It's been one of those mornings

You know the kind I mean.  The kind where you wake up in a bad mood and it goes down hill from there? That kind.

Lately morning has been starting about 5 o'dark thirty, with that no good sorry ass Angus MacPhee deciding it is time for e v e r y o n e to wake up.  And wake up the hard way.

What is the hard way, you might ask?

It starts with that little bastard Angus meowing.  Then he gets louder "MEEEOOOOW!"

Then he gets this really deep down, open up his throat meow going that gets so loud it's unbelievable!

"Rrrr, rrrrr, mrrrr-ooooowwwwwww!"

We have large industrial-sized squirt bottles filled with watered-down vinegar to blast any pet who gets out of line.  And Mr. Big Ed keeps one on his side of the bed at night for just such displays of douchiness.  So the morning has started.  Angus is yowling and acting like a dick.  Mr. Big Ed is squirting the bottle without aiming or opening his eyes and all the other pets are trying to get out of the line of vinegar fire.

Then Angus decides that it is time to move on to Phase Two of his "Kill the Morning Campaign". Phase Two looks like this:

On each side of our bed are night stands.  Each with lamps, alarm clocks, various reading materials, glasses of water, eyeglasses, cell phones, house phones.  You know, the usual night stand clutter.  And right behind those night stands?  Long skinny windows with those crappy metal mini-blinds in them.

So Angus bats at the metal blinds (making loads of noise in the process) until he gets them to flip forward enough that he can get in the window behind them and start the yowling process all over again.  That way he is up much closer to our heads so we can hear him all the better.  And he has his eye on you the whole time so that the minute you raise your head up to try and start throwing the other 4 cats off of the top of the covers so you can get out from underneath them and grab him, he has rattled out of the blinds and headed for the hills.

Sometimes he even goes for Phase Three.

Phase Three looks like Phase Two except for one thing.  Instead of going around the back side of the night stands to get into the blinds and make a ruckus?

HE GOES ON TOP OF THE NIGHT STANDS AND KNOCKS ALL THAT SHIT OFF OF THEM!!

If that weren't bad enough, he does it first on one side and then when we get all cleaned up and settled back down,

HE DOES IT TO THE OTHER NIGHT STAND!!

Angus is quickly using up all of his nine lives.

That's how the morning started today.  Then I had to get up and take Nikita Babushka (the Husky Princess) outside to pee. While she is out peeing and sniffing the air, I go get Maxwell Banks (the Schnauzer with Alzheimer's) and wake him up to go pee and what do I find?  He has woken up early and just peed and shit in the kitchen floor.  And then he had stepped in it.  And kept walking.

I didn't lose it yet.  I was calm and said to myself, "Self, you can just clean this up in just a bit. Get all the dogs out to pee, give the cats their treats and then worry about it."  Then I herded Max outside and went to wake up Ernest T. Bass to go outside.  (I always sing to him "Ernest T. Bass goes pee pee on the grass")

During the 2 - 3 minutes it took me to go get Ernest T. and walk back towards the back door, Nikita had taken a big shit right in the family room.  She had just been outside and walked back inside and shit on my floor.  Bitch.

Ernest T. and I stepped around it and I took him outside and brought Max in and was starting to cuss all these damn animals under my breath.

Then I got the paper towels, spray bottle of cleaner, the swiffer and those wet swiffer sheet things and the trash can and was getting ready to clean up all the floors when my phone rang.

I almost didn't answer it, but I saw on the caller i.d. thing that it was my neighbor, The Colonel.  Since he turned 90 on Easter this year, I wouldn't feel right ducking his call.  What if he or the lovely Miss Betty had fallen or something?

So I answered it.  And he started in telling me this story of how their across the street neighbor had called them to tell them that she had seen a strange looking vehicle pull up in their driveway (The Colonel's driveway) and that a black man had gotten out of the car!!  Then TC & MB dog, Fifi had set up barking and raising cain so the black man had run back to his car and high-tailed it out of there, taking a section of their retaining wall with him.

So far this is a pretty good story since we do tend to keep the neighborhood in the loop of potential burglaries and such.  But then I guess The Col. got comfortable with his story and he started referring to the black man as the n-word.  We all know the word.  I use a lot of words.  I use a lot of really good swear words.  Never do I use that word.  Never.  And it took my poor brain a few seconds to digest the fact that he had in fact, actually said that word.  Out loud.  And assumed that it was okay to use that word with me.



