Let me introduce . . . .

This is Ernest T. Bass when he was just a small skinny scrawny baby who was dumped here, all unloved, unwanted and neglected.

Isn't he the cutest thing you ever saw?  See how that tail is whipping so fast you can't even see it?  I put one of Maxwell Banks' t-shirts on him and it looked like a muscle shirt!  This is the photo that I put on craigslist when we were trying to find him a home.  Are those the biggest flappiest ears ever?  And white toes on all his feetses.  Such a cutie.

And this is how big he grew up to be!  omg.  Who would have thought the rest of him would grow to fit those ears?  He is the sweetest boy most of the time.  Because he has so much bulldog in him he is stubborn as all get out, so you can never ever give in when you say something to him.  But I have never met a dog so eager to please.  And as much as it pains me to say it, this mutt dog is the smartest dog we have ever had.

Although you couldn't tell it by THAT picture!  That is how he spends most of his time, airing it out and sunning his belly-side.  Sunny side up, that's our Ernest T.!

And who have we here?  Why, that is the most handsome Little Lester Buster.  He is my most obese cat weighing in at 14 lbs.  That seems to be his "fighting weight" as they call it.  He is my snuggle bunny. We sleep together every night.  Lester has a twin brother, Stanley Manley who is not quite as plump, but still just as handsome.

This is Stanley and Lester snuggled up together just being a pile-o-cats.  How cute it that?

I will save the cuteness that is Nikita Babushka, Maxwell Banks II, and Angus MacPhee and Fergus Jackson MacPhee for later.  I wouldn't want to overwhelm you with all the preciousness!!

And then the Angels came down and sang, "Hallelujah, Hoss!!"

Yes indeedy, there was singing!  You know why, don't you?  Those men showed up and installed my brand new and oh-so-gorgeous new cooktop (that being the new proper name) and vent-a-hood which is nowadays called a range hood.  Does this not put you in the mood to sing "Home, Home on the Range (hood)"?  Or picture the Lone Ranger (in a hood)?

"Hoss, you bring your ole Pappy that thar range hood now, ya hear?"  "Dag-nabbit Pa, I ain't done whittlin' the range hood, you jest hold yer horses!"

And as happy as I was about all this, I was also the same amount of frustrated that my beautiful 24-inch iMac has turned on me.  Here I am full of glowing reports and nothing but kind and loving things to say about this machine and what does it do to me?  It won't let me post any of the 16 photos I have for you of the Before, During and After of the Appliance Installation. (This is actually my second attempt because I had to close everything up and walk away)  So, here I go trying once again.  Cross your fingers, toes, eyes, arms, legs, whatever it is you want to cross for luck.  and here goes!

Yea!!!  First is the old Jenn-Air with the non-functioning useless downdraft, and then the circa 1977 vent-a-hood.  I wish I had thought to put the hood picture above the Jenn-Air picture since that is the way they are in real life.  Oh well, live and learn.  You see how big and bulky that vent-a-hood is?  Guess how many times I have smacked my head on the sharp pointy corners?

Oh look!!  Not one, but TWO, count them, TWO installer/delivery dudes!!  Oh my stars and garters, was I ever happy to see them.  This is them unhooking the behemoth that was the vent-a-hood.

Look!  It's all gone!  Bye bye, so long, farewell, adios!  And if you look above the cabinets you can see my beautiful green tea ice cream colored walls.  I adore that color!

This is the top side of the brand spanking new range hood.  See how sleek and modern?  Normally, sleek and modern aren't my taste, but apparently it is when we are talking about vent-a-hoods, I mean range hoods!

Look!  large cavernous hole where the old Jenn-Air used to reside.  And a ton of crap on either side of that hole due to everything being moved about.  Do you think I have enough wooden spoons?  They are one of the things I collect.  Every time we go to a new place I look for a hand made wooden spoon.

Ta-Da!  The beginnings of a new cooking experience for me!  And a whole lot of crap covered in sawdust due to the hole having to be cut.

Isn't it a sight to behold?  Do you see how much headspace there is now?  Can you see the line of sticky stuff where the old vent-a-hood used to be?  I have some Goo-Gone that should take care of that.  I can hardly WAIT to get in there and get all FIVE burners going at once!  There will be some cooking going on this weekend.  Woo Hoo!!!

