According to all the stupid personality tests and such, I am a giver. I am a nurturer. I am a care-giver. I know this about myself. Which is why I was drawn to doing massage work and doula work, I am sure.
I am at a point in my life where I am learning that I have to allow people to do for me as well. That is hard. Not only that, but I have to learn to (gasp, this is the really hard part)
ASK FOR HELP.
This means not just letting people help who happen to see me struggling, but to notice this my own self and ask. Some of us are givers. Some are receivers. Some of us are givers that have to learn the hard, hard lesson of LETTING OTHERS GIVE TO US.
It sometimes helps if I can think of it as my gift to them, this letting others do for me.
And to take it one step further, I am going to learn to insist and demand that others (namely Mr. Big Ed) do for me.
I am finding that there is less and less to give to others if I don't find ways to replenish myself. Does this make sense? I am just now figuring this stuff out, so I know that I am less than eloquent at expressing it.
So, if I want my own cup to runneth over, I need to make sure there is at least as much going in as going out. Seems like a no-brainer, doesn't it? But if you aren't accustomed to it, it's pretty hard.
Do you have similar issues? Do you have special ways you keep yourself in balance? In good mental/emotional/spiritual health?
Ideas I am thinking of are to take time each week for myself and do yoga, get a massage, take time to have a cup of tea with a friend, go for a walk in the park, find a permanent church home, a date night. These are the things I have thought of off the top of my head to see if I can start working a few of these in and see how it goes.
My schedule is already really full, so adding in more items is tough. Making time for myself needs to be a priority. I feel like I have been running on fumes and it just has to get better.
My questions to you are these; are you in the same predicament? what things do you do for yourself? what would be the ideal things that would help keep you at your best?
I would love to hear from you!
I am a big believer in making time for you. Everyone needs that to fill up their soul. This was tested recently during the last month when my in laws were here. To say it was tough would be an understatement, but that's all I'm going to say about that.
ReplyDeleteI'm just starting to feel myself again. It was draining physically and mentally and I didn't have a single moment to myself. After they left, I was nothing but a big sloth for a few days afterwards. Slothing did the trick. Take your own time. You deserve it.
This is such a big issue - for everybody. I took my life coaching training to learn how to better help others. What I did was help myself! Talk about unseen blessings. What I learned is that I have to consciously tell myself to stop. Breathe. Breathe again. Pause before speaking. Listen better. The acronym W A I T -- Why Am I Talking -- is so critical to my every day. I sometimes have to literally bite my tongue to not speak, but to listen. Over several years, this has changed my life and how I respond to life. Not react. Respond. When tested, my pattern was to react. Loudly. Quickly. Now, I pause. I breathe. I wait. I form a response, and I respond. When I'm in the swing of it, it's incredible how a situation/feeling/anything can be positive and wonderful. Even negative energy drainers can't affect me when I do this. It's all about me and how I respond to situations in my life. And my cup runneth over.
ReplyDeleteI finally applied for and got the disability which I have been eligible for 20 years. I just had to stop pushing and giving unreservedly. I helped those who asked and those who did not know I could help them. Now, I can ask for and get help. It is not a solution without drawbacks, but it is what I need for right now. When a person has several disabilities, none of which "show," people just do not understand. You are wise to know when to ask.
ReplyDeletecouple of thoughts.... Chris and I both give/take on different things, so I don't have too many issues around the house. However, a lot of my friends have not been givers, and it is so refreshing that ABBA is. It really is nice to feel like you have someone who is not taking (I don't even really need the giving, just the lack of taking!).
ReplyDeleteI have been doing the P90x workouts, and 1 day/week is a yoga workout and it is SO refreshing. I don't even realize how much my mind is getting cleared until I'm at the end. Another great activity is just going for a walk around the block. Take a book on iPod, some music, or just get lost in your own thoughts.