So I hung up and then looked at all the dog shit and piss I had to clean.  And I cleaned it all up and then mopped the floor.

All this BEFORE I had my cup of tea.  BEFORE.

I am now drinking my tea and typing about the shitty morning I have had.  All of which started with that little douchebag Angus MacPhee.  Angus, who likes to sleep all day.  Angus, who takes really long cat naps during the day.  Angus, who will be woken up every chance I get today.  Every time I see that little bastard sleeping I am going to wake him up.  Gleefully!

No sleep for Angus!

How's your morning?

netSpend

Have you ever heard of netSpend?

Neither had I.  Until recently, that is.

I went out as I usually do and checked the mail.  And I brought it in as I usually do and then sorted it.  Lo and behold, there was a piece of important and official looking mail!


Addressed to:  Ernest Bass

This was a great surprise to me, because the only mail any of my pets get is postcards from the vet's office reminding "them" of their upcoming visits.  And his middle initial "T" was missing.


And!  Since Mr. Ernest T. Bass has no thumbs I opened his mail for him.  It was from the friendly folks (don't you just hate that word?) at netSpend.  


netSpend decided that Ernest T. needed to have a Mastercard of his very own. (Now I tried and tried to take pictures of this, but the card has shiny silver numbers on it and glared like crazy, so don't judge the photographer too harshly)

That's right, my pit bull/St. Bernard has credit.  Not just street cred.


After I quit laughing at how stupid this is, I then asked myself "Self, where did these brain trusts at netSpend get Ernest T.'s name?  And why on earth did they decide he needed and DESERVED credit with their fine high-quality institution?"


Like I said, the only other mail he has ever gotten has been from the vet's office.  But then I remembered that Ernest T. has his very own facebook page.  


Mr. Big Ed in all his wisdom decided that Ernest T. needed a facebook page and needs to post things to incite, shall we say, STRONG debate?  Could facebook have sold names and addresses to netSpend?  My guess is yes.


Any ideas as to who will be getting a phone call from me?  As soon as I can find a legitimate phone number for the lovely people at netSpend.

Tomatoes, dogs and cats, oh my!

Time for more randomness!  My menopausal brain just fires out thoughts one right after the other that have nothing to do with each other and it is damn hard to keep them in a coherent pattern sometimes, so bear with me.

Take a look at what Mr. Big Ed brought in the other day when we were being threatened with a night dipping down to freezing:

There is a HUGE metal sheet pan full of green tomatoes as well.  Aren't those fabulous?  If you live up north and aren't currently growing your own tomatoes, well, all I can say is I am so sorry.

Look at those guys!  All organically grown heirloom stock from our own compost, no chemicals anywhere, and tasty too!

I was sitting on the couch the other evening with Ernest T. Bass (who by the by takes up 3/4 of the damn couch) and looked out and here's what I saw.  I quietly yelled at Mr. Deaf Big Ed to bring my camera and get this shot from both angles so you could also see this.

3 of the 7 all lined up in descending size order.  Bassie on the couch and then Stanley Manley and skinny little Angus MacPhee in front.  Stanley at least has the good sense to bend his front legs a little bit. Those other two look like they are going to have stiff joints when they try to get up if you ask me!

Today is my birthday.  It is also Pearl Harbor Day.  But I am not celebrating Pearl Harbor Day.  Mr. Big Ed woke me up singing to me and brought me a big mug of hot tea in bed and some flowers.  This will be the first time that my son Sparky will make my birthday cake.  Our family tradition is that you get to choose whatever you want for your birthday dinner and cake.  I have always chosen my Nana's Pineapple Upside Down Cake which is the best cake in the whole world.  One of my brothers always gets the chocolate and vanilla pudding layered up dessert thing, so in our family that thing is known as Chris' Birthday Cake.  Anyhoo, it will be Sparky's first time to make the Nana's Pineapple Upside Down Cake and carry on the tradition.  Hooray for Sparky!  And if I haven't already posted the recipe for the best cake ever, let me know and I will get it up here post-haste!

Time for me to head out and get busy.  I have already used up my daily quota of !!! excitement points.

It's my birthday and my wish is that each of you will have a fabulous day and find a little peace in the excitement of the season.

DNA Clarified

I wrote to the people who did Ernest T. Bass' DNA test and asked what gives with the results.  And believe it or don't but they actually sent me a nice long reply.  On the same day!  What they said was that the reason there were 3 Intermediate breeds is this:

Each of those breeds showed up with at least a 25% of his DNA, so one grandparent was a purebred American Bulldog, one was a St. Bernard, and one was an American Staffordshire Terrier.  The other one was a mixed breed mutt dog.

