The Tale of the Bad Dog and the even Badder Doggie Daddy

This tale takes place on Friday. Friday started out to be a really nice day. My nephew the Little Pumpkin came over to spend the day with his favorite aunt because he goes to a high-falutin' private school that has lots of holidays. Way more holidays than his parents get from their jobs. So he occasionally gets to spend the day with me doing fun things while his parents are at work wishing they were not there.

Mr. Big Ed and I were to have dinner with our around-the-corner neighbors who we like very much, so this was going to stretch from being a really nice day into a nice evening as well. I did what I always do and ask "What can I bring?" and was asked to bring a dessert. So I searched than pantry and found that lo and behold I had all the ingredients to make my all-time favorite cake, Nana's Pineapple Upside Down Cake. This is definitely not that nasty plain white cake with a pineapple ring and cherry in the middle on top of it. I don't care for that cake. Maybe it is because I was raised eating Nana's Pineapple Upside Down Cake? Whatever.

This is the best cake in the world. And every year when my mom would ask, what cake do you want for your birthday cake, this is the cake I chose. And this is what I chose to make for our friends. It turned out perfect. Baked just the right amount of time and cooled just the right amount to turn out of the pan onto the cut glass cake pedestal that I have.

You know where I am going with this, don't you? Mr. Big Ed who is known far and wide for not being able to completely shut a door, a cabinet, a drawer, anything! Well, Mr. Big Ed managed to leave the sliding glass door partially open and Ernest T. Bass comes trotting in and smells freshly baked cake and decides it must be for him. Even though it is clearly on the counter. And clearly away from the edge. And even more clearly on the pedestal cake plate for presentation to the neighbors.

I walked in to find he has eaten halfway around the edge of the cake. I screamed at him and then I screamed at his father. Then after I calmed down I had to call our friends and tell them that "the dog had eaten our dessert". They laughed and said Come on over and don't worry about it. But I worried about it. And I called Ernest T. names and I called his father even MORE names. Very descriptive names.

Wouldn't you have done the same after seeing this?

Good vs Evil

Did you watch Survivor last night? Not much in the way of surprises due to CBS showing 3/4 of all the action on the previews all frigging week long! It was obvious that it was the Good Russell who was going down. What was not so obvious was how bad he really was. Lawzy, lawzy, that guy was in really bad shape!

And the Evil Russell? Well, he is an Energizer Bunny of a Survivor, isn't he? He's a Timex watch (takes a licking and keeps on ticking) of a Survivor, too! He seems kinda like the Houston/Cajun version of Boston Rob, is what he is. Sneaky, snakey and e-vil like the de-vil.

Anyhoo, I just wanted to say how much I am going to miss Good Russell now that he is gone. It will be interesting to see what his team's dynamics will be now that they don't have his calm leadership to influence them.

Bye, Good Russell, we hardly knew ye!

Rambling, yet again

It's been a whole week since I last posted anything. I got nothing. Nothing exciting, anyway. I thought I might just recap what has been going on for a whole 7 days.

1. Meeting with a client who was over her 40 week due date.

2. Meeting with a new client who is due next month. Woo Hoo!!

3. Neighborhood HOA 1st neighborhood wide garage sale. Of course, I managed to shop at most of the particapants on both days. I did get some treasures, too! I also got several practical items. Nothing overboard.

4. Overdue client went into labor and we had a medium-length birth. Not too long, and not too short. Mom and baby are doing really well and breastfeeding like professionals. I am so proud and honored to be of service. I would do this for free, but it sure is nice to get paid. :)

5. Enjoying the most beautiful and delicious weather for the past week for so. I tell you, it just does not get any better than this. Perfect temps, perfect amount of humidity, perfect breezes to sit outside and enjoy. I love it.

6. Helping with the plans for the upcoming doula training. This will be a great training, I am sooooo looking forward to it and meeting and welcoming new doulas into the group.

7. Working on plans for Rachel Pie's graduation celebration. My small, tiny, precious baby girl is actually graduating from a university on Dec. 12. It boggles my mind and leaves me all bumfuzzled, yes it does. Rachel Pie is the best!

