Randomness and a Recipe for Joann

You know how I have mentioned my trees?  I have lovely large live oak trees in my yard.  There are approximately 30 of them in the front yard alone.  The whole neighborhood was built up around the oaks. There is a tree in my across-the-street-neighbor's yard that is one of those historic oaks that is hundreds of years old.  Mine are babies at probably 100 years old.  They are gorgeous and they create a fabulous canopy over most of the front yard.

This time of year you know what having 30 live oaks in your yard means?  It means any time you go outside you are getting pelted with acorns.  And I mean pelted!  It's as if the trees are winding up their branches and pitching those little bastards right at you.

My son, Sparky has a new car that he drives and an old car that he looks at.  He used to drive the old car and now he just looks at it.  Anyhoo, they sit one right in front of the other at the top of our circular drive and when the acorns hit them you can hear the difference in hitting the old car made of thick solid metal (BAM) vs hitting the new, lighter-weight car with lots of plastic (ping).

So Mr. Big Ed and I were sitting out front on our steps the other evening enjoying the sunset and watching the cats frolicking around the yard and playing hide and go seek, and BAM!!!

One of those damn acorns fell right on me and hit me in the face.  Not just in the face, but fell between my eyeball and my eye glasses.  Then it bounced off my eye and on to the lens and then rattled around like it was in a pinball machine and dropped out the bottom on to my cheek before I caught it.

Can you believe that?  Neither could I.  What the hell would be the odds of a random acorn just happening to fall off the tree at the exact minute that I was sitting in the exact spot and leaning at the perfect angle for it to hit between my glasses and my eyeball?

Now that I think about it, I wonder why I didn't just run right out and buy a lotto ticket or something!

If we decide to stay here rather than sell everything and buy some property and go off the grid for our retirement home, I have decided that I am going to get myself a bb gun, probably pink, and keep it filled with rock salt.  And I am going to sit on my front steps and watch people drive by.  Jack asses who drive way too fast like that damn Fed Ex man who just sped by are going to get shot at.  Nice considerate people are going to get me holding up a sign that says Thanks!  with a thumbs up sign beneath.

I am going to be like Robert Duvall and Michael Caine in Second-hand Lions

Yep, that will be me.  But with a pink gun.  And probably with Ernest T. Bass as my side-kick.

Isn't Ernest T. Bass a handsome sidekick?

Did I mention that I have gotten Ernest T. a DNA test?  June Gardens over at Bye Bye Pie has done this for her 2 dogs and so I thought it would be nice for Ernest T. to know what his heritage is.  Other than just dropped-off-in-front-of-the-house-like-he-was-disposable mutt dog.  So, I ordered the kit.  It comes in the mail and basically it is two really long handled mascara brushes and an return mailing envelope to send back the mascara brushes after you swab out the dog's saliva.  It has been TWO LOOOOOOONG WEEKS since I swabbed and mailed and we are all on pins and needles to find out Ernest T. Bass' DNA.

Here's the thing, in perusing the DNA people's website there is a Dog Breed Library.  And in going through the library to see what 170 breeds they use to find your dog's DNA, I found a breed that I would swear Ernest T. has in abundance in his blood.  These dogs look like all of Ernest T.'s kinfolks for sure!

Take a look here:

Can you tell which one is my Bassie?  He's the one on bottom.  The other dog is not.

Now look at this comparison.

Ernest T. Bass on top, unnamed Presa Canario on bottom.  Don't you hate it when people cut dogs' ears? Shame on them.

Ok, so now that you have seen the Presa Canario breed and you have seen that Ernest T. does indeed resemble these dogs, guess what?

This isn't one of the breeds that they test for!  Who knows what breeds are going to show up!  It will be a mystery, that's for sure.

And now for something completely different . . . . . .


A Thanksgiving Recipe for Joann!!!

This is my tried-and-true go-to recipe for turkey and gravy.  I have used many different ones but always come back to this one.  I don't think you can make a better turkey and gravy than this.  This comes from the Bon Appetit 1994 Thanksgiving issue.  You can sometimes find these at the Half-Price Books or at estate sales.

Roast Turkey with Maple Herb Butter and Gravy

2 cups apple cider
1/3 cup pure maple syrup (I always use 1/2 cup)
2 Tbsp. fresh thyme chopped
2 Tbsp. fresh marjoram chopped
1 1/2 tsp. grated lemon peel
3/4 cup (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, at room temp.

1 14-lb. turkey, neck and giblets reserved (I always get a bigger turkey)
2 cups chopped onion (never use them, don't like them)
1 1/2 cups chopped celery with leaves
1 cup coarsely chopped carrot
2 cups canned low-salt chicken broth

Gravy Ingredients:

3 cups combined canned low-salt chicken broth and pan drippings from the turkey
3 Tbsp. all purpose flour
1 tsp chopped fresh thyme
1 small bay leaf
2 Tbsp. apple brandy

Boil apple cider and maple syrup in a heavy large saucepan over medium-high heat until reduced to 1/2 cup, about 20 minutes. (This always seems to take longer than 20 minutes for me)  Remove from heat. Mix in half of the chopped thyme, half of the marjoram and 1 1/2 tsp. of the lemon peel. Add butter and whisk until melted. Season generously with salt and pepper. Cover and refrigerate until cold.
Can be prepared to this point up to 2 days ahead. Keep refrigerated.


Position rack in lowest third of oven and preheat to 375 F. (I have started using my electric roaster for the turkey and it cooks so much faster than the regular oven)  Pat turkey dry with paper towels. Place turkey on rack set in large roasting pan. Slide hand under skin of turkey breast to loosen skin.  See if you can get your hands all the way up to the thighs under the skin.  Rub 1/2 cup maple butter under skin.  Rub 1/4 cup of the maple butter all over the outside of turkey. Reserve remaining maple butter for gravy. Tie legs together loosely to hold shape of turkey. (You may want to tuck the wing tips under as they tend to brown faster than the rest of the bird)  Arrange onion, celery, carrot and reserved turkey neck and giblets around turkey in pan. Sprinkle vegetables with remaining 1 Tbsp. of thyme and remaining 1 Tbsp. of marjoram. Pour 2 cups broth into pan.

Roast turkey 30 minutes. Reduce oven temp. to 350 F. Cover entire turkey loosely with heavy-duty foil and roast until meat thermometer inserted into thickest part of thigh registers 180 F or until juices run clear when thickest part of thigh is pierced with skewer, basting occasionally with pan juices, about 2 hours 25 minutes for unstuffed turkey or 2 hours 55 minutes for stuffed turkey. Transfer turkey to platter. Tent turkey with aluminum foil for 30 minutes; reserve mixture in pan for gravy.

For Gravy:

Strain pan juices into large measuring cup, pressing on solids with back of spoon. Spoon fat from pan juices. Add enough chicken broth to pan juices to measure 3 cups. Transfer liquid to heavy medium saucepan and bring to boil. Mix 3 Tbsp. of reserved maple butter and flour together in small bowl to form smooth paste. Whisk paste into broth mixture. Add chopped fresh thyme and bay leaf. Boil until reduced to sauce consistency, whisking occasionally, about 10 minutes. Mix in apple brandy, if desired. Season gravy to taste with salt and pepper.

Brush turkey with any remaining maple butter and serve with gravy.

This is so delicious you will want to sit right up and slap your mama.  Enjoy!