Obviously there was no Significant breed to list since nothing was of 50% or greater in his profile.  The testing picks up the purebreed markers and the blank spot is where there is a mixed breed.

That makes it a lot more clear to me.

Except for the St. Bernard part.  I am sorry I just sat on the couch this evening with Ernest T. and watched the Spurs trounce Deron Williams and the rest of the Utah Jazz (Go Spurs Go!!) and kept looking at my mixed breed brown doggie wearing his striped rugby sweater and looking for any trace of St. Bernard. Can you imagine any St. Bernard wearing a sweater?

I hope Ernest T. Bass will never be judged for being 2 parts American, 1 part Swiss and 1 part Mutt Dog. You know how cruel those other snooty dogs can be at obedience school.  Plus he lives with a purebred Siberian Husky and a Miniature Schnauzer that have pedigrees back several generations.  I tell him all the time "It gets better".

Years ago I read about this doggie intelligence test and have tried it with each of the 3 dogs we currently have.  First we got Nikita Babushka the Siberian Princess and then Maxwell Banks II and more recently Ernest T. was dumped here.  So they have each had the test done in their own time of puppyhood.

Here's the test:  you take your dog to the kitchen and make them sit and stay.  Then you show them a treat and lay it on the floor.  Next you get a kitchen tea towel and lay it over the treat.  Then release the dog from stay and see what they do.  A smart dog will know that the treat is still there under the towel and will remove the towel and take the treat.

That is what Nikita did.  And swiftly too, I might add. She's a clever girl.  Then we tried it with Maxwell Banks.  It didn't go so well.  Even with Rachel Pie laying on the floor coaching him on and being a cheerleader for him and trying to show him where to cheat.  Nope, that boy never figured it out.  You could see it in his face, he just said, "Oh well, I thought there was a treat, but it sure seems to be gone now." and walked off.  Sad day for that little brain trust.  Hmmmpphh.

So when it came time for Ernest T. to get tested we sat him down and made him stay, set down the treat, layed the towel down over and let him go.  You want to guess what he did?

Did you guess that that he thought "Hey that towel looks pretty tasty and it smells like a treat, let's just eat the whole damn thing!"?  If so, you would be right.  That boy has eaten more than 12 beds and countless blankets and toys.  He is so orally fixated it is unreal.

Must be that 25% St. Bernard coming through.

Ernest T. Bass

I swear as much page time as Ernest T. gets you might think he was the only child.  The adored, fair-haired one.  The one I love the most.  But that is not true.  I really do love all my furry babies.  He is just the youngest, the newest and the one who is having a hard time fitting in with the rest of the herd.

So, remember a couple days ago when I posted photos of him and the Presa Canario dogs that I believe he is related to?  And remember that I sent off for his DNA results?  And that the Presa Canario is not a breed they test for?

Drum roll . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

The results are here!

Now, they show Significant Breed as being 50% of your dog's DNA, then going up the page is the Intermediate Breed that shows at least 25% of the DNA, and finally at the top is the Minor Breed that is at least 12.5% of the dog's DNA.

The results of Ernest T.'s test has 3 breeds but they are all across the middle in the Intermediate line.  I am not sure how to interpret this.  Does this mean they didn't find the significant more than 50% breed line? I don't really know.

Without further ado, the 3 breeds they found are:

American Bulldog which looks like this -

Saint Bernard looking like this

and finally the American Staffordshire Terrier

That last guy would be so much cuter without the stupid ear-cropping.

Now here is one more look at the Presa Canario:

What do you think?  Out of those 4 breeds which would you place in the Significant, the Intermediate and the Minor Breed categories for little Ernest T. Bass?

Randomness and a Recipe for Joann

You know how I have mentioned my trees?  I have lovely large live oak trees in my yard.  There are approximately 30 of them in the front yard alone.  The whole neighborhood was built up around the oaks. There is a tree in my across-the-street-neighbor's yard that is one of those historic oaks that is hundreds of years old.  Mine are babies at probably 100 years old.  They are gorgeous and they create a fabulous canopy over most of the front yard.

This time of year you know what having 30 live oaks in your yard means?  It means any time you go outside you are getting pelted with acorns.  And I mean pelted!  It's as if the trees are winding up their branches and pitching those little bastards right at you.