8. Trying to learn to make better and healthier choices. Like taking the stairs vs. elevator at the hospital. Not parking at the closest spot to the door and walking a bit further each time. Trying to do a little less caffeine each day. Taking some vitamins and generally being more holistic in my approach to my health.

9. Watching all these damn tv shows I try to keep up with! One day I may give up my tv, but not now. Right now I am having a good time watching a good variety of shows.

10. Tea Hoarding Update: Alright I made it into the 10th month before I bought any tea. I bought some chamomile which for me is a medicinal herb, so I think it doesn't count in my challenge. My challenge has been all about reducing my over-stocked accumulation of teas. What do you want to bet that next year I can challenge myself regarding tea tins and canisters? Ha! I am doing really well with this and I like the results I am seeing in my pantry and also in my resolve to stay with it.

Ok, 10 is plenty of rambling things. Is anyone working on holiday gifts? Is anyone working on Thanksgiving menu preparations? Is anyone else quite as anal retentive and ocd about this crap as I am ? :)

T.V. Updates #3,452,856

I don't recall doing a t.v. update in a good long time. Any bets on whether I remember anything to update? :)

BB- finished!!! and Praise the Lord that Natalie didn't win. That's all I have to say about that.

Survivor - Can someone please tell me what is wrong with that tribe with the Evil Russell? As opposed to the winning tribe with the nice Russell? What a bunch of maroons!

Tool Academy - It showed a lot of restraint on my part to not put this at the top of the list! They have definitely scraped the bottom of the barrel to find these tools AND the girlfriends. Lordy, Lordy, there are some scumbags on this season. And Dre-P and Leah are gone! Can I get an AMEN to that? That girl was getting on my last nerve.

Biggest Loser - Is there anything sadder than poor Coach Mo being stuck with Tracy as a partner by default? I don't like that girl. I don't trust that girl. And poor Coach Mo! I just hope he can stick it out till they go to an individual voting out situation. I like most of the other people. Not so much the pink team, they aren't showing much as far as competitiveness and loyalty to each other. But who is sweeter than Daniel? No one, that's who!!

Castle - I really, really, really like Castle. I like him, I like his mom, and even the supporting cast of cops. It's a good show.

Sons of Anarchy - If you can get past the idea of Ron Perlman from the Beauty and the Beast show being the head dude of a motorcycle "club" and being married to Peg Bundy who is the mother of a guy that looks just like Kurt Cobain, well you are watching a pretty damn good show. It took me about 2 minutes of watching Katy Sagal to totally forget Peg Bundy. She is a bad ass on this show and her character is all about determination. Watch it online and get caught up, this is a good show.

It's Always Sunny - I ask myself every season how they are going to top what they did last season. This show is hilarious! This is one of the few shows out there that would be worth the $$$ to buy the boxed dvd sets.

DWTS - Where do they get all these bad, horrible, uncoordinated dancers? Tom De Lay dancing to Wild Thing the first week made me want to poke sharp, hot pokers in my eyes. I don't even like remembering it to type about it here. Poor Cheryl Burke!!! Debi Mazar, omg! She was horrible. If Maks can't teach her to dance, she is un-teachable. And if some of those stiff, wooden men who can't move their limbs don't go home soon, I am going to call FRAUD!! How bad would you have to be for Ty Murray to show you how to dance? Come on, people!
And could Bruno be more expressive this season? Nope, no way. He is such a hoot!

Californication - Somehow this season started back up without my dvr remembering to record the first 2 shows. And then it started with the 3rd episode. Grrrr. So I am going to watch the first 2 at showtime on demand and get caught up before I can report on what shenanigans Hank is up to.

Entourage - this season seemed really short to me. I always like this show. I liked Lloyd standing up to Ari, I liked Turtle being in a relationship with Jamie Lynn Sigler (while the others were trolling), and what is funnier than Johnny Drama just getting through a day? Ha! It's funny that the show is about Vince, but he is the calm, cool one with all the crazies around him.

Have you picked up any new shows that are worth watching or talking about? There are a lot of news shows this season. Happy t.v. viewing!

Memory!

Yes, I am singing that damn song from Cats. I love that song, but it is one of those that gets stuck in your head and there you are walking down the aisle of the grocery store humming and annoying all the other shoppers. Seems as though I hum louder outside my head than inside my head. I bet I hum better and more on-key in my head, too!