I didn't have to kill anyone, my head didn't explode and I am deliriously happy with my new shiny pretty toys.  Yea!!!

Waiting . . .

Still waiting on my scheduled Monday delivery.  I alternate between the old ballad "I've been waiting! for a girl like you" by Foreigner (right?) and the newer "Waiting, waiting on the world to change" and when I don't have these lovely ditties stuck in my head, I am going with the Jeopardy music.

I did receive a call from one of the many and plethora of supposed delivery guys that I have spoken with over the last week who tells me that he might be showing up today.  He might have one or he might have both items and did I want him to bother coming by with just one?  I told him that if I didn't have both items installed today he would be able to see my head explode from across town.

My new facebook post says that Customer Service Departments should all be changed to The Department of Broken Promises.  Dastardly dogs, all of them.

More later, in case they actually DO show up.  If not, please look out your window to have a better view of my head exploding.

I am trying to be calm.

I was waiting all day to post the before and after photos of my brand spanking new cooktop and vent-a-hood.  I took all kinds of photos of the Before starring the old Jenn-Air and the really really old vent-a-hood.  And waiting and waiting for the delivery/installer dudes to deliver and install the gorgeous Consumer Reports-rated new stuff.  I am trying to be calm.

So last week I trotted myself on down to Sears because the Consumer Reports top 2 rated cooktops are sold there and scoped everything out.  Sears was having a 25% off sale on these types of large appliances.  I did select what I wanted and paid for them. (So much for increasing my savings acct. by $20,000 this year.)  I am trying to be calm.

Then Mr. Big Ed kept haranguing me and asking a million questions about what they looked like, how are the burners configured and how far out does the new sleeker vent-a-hood stick out and that sort of thing.  Who knew he cared?  Who knew he was the least bit interested?  Not me.

I had the bright idea of getting out my receipts and looking up the Model No. of each and showing them to him on the Sears website.  Plugged in the number for the cooktop and it was there, all shiny and pretty.  Plugged in the number of the vent-a-hood and guess what?  It was the WRONG ONE!!!  That little pencil neck sales dude was off by one digit and they were going to try and install a 30" vent-a-hood in a 36" hole.  Wouldn't that be attractive?  I am trying to be calm.

So I called Sears at the number my pencil neck sales dude wrote on the receipt and guess what happened?  Did you guess that I got an automated answering machine that asks 5 gazillion questions?  That is what happened!   I did finally get through to the store, and was told they were all too flipping busy to talk to me and fix my problem.  I did give them all my info and someone was to call me back directly.  I am trying to be calm.

You know that never happened, don't you?  I called Sears 2 more times trying to get through and then I got pissed.  Seriously.  Pissed.  Off.  Why don't the customer service people of the world understand that when they piss off a 50 year old menopausal woman who has raised TEENAGERS, they are going to get a huge ration of shit and then they will get the short end of the stick.  I have given up trying to be patient with idiots and I refuse to EVER suffer any fools again.  If you don't like people, and you don't want to apologize profusely, get the hell out of customer service.  I am trying to be calm.

You know what I did?  I put on my "I mean business" pants and took all my paperwork and went over there and demanded to speak with a manager.  Then I got some new pencil neck sales dude to call the warehouse and cancel the 1st (wrong) vent-a-hood and order the 2nd (correct) one.

Since then I have had about 10 phone calls from 2 different delivery/installer companies both claiming to be the ones who are going to bring and install my 2 new appliances.  And just now?  I got a call from one of them saying that since my 1st vent-a-hood was cancelled they can't bring me the cooktop because it is now "AN INCOMPLETE ORDER".  WTF???  So, complete that order and bring me the right vent-a-hood!  That was my reply.  I am STILL trying to be calm.

Then I was told that no, the warehouse was closing and this would all have to be resolved tomorrow. I have now learned which answers to give to the automated prompts on the Sears phone system and got through to pencil neck sales dude #3 who assures me that both items will be delivered and installed tomorrow.  I am trying to be calm.

Any bets on whether that will really happen?  Any bets on whether or not I will ever really be calm? Stay tuned for the updates and hopefully photos of the new applicances.  I will be sitting on Mr. Big Ed's meditation cushion trying to get as Zen as possible.