My son, Sparky has a new car that he drives and an old car that he looks at.  He used to drive the old car and now he just looks at it.  Anyhoo, they sit one right in front of the other at the top of our circular drive and when the acorns hit them you can hear the difference in hitting the old car made of thick solid metal (BAM) vs hitting the new, lighter-weight car with lots of plastic (ping).

So Mr. Big Ed and I were sitting out front on our steps the other evening enjoying the sunset and watching the cats frolicking around the yard and playing hide and go seek, and BAM!!!

One of those damn acorns fell right on me and hit me in the face.  Not just in the face, but fell between my eyeball and my eye glasses.  Then it bounced off my eye and on to the lens and then rattled around like it was in a pinball machine and dropped out the bottom on to my cheek before I caught it.

Can you believe that?  Neither could I.  What the hell would be the odds of a random acorn just happening to fall off the tree at the exact minute that I was sitting in the exact spot and leaning at the perfect angle for it to hit between my glasses and my eyeball?

Now that I think about it, I wonder why I didn't just run right out and buy a lotto ticket or something!

If we decide to stay here rather than sell everything and buy some property and go off the grid for our retirement home, I have decided that I am going to get myself a bb gun, probably pink, and keep it filled with rock salt.  And I am going to sit on my front steps and watch people drive by.  Jack asses who drive way too fast like that damn Fed Ex man who just sped by are going to get shot at.  Nice considerate people are going to get me holding up a sign that says Thanks!  with a thumbs up sign beneath.

I am going to be like Robert Duvall and Michael Caine in Second-hand Lions

Yep, that will be me.  But with a pink gun.  And probably with Ernest T. Bass as my side-kick.

Isn't Ernest T. Bass a handsome sidekick?

Did I mention that I have gotten Ernest T. a DNA test?  June Gardens over at Bye Bye Pie has done this for her 2 dogs and so I thought it would be nice for Ernest T. to know what his heritage is.  Other than just dropped-off-in-front-of-the-house-like-he-was-disposable mutt dog.  So, I ordered the kit.  It comes in the mail and basically it is two really long handled mascara brushes and an return mailing envelope to send back the mascara brushes after you swab out the dog's saliva.  It has been TWO LOOOOOOONG WEEKS since I swabbed and mailed and we are all on pins and needles to find out Ernest T. Bass' DNA.

Here's the thing, in perusing the DNA people's website there is a Dog Breed Library.  And in going through the library to see what 170 breeds they use to find your dog's DNA, I found a breed that I would swear Ernest T. has in abundance in his blood.  These dogs look like all of Ernest T.'s kinfolks for sure!

Take a look here:

Can you tell which one is my Bassie?  He's the one on bottom.  The other dog is not.

Now look at this comparison.

Ernest T. Bass on top, unnamed Presa Canario on bottom.  Don't you hate it when people cut dogs' ears? Shame on them.

Ok, so now that you have seen the Presa Canario breed and you have seen that Ernest T. does indeed resemble these dogs, guess what?

This isn't one of the breeds that they test for!  Who knows what breeds are going to show up!  It will be a mystery, that's for sure.

And now for something completely different . . . . . .


A Thanksgiving Recipe for Joann!!!

This is my tried-and-true go-to recipe for turkey and gravy.  I have used many different ones but always come back to this one.  I don't think you can make a better turkey and gravy than this.  This comes from the Bon Appetit 1994 Thanksgiving issue.  You can sometimes find these at the Half-Price Books or at estate sales.

Roast Turkey with Maple Herb Butter and Gravy

2 cups apple cider
1/3 cup pure maple syrup (I always use 1/2 cup)
2 Tbsp. fresh thyme chopped
2 Tbsp. fresh marjoram chopped
1 1/2 tsp. grated lemon peel
3/4 cup (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, at room temp.

1 14-lb. turkey, neck and giblets reserved (I always get a bigger turkey)
2 cups chopped onion (never use them, don't like them)
1 1/2 cups chopped celery with leaves
1 cup coarsely chopped carrot
2 cups canned low-salt chicken broth

Gravy Ingredients:

3 cups combined canned low-salt chicken broth and pan drippings from the turkey
3 Tbsp. all purpose flour
1 tsp chopped fresh thyme
1 small bay leaf
2 Tbsp. apple brandy

Boil apple cider and maple syrup in a heavy large saucepan over medium-high heat until reduced to 1/2 cup, about 20 minutes. (This always seems to take longer than 20 minutes for me)  Remove from heat. Mix in half of the chopped thyme, half of the marjoram and 1 1/2 tsp. of the lemon peel. Add butter and whisk until melted. Season generously with salt and pepper. Cover and refrigerate until cold.
Can be prepared to this point up to 2 days ahead. Keep refrigerated.


