not to get shot while being mistaken for a burglar, we determined that The Colonel had set a trap next to his front door and that damn fleabag Angus MacPhee had gone and gotten himself trapped!

I was none too happy about this.  But I was to get even LESS happy with Mr. Big Ed's response which was to let him sit in the trap overnight and cry all night.

Seriously?  How can he think this was an option?  Has the man never met me?  You spend 30-odd years with someone and you think they would have a clue.  Hhmmmpph.

So I did what any sane person would do.  I called Miss Betty at the midnight hour and woke her ass up and asked her to please go release my stupid wandering cat.  She made some sort of half-assed excuse about how they are trying to trap skunks.  But truthfully, she was trying to be nice about saying "Keep that damn bird-killer at your own house".

Anyhoo, Angus MacPhee is now safe at home and he wanted to be loved and patted and stroked and talked to for HOURS afterwards.

I went over the next day (Easter Sunday and also The Colonel's 90th birthday) and took them a basket full of lettuce, greens, Swiss chard, zucchini and green onions that Mr. Big Ed picked out of the garden to apologize for waking them in the middle of the night.

The Colonel took me out to where the trap is to show me what the deal is.  Miss Betty has this family of wrens that like to build nests in her front porch area and this year they put their nest in a giant Boston fern and they have 5 little teeny baby wrens they are trying to get grown and safe.  So I promised to keep all my stupid bird-killing machines indoors for a while to give these little guys a better chance at making it to adulthood.

For my end I think the neighborly bonds are still good.  I hope TC & MB feel the same way.  They are nice people.  And it is true what they say about not being able to pick your neighbors.  And also that good fences make good neighbors.

I am mostly grateful that I didn't get shot that night while skulking around their property.

Just a little hilarity

I have been swamped.  And I mean s w a m p e d!  I had a class I was attending all week and now my car has gone and died on me.  It is off getting a diagnosis and since it ever so kindly decided to pull these shenanigans on Good Friday morning, I won't even have a clue of how long it will take and if it can even be fixed till sometime Monday at the least.  Sucks, right?

I got this as one of those silly ass forwarded email things.  From my mother.  I did NOT have high hopes for this email, but I was wrong.  It was hilarious.  So, enjoy a little humor as you go about your day getting your Easter plans made.

And then relax and have a great Easter!

****************************************

Dear Noah,

We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.

Sincerely,

Unicorns

Dear Twilight fans,

Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection.

Enjoy fantasizing about that.

Sincerely,

Logic

Dear Icebergs,

Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.

Sincerely,

The Titanic

Dear America,

You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.

Sincerely,

Canada

Dear Yahoo,

I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying...

Sincerely,

Google

Dear 2010,

So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!

Sincerely,

1985

Dear Windshield Wipers,

Can't touch this.

Sincerely,

That Little Triangle

Dear girls who have been dumped,

There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.

Sincerely,

BP

Dear Saturn,

I liked it, so I put a ring on it.

Sincerely,

God

Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn,

Please lknvfdmv.xvn.

Sincerely, Stevie Wonder

Dear Nickleback,

That's enough.

Sincerely, The World

Dear Scissors,

I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.

Sincerely, Sarah Palin

Dear Osama Bin Laden,

Marco....

Sincerely, United States

Dear World of Warcraft,

Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.

Sincerely, Parents Everywhere

Dear Batman,

What was your power again?

Sincerely, Superman

Dear Customers,

Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.

Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies

Dear Global Warming,

You're the best imaginary friend ever!

Sincerely, Al Gore

Dear Ugly People,

You're welcome.

Sincerely, Alcohol

Dear World,

Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?

Sincerely,

The Mayans

Dear White People,

Don't you just hate immigrants?

Sincerely,

Native Americans

Dear iPhone,

Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.

Sincerely,

Every iPhone User

Dear Giant Spider on the Wall,

Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP! Where did you go?

Sincerely,

Terrified

Dear Trash,

At least you get picked up...