2 of my favorite Sweet Potato recipes!

I mentioned my Mashed Sweet Potatoes in Orange Cups the other day so I thought I would share that recipe and also another of my favorites using sweet potatoes.  Here goes!

Caribbean Sweet Potato Salad this stuff is fabulicious!  I make it every year at Father's Day or Mr. Big Ed's birthday (both in June) to serve along side the Copper River Salmon.  We get Copper River Salmon for about 2 to 3 weeks each year, and I would give up eating for the rest of the year if it meant I could eat nothing but that salmon every day that it is available.  OMG!  It is sooooo good.  And this particular salad is excellent served with it.  As usual, the fresher the ingredients the better the outcome.  So when it calls for "corn", please get some ears of corn and cut them off.  It is really good if you roast them first.  I tend to double most of the dressing ingredients, not necessarily the oil, but all the flavorful stuff.  Instead of equal parts sweet potato and white potato, I like it about 2/3 sweet potato and 1/3 white.  And don't forget the peanuts!  They really add that finishing touch.

Here is the Mashed Sweet Potatoes in Orange Cups:  Originally from Bon Appe'tit, Nov. 2001 issue.

6 lbs. large yams
3/4 cup marshmallow creme
9 Tbsp. butter, room temp.
6 Tbsp. maple syrup
3 large eggs

9 large oranges
Additional marshmallow creme
36 pecan halves

Pierce each yam all over with fork. Working in 2 batches, cook yams in microwave 15 minutes. Turn yams over, cook until tender, about 12 minutes longer. Cut yams in half; scoop pulp into a large bowl. Add 3/4 cup marshmallow creme, butter and syrup; mash until smooth. Season with salt and pepper. Whisk in eggs. Can be made 1 day ahead. Cover, chill.

Preheat oven to 350 F. Cut a thin slice from the top and bottom of the oranges so that they will sit flat and not roll.  Then cut in halves. Scoop out the pulp; reserve for another use (ambrosia!!).  Place orange cups on 2 baking sheets. Divide yam mixture equally among cups. Top each with dollop of marshmallow creme and 2 pecan halves. Bake until beginning to brown, about 30 minutes.

***My notes:  Now this recipe is fine like it is.  BUT!  When you scoop out all that orange pulp you get a ton of delicious juice.  I like to add some of the juice in place of some of the butter.  Each stick of butter is 8 Tbsp. so I just go with that.  I use Cavender's Greek All=Purpose Seasoning in place of s&p, because it IS s&p, plus garlic and all the good stuff. So a couple shakes of Cavender's is way better!

If you have an extra orange, go ahead and zest it and put the zest in with the juice.  The first time I made this, we had some of our dearest friends over for Thanksgiving and one of them asked for an extra orange cup, and then a third!  When I commented how much he must like sweet potatoes, he said, no he didn't like sweet potatoes and was shocked that this was indeed a sweet potato dish!  I sent all the left-overs home with him.  : )

These are so good and also pretty.  I like to serve them at other times during the year, not just Thanksgiving.

Eat more sweet potatoes!  They are good for you, that's for sure.

Amazing Idiots Race around the World and Tooliest Tools of all Tools

Did you see these 2 shows last night?  If not, you missed the STUPIDEST people ever to grace the t.v. screen!  I said it, and I meant it.  Oh Lawzy!  Dumber than boxes of hair, dumber than a sack of hammers, 11 crayons short in a box of 12.

First off, Jeff and Jordan of Big Brother fame were one of the couples on Amazing Race.  Now, how much fun is it going to be watching those two brain-trusts navigate themselves around the globe?  Ha!  And just when you thought they would be the dumbest team out there?  Guess who else is racing?  None other than THIS GIRL!!

And in case you thought they couldn't get any dumber than THAT?  This silly ass father/daughter team goes and paints the WRONG HOUSE!  They had to paint part of a wall as a challenge (how challenging is this task?  Only difficult if you are color blind in my opinion) and these maroons trotted off the wrong way and then wandered into someone's home and just started painting red on the walls.  Oooh, it was hysterical to watch all these wieners wandering around Chile.

