Feelings, whoa, whoa, Feelings

Real feelings, not the ones from that cheesy damn song.  Yes, indeedy, it has been Feeling Central around here.  Lots of things happening to bring up feelings.

First up, my aunt sent me an email (which I have not responded to yet but only because I am totally unsure of what to say) in which she recounted her meeting a person that used to cut my Papa's hair.  My dad was her older brother.  She is my dad's younger sister and is exactly 1 year and 4 months to the day older than me, so we have always been more like cousins.  Anyhoo, she met the hairdresser person who on learning of my aunt's relationship with my dad, her brother, proceeded to tell her this story of how she and my dad had been discussing spirituality and heaven and all that stuff when my dad was near the end of his life.  They agreed that whoever went first would come back and let the other one know what was what.  Her story goes that about six months after my Papa had died, she felt his presence in the room and he was letting her know that he was alright and that heaven really does exist.  It was  quite a powerful experience for her.  And now 15 years later she shared with his sister, who has now shared it with me.  Let me tell you that this does bring up some strong feelings.

Then, I was speaking with someone who started sharing some really intense personal matters (that I am not at liberty to share) and it has started me thinking and trying to figure out what I can do to help.  Other than to just "be there" and let her talk, I am not really sure how to be of service here.

And I got an email from Classmates.com asking me to renew my Gold Membership that I had let lapse about a year or more ago.  I have received many of these emails over time and just deleted them.  But this one said "you have 2 messages in your inbox, don't you want to see what Jim and Scott have to say?"  Well, Scott is my friend who died in December so yes, I do want to see what his last email to me had to say.  So I got out my credit card and ponied up the 9.95 and opened my inbox to read this final email from my good friend.  And I sobbed and sobbed.  I had been trying to work up a heartfelt letter for his brother since I heard that he had died 5 months ago and every time I tried, I just cried and couldn't do it.  Literally, I had tears flowing and couldn't see the screen or the keys to type.  But, I took this last message to mean "Get off your ass and send something nice to his grieving family!" and so I did.  It was really hard, but I did do it.  I really hope it was received in the same way it was meant.

My daughter, the lovely, talented and clever Rachel Pie, is at a crossroads in her life and is unsure of making decisions on which way to go.  I really hope that I am giving her advice that is for her benefit and not my own.  I know she questions that.  Is Mama telling me this because it is what she wants me to do or because she really feels it would be the best choice?  I am really bending over backwards here to see things from all sides, but it is not so easy when it is your own precious baby child out there.  That is the truth!

Now that I have laid all these feelings and emotions out there, I am going to wish you all a beautiful and loving Mother's Day weekend.  Please, tell people you love them.  Don't wait.  Don't live your lives with regret over what you didn't do, what you could have done, what you should have said.  Do it now, say it now, and remember to get your 12 hugs a day.  That's what you need for optimum mental health, 12 hugs a day.  Get out there and hug people.  Hug them like you mean it.  None of that bend at the waist, barely lean in and just 3 pats on the back like Oprah does.  I hate that crap.  If you are going to hug, put your whole self in it and just really BE with that person for that amount of time.  Trust me, a good hug goes a LONG way!

Happy Mother's Day!  Feel those feelings, people!