This is the story of my life. I sit down at the computer to post something new, exciting and relevant and what happens? It all goes out the window, I get distracted by some new shiny object and nothing gets done. So I get up and go about my business and then the thought pops back in my head and we start this all over again.

And here is the fun part! When I try to remember what I was going to post about, the song Memory starts going. Then I say to myself "If I only could remember . . . . " and then my theme song soundtrack switches to "If I Only Had a Brain!!!" Lovely.

So basically this is post about me and my menopausal brain forgetting important things and remembering lame-ass songs from eons ago. Nice.

I know what you're thinking, you wish you were me, right? Yeah, not so much.

Ok, well here is what I am sure I meant to post at the beginning of all this fal-de-ral. I have just finished reading a fabulous book. It is called "A Midwife's Tale, the diary of Martha Ballard, 1782 - 1810" I am just guessing on the dates because the book is in the other room and if I wander over there to get it, chances are I may not remember to come back! Anyhoo, this is a well-researched and documented little chunk of history told through the diary of a midwife back in the 18th century in Maine. Mrs. Martha Ballard and her husband Ephraim settle in Maine in the area that became Augusta right on the Kennebuc river. Through her diary she lists all the babies she birthed, whether she was paid, what the weather was like, who died, what things she did such as planting, weaving, washing, etc., rather like an almanac. It is a really interesting read.

The author did tons and tons of research and verification of who was who in the township, what were the customs, etc. through other surviving documents, diaries, maps, etc. Speaking of maps, Martha's husband Ephraim was a surveyor and many of his maps still survive. Can you guess how much I want to go to Maine and go through the museum that houses all this stuff and look at where she lived and walked? Very exciting stuff!

Martha's sister had a daughter who became famous in her own right, Miss Clara Barton the founder of the American Red Cross. She was a feisty feminist for her time! And the great, great granddaughter who inherited the diaries became one of the very first women to become a doctor in the U.S. She is the one who donated them to the Maine state museum for their archives.

My favorite phrase I picked up from reading this is "leaving them Cleverly". This was an old British way of saying in good shape, or good health. So when Martha journaled that she left mom and babe Cleverly, she was saying all was well. I love it!

Last night I picked up "Son of a Witch", the sequel to "Wicked". I read "Wicked" a few years ago and followed it up with the "Ugly Stepsister's Tale". Now I am re-acquainting myself with the Land of Oz. Makes me wish I had the gift of imagination that the author does.

And with that, I hope this finds all of you Cleverly. I am going to find my marbles.

Christmas Presents

Okay, if you are on my Christmas list and DON'T want to know what you might be getting, turn away. Close this screen and don't peek. If you are not on my list and want to know what I am doing so as to give you some inspiration, please read ahead. If you think it is too early to think about Christmas and gifts, well you are just wrong!

So, Christmas gifting is a year-long process for me. I work and plan all year long as to what I am going to be doing and who gets what. For the last 5 or 6 years I have tried to switch to mostly all handmade gifts rather than store-bought. I am trying to get the focus back on the intention behind the holiday and the reason for gifting rather than supporting Best Buy and Target. I had frankly gotten fed up with gifting "gift cards" and can I tell you how many of the damn things go lost in my house? And I am sure mine is not the only house they go missing in. I think buying gift cards is like tossing money into a black hole.

A couple of years ago I started planting loofahs. And that year everyone on my list got their own personal loofah to scrub with, a crocheted cotton wash cloth, jars of bath salts and a bar of homemade soap. These were all gifted in a crocheted shopping bag. No waste involved here at all, no paper, no tape, everything was usable.

Before that I made flavored vinegars and olive oils. Those were really good and easy to do. The trick was finding beautiful bottles with corks to package them in. We made some pickled mixed vegetables from the garden back when we weren't living in a drought and actually HAD a garden to pick things from!!

This year I am making the cutest aprons you have ever seen. They are just precious! I am really excited about them. But not as excited as I am about this . . . . . .

For 2 almost 3 years I have been working on a cookbook as a fundraiser for San Antonio Birth Doulas http://www.sabirthdoulas.org/index.html This is a non-profit organization I work with and it is very dear to my heart. Finally, after all this time the cookbook has gone to print! Hooray!!! So I will be gifting most of the people on my list a cookbook and a new apron. I am really excited about this. Now I just have to come up with a clever way to present them.

