Can you hear me NOW???

Here it comes, people.  Another rant.  I can't help it, I am on a roll. With the rants.

You know how Carly Simon sang "You're So Vain" and everyone who was anyone thought it really WAS all about them??  I am sure there are going to be various people who will assume I am talking about them with this particular rant.

And to that I say "If the shoe fits, maybe so".

When society changes, etiquette has to change and catch up or try to hurry and get ahead of the game to keep everyone doing the right thing so that there aren't hurt feelings all around.  And with all these changes to technology, we have to adapt our behaviors accordingly.  With that said, I have to start my rant on idiots with cell phones who INSIST  on talking on them at all times.  It doesn't matter where they are, who they are with, what they are doing, who they are inconveniencing, they are yammering loudly into their fucking phones.  OH MY LORD!  Stop it already!!!

There is a time and a place for everything.  And sometimes that time is later and the place is NOT HERE!

Since the invention of the telephone they have been a demanding interruption to whatever it is you are currently engaged in.  Then came the answering machine, which in the words of Miss Manners was the equivalent to a butler in the old days, he would screen the calls and take the messages for you to return those calls at your convenience.


But then came the mobile phone.  And for some stupid reason people think they have to be in touch with every single person they have ever met at all times.  WTF?

So here are some cell phone etiquette rules to follow.  I am sure you will all come up with some I haven't thought up yet, so please feel free to share them.

1. If you are in a public place, and by public I mean standing in a room with more than one person and feel the need to yell into your phone, there is a problem.  If you are alone, yell all you want.  If there is another person within 10 feet (I have checked all sorts of etiquette sites and they all agree to the 10 feet rule) you need to make yourself mobile and move.  Or you need to examine why you feel the need to yell into your phone at all.  Think of it this way, if you didn't have a phone in your hand would standing there there yelling be appropriate?  If not, you have your answer regarding the phone situation.

2. Your phone should be considered a means for people to communicate with you in case of an emergency.  If I am talking with you and your phone rings, the only polite response is to silence it and apologize for the interruption.  If you and I are talking and you are expecting an emergency call, you should have told me beforehand so that I could choose to continue with a potentially interrupted conversation or not.  It's rude in the extreme to take calls when you are in a face-to-face with someone else.  And don't get me started on those who choose to make a call when with a group of people!!!  Seriously?  Are the people with you not entertaining enough?  Do you need even more stimulation than your current group provides?  Shame on you.

3. In a restaurant setting - there are restaurants that do not allow cell phone conversations.  You should check before making calls while seated.  Just as you should check with your guests (see rule 2 above). Not to mention that restaurants have you seated in close proximity to other diners who did not come out to listen to you jabber on your phone (see rule 1 above).  The only call to take at a restaurant is from your dining companion who is calling to let you know he/she is stuck in traffic and will be arriving shortly or from your babysitter with an important question about your kids and knives.

4. Theater, concert, meetings - really?  It blows my mind that people have to be told over and over again to turn the damn phones OFF while attending any of these events.  And yet, even after being told, you will hear the T-Mobile jingle coming from some jackass' pocket or purse.  Turn them off or leave them at home.

5. Any other person's home or office - see rule 4 above.  Turn your phone off before you go inside.

6. Places of worship - Heee!  The rule I read said "leave your phone in the car.  God may call you but most likely it won't be via Verizon".  No phone necessary in church, temple, or wherever you are communing with your Higher Power.

7. Face to face with another - Have you seen these morons in line at Starbucks yammering away on their phones and they won't say "Hold the line a minute while I place my order"?  Have you ever seen anything ruder than expecting the barista to stand there cooling their heels while they go on with whatever was so fucking important they have the staff waiting and all the people in line behind them as well?  These people must be sooooo much more important than the rest of us peons.  Dickheads.  Shame on them for using such condescending behavior.  I bet they don't tip well either.  Obnoxious self-important wieners.

Your phone is a tool to communicate.  One of many tools you may employ throughout your day.  It is no substitute for face to face. And it should be used with discretion.

p.s. Mr. Big Ed just read this and said his biggest pet peeve regarding cell phones is idiots who use them in public restroom stalls.