I received a text yesterday that I am sure was a mass text to all the doulas in our group. It said that one of our clients had lost her 3 week old baby to SIDS. There was a question as to what exactly we should do to help and what to offer this poor new mama in the way of comfort.
In the seven years that I have been a doula this is the first time this issue has come up so I didn't have any ready suggestions.
After my concern over the family, my next thoughts were to the sister doula who had attended this birth and worked with the new parents through childbirth education classes and was now doing postpartum work with them. How was she handling this loss? What could we further do to help her through this?
Then I received a call today that rocked me to my core.
This was not a case of SIDS. The 22 year old new dad had beaten this almost 3 week old baby to death. He admitted that he had been hitting the baby since it was born.
I am so distraught. My insides are all twisted up and I have been crying and thinking I am going to throw up off and on all day. There are so many questions. How could this happen? What was missed?
My heart just breaks thinking about this poor little defenseless child. I don't think I can comprehend how a situation can go so horribly wrong. This is the kind of thing that makes me want to quit my doula work and do something like woodworking. Something not with people.
It is just unimaginable. Please lift this tiny little innocent babe up in your prayers.
OMG, LisaPie. This is incomprehensible. I will keep you, your community of doulas, the family and the baby in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteI was similarly affected when another blogger, who had adopted a child with multiple handicaps, wrote about the child. I had mistakenly assumed the child had been born with the handicaps. His birth parent had caused them all. An innocent child now is blind, deaf and confined to a wheelchair. That story haunts me to this day, as will your story of this innocent baby.
I will never understand people.
OH this is terrible. I do not understand how anyone can do this. There should be strict enforcement on who is allowed to procreate. My heart just breaks for all the unwanted/neglected/abused kids that are confronted with a very harsh world.
ReplyDeleteThat's incomprehensible! How can anyone feel it's okay to hit a newborn baby? My thoughts will be with this family and the little soul.
ReplyDeleteAt the retreat we talked about the March of Dimes module that teaches birth professionals about dealing with grief that comes with pregnancy loss and death in newborns.
And that is why that man needs killing.
ReplyDeletePaula Just Paula, I know who you're talking about, I read that blog, too.
Agree Kelly. I just can not comprehend hitting a baby.
ReplyDeleteOMG. I'm sitting here in shock. Total shock. I have two grandbabies growing in wombs right now and I cannot concieve of anyone harming them once they're born. To know there are people like that out there saddens me to no end. My mom used to say there's a special place in hell for people like that.
ReplyDeleteLisaPie, I am not a doula, but I am sickened to the core, wishing someone could have done something to prevent this. I think back to my three infants and cannot imagine what kind of monster this man is. But, he is a monster, nonetheless.
ReplyDeleteYour quitting your chosen profession will not make monsters compassionate. You do see more newborns than I, granted. I and others are greatly affected by this brutality. But, you are doing a great service to mothers, infants, and families.
If I were going to pray, I would pray that man suffers a horrible death, three weeks of torture with no way to defend himself. And, then he would die. After hearing stories like this, I often wonder what the poor little thing is feeling, having come into a world of pain.
Where did this happen? I would like to follow this on the internet.
OMG, this makes me sick as well. I'm with Kelly, they need to kill that man, try beating him to death, the way he did that defenseless baby. I'm with DC, there is a special place in hell for him.
ReplyDeleteMy prayers to that family and everyone that has been affected by this horrible act of violence.
Omg, this just sickens me. I get so angry and upset when I hear of things like this. Why, why, why? is what keep running through my head. Was it the crying? Do people not realize this is what babies do? Why even get pregnant? I'm am so sadden by this. I can only imagine how your friend, who just helped bring this baby into the world, feels.
ReplyDeleteMany thanks to all of you who left comments. There is no further news other than his charges have been upgraded to capital murder and in this state that's a death penalty. And we are one of the few states who actually carry out the death penalty. I don't know how I feel about that. Also that his bond was set. I don't know if anyone will bail him out or not. No news on that yet.
ReplyDeleteI am ready to move on and have a new topic. This one is killing me.