Surely, everyone has already read about the little Russian boy whose adoptive mother (American) stuck him on a one-way trip back to Russia with a note attached that pretty much said Return to Sender. If not, read Here or for a more global perspective on this, try Here
Here is a pic of the boy when he was returned to the authorities:
Now if that little face doesn't break your heart I don't know what would.
As I said, I don't know too terribly much about this particular case, BUT what I do know is this: Artyom is a child. A human being with feelings, emotions, and a need to belong. He is NOT a pair of shoes that pinch. He is not an appliance that doesn't quite match the rest of the kitchen.
Where is it written that you can return a child? Where is it written that when parenthood gets tough, you can ask for a full refund? Where is it written that you can get a do-over when you find yourself in over your head?
Nowhere. That is where.
You can't return a child. Adoptive or biological. Neither can be sent back. When you sign up for parenthood no matter how it happens, you are in for life. Life. Not a few months, not till it gets difficult, not till you see signs that your parenting is going all wrong, not only until your child shows signs of an illness.
It takes a special person to raise (rear or bring up) a healthy child with no emotional scarring from that upbringing. For the rest of us, we muddle along and do the best we can. We put the needs of our children first. We do without, so that our children can have more. We hope and pray that our decisions are made in the best interest of the children. And we pray some more. And we hope that the old saw "paying for your raising" or "the sins of the father visited upon the child" won't apply to our babies. We hope, we pray and we hug and kiss those children and want the best for them.
Personally, I have gone from wanting my kids to grow up to be President, to wanting the "best" for them, to now just wanting them to be happy and fulfilled people who care about their fellow man. Not because of any failings on my children's part, but because I think I have settled into a more realistic frame of mind. Because what is more important than that? Anything else is just icing on the cake. But you have to have a good cake as a base to put the icing on, right?
I am guessing that if that mother who sent this boy back to Russia was asked hypothetically before she was granted the privilege of being a mother if she would get rid of a child because of a diagnosis of cancer, or muscular dystrophy or cystic fibrosis, or any number of illnesses she would have been appalled at the question. Yet she is claiming that this child has some sort of emotional or mental illness and she is rejecting him. I haven't seen anything yet that says there was any type of diagnosis or treatment offered, just her word that he was unmanageable. The Russian authorities are saying the boy has new scars and are documenting their findings.
For her to take a child that was born and raised the first six years of his life with an alcoholic mother, and most likely has some fetal alcohol syndrome (as is reported) and then the next next year of his life in an orphanage, and only give the adoption six months is just crazy to me. No matter what the boy's issues may be, he is living in a new country with all new people, a new language and only given six months to adjust before being rejected?
This whole thing is unconscionable to me. I don't for even one second think I am the one with solutions or answers to this issue. I do think we should all open our hearts and find some compassion for this little boy, Artyom, and come together to help him grow up strong and healthy. Hillary is right, it does take a village, and we are all part of this global village.
Say a prayer for this boy, and send all the healing vibes and positive energy you can muster his way, he is going to need it. And let's just go ahead and add a prayer that he finds some good parents who will lead him into adulthood without any more trauma.
that is horrible! I've got goosebumps and tears just reading about it. Poor boy.
ReplyDeleteI had a friend here recently adopt 4 (FOUR?!) kids. For over a year, they were working with US adoption agencies. The number of hoops they had to jump through to become parents was amazing, and it really made me wish that there were similar hoops to people getting pregnant. I can only assume that international adopting doesn't have as many hoops. They definitely had their expectations set on the "management" problems that would come with adoptive children.
Of course, I get my own daily outlook on managing a child of adoption ;)
We really can't know the REAL truth here since we don't know these people in RL, so I'll not pass judgement on either the adoptive mother, the russian authorities or the child. I feel that the whole adoption system is broken and therein lies the beginning of the problem. Adoption workers for the most part are unpaid on the one hand, and not held accountable for their decision on the other. They are pushed to approve people sometimes to the detriment of the kids. The system and those in charge have no want to change the status quo...why would they want to make it so that they no longer are needed to do this job?lol Everyone is looking out for their own interest.
ReplyDeleteAnd frankly Lisa Pie, to answer the question if a 7 yr. old child can be so psychologically damaged at that young age? The answer is a big fat YES! I have personally experienced 2 children this damaged or worse--1 was 9, 1 was 7. DH and I were licensed foster parents before I gave birth to our own kids. We almost adopted one of those damaged kids. Luckily we found out the truth before we made the decision to adopt him, since I doubt I would have been able to handle his problems. Problems that either the social workers turned a blind eye to(with the caseload it is possible that they were clueless about the depth of his damage)or that they maliciously hid from us(we found out information later from previous foster mother and from the later foster mother that was NOT shared with us from the caseworkers). This kid at 9 yr old was a full fledged diagnosed sociopath.
The 7 yr old we fostered was just as messed up if not more messed up.
I feel for that kid and I hope to god the mother was a nutjob(she'd have to be to send him back to Russion...there are far less extreme things she could have done and had him stay in the US). He is better off not having this woman mother him, no matter if he is damaged or not.
Umm...I meant underpaid, not unpaid...lol
ReplyDeleteAs you said, we don't really know all of the facts. But my Mom has always said, and I say now, everything happens for a reason. It may work out better for this little boy that he was sent back to Russia. I'm ticked off about the way he was returned, but it may be in his best interest.
ReplyDeleteIt is unconscionable the way he was returned. No child deserves that. Sounds to me like this mother shouldn't have been given the privilege of being a mother in the first place.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, I will say I understand giving back a child. My dear friends adopted a child from Russia. The thing about these poor kids are most of them are raised in orphanages, stuck in cribs all day long with no physical or emotional contact with other human beings for the most formative years of their lives. That sort of isolated environment creates children with terrible, terrible issues. Our friends tried over a year to create a family with their child. But, he was violent and truly a psychopath. The final straw was when he stabbed their little girl with a kitchen knife. Luckily it was in the arm and her wound was not that severe, but they had to put their daughter's safety above everything else. It is a sad situation all the way around.
I have an aunt who is a surgical nurse/physician's first assistant and she spends her vacation time every year going overseas with SmileSavers. SmileSavers does cleft palate surgeries on children all over the world who have no options. What Joann described about the orphanages is what my aunt sees in Romania and all the other eastern bloc countries. They go back year after year and do follow up surgeries on the same kids. I think it always amazes her that these kids are just being warehoused and have no hope of ever getting out of that cycle. There are just not enough hands, or hours in the day to give these kids what they need.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, if this doesn't break your heart, I don't know what will. It is so horrific.