What's going on over here

I thought I would take a minute to let you know what has been going on with me.  I have been so irritated with the Christmas lights situation that it was completely ruining my holiday spirit.  I have a couple strings of the really old lights that use the big bulbs, you know the ones I mean.  But this house is so darn big out front that these strings would not really cover very much, so I have not been using them.  Anyhoo, all this is to say that there was a time when Christmas lights were made well.  Made to last, in fact.  Everyone knew the bulbs would burn out and that's why you bought spare bulbs.

But over the last 5 years or so, maybe even 10 years, the lights (and I am speaking here mostly of the interior ones for going on the tree and such) are of lesser and lesser quality and don't seem to make it through more than one or two seasons.  Why is that?  Did people forget how to do it right?  Or is it more likely that there is some "cutting of corners" going on in the factories?  I am sure someone came up with the bright idea that they could make more money selling replacement strings of lights rather than a few bulbs.

But what happens to all these dead strings of lights?  Did no one ever consider where they go?  Or how will they break down?

On top of all THAT! a couple years ago I was testing and unwinding lights to put on the tree and happened to look down at the plastic tags attached near the plug end of the strand and it said something along the lines of "Warning!  light strings are coated in lead.  Be sure to not put your hands in your mouth and wash hands thoroughly after handling!  MADE IN CHINA"

Huh?

Wtf?

Lead?  Really?

So I started researching and found that the ones that say LED on the box are supposed to be a much better, and safer product.  Not only that they claim that they never burn out.  Now, that's a claim I can get behind!  And of course I expected to pay a lot more for this product.  Gradually, as my strings of lights kept burning out and I would very guiltily throw them in the trash, I was replacing them with the more expensive counterparts of LED lights.

And you know how they said "never burn out"??  That's a big, fat ass lie.  Not only do they go out, but there is no possible way to just replace that bulb and move on.  The whole damn expensive strand of lights is now expensive landfill that will probably leach toxic shit into the water.

I am just disgusted and irritated and totally out of the holiday spirit by now.  And I did what I always do when faced with this kind of situation.

I asked myself, "Self, what did people do BEFORE the strands of lights?"

I know, you are going to say candles, and that they are not safe.

But surely there was something in between the days of candles and burning down the house and today's life-threatening lead-coated pieces of crap???


And I remembered seeing something from the old days that I thought would fit my needs perfectly.

Yep, I have gone old school.

We here at Chez Lisa Pie will be rocking the aluminum tree with the color wheel!

The color wheel is an all metal item that is from the 1960s and is still working.  One thing to plug in rather than 6 inferior pieces of crap that will decide to quit working.

I am soooo excited to get this thing here!!

I will keep the crappy lights that I have now and do my best to keep them working until the day I have to send them to the landfill, but I have my way out of that consumer loop now.

I did try to post the pictures of my exact tree but couldn't.  So when it arrives I will photograph the whole process of opening  the box and each of the 151 branches that go on it.  Woot!!!

In other news, it was my birthday last week.  We went out last night to celebrate by eating at our favorite restaurant, Lüke and then going to The Majestic Theater to see Fiddler on the Roof.  Everything was first rate.  The food, the company, the wine, the weather, the show.  The evening could only have been made better by the participation of the precious Rachel Pie, who sadly will not be here with us until this coming Saturday.  Yay for Saturday!!  Yay for Rachel Pie coming home!!

Rachel Pie's lovely partner who has not given me permission to use her name so I will call her Partner of Pie will be going to spend Christmas with her family.  One of these days we will have to get all of Partner's family here with all of our family so no one has to pick and choose who to be with and who to leave.  Anyhoo, what that means is that I get Rachel Pie all to myself for a few days.  Oh, the slumber partying we will do!  All the snuggling!  The staying up really late playing cards!  All the tamale-making!  It's gonna be a fun time here at the house!  Yes, indeedy.  Maybe Rachel Pie and I will get really cute matching Mother-Daughter Christmas sweaters or something?

Yeah, like that would ever happen.  Hee!!!