Worst Blogger Ever Returns

Hey there!  Yes, it has been 2 full weeks since I last posted anything.  Yes, I do realize I am in the Worst Blogger Ever category.  But, I have been really busy.  For reals.

My sweet little Rachel Pie is home and we have been busy staying up damn near all night long playing cards, drinking tea, drinking eggnog, crocheting, watching Christmas movies, you know, the usual.

Plus there have been many days of trudging through the grocery store to get everything we need to make:

A. Chex Party Mix.  It is not the holidays around here without tons and tons of Chex Party Mix. My s-i-l and I both make it and we go through that stuff like there's no tomorrow.

B. Tamales.  Tamales are a traditional thing to make for Christmas eve and we really try to make good ones and have enough to get through New Year's.

C. Christmas candy and treats to pass out to the neighbors.

D. Regular meals during all of this holiday shenanigans.

Now about the candy, let me tell you this, I got the recipe from the blog of someone else, and since I haven't asked her permission to send you over there, I won't do that just yet.  But if she tells me "yes, please send your 5 readers over here" I will do just that.  I got the recipe she calls Crock Pot Candy and thought it seemed like a really fun idea.  So I bought all the ingredients and did as it told me to layer them up in the crock pot and leave them for 3 hours.  DO NOT TOUCH OR STIR FOR THREE HOURS! And then you stir it all up and drop by spoonfulls into little miniature cupcake papers to set up.

I left it the requisite 3 hours and went in to find a 2 inch thick wall all the way around the inside of the crock pot of burnt all the way to charcoal mess.  It was horrendous.  You have never smelled anything so gross.  Not to mention it took days to soak, scrub and chisel that crap out of the crock pot and try to get rid of the burnt smell.

I got a few more ingredients and tried again.  I'm so brave, right?

This time I checked it after 1 hour and it was almost ready.  After 1 1/2 hours it was perfect.  My crock pot must run really hot in the low heat button.  I don't know what's up with it.  But half the time was just right for my crock pot.  I guess crock pots are like microwaves in that they are each a bit different and quirky.

So Rachel Pie and I got all the little shiny gold and silver papers ready and dropped all the ooey gooey goodness in to them and I added some crushed peppermint on top for festiveness.  We packaged these in little tins with gold tissue paper and passed them out to the neighbors.  And within an hour of returning home several of them had called to say how much they loved the candy.  Now I don't know about you, but when people come calling with treats I tend to put them on the holiday table to serve along with all my other goodies.  I don't generally open the package and scarf them down right there at the door.  But that is what they seemed to do, and they all loved them.  New recipe to add to the holiday repetoire.

Today is our 30th wedding anniversary.  Can you believe that?  Mr. Big Ed and I are officially old farts if we are that damn old.

Here's something else you aren't going to believe!  (Lisa Pie's blog, where you come to find the unbelieveable and be astounded)  Mr. Big Ed is known far and wide by his lack of the shopping and gifting gene.  The man just doesn't like to shop and is oblivious to gifts, getting or receiving.  It has taken a lot of years for him to get to the point where he is today.

In fairness, it has taken me a lot of years to learn to tone it down when gifting to him, because his not wanting a lot of stuff and a lot of fuss made over him is not a character flaw.

So when we exchanged our anniversary gifts, I almost fell out of my chair when I opened the box to find a 36 inch strand of Tahitian black pearls.

I'll just let that sentence stand alone and let that thought soak in.  Pearl is the traditional gift for 30 year anniversary.  Black pearls are one of the things that would be on my bucket list of things to acquire.

I may have toned down my gift giving just a tad too much, since all I got him was a cute little thing to heat up his towels for after the shower.  I am not saying it's a crap gift, but next to black pearls?  It didn't look all that awesome.  I hope he enjoys it as much as I will enjoy those pearls!

Mr. Big Ed knocks one out of the park!!

Okay, you know how husbands are NEVER as funny as they think they are?  Mr. Big Ed is exceptional in this regard.  I never think his jokes are funny.  He is an unfunny man, is what he is.

We were out driving the other day and it was cold and rainy and pissy and just generally gross.  And on top of that is was dusk-ish so there was very little visibility.  I pulled up to a stop sign at a T intersection and there in the T in front of us was a huge lot very overgrown and lots of trees and such and in there was a deer.  This is not an unusual phenomenon, we have all sorts of great wildlife in our neighborhood.  We were talking about how it must be hard on them in this weather never having a good place to stay warm and dry.  That constant dampness must be a hardship on them.