Position rack in lowest third of oven and preheat to 375 F. (I have started using my electric roaster for the turkey and it cooks so much faster than the regular oven)  Pat turkey dry with paper towels. Place turkey on rack set in large roasting pan. Slide hand under skin of turkey breast to loosen skin.  See if you can get your hands all the way up to the thighs under the skin.  Rub 1/2 cup maple butter under skin.  Rub 1/4 cup of the maple butter all over the outside of turkey. Reserve remaining maple butter for gravy. Tie legs together loosely to hold shape of turkey. (You may want to tuck the wing tips under as they tend to brown faster than the rest of the bird)  Arrange onion, celery, carrot and reserved turkey neck and giblets around turkey in pan. Sprinkle vegetables with remaining 1 Tbsp. of thyme and remaining 1 Tbsp. of marjoram. Pour 2 cups broth into pan.

Roast turkey 30 minutes. Reduce oven temp. to 350 F. Cover entire turkey loosely with heavy-duty foil and roast until meat thermometer inserted into thickest part of thigh registers 180 F or until juices run clear when thickest part of thigh is pierced with skewer, basting occasionally with pan juices, about 2 hours 25 minutes for unstuffed turkey or 2 hours 55 minutes for stuffed turkey. Transfer turkey to platter. Tent turkey with aluminum foil for 30 minutes; reserve mixture in pan for gravy.

For Gravy:

Strain pan juices into large measuring cup, pressing on solids with back of spoon. Spoon fat from pan juices. Add enough chicken broth to pan juices to measure 3 cups. Transfer liquid to heavy medium saucepan and bring to boil. Mix 3 Tbsp. of reserved maple butter and flour together in small bowl to form smooth paste. Whisk paste into broth mixture. Add chopped fresh thyme and bay leaf. Boil until reduced to sauce consistency, whisking occasionally, about 10 minutes. Mix in apple brandy, if desired. Season gravy to taste with salt and pepper.

Brush turkey with any remaining maple butter and serve with gravy.

This is so delicious you will want to sit right up and slap your mama.  Enjoy!

Me and Gregg Allman

What do I have in common with Gregg Allman?  Well, first off neither of us are angels.  And secondly, we both ramble.  He's a ramblin' man, and I have a ramblin' mind.  Ha!

Let's enjoy looking at the Gregg Allman of my youth, shall we?

I absolutely adored him when I was in 8th and 9th grade.  The very first t- shirt I ever bought that sported a picture of someone was Gregg Allman.  It was black.  Nowadays, the black has faded to a funky brown/purple/olive color.  How would I know this about a shirt made back in 1973?  Because I STILL have it!  It lived in my cedar chest with my favorite pair of torn-up, paint-spattered, worn-in, cool-patch wearin' Levis for many many years.  Then my teen-aged Rachel Pie person spied them and heisted them for her very own use.  So the Gregg Allman t-shirt is still in use.  All these years later.  One of these days I will dig out the shirt and the jeans and take pics for you.  Then you can say "Hey Lisa Pie, your ass used to fit in THOSE jeans?"  And I will say what every other person on the planet says, "Yes, it did.  And I will have you know that I thought I was fat and went on every flipping fad diet that came down the pike".  What the hell is wrong with girls that we all think we are fat when we are perfectly made and beautiful?

Anyhoo, the reason I woke up thinking about Ramblin' Man is because my mind was seriously all over the place.  So I will just start listing things as they occur to me.

1. You all know how much I adore Matt who dances badly around the world.  I have signed up to be notified if and when he shows up in my neck of the woods so I can gather people and go dance with him at some fabulous local sight.  And he is out right now filming for the next video!  And he is in this hemisphere!  The chances are good that this might be the year we get in!!

2. It's almost Thanksgiving.  Today is actually Nov. 12 and no one loves to decorate for Christmas more than I do, but I restrain myself until after Thanksgiving.  And last night I was driving home from Childbirth Ed class and what did my wandering eye spy?  One of the other homes in my neighborhood already had lights up.  And I thought "well maybe they aren't really Christmas lights.  Maybe they are just generic decorative lights."  I slowed down and looked and guess what?  There were not only lights on the house, but in the trees, bushes and . . . . .  

