So sorry to have been out of the loop with blogging and commenting on all your blogs, but I have been traveling to my Grandma's to see if I could help take care of her. Two days of traveling brought me here, and we have been busy, busy, busy since.
I am sad to say that we got Grandma released from the care facility where she was staying on Sunday and we were so busy Monday going to "coffee break" to see all her friends, and then lunch to see her friends, and in the meantime try to open and sort 2 months worth of mail. Then the home health nurse came to set up her visitation schedule and we had to get ready to go to the dialysis center. See what I mean? Busy, busy.
And I am even sadder to report that Grandma fell, not really fell so much as collapsed when we were getting from the wheelchair to the car. It was horrible. May I just inteject here that it has been 106 flipping degrees every flipping day since I have been here? And here's my poor frail Grandma falling on the blacktop parking lot on me between cars and the wheelchair. I was so upset and I ended up calling 911 (thanks to God that I always have my phone in my pocket) to come help me lift her up and get her in the car. She kept telling the paramedics that she was fine and wanted to go ahead and go to the dialysis appt. In retrospect this was a bad call.
We got to dialysis and I ran in and got someone to help me get her into the wheel chair and into the building. Then the lady that was checking her in kept trying to read paperwork to me about dialysis and diet, etc. She kept droning on and on and I was standing there with tears streaming down my face. I was so overcome and I couldn't control myself and I kept saying "I'm so sorry! I can't help myself" and she kept right on reading and totally ignoring my blubbering. I think I embarrassed her and made her feel really awkward. But believe me, I was feeling really awkward myself.
Afterwards we got help getting back in the car and I went to the front of the building where Grandma lives and ran in to see if anyone was there who could help to get her into the chair. One of the things with dialysis is that you get really weak, dizzy, tired, nauseous etc. afterwards and I just wanted to be sure we had adequate support. So I go in and there is a rather large, strong looking man watching Monday night football and I asked him if he could give me a hand. And you know what he said?
Him: I don't do that kind of thing.
Me: What kind of thing? I just need 5 minutes of help.
Him: I don't help people.
Me: Excuse me?
Him: I am not a care-giver. I am a resident here.
Me: So is my Grandmother.
Him: No, I don't do that.
Me: Okay.
What do you think of someone like that? I mean, I know it's an imposition but seriously? Is that the kind of person you want to be? Personally? I think he is a dick. A first class dick. Not necessarily because he didn't help us, but because he was so confident and smug about his being a dick.
It then took me 30 to 40 minutes more of carefully and very slowly moving her out of the car to the wheel chair before we got back to the apt. I fixed us both some scrambled eggs and toast and gave her her meds and we went to bed. Tuesday morning she was so stiff and sore from the fall and the whole days excitement and activities that she couldn't move to get up, sit up or anything. So I had to call the paramedics to go to the hospital. We were both concerned that she might have fractured something and wanted to be really careful.
So she has been in the hospital Tuesday, Wednesday and now today. There are a lot of issues to address and I hope we can get things stabilized and a new plan of action. I think it is obvious to everyone, even Grandma that she can not continue to live alone and function independently. I know that this is one of her worst nightmares. Her defining characteristic is her fierce independence and none of the last 10 weeks has been easy for her. This will be really hard for her.
I will be doing my best to help her make the transition from independent, strong woman to mostly helpless and dependent. God willing, someone will be kind enough to do the same for me one day.
Oh my, it is so terrible for your grandmother to be at this point in life--losing independence.
ReplyDeleteIt's too bad that the woman at the dialysis place did not have more compassion. It's sad that a person in pain and crying has to be concerned about the feelings of other people.
The man may not be capable of helping you because he has some physical problem of his own. I am in no way condoning his horrendous behavior. He could at least admit to his own problem instead of being a dick! I think I would compose in my head what I was going to say to him, and nest time I saw him calmly let him know how he is acting.
My friend has a board to help her transfer--sliding board, transfer board, or something. People used it to help her. Now that she is stronger and well, she uses it herself. If you talk to people at the hospital, care-givers or whoever, you can find out about assistive devices like the board.
Your stress comes through in your post. How awful for your grandma when she fell to the pavement! Good luck to you and your grandma.
UGH
ReplyDeleteWe have been harping on my Grandmom to do her physical therapy and regain her ability to walk. I know that many people function perfectly fine while in a wheelchair, but I am just so petrified of these kinds of things happening in the getting in/out of the chair, in/out of the car, etc, that we pretty much feel like she can't leave her facility without being somewhat stable on her feet.
It sucks..... all around....... so sorry that all of this is happening, but I'm so happy she has you there for support.
I am so very sorry to hear about your experience. I know it is very tough to watch those we love get older and frail. It is so wonderful that you are there to help her out...and I have the same hope that somebody will be there to kindly help me through the process when I need it. I'll be thinking about you.
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