First post in 7 months!

It sometimes helps me to recall what has been going on in my life and remember things.  Like, hey, when did I buy my last mattress?  Because the one we have now sucks and has developed great valleys with a giant hill in the middle. So I come here to my blog and find the post where I got my mattress and remember.

This post is to remind me of things when in the future I want to know what the hell happened in 2019.

1. Since my last couple of posts were about me being depressed this would be a good place to update that situation to say that I am seeing a new therapist and am going to start EMDR treatment this week. Woo hoo!  Something positive.  I started therapy in April and it's a lot.  So, what I have been doing is scheduling my acupuncture for right after therapy as a way to settle things down and rejoin the world afterwards.

2. Yes, my mattress needs to be replaced.  So, I am going to our local home-grown company to get my mattress from them.  They use local Texas grown cotton and make them right here employing Texans.  We try to all eat local farm-to-table food, why not support other local companies? The Cantwell mattress company has made 5 mattresses for me already and I had been looking forward to when this bed crapped out and could get a new one.  They will make them for you with the mattress and the box spring any height you want!!!  Just think, you don't have to have the gigantic 21 inch thick behemoth that you need a ladder to climb on to!  I want a traditional 2-sided mattress that you can flip every few months and vacuum to keep it fresh and fluffed. Oh!  At Cantwell's they also will come get your mattress if you feel it's getting packed down and not as fluffy and they take the top off and refluff the cotton stuff and whatever else needs doing in there and then bring it back as good as new. Yes, it does cost more than the other places, but it's worth it to me to be able to use all my lovely vintage sheets that don't fit on those new giant mattresses. Plus, it's so much easier to change the bed when you don't have to pull your back out just to lift the corner.  I am very excited about this purchase.

3. In the world of politics, the Democratic candidates, of which there are 20!!!, are already holding debates to try and clarify their positions and weed out the ones who really aren't going to make it. 20. It's hard to know which ones to support at this point. I do NOT want a repeat of 2016 where both parties crammed a shitty candidate down our throats and said, this is the one you get. And then the one with the popular vote didn't even win, anyway. Something has to change with the way we elect people here. It needs to be fair and be the will of the people, not the heads of the 2 major parties.

4. I have taken a step back from my doula work due to the damn sinus infection/cough from hell that I have had now for 4 years and 4 months and 4 days today. It's so much to deal with.  And then I feel like a total slacker for feeling that way because so many others have it worse. But honestly, it has affected every area of my life. I can no longer massage clients, I don't attend births, I don't like to be in a big group because I never know if I will have to leave quickly and head for a place to cough without bothering everyone around me.  I know it's not a contagious thing but others don't. I know how I feel when people cough around me in public.  After 3+ years of seeing every damn doctor I could and taking all the drugs and having sinus surgery and being passed off to the next doctor, one after the other I have switched to Chinese medicine this past year.  It's been about 9 months and at one point I felt like i was 90% better and then the damn cedar pollen hit and I am right back to where i was. I just can't seem to get healthy enough to fight off these allergies and get rid of that initial infection.
And get this!  After telling me it is an antibiotic resistant infection the doctors insisted on continuing to prescribe antibiotics and steroids to treat it.  I went through a total of 22 rounds of antibiotics and steroids.  This is why my immune system is shot.  I believe I have tried every single thing and tried to be diligent about following the protocols for each thing to get this cleared up. I am not sure what to do next but what I DO know is this can NOT be my new normal.

Oh!  And my Chinese medicine practitioner has said that the bronchial chest area is the seat of unresolved grief. So maybe there is an emotional component to this thing.  Hopefully, if that is so then the work I am doing with my therapist will help me on two levels, emotional and physical.

5. In other news, Stanley Manley died. Both my black and white kitties from Mexico City are now gone. Lester died a year ago at 17 and Stanley made it to 18.  I miss those boys so much. Lester slept snuggled up to my chest every night and I have an empty spot in my arms at night and in my heart. Little Maizie Maggie MacPhee will come and sleep there sometimes but she is so teeny and weighs nothing so it's not the same.   We are damn near out of pets!  Now the oldest one is Angus MacPhee who just had his 13th birthday.  Then our old pitty pit pit, Ernest T. Bass who turned 12 in May.  And then there is Maizie who is 8 and considered a senior at the vet and bringing up the rear is our largest and fattest and youngest Fiona Petunia MacPhee.  The other 2 cats still hate her and she hates them. According to my vet cats will do this and put one cat in the position of being the Pariah Kitty. Now, how fucking sad is that? She really would have been better off in a home where she was the only princess kitty but no one wanted her.  I couldn't leave her on the streets and I have tried to find her another home but no one wants her.  She is a quirky, funny girl.  She's all fat and plump and has weird fur that I have discovered is the kind that Abyssinian cats have.  She is a one person cat who just doesn't like other cats.  So she comes to me when she wants attention and then alternately beats the crap out of the others or hides from them.  It's not ideal but it's what we have.

This seems like a really long post for now.  If anyone has read this and has any thoughts I would love to hear from you!