AND they also had 3 of those fake trees with lights and decorations in a cute little grouping in the yard!  Holy Way-to-jump-the-gun Batman!!!  Talk about early!

The good thing is, no matter what I do now, I wasn't the idiot who put my lights up first.  : )  Love that.

3. Thanksgiving Menu is made!  Shopping list is made and the to-do lists are being worked on.  This is all good.  And . . . .  I was able to get the group to agree to try some new recipes. I love it when that happens.  So I am here to share with you the cranberry recipe I am going to try.  Now, be forewarned that I have never made this.  But if I am willing to try this out on my family without test-driving it first, you should to.  : )

From the 2008 Bon Appetit Thanksgiving issue:

Cranberry Relish with Grapefruit and Mint

2 large pink grapefruits
1 cup sugar
2 1/2 cups cranberries (about 10 oz.)
2 Tbsp. fresh mint, chopped

Using vegetable peeler, remove peel (pink and yellow outer layer only) from 1 grapefruit in strips. Cut peel into 2-inch-long, 1/8-inch wide strips (about 1/2 cup). Squeeze grapefruits to get 1 cup juice.

Stir 1 cup sugar and 1 cup water in medium saucepan over medium heat until sugar dissolves. Add grapefruit peel; bring to boil. Reduce heat; simmer until peel is soft, about 15 minutes. Add grapefruit juice and cranberries; bring to boil. Reduce heat and simmer until berries burst, about 10 minutes. Transfer to medium bowl. Stir in mint. Cover; chill until cold. Can be made 3 days ahead. Keep chilled.

***My notes:  First off, I am completely irked by the title.  I have read enough cookbooks and recipes to know that a cranberry RELISH is one where you use them raw and grind them in the food processor with other ingredients.  Cranberry SAUCE is when you cook them and let them burst and thicken the mixture.  So if this is good and I deem this a keeper, I will change the name.  Other than that, how fabulous does this sound?  I swear I can smell it already just from the written word!  No pics necessary.


4. I sent off for Ernest T. Bass to have his DNA done and find out what mixture of breeds caused this particular dog.  He is such a handsome fellow, but everyone swears they see something different in him. So I thought I would spring for the test and find out.  And while I am patiently waiting, and patiently clicking on the website hourly to see if they have the results yet, I was perusing a dog breed website. In addition to pure breeds they also have a category of the new "Hybrid breeds".  These are like those purposely made Labradoodles, not just your average mutt dog.  And I came across the cutest picture of puppies ever.  Check this out:

Awwww.  Have you ever seen such cuteness?  Squishy, squishy, you must want to smoosh them!  These are called BaShar pups.  Half Basset hound, half Shar Pei.  Hilarious is what those are.  Absolutely precious.

Enjoy your weekend!

Shamelessly stealing a great tag line!

Pet Bull.  That's what June Gardens over at Bye Bye Pie was posting about today.  Her beautiful dog Tallulah is a rescue dog and June did that DNA thing where they tell you what breeds are in your dog. Turns out Tallulah is part American Staffordshire Terrier and Beagle amongst other breeds.  Am Staffs are one of the breeds known collectively as "Pit Bulls".

My little Ernest T. Bass is also Am Staffie and who knows what else.  Because I have not had his DNA tested yet.  I can't decide whether it is better to know and put expectations on him or to not know.  You know what I mean?

Anyhoo, here are some even newer photos of Ernest T. Bass wearing his new fun dress-up collar and carrying his Big Bone around in the front yard.  Oh yeah, that's Mr. Big Ed with him.

Enjoy!

Is that just about the most handsome puppy you have ever seen?  Aaah, a man and his dog.  And get this, that Big Bone?  Ernest T. has been carrying it around for 18 months.  It was his Christmas gift a year and a half ago!  Here is what is interesting; Ernest T. eats everything.  He has an oral fixation you can't believe.  He has eaten about 12 beds, and every toy he has ever had.  But not the Big Bone.  He carries it proudly and shows it off to everyone.  His head goes way up with the snout pointing up in the air when he has his Big Bone in his mouth.  And that tail just flaps aways like a whip hitting you if you are anywhere near it!  So happy and proud is he with his Big Bone.