To top it off there are these 2 cowboy brothers (not unlike Cowboy from BB) who heard they were going to Chile and decided to change all their money into Brazilian reales!!  WTF?  Why on earth would they do this?  If this keeps up they are going to have to change the title of this show to Amazing that these Short Bus Rejects can even Race at all!

And then on to the newest semester (as they call it) of Tool Academy.  My, oh my.  I almost don't know what to say.  These are some pretty horrendous tools.  They have included 2 female tools this season.  One is a lesbian and the other appears to be a nympho-slut.  And as bad as the tools are, the greatest and funniest thing to me was when Trina the-oh-so-proper-and-British therapist said "tool-ish behavior".  Seriously?  Tool-ish behavior?  Very medical term there, Trina.  Has anyone checked her credentials?

Sorry for posting twice in one day, but it had to be done.  : )

Valentine's Dinner

Can you believe I never once thought to break out the camera to take photos of before, during and after the Valentine's dinner?  Me neither!  It never even occurred to me till about 2 a.m. that I could have turned this into a beautiful post.  Damn.

But what I missed in photos I will fill in with recipes!  I made these beautiful Seafood Roulades with Compound Butter, Artichokes and Coconut-Lime Jasmine Rice.  We had wonderful champagne and chocolate dipped strawberries as well.  There were chirimoyas to finish up with but we were too full. I will make something out of them today.

Here is the recipe for the Seafood Roulades as written.  Below that I will tell you what I did differently and how I tweaked it and made it 100 times better!

Seafood Roulades with Compound Butter

2 salmon fillets, thin
3 flounder fillets
8 whole sea scallops
1 Tbsp chopped fresh dill
1 Tbsp chopped fresh parsley
1 stick butter, room temp.
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp freshly ground black pepper

On your counter top lay out a sheet of parchment paper and top it with a layer of plastic wrap.  Lay out your fillets of salmon, tails away from you. Over lay the fillets of flounder about 1 inch over the tails of the salmon. Then place the scallops on a metal skewer and set at the end of the flounder furthest away from you. Sprinkle the fish with the herbs and salt and pepper.

Using the plastic wrap lift and pull the far end of the fish towards you so that the plastic begins to pull the flounder over the scallops (jelly roll style). Be sure not to roll the plastic into the fish roll. Use a sheet pan to push the roll tightly as the pull the plastic toward you. (This is much like rolling sushi and is much easier to do than it is to describe!). The roll should be tight and you should be able to remove the sheet of plastic.  Then roll the fish in the parchment away from you so it is covered and can be placed in the refrigerator. Refrigerator for 1 hour or longer.

Meanwhile make the compound butter by placing the room temperature butter in a large bowl and using a wooden spoon mix all ingredients into it. Place the mixture on a piece of parchment in the shape of a sausage and roll the parchment around it and twist the ends. Place in the freezer for 10 minutes to set up or just leave in the refrigerator.  When it is firm, slice into 1/4-inch rounds and remove the parchment.

Preheat your broiler and place the oven rack 6 inches below the heating element.  Remove the metal skewer and slice the roulade into 3/4 to 1 inch rounds.  You should get about 9 or 10 rounds out of this. Place the rounds onto a broiler pan that is lightly brushed with oil and then remove the parchment from each roulade. You can brush the tops lightly with the oil as well. Cook under the broiler for 3 to 6 minutes depending on how well done you like your fish and how thick your slices are.

Serve each fish roll with a slice of the compound butter on top.

****Notes****  I saw this done on Alton Brown's show in Food Network.  It really is easy to do and difficult to describe.  The first time I made this I was disappointed in how bland it all was.  Booooorrrriinggg!  But I knew this recipe had potential, so I upped everything and it was so flipping good this time, it was fabu-licious!!!

Here is what I did: My fish guy didn't have flounder, so I used Dover Sole.  I used marjoram and thyme rather than dill and parsley.  I added in several tablespoons of lemon and lime zest, 2 finely chopped cloves of garlic and more salt and pepper.  Then I sprinkled this all over the fish before I rolled it.

For the compound butter I used the marjoram, thyme, lemon zest, salt and pepper but no garlic.

