Cruisin' - Part I

For those of you who know me you may be surprised to learn that I was totally unprepared for being motion sick on the cruise.  For those of you who don't really know me you may wonder why on earth a person who has always been motion sickness-prone would not seriously consider that this might be a teeny, tiny issue with going on a cruise.

I have always and I mean ALWAYS either had to A. take loads of Dramamine and sleep like the dead through a trip or B. be the driver.  You will be happy to know that since I learned to drive and figured out that driving really helps stave off the effects that I don't take the Dramamine.  I don't know what they put in that Dramamine shit but it knocks me flat the hell out!

Back to the cruise.  Every time I have asked a cruiser how they deal with motion sickness I have gotten the same response from all of them.  (and they are all big fat liars)  "Oh, the ship is soooooo big and stable you won't feel a thing!!!!"  Lying liars, is what those jack asses are.  Lying liars.

So I went with the information provided to me (by the lying liars) and did not prepare myself for being sick.  and dizzy.  and nauseous.  and did I mention dizzy?  We boarded this ship and it was Party Central immediately.  Oh, the happiness surrounded us!  We set sail around 4:30 - 5 -ish.  I didn't wear a watch. It is not a vacation if you have a watch.  We then got ourselves all dressed up and made our way to the dining room.  And immediately upon sitting at that rocking, rolling, vibrating table I had to get up.  I was having such a hard time keeping my lunch where it belonged that there was no way I could eat.  So I excused myself and went to my room and was very sad for myself that no one (ahem, no one, cough, Mr. Big Ed) came with me and tried to take care of me and make me feel better.  No one.

You know, when you take a little trip with 15 of your closest family members including your mother, and your husband and your offspring that you very nicely carried around in your womb for 9 months each, you would think that SOMEONE, anyone, would want to feel for you  and take care of you.  Well, if you think that then you my friend would be like me and be sadly mistaken.  Miss their elaborate 3 course meal presented with flourishes by our lovely wait staff?  Not a chance.

To make this sad and very long tale much shorter I will just say that Monday brought more of the same dizziness, vertigo, nausea, etc to my door.  By Tuesday morning I was figuring out ways to get off the damn rocking boat and fly my ass back home to terra firma.  But first I was going up to the Spa Deck to rub a ton of conditioner into my hair and then sit in the steam room.  And when I got to the Spa I read the Menu of things available to me and my eyes lit on the Accupuncturist and choices of treatments.  And down in the middle of the list was . . . . . . . .



Sea Sickness!!!!



O M G!  The stars had finally aligned for me.  Relief might be in sight.  So I asked at the desk and made my appointment and then rushed through my steam and shower to wait for the accupuncturist.  And then he came.  My saviour.  His name was Garith and he is a Kiwi.  And what a nice and soliticious soul that Garith was.  We talked for a good long time and then I layed down and got needled and relaxed for a good long time.  And I started feeling better.  And better.

And that for me was when the cruise really began.  Before Garith?  That was not just my first cruise, but my last.  After Garith?  That was my first cruise of who knows how many!

I had a ball.  I joined in every trivia and name that tune challenge I could find.  We played games, we laughed, we danced in the disco to all of Michael Jackson's hits,  we ate fabulous food, we slept like babies being rocked to sleep.  I have never slept so long!  I swear I slept a minimum of 10 hours each night.  Well rested, I was.

We had a room steward assigned to us.  Ours was named Leslie.  Leslie is a nice young man from India who has never met an orthodontist.  Nevertheless, Leslie has a very large and warm smile.  And one of his duties each day was to take a bunch of towels and create cute little towel animals and leave them on our bed with our "after dinner and going to bed" mints.  Let me now share with you a few of Leslie's creations.

Now isn't that guy cute?  I thought it was a bunny.  But everyone I showed it to said it was a dog or a pig.  Adorable!

Then we got this really cute komodo dragon looking guy.  I loved him!!

Look at that elephant!  Isn't he precious?  And let me show you a picture of my sister's elephant.  You will see that Leslie is a far superior towel animal folder than hers.

See what I mean?  Her elephant doesn't even have eyes!

And look who we found hanging around in our room!  A cute little monkey.  How cute is that! And if you look in the mirror behind him you will see the reflection of my side of the bed with millions of pillows.

And this little sting ray followed us back on board from Grand Cayman.  Heh, that Leslie is hilarious!

And the very last night there was a bat hanging in the rafters.  You can't make it out very well in the photo, but he had fangs.

Now, after all that excitement do you think we gave Leslie a nice big extra fat tip?  Of course we did!  We loved Leslie.  Every single time we left the room and that must have been hundreds of times a day, he ran in there and cleaned up after us and made everything all pretty and clean again.

Tomorrow we will continue the exciting saga of Lisa Pie's First Cruise.  I know y'all are now all going to go origami your own towels, aren't you?