Sincerely,

The Girls of Jersey Shore

Dear Man,

It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?

Sincerely,

Elephant

Dear Dr. Phil,

Look man, there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first.

Sincerely,

Dr. Pepper

A small, teensy rant, and then I am done being mean.

It is apparent by the lack of readers the past week or so that y'all don't have anything to say about me ranting and bitching.  Or could it be that your mamas told you to not say anything if you couldn't say anything nice?  Whichever it is, I promise to quit.

Right after this one.

Sorry, but I just HAVE to get this off my chest.


Here goes!

People who go on Jeopardy are perceived as smarter, of higher intelligence than the average bear, or are just well-educated.  Right?

Well, lately you can't go one day without some MORON contestant on Jeopardy saying the following:

"I'll take Cats who wear Pants (or whatever category) for SIX HUNNERD DOLLARS, Alex"

Huh?

Hunnerd?

Been speaking English long, Bub?

Makes my skin crawl, that one.

And the way ole Alex Trebek is always "Aww, sorry, you said the really complicated long-ass French answer just a hair off, so we are going to penalize the hell out of you" in his smug and smarmy way, makes me wonder if he wants to say to them "Aww, we are so sorry but the value of that category is SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS, so obviously we have to take away the TWELVE HUNNERD DOLLARS from you for being a dumb ass!"

And just for the record as much as Alex Trebek ticks me off, I can not imagine anyone else doing that job.  Nope, not one single person comes to mind.

Hilarity in my house is me and Sparky sitting on the couch watching Jeopardy and yelling at the t.v.  We yell the answers. (Sometimes we both yell the same right answer and sometimes one of us is wrong, but we try not to make fun of each other since the next time it will be the other way round)  We yell at the contestants. (You idiot!  for example)  We yell at Alex Trebek. (Sparky says he wants to go on Jeopardy just so he can say "Can it, Trebek" when Alex gets long-winded)  What I am saying is there is a lot of yelling going on.

I know, I know, it sounds like we are a couple of smarty-pants (or smart asses) but I am humble enough to know that I am only good at Jeopardy in the comfort of my own home.  If I were ever to make it to the stage, I would probably freeze like a deer in headlights and say something stupid like "I'll take NUKUE-LAR energy for FOUR HUNNERD DOLLARS, ALAN".

Rant. (It has been a while, ya know)

I will make this short and to the point.

It irritates the beejeebers right out of me when companies use a spokesperson with a fake foreign accent in their ads.

You know what I am talking about.  Hello, Outback Steakhouse.

If you watch t.v. or even listen to the radio, you have heard these ads.  Is the American public so stupid and gullible that we will buy any Made in China piece of crap if you get some person to imitate a British, French, or Australian accent?

I would be willing to bet dollars to donuts that you can't go a whole day, meaning 24 hours, with regular amounts of t.v. or radio on without hearing some lame-ass fake accent trying to guilt you into buying something.

Just for the record, if you are selling something and you decide to use the fake-accent person to sell it,

you won't be selling to me!!!!!

A little bit of this, a little bit of that. . . .

I have been gone for a few days.  I went to see my sister Bertha to help her celebrate her birthday.  This is why you might have noticed my absence.

We had a ball.  We cooked, we baked, we grocery shopped, we ate, we were such wild women.  Yes, that is how we roll.  I will post the pics of her amazing birthday cake we made.  Hopefully tomorrow.

Today I have the ever-so-exciting updates from the  . . . .

wait for it . . . . . .



THE WEEKLY OBITUARY READING!!!

This week I have to complain about the use of nicknames.  I know, I have complained mightily about these in the past.  But please!  Does the family of Elaine not think we might guess that she is lovingly referred to as "Laine"?

Forest Freitag's family affectionately called him "Tag".  Similarly, Sumner Hudson went by "Hud".

Also in the Nickname Honor Roll are:

Theodate known by all as Teddy.