I cut the lemons and limes that I zested into thirds and threw them in the pot with the artichokes along with some garlic, salt and olive oil and just cooked till tender.

This is one of those dinners with lots of prep work and then it all comes together easy-peasy.  Give it a try and see what you think.

Oh, and last time I made the roulades I served them with roasted asparagus and sweet potatoes cooked in orange cups.  Think of the possibilities of using different types of fish, or rolling around shrimp or lobster or some lump crab.

Buen Provecho!

Feb. Monthly Decluttering

February is supposed to be the month for de-cluttering the Living/Dining Rooms.  I lumped them in together because they are rather attached and go together.  And it has been suggested that I do a bunch of Before Photos and then After the Decluttering Photos.  So here goes the Before shots:

This is from the foyer looking at the doors that lead to the living/dining rooms.  When we moved into this house there were no doors here, just a big framed-out doorway.  After you got into the living room there were doors to the dining room.  These two rooms are similar in size and it just never made sense to me why there were doors closing off the dining room.  And get this?  Those were the ugliest flipping doors you ever saw!  Uggggg- lllllly is what they were.  My friend Norma took them and her husband put at least one of them in her laundry room.  That's how ugly they were.  One night I woke up in the middle of the night dreaming that I had put gorgeous stained glass doors in the entryway to the living dining room area and made it more of a combo room set.  So then I set about learning about stained glass, patterns and textures as well as colors.  It took me well over a year to design a pattern and then work with the glass guy on colors and textures.  It is a fascinating process and would really be a great hobby.  The tree trunk thing on the right of the doors is a great art piece I picked up in an antique shop in Puebla, Mexico.  It really is a tree trunk and has carvings all around it representing Adam, Eve, the apple, the snake, the tree and the angel who is telling them to get the hell out of Dodge.  I love it!  I turn it all the time so that each part of it gets equal representation.

On the left of the doors is my Greenling delivery tub.  They come and deliver fresh, local, organic goodies each Wednesday and pick up the empty tubs from the previous week's delivery.  Love Greenling!!

Here are a couple shots of the inside of the living room.  Notice the bookshelves?  I go through these all the time trying to organize them by subject matter.  In front of that is one of a set of three antique chairs that belonged to my Great-Aunt Bea.  This one still has the old original upholstery.  This will be changed  soon.  Next to that is my antique sofa and our prize possession.  The painting by Loretto Sanhueso.  We have 2 of her paintings and I wish a photo would do it justice.  It is exquisite.

These are some shots of different sides of the dining room.  The first one is straight on coming in from the living room. Then the lovely look at my block captain map for the neighborhood HOA.  I should really find another place to keep that, instead of next to the little wine cooler thing.  Then there is a pic of the buffet all cluttered up with San Pellegrino water and glasses.  What is hiding behind all that Italian water is my antique Desert Rose stuff that my Grandma gave me.  I think it looks exceptionally good against my beautiful green tea ice cream colored walls, don't you?

Ok, I tried and tried to move these last ones around so that they make sense.  But nope, not happening for me today.  These are the coordinating rugs we have in the living and dining rooms.  The top photo shows you the distance between said rugs. The middle one is the living room and then finally the dining room rug.  We love these rugs because they are not traditional oriental rug colors, they work so well with each other and are each beautiful in their own right.

What my goals are for these rooms is to:

1. Reupholster the 3 little chairs from my Aunt Bea

2. Reupholster the dining room chairs

3. Drapes or window treatments of some kind and get rid of the shitty 1970's mini blinds that I hate.

4. Touch up paint where necessary

5. Keep looking for just the perfect coffee/cocktail table for the living room.

6. Continue to fine-tune the bookshelves

I have just taken my breakfast room chairs into the antique refinisher guy and then they will go to the unholstery guy.  As soon as I get done paying for those he finishes with those I hope to have some fabric selected and take the living/dining room chairs in to the upholstery dude.

If you think of something I can do with the windows in those rooms, please let me know.  I am open to all suggestions.  Other than shitty 1970's mini blinds!

