Fenceline update

That's little Ernest T. Bass sitting there looking all cute and handsome. Notice that he is being quiet and not barking like a barkaholic idiot.

I know, you have all been sitting by your computers on the edge of your seats just waiting for the next installment in the Saga of the Fence. So here goes!!

The new (and not improved) chain link fence, is chain link two words or chainlink one word? I don't really know, so I am using chain link here. Anyhoo, the chain link fence has caused Mr. Ernest T. Bass to go ballistic and act like a damn fool every. single. flipping. time The Colonel goes outside. What a maroon! That's Ernest T. that is the maroon, not T.C. Just wanted to be clear on that. I was not disparaging The Colonel.

We thought it would get better with time. You know, after a few weeks of seeing T.C. out there it would just become part of the routine. But guess what? Nope, not so much. I spend an inordinate amount of time going outside and yelling "Ernest T. Bass! STFU!! Quit being an idiot!" and then squirting him in the face with a water bottle. The water bottle is the thing I learned from the dog trainer to do when we say "No". Said water bottle has a bit of either lemon juice or vinegar in it and dogs (and cats) don't like it and will most anything to NOT get squirted. Even to the extreme of doing, gasp, what you tell them!! Shocking, I know.

But since we implemented the squirt bottle all I have to do is pick it up and whichever of the critters is doing offensive behavior stops immediately and heads for the hills so that the evil lemon water doesn't hit them. It's really pretty funny. Back to the fence saga . . . . . .

Today was exceptionally bad with all the barking, tail wagging, fence line running and general carrying-on. So I trotted out there for the 4th time with squirt bottle in hand and yelled at Ernest T, "Ernest T. quit carrying on and being a moron!" And what did I spy? What did I spy moving there in the deep, thick bamboo forest?

The Colonel! He was creeping around in the bamboo trying to snake a soaker hose in and out and all around it. He is actually worried that his water-hogging forest of bamboo might die off in this drought! Personally, I think after the apocolypse all the bamboo will be right there along with the cockroaches, dog pecker gnats, styrofoam, disposable diapers and pushy Amway salesmen.

Here's the deal: the grass is dead. The shrubs are dead. The garden has been dead for months now. Our gorgeous 100 year old oak trees are stressed and not doing well. But the bamboo, it's green and tall and still creeping into my property. Note that I said property. I didn't say yard, or lawn because there IS NO LAWN!! No grass.

Tonight is the once weekly time that he can water his lawn. So I guess he was preparing to water and save his bamboo forest. Oh, but I almost forgot to tell you the best part of this!

He told me that every day he when he is out in the back yard Ernest T. runs over and barks at him and then he gives him a treat!!! Every time he barks at him he gives him a treat? Does anyone else think this is exactly the opposite of what you want to do IF you are trying to get a dog to quit doing something? Or a child. Or a husband. Or whomever. I don't reward bad behavior. So poor little Ernest T. Bass is getting mixed messages. He barks, I yell at him and squirt him in the face and The Colonel gives him treats. Not a good situation, wouldn't you agree? Aaaarrrrggghh!!!