So I said something like "does he look unhappy?" and Mr. Big Ed says  . . . . .





"He just has that deer in the headlights look".


Ba da pa, buuuum.  (rim shot)

What's going on over here

I thought I would take a minute to let you know what has been going on with me.  I have been so irritated with the Christmas lights situation that it was completely ruining my holiday spirit.  I have a couple strings of the really old lights that use the big bulbs, you know the ones I mean.  But this house is so darn big out front that these strings would not really cover very much, so I have not been using them.  Anyhoo, all this is to say that there was a time when Christmas lights were made well.  Made to last, in fact.  Everyone knew the bulbs would burn out and that's why you bought spare bulbs.

But over the last 5 years or so, maybe even 10 years, the lights (and I am speaking here mostly of the interior ones for going on the tree and such) are of lesser and lesser quality and don't seem to make it through more than one or two seasons.  Why is that?  Did people forget how to do it right?  Or is it more likely that there is some "cutting of corners" going on in the factories?  I am sure someone came up with the bright idea that they could make more money selling replacement strings of lights rather than a few bulbs.

But what happens to all these dead strings of lights?  Did no one ever consider where they go?  Or how will they break down?

On top of all THAT! a couple years ago I was testing and unwinding lights to put on the tree and happened to look down at the plastic tags attached near the plug end of the strand and it said something along the lines of "Warning!  light strings are coated in lead.  Be sure to not put your hands in your mouth and wash hands thoroughly after handling!  MADE IN CHINA"

Huh?

Wtf?

Lead?  Really?

So I started researching and found that the ones that say LED on the box are supposed to be a much better, and safer product.  Not only that they claim that they never burn out.  Now, that's a claim I can get behind!  And of course I expected to pay a lot more for this product.  Gradually, as my strings of lights kept burning out and I would very guiltily throw them in the trash, I was replacing them with the more expensive counterparts of LED lights.

And you know how they said "never burn out"??  That's a big, fat ass lie.  Not only do they go out, but there is no possible way to just replace that bulb and move on.  The whole damn expensive strand of lights is now expensive landfill that will probably leach toxic shit into the water.

I am just disgusted and irritated and totally out of the holiday spirit by now.  And I did what I always do when faced with this kind of situation.

I asked myself, "Self, what did people do BEFORE the strands of lights?"

I know, you are going to say candles, and that they are not safe.

But surely there was something in between the days of candles and burning down the house and today's life-threatening lead-coated pieces of crap???


And I remembered seeing something from the old days that I thought would fit my needs perfectly.

Yep, I have gone old school.

We here at Chez Lisa Pie will be rocking the aluminum tree with the color wheel!

The color wheel is an all metal item that is from the 1960s and is still working.  One thing to plug in rather than 6 inferior pieces of crap that will decide to quit working.

I am soooo excited to get this thing here!!

I will keep the crappy lights that I have now and do my best to keep them working until the day I have to send them to the landfill, but I have my way out of that consumer loop now.

I did try to post the pictures of my exact tree but couldn't.  So when it arrives I will photograph the whole process of opening  the box and each of the 151 branches that go on it.  Woot!!!

In other news, it was my birthday last week.  We went out last night to celebrate by eating at our favorite restaurant, Lüke and then going to The Majestic Theater to see Fiddler on the Roof.  Everything was first rate.  The food, the company, the wine, the weather, the show.  The evening could only have been made better by the participation of the precious Rachel Pie, who sadly will not be here with us until this coming Saturday.  Yay for Saturday!!  Yay for Rachel Pie coming home!!

Rachel Pie's lovely partner who has not given me permission to use her name so I will call her Partner of Pie will be going to spend Christmas with her family.  One of these days we will have to get all of Partner's family here with all of our family so no one has to pick and choose who to be with and who to leave.  Anyhoo, what that means is that I get Rachel Pie all to myself for a few days.  Oh, the slumber partying we will do!  All the snuggling!  The staying up really late playing cards!  All the tamale-making!  It's gonna be a fun time here at the house!  Yes, indeedy.  Maybe Rachel Pie and I will get really cute matching Mother-Daughter Christmas sweaters or something?

Yeah, like that would ever happen.  Hee!!!

I want to do this

You may or may not know of my love of AC/DC.

Here is the list of the Top AC/DC inspired Christmas light extravaganzas.

Enjoy!!

This one is my favorite, not just because it's my favorite AC/DC song, but because it's THREE HOUSES all synched together to the music.  How awesome is that??