T.V. shows 2010 Part 3 1/2

I know, I should have waited till Friday to do this so we could talk about the new season of Survivor.  But I have to talk about Lost!  Are y'all watching this? Here are my questions about this, the LAST and FINAL season:
1. Why are there NEW people?
2. Who are these new people?
3. Does anyone besides me like the dual reality things going on?  I really like it.  Reminds me of Sliding Doors.  Loved that movie!
4. Claire?  Claire!!  What have they done to you?
5. If Claire has gone to the dark side, does that mean that Jack's (and Claire's) dad was also on the dark sides since the last time we saw Claire she was with old Christian in the shack that Jacob built?
6. Are Sun and Jin ever getting together?
7. What is up with the new Asian dude?  and his weirdo "interpreter"?
8. Do we know what time they are in now?  With all the time jumping they were doing I am unclear where they are now.

BIG LOVE - all I can say is WTF????   Strange goings-on over in Utah.  What is up with Bill?  Why is he so determined to run for Senator?  I agree with Joey that he is much more suited to being the new Prophet for the Juniper Creek gang.  And as good as all the actors are on this show, my hat is off to Bruce Dern.  OMG!  He is freakin' hilarious!  His character is absolutely the biggest dick I have ever seen.  What a hoot!  He must have so much fun being this guy.  I love it.  I still think Bill has lost it.

Intervention - Did you see this week's episode?  That girl flat-ass refused to participate, refused to get help, refused to have anything to do with any of her family.  I sure hope it turns out okay for her.

Hoarders - I was noticing in the most recent showing of Hoarders that these people are all seriously depressed.  Have you noticed that?  I am sure I would be depressed if I had that much crap caving in on me.  It is so sad to watch those.

Celebrity Fit Club - Ha!  New season just started up with the fat version of K-Fed, his before-Britney-girlfriend Shar Jackson, fat Sebastian Bach, fat Bobby Brown and some other people I can't remember.  So funny!  Harvey is going to be kicking some fat musical asses this season!!  : )

So set your tivo, your dvr, or whatever you record your shows with for Thursday for Survivor and Sunday for the newest and most excellent semester of Tool Academy!  Fittingly starting up on Valentine's Day.  Someone at vh1 has a wicked sense of humor!

Here's What's on My Nightstand Part II

You asked for pictures of the stacks, so here you go!

This is Stack Number 1 that I told you about last Friday.  Take note of the horrible Dear John cover and make sure you DO NOT pick it up.  Horrible disappointment that one was.  I am still reading old Norman Mailer and it is still fascinating.  Here is an interesting little note about Norman Mailer:  when we lived in Chile my son told me that his friend Alejandro's grandfather was a famous author, so I was like "oh yeah? who is he?"  Turns out Alejandro's mother is Susan Mailer, daughter to Norm there.  And this book I am reading?  He dedicated it to all his grandchildren and there is Alejandro listed right there as grandchild #2.

Here is Stack #2.  It is holding my oh-so-shiny-Christmas-box-of-Puffs.  First we have Anita Shreve's "A Wedding in December", then a really old like 1960's National Geographic book about the Aztecs that I found at Goodwill.  It has some great pics of Mexico City before the smog.  Anyway, I will be perusing it in depth sometime in the future.

Beneath the Aztecs is a "historical fiction biography" about Mary Magdalene.  Now, this author did a similar fictional biography about Cleopatra that I read about 10 years ago and boy, was it good!  I loved it!  So I am all excited to see what she is going to do with this one.  Don't you also love how I didn't remove any of my Goodwill stickers?

And last but not least . . . . . 

This is just a random bookshelf in my bedroom.  Lots of eclectic mix of things here.  On the far left is a big sewing book that has to sit up on end because it sticks out into the room otherwise.  Then we have Frank McCourt, oh!  and next is an awesome book called "Sor Juana's Second Dream".  I met this author, Alicia Gaspar de Alba at a wonderful writing workshop that is put on annually here by Sandra Cisneros.  Really good book.  Lots of random stuff and a Dog Whisperer book and a Brighton jewelry tin and a big brass bell that is great for using at a Bunco game.  Most of the way over on the right is one of my all-time favorite books called "Good News from North Haven".  This is the book that I buy for people who need a good read when they are home recuperating from surgery or an illness or just need a pick-me-up.  Check it out.

Happy Reading to all.  As always, please post some suggestions.

