Latest phone call from The Colonel

Is there anyone here who remembers the on-going saga of The Colonel and his fence?  Well, if you are interested in reading about that, look to the right and go down to the label "Neighbors" or "fences" or whatever label I put on this exciting event.

But a quick little background to this is that when we bought this house 5 years ago (right after the Queen and King B were married!!)  we met our next door neighbors who we refer to as The Colonel and Miss Betty. TC & MB are lovely people.  They are retired military, he went to Westpoint and then served in WWII, Korea and Viet Nam.  When they retired they decided to stay here rather than move back to the south where they are from.  And this neighborhood was just being built and if you just hold still long enough The Colonel will tell you all. about. the building of his house and then the subsequent building of the rest of the houses.  Here is an interesting little aside, TC & MB have been married 66 years.  They built their retirement home here back in 1973.  Now, that was the first time it ever occurred to me that anyone would live the largest part of their life in their RETIREMENT HOME!  Have you ever thought that?  It was quite the eye-opener for me.

Anyhoo, they have really interesting stories about their travels and what all he did in WWII and where all they have lived.  But as it is with lots of people whose kids, grandkids and even great-grandkids have grown and gone, it's hard to visit with them for just a few minutes.  They are thirsty for conversation and you just can't deliver a piece of their mail that was accidentally in your mailbox and say hey.  No, you will be there for close to an hour.  And the same is true for phone messages they leave you.  They are, shall we say, long-winded?

Don't get me wrong, we love TC & MB.  You just have to plan around phone calls and visits to them because they will take forever.  For ev er.  

So yesterday, Mr. Big Ed sends me an email that has a Google voice-to-text message he received from TC.  Have you done Google voice-to-text?  WTF?  Talk about convoluted interpretations!

Here is the message I received:

Yeah. Hi Ed. Hello, this is al
Message Next. So your yeah, Re,
Martin on those out of a house. Yeah
so young lady over here today. Bye.
Yeah, tell us the There you are man.
Yeah, I think you over a a rattle
snake, yet those cactus pushers in
front of our house between houses.
This is a very serious thing because
we have available. Hey in any a
rattle snakes in this neighborhood.
Bye. Yeah and rattle snake. She
lives in families. Yeah, I think you
over notice. Your talk about it. You
can call me, but that's all I know.
Yeah, I'm not sure. Ohh that it
wants a rattle snake, but I had them
question. The yard man. Yeah, it'll
bye yo out quantities salt water
laws yo. Probably it may have been
yeah a rattle snake. Okay bye. 


(This is what Google Voice does with a strong Southern accent.  Imagine what international messages must be like.)


Rattlesnake, hmm?  Do you think Mr. Big Ed rushed to call TC right back and find out what the hell this was all about?  No he did not.  Who thinks he is too busy to spend an hour or so on that little conversation?  Mr. Big Ed?  Yes, indeedy.  


We have 4 cats that like to roam outside every afternoon. Who should have been worrying about whether our cats might get snakebit?  Mr. Big Ed?


As near as I can figure it out, TC's yard guy found a snake in a cactus patch that sits between TC and his neighbor on the other side and no one seems to know whether or not it was a rattle snake.  Now, if you were in question about this detail, wouldn't you just see if it had a rattle?  I am no expert, but that would be the first thing I would do if I had doubts.  


A few years ago I noticed our dearly departed older King of the House, Gato Pato, was stalking something at the base of one of the big oak trees and I went out there to see what he was doing.  He had chased a snake up the tree and was guarding it and I guess forcing it to stay there.  So I rushed in and called the Wildlife Rescue place and asked about what kind of snakes climb trees and whether or not my Gato Pato was in danger and risking his life to save us all.  Turns out snakes that climb trees are called, Tree Snakes!  gasp!  Tree Snakes. 


They also told me that if I have tree snakes, I probably don't have rats and vermin.  They are the good wildlife you want to stay on your property.  And no, they won't bother fat housecats.  But let me tell you that the tree snake that Gato had treed that day was all mottled brown similar to a rattlesnake.  So, my guess is that if The Colonel has lived in that house for 30+ years and has never seen a rattler, it most likely won't start happening now.


I was going to be really clever and show you pictures of a brown tree snake and a rattlesnake side by side.  But as I looked at tree snake pictures online, you know what I found?  There are literally HUNDREDS of kinds of tree snakes!!  Hundreds!  In every conceivable color.  So, trust me, the one we had was your basic mottled patterned brown like you would expect a rattlesnake to be.


I will probably clear some time out of my calendar and go over and talk to TC & MB and see what happened.  I will let you know if I find out anything interesting.  And I will be kind and give you the shortened Readers Digest version.  : )