Any one think The Colonel and Miss Betty want to team up with us for an AC/DC themed Christmas?

Merry Christmas!

I'm Lisa Pie and I don't approve of all of these messages

You know that I live in the great state of Texas, right?  And you must know that our state foisted that sorry ass Shrub on you as president, and for that I am very sorry.  I didn't live here at the time, and never once did I vote for him.

And now?  Holy shitballs!  This maroon of a governor we have is running around making the Shrub look like the smart one.  Is there no one around him who can keep him at home with his mouth shut?

Look at his latest bullshit move:

Now watch some anti-Perry, anti-Christian rebuttal to this:

And last, but certainly not least, here is a message to Rick "the hair-do" Perry from Jesus:

Rick Perry is a wiener.  He has a terrible record on women's and children's issues.  If you want an in-depth look at what he has done in his political career here in Texas, go to Amazon and buy "Adios MoFo".

I heard the NPR interview with one of the authors and it seems that the publisher threw lots of money their way to write this book when Perry started showing interest in running.  Then when he started slipping in the polls, they backed off, so it is only available as an e-book.

A year or so ago at a press conference, a particular reporter just kept pushing at Perry to answer some questions about what he has done to the schools and teachers in our fine state and he kept trying to duck them and not give a straight forward answer.  At the end of it, when he thought his mic was off, he looked right at the reporter and said "Adios MoFo".

Nice, right?

So, that's where the book title came from.  Give it a read and encourage anyone you know who might actually vote for this twit in a hair-do to also read it.

Look what I got

Look what I got sent to me!

My daughter, the fabulous Rachel Pie's partner sent me this picture.  And you know how a picture is worth a thousand words?

Well, check this out:

Bahahahahahahaha!!!!!

Just look at Kim up there with her 1980's phone!

Is that the most hilarious thing you have ever seen?

The next time I go back to where my aunt lives, I am going to the cemetary to take a picture of this headstone that reads "I told you I was sick".

Heeee!  I bet her family all feel like morons having to go see that little message everytime they go pay their respects to grandma.

p.s. It's my birthday and I am off to finish putting up Christmas decorations and set up for a lunch time party I am hosting on Friday.

Thanks for stopping by!

World's Worst Blogger

That's me, the World's Worst Blogger.  I have been gone lo these many weeks.  I think it has been 3 full weeks since I have posted anything.  Just did not feel the spirit move in me.  Nothing felt worthwhile of sharing.

And now, look at what has happened!

Awww!  I can just hear y'all now, everyone saying Awww together.  Is that the cutest little guy EVER?

Well guess what?

He's dead now.

So sad.  His name is Pusuke and he lived in Japan.  He was in the Guinness Book of World Records.

For being the OLDEST LIVING DOG IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD.

And now he has up and died at the ripe old age of . . . .


wait for it . . . . .


Twenty six years and nine months.

That my friends, is  a LONG life for a doggie.

And just for the hell of it, here are some new and random photos from my life.

This first photo is of my son Sparky's newest tattoo.  A famous portrait tattoo artist was here and so Sparky took a photo of his grandmother (Mr. Big Ed's late Mama) from back when she was in high school and had this tattoo done.  It is very well done and looks great.

It's on his leg, by the by.

Next up we have me and Mr. Big Ed playing with the photo booth thing on my computer.  Look at us!  We are on a roller coaster!!

Oh look!  It's my Halloween pedicure!  Jack-o-lantern toesies!  They were cute.

Now if you are from Texas or anywhere that has a huge Mexican population you have seen barbacoa places.  If you are not, then what you should know is that barbacoa is awesome and delicious.  And some of the worst artery-clogging stuff you can put in your body.  It is the whole head of the cow slow roasted in coals forever and it is the most tender delicous stuff.  But really, it is not good for you at all.

And what better place to put a Curves gym than right next to the place that makes you fat enough to need the Curves gym!  It's like a before and after.  Go straight from the barbacoa place over to Curves and sign up, fatties!

Makes me wonder which was there first!

There's a corner gas station near here where a guy sets up his little stand selling bonsai trees.  And this is the signage he put out.  Check this out.

Were Take Credit Debit?????  Really??

Next time I will show you my November and now my December toes.  Oh, the December color is fabulous.  It's the OPI Ruby Pumps in case you want to run right out and get your toeses all holidayed-up and ready to party.

Thanks for coming back by and I will do better about getting back here more frequently.  I guess I just needed a little break.

Back to the decorating, and gift wrapping, and starting the baking!