Here's What's on My Nightstand

I was asked recently for some book/author recommendations.  Yes, I read.  I read a lot!  One of my all-time favorite things is to hang out at the library and imagine all the possibilities of what I could read.

I am a cheap date.  Set me up in the library or a good used book store and it's an evening to remember!

So, here is what is on my nightstand.  Truthfully, this is the FRONT stack.  There is also a BACK stack that is right behind this stack, but one stack at a time, people.  One stack at a time.  : )

First up, the one I am currently reading.  I am about 1/3 of the way through this and you want to talk about a page-turner!  Well, this book is definitely that. "The Castle in the Forest" by Norman Mailer.  Don't you love one of those historical novels that leaves you wondering how much is truth and fact and how much is Sr. Mailer's imaginings?  I do.  And as soon as I finish this book I will research all I can and see if I can separate fact from fiction in my head.  The fantastical elements of this book remind me a bit of The Satanic Verses, which is one of my Top 10 Books.

Sitting underneath "The Castle in the Forest" is a piece of crap called "Dear John".  This horrible travesty of writing was put out by Nicholas "Let's pump out some more tear-jerking swill and see who wants to make it into a movie" Sparks.  I don't know why I own this book.  I was possessed by something evil when I was walking the aisles at Target and my hand reached out and put it into my cart, shopping cart, buggy or whatever you want to call that trolly that we shop with.  DO NOT waste your time on this book.  I would go so far as to say DO NOT waste your time going to see the flipping movie either.  Crap, crap, and more crap.  Nicholas Sparks, you owe me my money back and I would appreciate a few hours of my life back as well.

Next is "Committed" the follow-up to "Eat Pray Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert.  I soooooo loved "Eat Pray Love"!  That book spoke to so many people.  So I have high hopes for this one.  I will let you know as soon as I read it.  Don't you hope it's good?  And that she is not a one-hit-wonder?  Me too!

And the last one in this stack is "La Isla bajo El Mar" by Isabel Allende.  If you know anything about me, you should know that I have read Every.  Single.   Book.  by Ms. Allende.  I adore her!  When we lived in South America I started reading her in Spanish since that's the language she writes in.  And I tell you, what a way to increase my vocabulary and learn at the same time I was being not just entertained, but thrilled!  I also OWN  Every. Single. Book. she has written!  She did a wonderful set of 3 (so far) for kids that are just beyond the Harry Potter stage in addition to all her other books.  She wrote the saddest book I have ever read "Paula" about when her daughter was deathly ill.  If you haven't read any Isabel Allende, you must start.  And you must start with House of the Spirits.   It is a masterpiece.

You know how people always ask if you could have any 5 people over for dinner, living or dead, who would you choose?  Well, Isabel Allende would make my list.  That is how much I am in love with her and all her talented writing.

Any recommendations?

HUGE Rant coming here! Prepare yourselves!

Gird your loins!  or whatever it is that you do to prepare yourself for a really big rant and some really bad news!

I was reading the news on the internet this morning as I am wont to do.  And what did I spy?  An article about a new Monopoly game!  That's what!  OMG!  Guess who loves herself some Monopoly games?  I have more than I can count on one hand, but not more than I can count on two hands, cause that would just be weird and hoarder-ish, wouldn't it?

Or would it?

Anyhoo, back to said article which you can read Here 

Take a look at this horrific thing:

(pssst, did you notice that I figured out how to put a pic up in my blog again??)  : )  Soo happy!!

Here is what they did:  

1. They took the guts out of the game.

2. They took the money out of the game.

3.  They made it ROUND.

4.  They took away the houses and hotels.

5. They took away the cute little metal tokens!!!  

6. They put shitty plastic tabs in place of the metal tokens!

7. There is no way to do side-deals, no way to put income tax, etc in free parking.

8. There is no way to learn to count out money.

9. Basically, they took the game out of the game.  

Grrrr.  Rat bastards.  I am so ticked off right now that I am highly pissed off!  WTF is the point of the game now?  Nothing to hold, nothing to count, it doesn't even seem like a game at all!