The cookbook is very family and baby friendly. The chapters are not the usual Appetizers through Desserts. Instead we have more than 400 recipes that are categoriezed in Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, Arts & Crafts, Lunch Box & Snacks, Parties & Celebrations, Pregnancy Post-partum & Baby. All the recipes are tried and true and sent in by people who work with SABD and their family members. I am really proud of it.

If you are interested in purchasing one of these cookbooks (all the proceeds go straight to the works we do), please let me know. I would be happy to mail some out to you so that you can gift a few of these yourself.

Oh, and if you know someone who is having a baby I have printed up a new batch of the baby food cookbook I started back when my kids were small. I worked on it and refined it over the years and it is really nice. Same thing with this one, I am donating all proceeds after my printing costs back to SABD. So you can feel good about making these purchases knowing you are not only gifting a high quality book that will be used to nourish your loved ones, but you are helping us to help under-privileged women and babies. Talk about your win-win situation!

Whining. Again.

Okay, I hate whiners worse than most anybody. Whiners are annoying as all get out and whining makes me want to smack the dogwater right out of you. You will NEVER get what you want from me if you whine your request at me. NEVER. Could I be any more clear on this topic?

And yet, I am feeling pretty whiney around here. Let me 'splain. Sunday night when I was getting ready for bed I noticed that I was just not feeling great. There was the sinus thing, the sneezing thing and a bit of a scratchy throat thing. Uh Oh.

I woke up Monday feeling bad. Feeling like my sinuses were trying to kill me, to do me in, to rub me out, to lay waste to me. So I started with the emergen-c, lots of hot tea, Claritin, advil, Similisan homeopathic sinus spray and then I brought out the Big Guns.

Vick's VapoRub. That is my Go-To-Guy. I don't care what is wrong with you, Vick's will make you feel better. It is warm, soothing, moisturizing, long-lasting, and just the best. Mr. Big Ed claims he doesn't have to use it, he just can be near me and get all the Vick's action he wants.

Did you know that Vick's VapoRub has it's own website? Neither did I. Well, it does. And there is a ton of good info on that site. Did you know that Vick's makes its own little personal steamer/vaporizer apparatus? Looks much better than the bowl of hot water with some Vick's in it and a towel over my head that I currently use. I might have to see if Walgreen's carries this awesome little appliance and for how much.

But, back to the whining part of this. When I don't feel good I become Whiney McWhinerstone, Queen Whiney McWhiney Pants, Count Whine-ula of Whine-sylvania. And what does Mr. Big Ed become? He becomes Mr. Come Home Late and Keep His Distance, that's what he becomes. So instead of saying "Oh poor baby, I am so sorry you feel bad, what can I bring you?" He says lame-ass shit like "Stay away, you probably have the Swine Flu. A guy at my office has the Swine Flu." To which I said "Stay away from the damn office then!" Ha!

Have I mentioned that Mr. Big Ed is EXTREMELY suggestable? Have I ever mentioned that Mr. Big Ed is a bit of a hypochondriac? All you have to do is mention something casually in conversation and the next thing you know he has it. And he has it worse than every. other. person. on the planet. Who has EVER had it. Oh, how that man does suffer! And, oh how that man does love to whine when he's suffering! Guess how much sympathy Mr. Big Whiney Ass Hypochondriac Ed gets from me? Especially after his triflin' ass has ignored me during my travails. Sara, notice the new use of triflin'? Have you noticed how triflin' just seems to always have an "ass" right after? Triflin' ass just rolls right off the tongue, doesn't it?

I have been on the CDC website scoping out Swine Flu symptoms (just to make sure that Mr. Big Ed is not right) and I don't think I have it. I don't have fever, chills, vomiting and several other symptoms listed. What I do have is sinus pressure, sneezing, nose-blowing, that gross coughing you just can't clear your throat thing, dry itchy eyes and, no, nothing else. I think that's it. It's enough.

So I am whining and making my tea and wearing my Vick's and wishing someone would just want to come over and hold me and say Oh Poor Baby for a while. And I thought I would share all this with you.

You're welcome.

Thanks for listening and I will try not to whine too much more.