Whining. Again.

Okay, I hate whiners worse than most anybody. Whiners are annoying as all get out and whining makes me want to smack the dogwater right out of you. You will NEVER get what you want from me if you whine your request at me. NEVER. Could I be any more clear on this topic?

And yet, I am feeling pretty whiney around here. Let me 'splain. Sunday night when I was getting ready for bed I noticed that I was just not feeling great. There was the sinus thing, the sneezing thing and a bit of a scratchy throat thing. Uh Oh.

I woke up Monday feeling bad. Feeling like my sinuses were trying to kill me, to do me in, to rub me out, to lay waste to me. So I started with the emergen-c, lots of hot tea, Claritin, advil, Similisan homeopathic sinus spray and then I brought out the Big Guns.

Vick's VapoRub. That is my Go-To-Guy. I don't care what is wrong with you, Vick's will make you feel better. It is warm, soothing, moisturizing, long-lasting, and just the best. Mr. Big Ed claims he doesn't have to use it, he just can be near me and get all the Vick's action he wants.

Did you know that Vick's VapoRub has it's own website? Neither did I. Well, it does. And there is a ton of good info on that site. Did you know that Vick's makes its own little personal steamer/vaporizer apparatus? Looks much better than the bowl of hot water with some Vick's in it and a towel over my head that I currently use. I might have to see if Walgreen's carries this awesome little appliance and for how much.

But, back to the whining part of this. When I don't feel good I become Whiney McWhinerstone, Queen Whiney McWhiney Pants, Count Whine-ula of Whine-sylvania. And what does Mr. Big Ed become? He becomes Mr. Come Home Late and Keep His Distance, that's what he becomes. So instead of saying "Oh poor baby, I am so sorry you feel bad, what can I bring you?" He says lame-ass shit like "Stay away, you probably have the Swine Flu. A guy at my office has the Swine Flu." To which I said "Stay away from the damn office then!" Ha!

Have I mentioned that Mr. Big Ed is EXTREMELY suggestable? Have I ever mentioned that Mr. Big Ed is a bit of a hypochondriac? All you have to do is mention something casually in conversation and the next thing you know he has it. And he has it worse than every. other. person. on the planet. Who has EVER had it. Oh, how that man does suffer! And, oh how that man does love to whine when he's suffering! Guess how much sympathy Mr. Big Whiney Ass Hypochondriac Ed gets from me? Especially after his triflin' ass has ignored me during my travails. Sara, notice the new use of triflin'? Have you noticed how triflin' just seems to always have an "ass" right after? Triflin' ass just rolls right off the tongue, doesn't it?

I have been on the CDC website scoping out Swine Flu symptoms (just to make sure that Mr. Big Ed is not right) and I don't think I have it. I don't have fever, chills, vomiting and several other symptoms listed. What I do have is sinus pressure, sneezing, nose-blowing, that gross coughing you just can't clear your throat thing, dry itchy eyes and, no, nothing else. I think that's it. It's enough.

So I am whining and making my tea and wearing my Vick's and wishing someone would just want to come over and hold me and say Oh Poor Baby for a while. And I thought I would share all this with you.

You're welcome.

Thanks for listening and I will try not to whine too much more.