I have already sent a scathing email to the rat bastards at Hasbro.  Shame on them.  Imagine coming up with a new game idea in the idea meeting that is basically "Here is a new twist on an old game about buying and selling property; there will be no money to handle, there will be no cute little race cars or slow little irons, no way to negotiate, and let's just squeeeeeeze all the fun right on out of this classic game".  How the hell did this idea make it out of the idea room?  Were they all high?  Were they all "bored"  (get it? BOARD games???)  All I know, is they are all RAT BASTARDS!

And not only will I not buy this travesty piece of crap, I will boycott all of their games if they don't shape up.  Shape up back to a square board game, not a round one.

Update, my ass.  Hhhmmmmppphh.

Really Big Love

Oh. My. Heck.

Did you see what I did there?  I started a post that is about Mormons with a saying that Mormons use.  It's true!  Every Mormon I know says "Oh my heck!"  I think it is about as cute as you can be when using a euphemism for @#$%%^ You!

Ok, on to last night's episode of Big Love.  Normally, I don't devote a whole post to just one show.  Normally, it's a recap of all the insanity that has gone through the t.v. airwaves over a week or more.  But, did you see Big Love last night?

O.M.G.!!!

These people are flipping out!  I swear each and everyone of them is certifiable.  Maybe not that cute baby girl of Marjean's.  But other than that cute baby girl.  They are all batshit craaaaa-zy!  Let's start with, hmmm, who shall we start with?  Maybe the most batshit crazy one of all?

Albie!!!  Lawzy, lawzy, that boy has gone to another level of the nut house, hasn't he?  What law or commandment hasn't he broken over the seasons?  Any?  Probably not.  But last night he really did it. He went and added B&E, crazy weirdo stalker guy, and selling your own mother to his resume.

Marjean & Ben - we may as well get that all out in one since it was all them together anyhoo.  This is not going to end well.  And let me just say right here, that this is what?  Season 5?  Whatever it is, we as the viewers have been led to believe that most, if not ALL, of Bill's problems stem from his being kicked out of Juniper Creek as a young teenaged boy by Roman.  The old guys want to preserve all the young fillies for themselves and not those attractive hot young boys.  So out with the boys as soon as they show signs of looking at the girls.  So, after all this, Bill comes up with the EXACT SAME THING to do to his own son?  Just for having the nerve to be human and notice how attractive the hot young Wife #3 is? Oh, I can NOT wait to see what Barb has to say about her number 1 son being evicted.  And where will he go?  He only has so may choices; his newly married sister who has gone to la-la land what with "stealing" an Indian meth-head's baby, or out to Juniper Creek where his Uncle Joey and his Grandparents live.  I am not counting Barb's family as options because they don't really seem to give a shit about the kids, now do they?  In any case, this is NOT GOOD at all for poor little Ben.

Barb & Sara - This whole thing out on the reservation is very odd.  Did Barb really hit that girl?  Or did she being a sneaky drug user/mule/dealer see a way to make some $$ and pretend to get hit?  I don't know.  But Sara having that baby is not going to be good.  Sure looks like she and new hubby are going to run with that baby and not return it to tribal lands as they were instructed.  This will cause all sorts of havoc at the casino for Mom and Dad.  Not good, Sara.

and last but not least . . . .

Bill - Oh Bill, what have you done?  It's not bad enough that you have dragged your perfectly normal family into polygamy, you have alienated Barb from her family, you use and manipulate everyone around you and claim to have such pure motives, but the way you betrayed your best (and seemingly ONLY) friend last night was just mean and shitty.  Shame, shame, I know your name!  That poor Don just walks around with a black cloud over his head, doesn't he?  But that's no reason to do what you did.

Bill claims that he is being guided by Holy Father to run for public office, but he gets hit at every turn by what appear to be BIGGER signs that maybe this might not be the thing to do, and he just bulldozes over all of them.  This is going to blow up in his face HUGE!!!

All signs at the beginning of this season pointed to Bill going to be the next Prophet at Juniper Creek, but he thinks he should be a Senator instead.  Now, it appears that this will end up being a huge disaster and he may have to retreat to Juniper Creek and then suddenly have an epiphany that maybe he is really supposed to be the Prophet after all.  We shall see.  There will end up being a showdown between him and Albie for the Prophet's seat, and there should also be a showdown between him and Ben.

They are all nuts, that's my take on it.  Feel free to disagree or enlighten!