Jimmy who went by "Bo".

And Jesusita known as Susie.

Another pet peeve of mine is the use of the word "currently".  As in "currently of San Antonio".  How about the more accurate term, "lately" or just say "of San Antonio"?  To me, currently means the person is presently residing there.  Not so much.

The family that had the most interesting names had the surname of Smith.  Believe it or don't.  In that Smith clan there were Nelsons, Dibbles, Wendells, Cecils, Vesters, and Lela Maes.

The very best, and most heart-felt obit belonged to Mr. John Poindexter Landers.  Here are a few lines of what was said about him:

"John Poindexter Landers, Historical Preservationist, Poet, born May 9, died, April 4."

He studied at the Gregorian University in Rome Italy, University of Texas, Virginia and Oxford.  He was the recipient of the Rhodes Scholarship.  He traveled to 45 countries on 4 different continents studying art, architecture and history.

And . . .  he appeared on the Antiques Roadshow.

Mr. Landers lived an amazing life if the little bit of information in the obituary is any indication.  He also had a very handsome picture with a great smile.  God Speed, John Poindexter Landers.

Oh, one more thing, you know how sometimes people don't put the cause of death?  I think you should.  I have been doing so much work on my geneology and cause of death would be one of the things I would love to find out about my ancestors.  Wouldn't you?

Anyhoo, in this week's obituaries, Alzheimer's was the cause of death most-often listed.  Typically it is cancer, but Alzheimer's is creeping up.  Very scary to see that.  So go exercise your brain.  Do a crossword puzzle, jigsaw puzzle and whatever else is good to help ward off that stuff.  Also, watch your intake of aluminum.

Damn!  I had turned the page and almost forgot to go back to tell you about a wonderful lady I wish I had known.

Diana Kathryn (known as Kay) "was the mischiefmaker in the family and known for her wicked sense of humor, her love of birding and all wild creatures, Tex-Mex cheese enchiladas and the Democratic Party. when asked her religious preference, she answered dryly 'Druid'."  Ha!

And even better she wants all contributions to be made to the Humane Society or the Nature Conservancy.

R.I.P. Diana Kathryn, and all the other dearly departed from this week.

Hilarity in the Obits

There were not a lot of interesting tidbits that beared repeating, but the ones that were there?  Gems!

Let's start out with a ridiculous use of " ", apostrophes.

"Our loving Husband, Dad, Grand"Pa", Brother and Uncle"

**Really?  apostrophes in the midst of Grandpa?  Capitalization of all titles? Dad, maybe.  Uncle as part of a name.  Say, Uncle Bill.  But just for the sake of clarifying his position in the family?  Nope.  Husband or Brother ?  Never.
That one irritated me.  They should really have had a proofreader.


I love this little bit of info on Brig. General Puck:
"Armin met Marguerite, his wife of 71 years, on a Coco-Cola date".

And let me tell you, opening sentences don't get any better than this:

"On March 30, and at the age of 100, Linda left this world to join the man who had loved her every moment of their 67 years of marriage, and joined him at the gates of heaven. Linda was a brilliant, creative, ambitious woman born before her time."

We come to a pretty scary visual with this one:

"Charles, of San Antonio, miraculously surrounded by family, grand-daughter bouncing on his lap, suddenly passed away on Thursday."

**o. m. g.  I just don't have words for this.


Now this guy gets honors for the best euphemism for dying or passing away.

"Edward, (Brother Ed), age 71, was promoted into glory on Sunday."

Then it gets odd:

"He is survived by his devoted wife of 45 years and helpmate, Katherine of the home; a son of New Braunfels, a daughter of San Antonio"

**His wife "and helpmate" is of the home, while everyone else gets a place of residence?  Seems odd to me.


The most beautifully written, touching obit was for Gloria Goldstein.  This was written by her son and honestly the whole thing was gorgeous.  It made me cry to read it.  Here is just the opening:

"It is with great sadness that I share the passing of my mother, Gloria Goldstein on March 24. I was honored to be her son, and am who I am because of her guidance, generosity and unconditional love."