Now why on earth would he NOT eat the rawhide bone and yet eat 12 beds?  Not good planning if you ask me, Ernest T.!  Oh, and I do not buy him any more beds.  Mr. Big Ed felt sorry for him not having a comfortable bed inside his dog house or in his night time kennel so he bought him two blankets at Goodwill for Christmas this year.

He ate them both already.  I really do heart my Pet Bull.

T.V. shows 2010 Part 4

Wasn't yesterday's April Fool's post about Jesse James funny?  I don't normally like to laugh at someone else's misfortune, but let's face it, he deserves it.  What a douche.

On to t.v. updates!

Survivor - OMG I am soooooo pissed.  That idiot Evil Villains Tribe is decimating themselves and who will be left standing?  Cockroaches and Evil Russell, that's who.  Poor Boston Rob, he thought he knew where everyone stood regarding alliances, etc.  But no.  Well, now he can go home and be with Amber and their new baby.  I wonder if they get some sort of psychological counseling before they re-enter society?  Meanwhile over at the Heroes camp, way to step it up Colby!  I love that guy.  He is really an honorable person, isn't he?

AR - I was truly sad to see Jeff & Jordan go.  Especially going BEFORE that idiot Caite and her boyfriend!  Those two are so dumb and so mean to each other!  And our poor little cowboys are now in last place.  Come on cowboys!  You can do it!

Saving Grace - You could have knocked me over with a feather when I looked at my dvr list and there was a brand new Saving Grace episode.  I had no idea that it was starting back right now.  I had read somewhere that they are going to wrap things up this season and finish it.  And the way Grace is going it sure looks to be that way.  I have really enjoyed this series.  Way to go Holly Hunter!  Go out on a high note!

Real World DC - They finished up yet another boring season of RW.  Even though this was the typical young people acting like fools, drinking too much, hooking up too much, NEVER CLEANING!, etc, they stepped out a bit by showing them doing some good work at non-profits and trying to pursue some career avenues.  And I loved the ending where they showed a lot of photos of them in the house and around town. That was really nice.

Now let me back track for just one minute.  What is the deal with the non-cleaning?  There are eight people living under one roof and they are all slobs?  Not one of them want to clean up after themselves.  Not one of them think they should take out the garbage.  They are getting to live in a fabulous house that they would otherwise never get to see, much less live in and the best they can do is trash it and act like fools?  Shame on them.  I bet their mamas are all embarrassed.

Castle - Wow.  Just wow.  They are really getting interesting on this show.  It is so good.  And I love that Nathan Fillian (sp???) He is a doll!  His mama and his daughter are wonderful.  It is a great show.

Modern Family - Hands down, this is the best new show on t.v.  Hysterical.  Love, love, love it!

Tool Academy - Praise the Lord!  Ding Dong the witch is dead!!  Hooray that nasty Jennavecia is gone! I don't like her.  I didn't ever believe a word that came out of her mouth.  I never trusted her motives for being there.  And the longer I watched it the more I was concerned about Kyle's sanity and good sense.  I think that boy might not be right.  What could he possibly be thinking?  Run, Kyle, Run!!!

Breaking Bad - the new season has come back with a vengeance!  You just can never tell what is going to happen next.

United States of Tara - new season just started back up.  And after several months of no alters showing themselves, Buck is back!  And Buck has the hots for Joey Lauren Adams!  Poor Tara just "thinks" she has never had sex with a woman before.  She might not have, but Buck is certainly getting busy and using her body!

Biggest Loser - No real surprises on who goes home.  However . . . .   Can you even believe that they brought back that Evil Woman from Texas?  Gawd, how it shames me that Melissa is from Texas!  There's another one that makes me question Lance's sanity.  She is just Bad News Bears, is what she is.

I know I am forgetting something really good.  But my brain is just only retaining a certain amount of information.  This is mostly due to 1/2 of it being pre-occupied with Ernest T. Bass and his continual barking at The Colonel!  If he doesn't STFU I am going to squirt him in the face with the water bottle!  Ye Gads!  Shut Up Ernest T.!  Flea bag dog.

Now that I said something negative about Ernest T, I have to say a positive to even out the karma.  My friend Debra has a cute little dog named Ronald who goes by the name of Ronnie.  Anyhoo, she takes Ronnie to classes on Saturday to learn agility and stuff that keeps his little brain occupied so that he doesn't get into trouble.  That's how it is with these overly smart dogs.  So she was showing me that Ronnie can twirl and "touch".  This is what you do when you want them to learn to touch your hand with their nose.  Then you can gradually move up to putting your hand on light switches and having them turn them on and off.  Things of that nature.

