Good morning to all! It is actually a great morning, as it *might* even rain on us! So cross your fingers, eyes, arms, legs, whatever you like to cross that it really happens.
I have been having a really hard time blogging lately and I am not sure why. Sometimes I want to tell you things I have learned, but I feel like I might come across as preachy, so I don't. And other times I think I might be funny and witty, but I read it and it sounds pithy and smart-assy. So I have been censoring myself A LOT.
I guess what I need to do is to figure out exactly what I want to share and just say it as honestly as I can from my heart and not worry about what others think. And yet I DO worry about what other people think. Who knows why! I know all the sayings: "What other people think of you is none of your business", "If you knew how infrequently people think of you, you would be surprised", and all that stuff. And yet, I guess I do care. Apparently I care enough that it is inhibiting my posting.
I would love to just put my thoughts down and if for example, my mom or my kids read this, that they would not be offended or feel like I have violated their privacy. It's really hard to tell your story without also including a bit of someone else's. You know the whole "no man is an island" thing. So I guess I am going to go out on a limb and just say things from my heart and hope that no one is upset or offended. If they are, well, that might just be their issue, and not mine. Here goes!
Here are some truths as I see them:
1. I am amazed when I run in to someone I haven't seen in years and they say things like "Oh, you are just the same as you were way back when!" Really? I don't feel the same. I know that I have lived a lot of different experiences over the last THIRTY YEARS, and surely they have affected me? I don't think I am the same person I was even just a few years ago. Too many things happen and life is not constant. I just don't think it is possible to stay the same. And not only that, why on earth would I want to be the same person I was at 19 or 20? or even 40?
2. Recognizing Truth #1 above, it seems weird that #2 for me is that I don't deal well with change. I like things to be the same. I like the constancy, the comfort of knowing that things and places will be what they were in the past. Maybe it's just the consistency of knowing a particular place will always be a landmark in my memory? Or that a certain food or scent that brings back a flood of memories? How awful would it be if after a lifetime of memories around holiday time with certain foods that suddenly the recipe was changed and you can't get the original ever again? That would suck for sure! But this doesn't hold true for me with people. I do want my kids and nephews and nieces to grow and mature and change and experience life. Does this make sense?
3. For every new thing you acquire in your life it seems you have to let go of something else. This holds true whether it is a tangible item or an idea or a dream or a belief. Every time I have moved to a new place it is exciting to get to go to a new place, find a new home and all the new and wonderful things that place has to offer. But what goes along with that is the loss of the former place, no more getting to have that old routine, no more getting to see those friends on a regular basis, never eating at that favorite around-the-corner-restaurant. Moving to new and exciting places was a wonderful adventure, but the sacrifice was not being nearby to our families and watching the nieces and nephews grow up.
When my kids were babies I had the usual Mom Dreams in my head of what wide-open futures were available to them. And as life happens to us, some of those dreams get cut off and new dreams and realities take their place. This doesn't mean that I am disappointed in the new possibilities, but I do need to be allowed to grieve a bit for the loss of the dream.
My kids should know that I am always on their side, in their camp, and always fiercely proud of them for the people they have grown up to be, and are still growing into. Whatever path they choose will be the right one for them.
4. It is my truth that I have learned more from my kids and my nieces and nephews (the next generation down) than I will ever impart to them. It surprised me to learn and acknowledge this.
5. The more I grow and age and learn, the more I know that I need to just shut up. Everything I do can be done with less words and more action. Or more of just being there, and being quiet.
That's my 5 truths for the day. I hope you weren't bored to tears or to sleep with this list.
As always, I love to hear from you. Post away!
Well, you know what I'm doing right now and a lot of time to think is involved. When I did my life coach training, the one, major thing among many that I learned is now my favorite acronym: W A I T
ReplyDeleteWhy
Am
I
Talking?
For me to learn to still myself, my mouth, my brain, and actually listen, really listen, to what the other person/people were saying or asking turned out to be the most amazing thing! I often have to literally put my tongue between my front teeth to quiet myself. But, Lisa, that moment of consciousness allows me to breathe, focus, be present and then respond in the way I want to respond. This is not to say I offer no opinions or desires - I simply am aware of the conversation in ways I wasn't in previous years.
No one can allow you to grieve lost dreams, desires and hopes - you allow yourself to do that. It's a very private, quiet process. I know when our babies died and I didn't know how to grieve, someone said to just do it . . . whatever "it" was. That was great advice.
So, my friend, I wish you big, long breaths, in and out, and the stillness to process what needs to be processed at any moment of every day! Love you.
As far as my blog goes, I offer no apologies and live by adage "My blog, my rules"
ReplyDeleteWith that being said, I still hate to hurt anyone's feelings, I don't like to garner debate (i.e. politics, religion, etc) and I respect the privacy of others.
P.S. Not that I like it ALL THE TIME, but change is kind of exciting.
Oh, I feel ya, Sister. There are opinions I COULD express on my blog but it would do more harm than good amongst friends and family so I refrain.
ReplyDeleteAs for change, well, like to think I've changed. In fact, I KNOW that I am not the same person I was 10 or even 5 years ago. I've actually become much more reserved and less outgoing as I used to be. But I've also become more content so it evens out.
Your #5 Truth speaks volumes to me.
And you're killing me on WWF.
Sometimes it's just hard to get in the groove on your voice (aka blogging). Taking time off/censoring/doing what you got to do to come back stronger is always ok. And sometimes it's ok to be "quiet" and introspective and retrospective.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard blogging because there is absolutely something lost in written communication vs. face-to-face. I hate it when people misinterpret what you meant and get all offended. Talk it out, people. *soapbox* BUT... I will also say that I am done keeping secrets and done keeping my thoughts/problems/struggles to myself.
Change...... sigh...... changing dreams..... sigh....... yeah, 'nuf said.