And last but certainly not least; we have what I know in my heart they did not mean to be funny but it came across that way.  Well, just read this for your own self and see what you think:

"Jan had a big heart and friends too numerous to mention all over the Nation. His sense of humor was legendary. His generosity was notorious. His corneas were donated."

**I will leave that as the last word.  Heee!!

AMC has done it again

AMC which I believe stands for American Movie Classics or some such thing, has gone and done it again! Not only do they have the award-winning fabulous not-to-miss Breaking Bad, and Mad Men, but now they have a brand new series that kicked off last night.

The Killing is what they call must-see t.v.  I had read a little about it and thought hmmm, maybe. But I set the dvr to record it and watched it last night.  I should have paid attention to the fact that the pilot was TWO HOURS LONG!  I swear I was up all damn night after watching Showtime's new The Borgias most excellent pilot and then The Killing.

Who remembers back in the '80s there was a series about the killing of a young girl and it kept focusing in on her eyeball?  Do any of you remember what I am talking about?  I was concerned that this new show The Killing might be similar to that one due to the fact that it is about a young girl who gets killed in the opening and apparently that is what the series is about, the solving of this murder.

Well, let me tell you there is nothing similar to that boring, cheesy '80s series.  This was riveting, on the edge of your seat stuff.  I promise you, you won't want to miss this show.

Here is what AMC has to say about this series:

AMC has begun production on the network's next original series, The Killing. From writer, executive producer and series showrunner Veena Sud (Cold Case), The Killing is based on the wildly successful Danish television series Forbrydelsen and tells the story of the murder of a young girl in Seattle and the subsequent police investigation. Season one will consist of thirteen one-hour episodes and will debut with a 2 hour premiere on Sun., Apr. 3 at 9PM | 8C.

The Killing ties together three distinct stories around a single murder including the detectives assigned to the case, the victim's grieving family, and the suspects. Set in Seattle, the story also explores local politics as it follows politicians connected to the case. As the series unfolds, it becomes clear that there are no accidents; everyone has a secret, and while the characters think they've moved on, their past isn't done with them.

Now the show centers around this detective who looked slightly familiar to me.  At first glance I thought she was Ron Howard's daughter Bryce Dallas Howard

But no, not her.

It turns out her name is Mireille Enos.  And she used to be in Big Love.  She played Kathy, who was the sweet girl married to Joe, Bill's brother, when Joe's first wife went off the deep end and was poisoning people. Here's a picture of her as Kathy, then as herself, and then as the detective in The Killing.

 And

See why I thought she was Li'l Opie Cunningham's daughter?  Isn't she pretty?

Now, on the Showtime The Killing website, they have clues you can peruse, like Rosie's (the victim) room.  There is a suspect tracker where people go on and vote on who they think did it and keep watching all the twists and turns.  It's almost like an audience participation show.

It just dawned on me what show this reminded me of.  Prime Suspect.  Did any of you watch those awesome shows with the incomparable Helen Mirren?  Kind of dark, edgy, real-life stuff.  That's exactly what this show reminded me of.

Watch it, you won't be disappointed.  And if any of you can remember the name of the cheesy '80s show I keep trying to remember the name of, please let me know!

Can you guess what this is?

For some reason I am drawn to news of the weird.

Look at this picture and tell me what you see:

Go ahead, I'll wait.

So, what did you think?  Plain, beige, boring little house in Wales?  If so, that's what the owners thought too.

But then others have been looking at it with a different frame of reference.

Notice the slanting roofline?
Notice the little bit above the door?

There are idiots who are lining up to take pictures of this house because they think it looks like Hitler.
Slanting roof = weird hair parted on the side and slicked down
Upper windows = eyeballs
Thing above the door = nose & moustache

I stand by my assertion that people are dumbasses.