So yesterday I decided that Ernest T. is certainly smart enough to learn to do that.  I don't think he would like to learn to twirl, but he could do "touch".  We sat down with a box full of small treats and I showed him what I wanted him to do.  For 30 minutes he resisted (like he always does because he is the most stubborn dog on the planet) and then all the sudden the light bulb went on and he touched my hand. I moved my hand higher and higher and he still does it just right.  We switch back and forth between "Shake" and "touch" and he never misses.  Isn't he the most clever boy you ever heard of?  Clever and a bark-aholic, but still very clever.  : )

Today is Good Friday and I wish you all a very happy Easter weekend filled with the joy of the holiday and lots of family to share it with.  Oh, and some eggs and some Peeps!!

Let me introduce . . . .

This is Ernest T. Bass when he was just a small skinny scrawny baby who was dumped here, all unloved, unwanted and neglected.

Isn't he the cutest thing you ever saw?  See how that tail is whipping so fast you can't even see it?  I put one of Maxwell Banks' t-shirts on him and it looked like a muscle shirt!  This is the photo that I put on craigslist when we were trying to find him a home.  Are those the biggest flappiest ears ever?  And white toes on all his feetses.  Such a cutie.

And this is how big he grew up to be!  omg.  Who would have thought the rest of him would grow to fit those ears?  He is the sweetest boy most of the time.  Because he has so much bulldog in him he is stubborn as all get out, so you can never ever give in when you say something to him.  But I have never met a dog so eager to please.  And as much as it pains me to say it, this mutt dog is the smartest dog we have ever had.

Although you couldn't tell it by THAT picture!  That is how he spends most of his time, airing it out and sunning his belly-side.  Sunny side up, that's our Ernest T.!

And who have we here?  Why, that is the most handsome Little Lester Buster.  He is my most obese cat weighing in at 14 lbs.  That seems to be his "fighting weight" as they call it.  He is my snuggle bunny. We sleep together every night.  Lester has a twin brother, Stanley Manley who is not quite as plump, but still just as handsome.

This is Stanley and Lester snuggled up together just being a pile-o-cats.  How cute it that?

I will save the cuteness that is Nikita Babushka, Maxwell Banks II, and Angus MacPhee and Fergus Jackson MacPhee for later.  I wouldn't want to overwhelm you with all the preciousness!!

The Tale of the Bad Dog and the even Badder Doggie Daddy

This tale takes place on Friday. Friday started out to be a really nice day. My nephew the Little Pumpkin came over to spend the day with his favorite aunt because he goes to a high-falutin' private school that has lots of holidays. Way more holidays than his parents get from their jobs. So he occasionally gets to spend the day with me doing fun things while his parents are at work wishing they were not there.

Mr. Big Ed and I were to have dinner with our around-the-corner neighbors who we like very much, so this was going to stretch from being a really nice day into a nice evening as well. I did what I always do and ask "What can I bring?" and was asked to bring a dessert. So I searched than pantry and found that lo and behold I had all the ingredients to make my all-time favorite cake, Nana's Pineapple Upside Down Cake. This is definitely not that nasty plain white cake with a pineapple ring and cherry in the middle on top of it. I don't care for that cake. Maybe it is because I was raised eating Nana's Pineapple Upside Down Cake? Whatever.

This is the best cake in the world. And every year when my mom would ask, what cake do you want for your birthday cake, this is the cake I chose. And this is what I chose to make for our friends. It turned out perfect. Baked just the right amount of time and cooled just the right amount to turn out of the pan onto the cut glass cake pedestal that I have.

You know where I am going with this, don't you? Mr. Big Ed who is known far and wide for not being able to completely shut a door, a cabinet, a drawer, anything! Well, Mr. Big Ed managed to leave the sliding glass door partially open and Ernest T. Bass comes trotting in and smells freshly baked cake and decides it must be for him. Even though it is clearly on the counter. And clearly away from the edge. And even more clearly on the pedestal cake plate for presentation to the neighbors.

I walked in to find he has eaten halfway around the edge of the cake. I screamed at him and then I screamed at his father. Then after I calmed down I had to call our friends and tell them that "the dog had eaten our dessert". They laughed and said Come on over and don't worry about it. But I worried about it. And I called Ernest T. names and I called his father even MORE names. Very descriptive names.

Wouldn't you have done the same after seeing this?